HansWolfgang: Please, any future here?
my date of birth 23/09/75: the desire for knowledge, accompanied by the desire for love are the main ruling influences for you. You are a person who is a student of love as much as one who would find their ideal mate. This also is known for promiscuity, but this is only true until you find the person of your dreams. You would rather be with anyone than be alone but will not give yourself fully until the right person comes along. You are impatient and restless. Your curiosity leads you to be an vid student with immense library. You are very smart and can use your brain and creativity to generate ample funds. You can make money in things associated with the arts or groups of women. Your later years will not be satisfactory unless you turn to spirituality for guidance. You have the divine discontent and need travel and changes in life and your work to satisfy both your desire for knowledge and your inner restlessness.
Why cant we get along for the kids sake? Because he makes conserving energy and money his goal.
Why cant I get past and out the way of my own hurt? Because you do not provide yourself protection and small comfort from the shadows. You could rescue yourself, if only you would trust. But you do just wait.
Why do I still have part of me that has hope for us? Because you are indecisive between yes and no. So you continue to faithfully make humble offering.
When will I accept and move on from this pain/sadness? When you will reveal your innermost.
Do you see us comming to some common ground soon? No.
Why do I feel so hurt that he is in another relationship already with someone when he clearly said to me we have no future together ever again? Because initially all went well.
Has he been lying to me for awhile about us and how he feels? Yes.
Will he ever have a moment where he will be disappointed in himself for not trying to work it out? Yes.
am I on the right road to healing? Yes.
Better to live one moment in the moment
of the way beyond the way.
I would like to know if i will be happy with the decision I am making: no.
I feel it is the right one but I would like your insight on it: be open for the gift of existence.
Also I would like to know if there will be any new relationships in the future for me or if I will be alone after making this decision? There will be new relationships in the future for you.
Do you see this as being true? No.
But I would like you to rise higher, because right
now you are just walking on the ground, the lowest rung
of the ladder. And you have the capacity to take off
into the sky -- sky beyond skies. You can reach to the
very climax of existence and its beauty, its truth, its
eternity, its deathlessness.
Hmm... i think i may have just confused myself a bit with the line of there's no possibility for communication, etc. So am i like waiting in vain for us to communicate anytime soon because it won't happen? Is he basically disappearing again?
Hans, Thank you so much for your insight and wisdom, You know I have other questions but something inside me says no answers about him is going help because this needs to be about me and our kids moving forward and the answers are really inside me I know that. And the more I seek for answers about him the more I stop myself from finding out who I really am, and as much as it hurts like nothing I have ever been through I feel it's my time and my journey I am the solution to my own answers and future I just got focus on that and leave it to the universe.
Thank you love and light
am i like waiting in vain for us to communicate anytime soon because it won't happen? no.
Is he basically disappearing again? yes.
Okay, then listen to him and he will explain anything you want to ask.
do not get tired of being a woman starting to feel that man has everything -- freedom, power, prestige -- and you have nothing. You just have to find out who you really are.
Alrihgt... so basically not be shy/scared whenever the day comes that we get to talk again... and whatever questions/doubts i may have i should just ask him straight up/be forward? Hmm..ok
This post is deleted!
so basically not be scared whenever you get to talk again... and whatever questions you may have you should just ask him.
But you cannot approach him this year. Last year was enough! Although you did no harm to anybody -- everybody loved it, he appreciated it. But now he is guarding and doesn´t allow you close to him. Your function is some other work. But you can help him.
Hmm... last year? I didn't meet him until earlier this year. Last year i had no clue that he even existed.I understand him guarding himself. That's how he's always being and how i am as well. Doesn't allow me close to him because of me hurting or why? My function is some other work. So i could help him in other ways then? Like how so? I mean... it is kind of hard when we don't even talk.
Thanks Hans, I do understand what you saying but after being withsome for 19yrs and fours kids I thought I was doing what I was meant for me love & support. But now I feel lost not sure where to start to find myself away from who I became wife & Mother and that's my own fault that I lost who I was because I supported everyone elses dreams and forgot about me, thats where you properly pick up the feeling of me feeling ripped off, but I have worked though that and realised that was my own doing no one asked me to do that I just took that role on, now that it's been soooo many years I just dont even know my self anymore or now what talents I have to share with the universe. I dont know if I'm being hard on myself it been approx 4mths kids are taking awhile to adjust with his moods and action and Iam getting better to where I was mth ago emotionally being 16years old when we meet I remember that person I remember my dreams then i had but now at nearly 35 things are very different i feel and being the sole carer of the 4 young kids I do feel traped in what my dreams can be, for me to be there for my kids. Dont get me wrong I dont want to go without my kids or would I change the fact of what has happened, there have been alot of positives for me out of this and positive changes, but now I feel stuck with how I'm going to build my career and dream and what are they and who am I really now I'm not that 16yr that was bubbly, confident, beaming charisma, drive out of this world that took on anything. I just dont want to do anything I want to do something that means something to me and build something for me that cant be taken away by anyone except me I need to find that 16yr again but I feel a little silly because maybe it's not the right person to appear again, maybe i am some thing else now. I think until I realise all of the above I'm still going to be lost no matter how much reading (been lots lately, just giving more confusion) and except that my husband is not the person I'm still in love with nor new or thought he was which is properly my own fault for supporting his and everyone elses dreams and not living my own or creating my own ...But I will keep searching for these answers I just find it hard to deal with the kids,sale of the house,my hurt and trying to soul search at the same time but I guess the greater good knows I can get through it, I know I can but I just want to be right for me and kids that's all I just think they are hurting enough and worried about me enough so I guess it's also me wanting to get right and show them that it is alright and this is really who your mum is "Tower of Strength and Energy" you can do anything that is thrown at you in life and rise above it
Hmm... last year? Yes.
Doesn't allow me close to him because of me hurting or why? Because you are afraid of his richness.
So i could help him in other ways then? Yes.
Like how so? Taking instead of giving.
If you can avoid becoming a psychiatric case, that´s enough, you have done your duty. Otherwise you would control too much.
this is existential synthesis. This is REAL synthesis.
Hi Hans, Thankyou for your reply, but could I ask you to extend on it please.
I ask you to extend on it please: you are hurt.
Do not feel guilty
for anything. Whatever has happened, so be it! Now you
are aware, witness. You will fall again, many times you
will forget, many times you will wake up. This is the
natural process. It is nothing personal; it has to
happen to everybody.
thank you for your time and your much needed advice. my ex def has a unhealthy lifestyle. it hurt me and im sure it has hurt others. you said the life change he had was mental clerity. I hope this means more then just realizing im not the one he wants to be with. he has a sex and i would say alcohol addiction t (i learned about this at the end) my hope is that he aknowleges his problems and fixes them. he is a anesthisiologist so having those habbits can destroy his life/work/future as a profesional. anyhow, you are right about how i can learn to love my self. I have always jumped from man to man and never gave my self time to be my self by my self to empower my self with self love.
This reading mean s alot to me. thank you Hans
Although i am suffeiring from this relatioship, I would still help him.
now I can be true to you: Stop this
nonsense! -- because you were never happy with this
man. In fact, many times you have thought that if this
man leaves you it will be good. Now he is your ex; he has
fulfilled your desire, so why are you crying and
weeping? I can't see any point in it! Are you missing
all those fights? Are you missing all that misery? --
because I cannot see that you are missing the man,
because there was nothing in it!
thats right.....deep down inside I felt like it would be better if I wasent in a relatioship (i just dident have time, and to many shadys things on his part) . But it hurt when it ended. gosh it hurt very bad. i can compare it to when I lost my brother. But from what you have told me...its more about what im lacking in side of my self.. not about the relationship at all. maybe im missing not him, but the whole he filled when we were together.hhmmm. I had a jacked up childhood.
This relatioship is bringing every issue I have up to surface. But for onse i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Self love, self love! i must learn about this girl thats within me. I can say i am a beautiful 29 year old girl. and im bringing my self down.... Im goina search and find my self, you asked what am i goina do when i master this....not sure...but i will be happy. i can picture it Hans. maybe it was there all along, i just had to learn on my own. ( and with your help and patients) i am a step closer to the gilr i should be.
Meybe a year from now i can contact you with a happy story
i will be done with nusing school, have the life i want. and be HAPPY
love and lots of hugs Hans
you are right......i forgot about that. Hans. well look at that the sun is out today!
live intensely, and see that the present is only poetry.