Calling all CANCERS ! Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
kaplow- Thanks for the welcome.. for some reason, I think we'll be chatting a lot
Ethereal27- Thanks for asking you brother in- I am about to "confront" my cancer man about something (nothing bad) and it's good to know that they don't like all the control.... especially since I'm a leo... lol
so glad there's people to talk too!
Hey Girls !!!! So I have decided to take the drive to go see him this saturday ! I need some advice .
1. Should I contact him to tell him Im coming or should I call when I get there?
2. If he does not answer/ respond my calls . Should I just let him have it over the phone !
3. How should I start the convo off ?
Ps: He already knows im not a arguementive person. He knows im a lover not a fighter ! LOL
But he's has never seen the side of me that gets upset when people hurt my feelings. I try my best not to hurt anybodys feelings & and I can't stand when someone does that to someone I care about. What do yall think ?
Communicated with # of how many organizations
Yay for Ethereal27 and her brother (the insider) :).
kaplow, go for it!! I’m totally rooting for you and you better come back and let us know how it panned out.
My suggestions to your questions:
1. Should I contact him to tell him I’m coming or should I call when I get there?
If you know for a fact that he will be in town this weekend, then I wouldn’t call him until you get there. Surprise approach is better rather than letting him stew up for other plans and etc. Also don’t give the option out, "what are you up to?" "Are you busy right now?" things like that. Go straight to, "I need to talk to you, WHEN TODAY can we meet?"
2. If he does not answer/ respond my calls. Should I just let him have it over the phone!
If you called and left a message in which you said very seriously "Call me back ASAP" I'm thinking he would call back, right? Les info in a message the better...they'll be more intrigued as to why you are calling.
3. How should I start the convo off?
This is a tough one....I think at least stay clear of "I’ve been thinking for a while..." "This is way over due..." anything to indicate that this has been on your mind a long time. Perhaps start off the reason why you drove up there that you needed to talk face to face to avoid any misinterpretation. Use expressive words about how you feeling, not what he has done or not done. I wouldn’t go for an ultimatum but at least some kind of conclusion of your understanding of where you two stand.....is this too mushy?
I think you shouldn’t worry so much about him seeing you upset- maybe this i will get more of a reaction from him about how this really has affected you. However do not go into insulting or any kind of wording that diminishes his personality.
I’m so anticipating on what happens.
As for me, life is okay....I’m still in shock...shock about the pregnancy. One thing I’m not enjoying is the constipation!!! Agh it seriously has made me more moody than ever lol.
He is coming over tonight, so I think I’m going to tell him...I say that now but I may chicken out. Perhaps I should wait for the weekend, so that if it is the stand offish attitude, than at least I have time to recuperate rather than come to work the next day with red eyes! What do you think?
Kaplow- I wish you luck! I am TOTALLY rooting for you... please let us know how everything goes...
I pretty much agree with scorpionlove as far as advice goes on your questions:
1- I would not let him know ahead of time that you are coming. That way he has no way to plan any excuses of why he won't be able to meet you.
2-Be very vague in whatever you have to leave in any message (like previously suggested). If you leave him wondering/hanging, he will most likely call back to find out whay you called and what you had to say.
3-No matter what you decide you say, make sure you keep the conversation about how you are feeling (ie: "I really feel,. I have had these feelings for a while) and not about him. Trust me on that one... and just be honest and speak from the heart.
......and by the way... I am jealous... cuz it is easy for me to give you this advice, however I can't seem to take it myself in my own situation.... lol...
scorpionlove- congratulations on your pregnancy! Good luck breaking the news... I think you will know when the time is right... whenever it will be. I hope you are feeling better soon!
Okay so we planned last night for him to come over and I cook dinner. In general he has a time problem...meaning he is always late for everything, Ive seen it!! anyway so I told him to please try and come around 7:30-8pm and bring white wine for the cooking.....8:40pm he shows up. It was the first time he had seen me upset! I told him it was very inconsiderate, that I had been preparing and needed the white wine half an hour ago and I dont care if we had dinner at midnight but if he could at least tell me if he is going to be late...blah blah... most of the time he was quiet and then he apologized. After that he was unbelievably loving and can I say also slightly more open in talking about himself, explaining that apologizing for him is not easy at all and etc...I was in shock....
In other words kaplow....now more than before I think it is the right decision for you to confront him
...............................and no I didnt tell him....but I see him this weekend, I WILL do it then!
yaaay this makes me so happy to read scorpioinlove.. hahaha !
I told you guys !
See this is like a sign...that regardless of signs, we shoudl let them know what is is that we want or else can we really blame them when we do not get it ?
Anyways, congrats that he is opening up to you, scorpioinlove !
Now I want to know how kaplow is doing ! x o x o x
Hey Girlies !!!! Thanks for all the advice ! Im planning to go uo there Sat morning . ( Wish me Luck ) At this point all I really wanna do Is clear the air & put away the tention Between us. And whatever happens after that will happen .Hey atleast after this episode I will know how to handle him in the future ! The objective for this trip is to Shock & Awe ( I stole that from Hitch ) LOL
@ Scorp - Wow way to go girl ! Im proud of you ! Glad things are smoothed out for the most part with you guys . You are really giving me the Big Push to do what I need to ! As far as the pregnancy is concerned . You'll know when the time right . Follow your heart & after your dinner Episode Nothing can stop you !
@ Ethereal - Aren't you proud of us ! Were making progress over here ! I have a feeling this is gonna be a good weekend for all of us !
@ redleo - Girl if I can do this, then you can do this ! We all have each others back on this thread !!! Wer'e all behind you just like yall are for me.
Smooches Girls .....
Ok girls.... so I want to talk to my boyfriend about what's going on between us but I really don't want to do it on text... so I send him a message this morning saying hello, and asking when we're going to to be able to get together... (he just got back from vacation). So, his response to me is.... "What do say we just be friends for now?" WTF??? Hello ??? For now? Should I be waiting in case he changes his mind? Not... I was even more upset cuz I thought this were weird before he left however he assured me everything was fine. He told he he came to this decision while on vacation (with his daugher????) and he has to do what's best for him & he's leaving the dating scene.. I"m sorry, but #1- when were you going to tell me if I didn't contact you? #2- you"re 42, act like it & #3- dump me via text? Am I over-reacting here? Also, I told him I would have no problem remaining friends with him as long as he truly meant that and wasn't trying to appease me... don't think that went over to well, but honestly, I am tired of walking on eggshells with him... ugh! Any thoughts?
Scorp- Good luck this weekend- let us know how it goes
Kap- Shock & Awe baby,,, you go girl!
Ethereal- you give some good advice... keep it coming!
releo73...Im so sorry, this must have hurt you quite a bit even though you sound very strong in your message.
I absolutely do not think you should be waiting for him to change his mind!!! And if you do not want to, I wouldnt even settle for friendship at this point. My response would have been, "you know what lets just not be friends or anything else for now" but then again Im hormonal and almost everything bothers me :).
Even in the case that he had met someone else during his vacation, just like you said, he at least could have actively contacted you and told you in person. How long were you two seeing each other?
well my thoughts are to let him know how this made you feel briefly in one sentence, and then cut him off and try to move on to someone who will appreciate the beautiful person you are.
Again Im so sorry, like kaplow mentioned before, we are all here for you with loads of gossip and inside.
No, I am not waiting for him.. have not decided on the friend issue yet. And yes, I am hurt. I am also mad at myself because I had a feeling something was wrong... but when I asked, he told me all was ok. It was only a few months, but that's huge for me (new back into the dating world and letting my guard down) I don't know.. it doesn't really even matter to be honest with you.. I know I deserve better..
Thank you for your support and kind words... know that I will be here for you in the months to come! So glad I found you guys
Wow, I have never seen a more discussed male sign! Cancer guys are really something else. I'm cancer female, so this makes me wonder if I have ever done the dissapearing thing, but I honestly don't think I ever have, the more I read about these cancer guys the more I think they are totally different then the girls.
bluecat123- I think men and woman are totally different, like you said... woman are more apt to communicare or share their feelings rather than "retreating" into a shell... just my experince... but you you are right on
I met a cancer guy over internet couple days ago
At first, I chat with him every days. then, I'm kind of bored and busy with work, and I didn't online for 3 days in a row. he started to call, text and leave me offline message, just to ask me if I were ok. I left him a short message telling him that I were very busy.
After that, he kept leave me offline messages to say hi and how i am doing. (I didn't reply)
Today, I got another message from him. He said he knew i were online and he doesn't know why I were off so sudden, and he wonder it's because of him.
Alright, actually I didn't online. I think this is not sweet and caring. I think it's freak me out. He seems spying on me.
I don't know what to say to him to stop acting like that.
Looks like he has his sights on you, or is mabe lonely or something ut_it, I would nicely explain to him you are just a busy person, sometimes you are avail to talk more sometimes not, but if he is looking for someone to take a next step with he needs to talk to other people mabe.
I spoke to him yesterday, told him what had happened. At first he was shocked and quiet (shocker) and then he said he needed to think. He didn't stay over and said he needed to do some training. I haven't heard from him since. Today I wrote him a message asking if he was okay and what were his thoughts as I am quite terrified myself with the possibility of handling this myself. No reply for 5 hours, although he has been active on twitter about politics for the past 2 hours. I'm quite hurt, actually very hurt and scared. So Ill be calling my parents tomorrow..bite the bullet and tell them. I haven't stopped crying the last 2 hours...how can someone be so hurtful? anyway I may be awol for awhile, but Ill be back for sure, I am a tough cookie don't worry :). Thanks for all the support, never realize how much it helped me. Thank you for them bottom of my heart. PS no offense to other male cancers, but that's the last for me lol R
Good for you for telling him... I am NOT trying to defend him AT ALL, but he may be in shock just like you were. Yes, he should have contacted you, however maybe he just doesn't know what to say or how to say it... regardless, you are a tough cookie, remember? You will be fine... Good luck telling your parents... Please don't got MIA for too long... want to hear from you soon...
Hey Girls ! Well here's the update :
I decided to go see him on friday instead of Sat ( Idk why I just had this feeling ) I Get up there around 11:30am , I gave him a call - No Answer , I left a message saying " Hey its me give me a call " An hour later I sent a text saying " Hey im in town let's go hang out for a few mins " Of course no responce . While I was waiting I found two malls and gave myself my own little tour of the town. While at the mall i saw some of the football players in the food court . I overheard them talking about just leaving practice and how the coaches kick there butts . Then I heard one of the players say his name ( He's a coach ) he said that he was moody today .I stayed up there until 7pm . Of course I am upset at the fact that he did not return my call , but Iam proud of myself for atleast attempting to talk face to face . Funny thing is that I already know how this is going to play out . I wont hear from him for about 6 months and when I do He's going act like nothing is wrong or he never recieved the messages ( as long as he doesn't respond I can't guarantee he got the messages ) Blah Blah Blah . One of my Girlfriends said that I scared him buy showing up in his * Space* . what should I do Now ? I want to send him a long Email . Im trying to calm down before I write it though .
Ill be right back , Im going to read you guys updates .
@ Scorpioinlove --- Aww sweetie down get down in the dumps just yet ! Give him some time to digest the news. I Totally agree with Redleo ! I totally understand that your hurt ( Especially After the weekend that I had ) But You have to remain strong !!! Please don't stay away for two long !! If you need to talk here's my Email : Champy1980@yahoo.com. Im praying for you !!!!
@ Redleo - What's been up with you ?
@ Ethereal - What's been up with you ?
To all the newcomers welcome !!!!
kaplow - Good for you for having the guts for going up there... I do have one question for you though. Is your life on "hold" while you wait to hear from your friend? I hope not... you sound like you have a lot to offer someone and if this guys is too dumb to realize what he "can" have, than that's his mistake... just a thought. Again, I can give advice, however can't take it....lol
I am annoyed by my situation. That I let my wall down to only get hurt once again... live and learn, right? lol
Ethereal---- I agree with kaplow.... again, don't stay away for too long!!!!
@redleo73 So sorry i was away ! Its been a very emotional week/weekend for myself haha .. had to go recharge
In light of your current problem about staying friends.. I kind of hate when guys in general expect everything to just blow over and we can all go back to being just friends lol.. seems so naive.. and also very contradictive of me cause i do that move A LOT and can't ever understand why someone would not wanna be friends, at the time loll..
That said, I think it could very well work to your advantage here.. but just be elusive about it. Don't give him a reaction.. and give yourself some focus instead. When you start to concentrate on yourself, suddenly every guy wants your attention, regardless of whether you want theirs. From my expereince too, guys always seem to want the girl who is having the most fun. And usually the girl having the most fun, is enjoying herself without waiting for any guys.
I've watched my brother go through many relationships, and although when he breaks up with someone, he tries to stay friends with them, he'll still wonder about them and especially if his jealousy kicks in to see them with someone else.. the wrong move to make at this point is to chase after him ! ...a girl who did this to my brother (whom he was verrrry into for a very long time) convinced him that she was absolutely nuts and obsessed. And it did not go down too well when she also drew decision to flirt and come on to all of his friends. He simply laughed and moved on. And she would show up outside our house with her friends, calling to him outside his bedroom window... oh man.. it was horrible to watch.
So redleo73, I would say.. keep your dignity about this.
Don't contact him, and despite the sadness/ anguish you feel, beam the opposite..find the positive. If you feel you must say anything to him however, say "I understand, ofcourse. I understand that this is what you choose to be best for you, despite the way and time in which you took to chose to inform me. And I hope that you can find understanding for which I cannot pertain to your friendship at this given time, whilst I find liberation in doing what is best for me."
Leave it at that hahah. This will put him in the waiting seat if there is one. But most importantly, it means you are not in the waiting seat, either way. Life is constantly moving, people constantly make mistakes, and they learn from them. I think we try so hard to please others and make everything a soft landing for them if they fall that we forget abut ourselves so often. sometimes, this guys need to fall, and they need to take it like a man. So keep your chin up, and remember this "Eyes up, head up, heart open".
Another thing girls, a close friend of mine is/was dating a cancerian.. a scorpio girl with a cancerian girl.. and mannn that had ten thousand issues !
Firstly, my scoprio friend absolutely went wild and on some sort of emotional riot with this cancerian, sparking the jealousy, the suspiciousness, the spying, the confusion, oh god. Anyway, they decided(!) to get a house together/ hahaha.. dont even ask me why.. i knew it was heading for disaster..
And after 6 months, of alllll the emotional rollercoasting, 2 weeks prior to moving in..guess what.. cancerian back out. ! Much to my scopio's dismay ! -er and absolute hate with a vengence !
I have a family friend(dad's bestfriend) who is also a cancerian, come to think of it. And his wife was a gemini. The minute she started to take him for granted and push him around...telling him he couldnt do better, that hes selfish, etc etc.... he silently withdrew from her and then let her know that she can quit complaining and start paying for half their morgage. hahaha. I found that pretty funny, as it seem to shut her up.. again, sweeping the rug from underneath her feet.
So whilst cooking a beans on toast breakfast for myself, and thinkign about all of this, it hit me. Cancerians.. you can't rely upon them, for its the ultimate move, to coax you in and then sweep the rug from underneath your feet. That sounds rather harsh, but i mean, you have to have your own independance, like my brother said, it must it tiresome having to be 'followed' and 'needed'. I know cancerians LOVE to be "the knight in shining armour, to rescue the damsel in distress.. but for god's sake.. can't the damsel walk on her own two feet after being saved and rescued, safely milesssss away from the burning house.?!"
This is how i interpretate cancerians lol
So girls.. time to do what you want.. and not expect them to be waiting in the wings or to wait in the wings.
Sometimes, we do misunderstand others, as others misinterpretate us the same.. and maybe that is what is precisely needed. Is it not about time someone wakes up and realises "wow.. i totally misunderstood her, shes nothing to what i convinced myself of, but merely a projection of my own fear."
@scorpioinlove He is probably expecting that you will be expecting a lot from him at this time, under current circumstances... will you be depending on him finiancially etc ? this is all th stuff he will be thinking about, if he is thinking about it.
Let him digest the news, the mean time, have your friends and family around you to support you.
I would say.. pllllleeease, don't let it appear that you suddenly need him around because there is a child in the works now. He will feel that you're tryin to trick him.
Try to maintain your calm.. and breathe.. any frustrations you have.. bring them over here to this lil forum.. so you can empty your hormonal emotions, and come to a better understanding and conclusion before giving him more ammunition to run into hiding ! x o x o x o