Hi everyone, this is my first post on tarot.com. It has come to this. Searching for guidance in a vast entanglement of strangers.
This is my story. I am a cancer female, who has been in a relationship with an Aries male for the past 2 1/2 years (thats another story). Approximately 3 months ago, my aries man became much more aggitated than usual, which ultimately resulted in violence against me.
Going back 6 years now, I met a gemini male, of which we shared a long-distance friendship, as I was in Australia, and he was in Greece. We never spoke of 'feelings' or anything like that. It was a pure, happy and amazing friendship, with no hidden agendas.
Now that I am living in Greece, I've had the pleasure of spending real time with him. When he found out what happened with my aries partner, he exploded with anger and disbelief (note: i've known this gemini male longer than Ive known aries male)
I decided I would leave my aries male and spend some time with the Gemini friend, just to sort myself out and rebound from the shock of what I'd experienced (with the violence). I had no intention of changing our friendship into something more, and I don't think he did either.
I've always known he didn't want a relationship, that's why our friendship was so pure.
So I wasnt about to embark on something that I knew was impossible. We just didn't see eachother in that light.
Anyway, on the first day we spent together, I ended up falling asleep at a friend's house (we'd had quite a bit to drink). I was half asleep when he'd come inside the bedroom, sit by my side and just stare at me, thinking i was completely knocked out. He'd ask me if I was okay, and if it bothered me that he was there and if i'd rather be left alone. I didnt mind, he was my friend. I wanted him there. Suddenly, in my alcohol-induced haziness I overheard him say "forgive me but I am truly insatiable", as he sat by the bed staring at me sleep. I wasnt expecting this. You all need to remember there was NO romantic interaction or implications throughout the friendship. Then all of a sudden, THIS.
The next day we woke up, and things were normal. He did however ask me if I was ''really asleep".... we had a few moments on the couch where he'd just look into my eyes and shyly look down at his hands.... I was just sigh and look away, with my heart pounding thinking what the hell is going on here? We were communicating with words.
Eventually we left the friends house after a night there, and went to his home.
I felt the air so tense between us. When we were alone (before any friends came over) he'd be sitting quite far from me. I felt that he wanted to be near me, but did the opposite!.. i made no move. I let him be.
That night, we had a bit to drink again with some friends, and I ended up falling asleep on the couch beside him. Eventually his friends left and we were left alone. I woke up as he came and sat down again. He started to stroke my face... My heart was going wild.
He lent over and kissed me and Ive never felt such a passionate kiss in my whole life.
I felt as though he wanted to drink me all up. As if the passionate act of entwining lips was not ENOUGH for him. We kissed for a while. Then we stopped because a phone call interrupted.
We didn't really kiss again for the night. We went to bed, he didnt kiss me goodnight or anything. Kind of acted like it didnt happen, all that passion!.
The next day he continued acting like nothing had happened. The following night however our friendship got more physical. We didn't have complete intercourse, almost did.
Our feelings were also verbalised. Mine more so. He held back, but did show he wanted me so very much. It looked as though he was torn between wanting me and not wanting a relationship.
I left his home. We didnt speak for 1 month (we'd usually speak everyday)
I was in athens one night, and I felt i had to message him. I told him I was going to be in his city at some point (i needed an excuse to message him). I was quite cold with him. I was hurt.
He asked me what was wrong and if everything was ok. I didnt answer.
He told me he was having smoe big problems lately and that it wasnt the time to be discussing what happened, he couldnt cope with it at that point in time. So I left it.
Than he replied all of a sudden with anger and said hurtful things like "your games, and you know I dont want a relationship" and "just forget about me and move on with your life... ive caused enough pain in your life" etc etc.
I was shocked! this is coming from a person i knew for 6 years! I didnt recognise him!.
I tried calling him to show him I wanted things to be how they were, and I knew he didnt want a relationship!... He never answered his phone. He just completely shut me out after he had his outburst. I felt like the things he said to me he was saying them to convince himself. I never asked him to be with me. I knew the answer....
Please help me... I want to know if he did really have feelings for me... why did he act this way? With anger? When I never said anything in the first place?... Why is he shutting me out? Why wont he give me the chance to make peace? Why? Im hurting so much inside. Ive lost the greatest friend I ever had. Will he ever come back? Maybe when he calms down?? I know the story is long, but I added the details so you could understand completely what person he was and the friendship we shared. Please help. Im hurting...
Hi Moonchild77, sorry to her about ur story. But sadly to say this is the trait of a Gemini man. I have been thur those problems before and yes they can be very hurtful. I think they do this to protect their feelings and they don'r want you to know that he may feel something for you. Don't worry and just give it some time to heal. This is what my Gemini friend told me. I can also understand that u want to keep the frienship going so just leave it alone for right know and go back to it later. But just remeber this he will never forget you. He probably cherises you and feel like he really have feelings for u. it is hard for Gemini to deal with heavy feelings or emotions. Gemini also need lots of space, this is a must for them. They are heavy THINKERS. So don't worry and if yu think it is worth it hang in there. There will be a lot of rollercoaster with a Gemini Man. Sorry to tell u this.
I'm very sorry you are hurting right now. Everything Worthy has told you is true about Gemini Men. They are walking/talking enigmas. The most important thing you can do for yourself right now is go no contact, give him his space. In the mean time work and focus on yourself...Be kind to yourself. By what you have written I percieve that He does have strong feelings for you. That maybe a little hard for you to believe given his actions, but that's a Gemini for you. They appear to contradict themselves...That's the whole essence of being a twin...Constant battle of the mind...Two thoughts fighting against each other. Until he can get in tunned with his own emotions...It will be a coaster ride with him...and that's not emotionally healthy for you. Worst thing you can do right now is panic and keep trying to contact him...That will only make him think that your desperate, needy and clingy...and Gemini's hate that...They love their freedom and that's why it's hard for them to commit....Their biggest fear is feeling tied down. Hang in there...I have a feeling he will be contacting you again. In the meantime get out there and live your life. You deserve to be happy. You must let him walk his path in this life as you must walk yours. Also want to note that my Venus is in Cancer so I love like a Cancerian...Deep love and self-sacrafice...to the point where it can be unbalanced and unhealthy....We have to learn to balance this part of us. Learn to say NO! and set some healthy boundaries up. It takes alot of hard work and time. Hang in there Moonchild...time heals all wounds.
forgive me but i couldn't help but noticing from your story he only started to come on to you physically when you were vulnerable and near passing out? That kind of behavior isn't healthy for any sign imho . Kind of makes him sound like a predator playing games with prey... but i could be very wrong...
thank you all so very much for your comments. You have no idea how much its all helped.
I do hope he does have some feelings for me. And that one day he'll regret what happened and realise he shouldn't have thrown me away like that.
And to Aquagirlleorising, he himself was under the influence aswell, but not to the point of haziness, just a little more relaxed, which allowed him to do what he was thinking I guess.
I wasn't passed out, I was just relaxed too. I tried to give him the space he needed to act on the feelings I saw in his eyes... It was my way of bringing us together, without me throwing myself at him. I let him come to me. But I guess, I still managed to screw it all up..
Thanks again everyone!
You didnt fuck it up.. Watch... I bet too, that he'll come back again. xoxo
In the process of you giving it a break and you will eventually call him he will pick up and have a conversation with you. So like I said don;t worry/
Worth1248 how is your situation going by the way, any better ???
Moonchild77 Sorry i didnt give you a longer comment, was sooo sleepy ! But it really sounds like he's freaked himself out by his own actions and is projecting them onto you..
With that said, I think its plain to see that he likes you. Gems are veryyyyy confusing if you don't look whats behind their actions and what it is that they're NOT saying
I've had gemini friends and bestfriends, and a scorp bestfriend of mine ALWAYS attracts geminis, its so entertaining to watch !! She had a gemini ex who was completely and utterly obsessed with her. And he would always come to me for advise and yet would fall out with me alot also, because i was "stealing her" away from him, according to him
(Note, they can get very insanely possessive)
It seems he is looking for reassurance that you feel what he is feeling...
And as you have been so cool about it, he is hiding behind that mask of not wanting a relationship with YOU.
He's backed off, because he feels vulnerable.
Those childish games they play.. if we do it, they do it twentyfold.
So if you're showing that you're 'scared' or what he interpretates as 'unsure'... hes gonna brush you off and say that you're far too complicating for the simple life he desires, even though it is him that is most scared/unsure.
(Lesson learned from personal experience ! Plus i've played that game myself, sometimes)
I'm currently dealing with a gemini too..
and after finally coming round to the idea of a 'him and myself', the chase is on..but at MY pace.
I've made it very clear i like him lots, but we talk about the most random simple life things..without questioning how we feel about each other.. we keep that bit silent, and just enjoy the 'friendship' at it were, which is seeming to bring us a lil closer ?
Yet there is still that 'distance' which is very comforting to have, and not be tooo close !
He keeps telling me that he appreciates the time i give him and the understanding.. and i find myself telling him that i LOVE the space he gives me.
(And yet, all of this could quite easily change overnight.....but for now, it hasnt)
Seriously.. reading everyones experience with gems.. they definately come around again, and its like nothing happened. Don't blame yourself for anything, i can't see anything in your story that would suggest it was you who did something wrong just your gem playing with you ! And he said those mean things, to make YOU leave him alone, its like a lil test. One of the many ! Sighhh lol
Give it a few weeks.. if you dont hear anything back, send him a txt asking where hes hiding, he'll respond. Also, have your own life going on, don't stop it all for a gem/any sign !
It doesnt mean you have to broadcast it to him, but yeah it'll keep your mind busy and focused on lots of other things besides overthinking about him and his confusing lil tactics
Jeeez look how long this comment got. whoops sorry !
Ethreal27, so what your saying is they say one thing but means something else. Those dang Gem's.
Sometimes... not always..
How do i explain hmmm.. any geminis wanna help me out here ?
Okay manipulatively speaking, i've noticed he'll try to make me feel what he is feeling.. like the insecurity and needyness.. and selfishness. And he'll do this through the kinds of questions he'll ask me or get me to ask him.. haha
Or just random statements that he'll make...and then probe me for a reaction lol
Right now though, hes being very sweet and attentive. I didnt update you worthy1248. I went all out mushy on him for like 2 weeks ! and he has not left me alone since. I'm waiting for it though.. or i think hes waiting for me to go cold on him but i havent. lol
I appreciate your long reply so much. But I must admit, I wasn't completely cold with him. If anything I did show him that I had strong feelings for him, I just didn't push the "i want a relationship" button. I don't think he will ever want to have any means of contact with me ever again.
Just recently he deleted both his facebook account and his myspace account. I'm not sure if he did this because of me, because I never once contacted him through either. But then again, why else would he delete them if not for me?.
Either way, he sounded pretty h.bent on wanting me out of his life. As if I'd actually done something to harm him in the first place! I'm usually quite good at psyching out someone and their reasons for doing what they do. But this gem is just something new to me.
He now hates me. It doesn't matter. As worthy1248 said, I will just let it go.
You both have helped me so much, at this stage I couldn't care less if he came back or not.
Regardless of starsign, a man/woman is not worth your time or pain if they can't appreciate you in the first place.
much love to you all...!
moonchild77 : I've been friends with a couple of gems and was quite close with one, where she would tell me all her secrets and why she was about to do something etc.. including deleting accounts and 'disappearing' as it were. Its just part of their many tests to see how much you care, and also time for him to 'figure things out'. Rest assured, he will come back in the end, when you least expect but maybe you will have gotten over the hurt from his actions and moved on by then.
He's probably trying everything in his power to not think about it or feel anything more from it.
Sometimes as an aquarius, I can be like that too. Try to understand what he isn't saying, rather than from what he is(they're very good with words when they want to be), and read whats behind his actions, rather than the action itself. They're very 'sideways' when communicating, at times. Sometimes the best way to communicate back to them is to be sideways too.
Once you get the hang of that, you can somewhat understand them a lil better, which (trust me) confuses them a lil to begin with, but then they'll slowly start opening up in their own way. Never too much though, cause they don't like to get too close.
You know, the fact you didn't push the 'i want a relationship' button may well be the opposite of what he was expecting.
Just carry on doing your own thing, and in time, he'll come back, like nothing happened. And you may carry on as friends, at the very least.
x o x o x
I'm going to leave my example for you :
My gem asked me last night why do i want to talk to him, and that previously i would talk a lot but now all i do is listen to him talk, to which i answered because hes interesting, and silly. i asked him the same question back and he said "because i have nothing better to do".
hahahah(and i did laugh out loud to that) then he said to me really quickly "i'm just doing it without thinking".
decode : he chooses to call me, every night so far, he likes that i listen to him quite attentively, and pay him that attention, cause he knows i can be on the phone to others instead of him, but i'm on the phone to him because, just as he chose to call me(instead of the many distractions he can give to himself), i choose to listen to him. (theres been times when i asked him how i make him feel, and he says i make him feel happy, wanted and special).
we never talk about our romanticised feelings. we're just being each other's friend. Even though he knows i like him, and i know he likes me too. I guess we both don't wanna get freaked out by it cause we do genuinely like each other.
To anyone else however, it looks like we're not that interested in each other, in that way. hahah So yeah.. thats what i mean by 'sideways'
(at the same time, i could be totally wrong, who knows !)
Good luck in your situation, let me know if you ever need any help, or to simply vent, i'm always happy to just 'listen'/read !
Ethreal27, it sometimes a test. So therefore would you not call it a Game?