Loner vs. Loneliness



  • All of my life, I've felt like an outsider. Being an only child, with no relatives close to my age (most of my cousins are old enough to be my parents) has fostered a lot of longing to 'fit in' somewhere. But the age gap coupled with what might be considered average familial differences has only made things worse. My romanic relationships tend to end abruptly, and I've never had a long term 'friend,' or simply a best friend since I was a child. In high school I belonged to no cliques and sometimes sat alone during lunch.

    Although I do enjoy others' company and wish to have it, I'm never quite fulfilled in this department. It's really painful to go to family functions and sit alone. It's early on in my life-- but I feel the cycle can not be stopped. Could it be that I am simply destined to be 'a loner' of sorts and never maintain a full term relationship; or could it be instead that I perpetuate my childhood cycle with my insecurities?

    My birthday is December 6th, 1992

    Chart:

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  • Sorry that link isn't showing, my birthtime is 1:47 PM-- all help is greatly appreciated.



  • I can look at it but won't be soon

    hope you are not in a hurry

    I will need birth location and then I won't need your link



  • now I have time, I'll give you a bit of reading tomorrow

    hang in there



  • I hope I'm not jumping in where I'm not wanted or stealing anyone's thunder or stepping on any toes...but I took a quick peek at your chart.

    I noticed that you have Chiron in your fifth house (which is also Leo). That indicates, to me, some emotional wounds from early in your childhood. Would bullying in elementary school have made you feel difficult to make connections with other people?

    Chiron in Leo is also an indication that you feel a distinct sense of "other"-ness, which would, again, make it hard to "connect" with other people.

    I didn't really get a more in-depth look at your chart 'cause that Chiron jumped out at me, but the rest of your chart looks like you have the ability to be a good communicator and that you do desire closeness with other people, so I don't think you're destined to be alone forever. 🙂

    Maybe leoscorpion will have more input. ❤



  • I haven't heard from Electrum so she's probably not here anymore

    I don't know the birth location so I can't make her chart

    the link isn't opening for me either and I start getting busy again

    I'm gonna leave this thread I'm sure there are other people who can respond

    probablyflashy

    I have slightly different interpretation for Chiron but I'm sure Electrum won't mind any insight from anyone. I just happened to notice this thread and I didn't even realize it's 2 months old.



  • Oh, well shoot. lol.



  • Thank you both for your responses. I just went away to college about a month and a half ago so besides reading my daily horoscopes I don't come on here. I think you have a point flashy, but I am open to the ideas of leoscorpion... my birthdate is December 6th 1992, 1:47 pm.

    It really helps that you took time out to revive what I had felt was a dead thread.



  • electrum

    somehow my firewall doesn't allow me to see your chart

    I can draw it myself but I need your place of birth wih city/state/country (if not US)

    I just got back from a short travel so will do your reading somewhere in the weekend OK?



  • Livingston NJ, USA...

    and sure, I'm really grateful for your help so take your time.



  • Electrum

    Here is what I can read from your chart

    North node in Sagitarius the house of Desire and Transformation, your purpose this life time is to find who you are, your role in life and the deep meaning of things. You will take long trips, maybe abroad and higher learning instead of being with family and people you know. You will learn from those foreign to you, their principles, cultures, how they view life. In doing so you will broaden your own views of life and find meaning of your own presence on earth. You will no longer be concerned of the trivial questions : am I popular? Am I pretty? Will I ever be skinny enough to wear that dress? etc etc Prepare your bow and arrows and aim high to the stars. Sun conjunct North node in Sagitarius is a visionary, since Sagitarius is ruled by Jupiter, home of the Masters. Any concern of what happens in the physical plane will sort themselves out once you achieve this purpose. Take the time to listen to your heart, it is where the Sun speaks from. When you are down, turn inward and let the Sun shines his warmth. Everything in the physical plane is manifestation of what happens inside. As within, as without.

    Pluto and Mercury in the house of Relationship can really be trouble maker if you let them loose. You are certainly a great problem solver, you are efficient and ‘sharp’. As your mind is sharp, so are your words. Stop and think before you speak, because your words carry additional weight with Pluto sitting close to Mercury. Your relationship depends on your ability to control what you communicate. When you do need to explode (most likely, with this aspect) find an energetic channel like martial art or boxing or creative ones like dancing (but I’d suggest sports, because suppressing Pluto is almost impossible, might as well get your whole body move!). Pluto here, shows that the way you relate to others needs to change, to be transformed. That’s why none of them worked because they are NOT the relationship that will transform you, and you yourself need to be transformed, before everything else. With Pluto’s ‘sharpness’ most definite you felt torn apart, injured, stabbed (back and front). In order to be transformed, Pluto will first destroy. So do yourself a favour, If you are in a building that is going to be demolished, leave, or you will be crushed too. The more you hold on to the past relationship hurts, the more you will be in pain. Let go, and start your inner work. Solve the inner conflict and then relationship with others will be healed. I can see your fear of letting go, that’s why you hold on to the past. The Wounded healer aspecting Saturn can make you feel safe - not - letting go. Saturn likes to stick with what he knows. You know the past, so you stick with it. But this is where you will be hurt again and again, first from the experience itself, second (and next) from dwelling in these pains. Any good healer has been wounded before, but doesn’t mean you welcome more wounds if you can avoid it. That’ll be like intentionally hurting yourself : ) The Wounded Healer Chiron in the house of romance and creativity shows the importance of creative outlet in order to improve your romantic life. Creativity, the ability to create, is a way to channel life force. Uranus aspecting Venus shows you need excitement in relationship. Creativity is one way to achieve this. While you are doing inner work, be creative and playful. When you are in relationship, stay playful and try out new things together. A healthy se xual life depends so much on creativity, on your ability to express yourself playfully and freely. Many people relate happiness with money. But you will find out that creativity is the key to happiness, single or not, rich or not, has nothing to do with it. With boundless creativity, you will never feel lonely and meaningless again. You will be attractive, because you will be ‘lively’ and ‘free’. Pluto in Scorpio does have its bright side. Your intuition is strong here. From the underworld, Pluto sees what others can’t see in the dark. You probably sense dishonest people. If you care to nurture it, it can save you from disappointments and provide you the guidance you need.

    Venus in Capricorn is an ever cautious and discriminative lover, you don’t easily fall for someone, and when you do, you have certain values that you hold on to very strongly. I can’t say it’s a bad thing, after all everyone has values. But after you do your inner work, you will be able to sort out which values /standards are ridiculous, and which ones are to keep. Only you can do this, no one else. Mars in Cancer can be overly protective lover. Mood swings happen occasionally when you feel ignored or worried something happens to your loved ones. You are extra aware of their well being, hopefully this person also cares for your feelings and well being, or you risk exhausting yourself. Saturn in Aqua in the house of Friends is not happy being alone. Watch for giving yourself too much for the sake of companionship and friendship. Hopes and wishes need more work here because Saturn doesn’t give easily. Keep working at your purpose, then Saturn will see to it all your wishes come true. An indication of a long laborous period, Saturn is about longevity. But results of the work you have done will surprise you. He doesn’t give easy, but he is not thrifty either : ) keep this in mind when you feel like losing hopes. Moon in the house of Self can increase mood swings and sensitivity. Good thing is you know how to channel it to beautiful expression thanks to artistic Taurus where the moon sits. But more tendency to dwell in the past. Any hurtful memories are only good to remind you about your own strength, so just take the lessons and move on.

    You have a big heart and charismatic personality. You enjoy being helpful, being there when someone is in need. You enjoy being of service to others. You will do well in health and care related field. It is in this field that you will achieve your purpose and find blessing of Jupiter, your ruler, sitting right in the house of Health and service. If providing health and service ever bores and exhaust you, keep up the creative and energetic outlet. Maybe add yoga and meditation on top, it helps sort out that awful monster called Stress : ) and activate your serpentine life force. Another note, is your destiny gate sits on Health/service and Spirituality axis. This is where yoga and meditation work wonders. You can see so many things in your chart point out to a higher purpose, that starts from yourself, and will manifest in others. The reason why you are lonely, feeling unwanted and meaningless, is because you ponder over things that have nothing to do with your purpose. Like a lost person wondering why he is lost. It turns out, he is following the wrong star. Retrace your steps, back to the days when you were happiest and hold on to this precious memory as you start over.

    In your career sector, all 3 planets are sitting there supporting you. Uranus, Neptune and Venus are joining forces. Uranus ‘think out of the box’ definitely a great help for your organizational ability and in Capricorn, he is introducing new things to Saturn. Neptune’s illusion makes it hard to make a good career choice, but you are still young, take the time you need to sort your choices out. Don’t ever fall for Neptune’s illusion in romance and relationship again. Nobody is perfect, including yourself. As soon you think someone is, you are in for disappointment. As soon as you think you are perfect for someone, you risk relying on his approval. None of this is good for you. Uranus is independence, you will take responsibility of your own doing and you will learn from it. You will let other people do the same with theirs. Just stop and think before taking risks, Uranus if let loose can seriously hurt your career, or even other areas in your life.

    Hope this helps.



  • Thank you LeoScorpion... this reading has helped me quite a bit. I hope all is well with you. 🙂



  • hi electrum

    have a good read, maybe read it a few more times until you can hear the message resonate inside you. you are still young, a long road ahead of you. it's a great advantage to know your purpose and direction at this age, most people don't have the advantage.

    I am fine, just busy again. things pick up again at work.

    you take care.


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