Letting go of cancer man



  • Hi all:

    My question is about my cancer ex boyfriend (I am a Leo) who I love and I know care for me but to what extent is confusing. We have been on a roller coater our entire relationship for a year, breaking up and getting back together. The last break up, he did. He said that he needs to concentrate on himself and get hisself together financially and make sure he is together before getting anymore serious with me. He sometimes want us to be friends and sometimes not.

    He said tat he has feelings for me but not as deep because he doesnt allow himself to get deep with me....hmm. My question is, I am giving him his space and not contacting him, his birthday is soming up, should I give in and give him a gift or just keep the distance?



  • is anyone out there for advice?????



  • Don't give him a gift. The most I would do is wish him happy bday and even that can make you feel like crap when the response is a flippant "thanks". Been there!



  • do not send him a gift, that would come off as pleading or begging him in a non-verbal sense. Leo sister, get over this, you do not need to chase him. I am not saying it's over or whatever, but am saying to not make a fool of yourself. get some pride and let go of your need to control the outcome.

    whenever you give someone a gift should be given without expectations, and using a gift to manipulate will not work in this case. he is a cancer water signs are very intuitive and do not like to play games.

    good luck, Sunny



  • Thank you guys so much. I was starting think I was invisible here. No one would respond.

    Saglicious...you are right. I took everything back and felt really good about that. I have decided to not even send a card. I have done too much and given too much.

    Ms. Sunny, you are also right. I am trying to control the outcome. I've been doing that a while by always calling and trying to force him to love me and want me. I have let it go and now I must heal. Thank you guys.



  • Wangchung - I am in the same boat..... Needing to control an outcome I have no control over - i guess we both just have to think "he is just not that into me" which hurts - but we deserve someone who does want to be with us and will shower us with love 🙂 Good luck!!



  • Yes Hiprincess, we deserve that guy who will want us and love us. I tried to control the outcome out of fear...fear of being alone, fear of feeling like I lost everything I put into it. My self esteem went way down trying to make him love me. I should have loved myself more and put my feelings and heart first. This is the second cancer man I have dealt with and the same result. For both I was not interested at first, but their niceness and attentiveness lured me in and I am the type that once I decide to love and take the chance, I am going to put 100% into it. Thats what I did and then he changed. Love is a risk. But, next time I will pay attention to my first intuition.I think he was into me, but when he realized how much I was into him, he pulled back and eventually left. Oh well...the right man will want my love and the tight man for you Hiprincess will want you and treat you with respect also.



  • Sorry...mispelled word....I meant...

    ...and the right man for you Hiprincess will want you and treat you with respect also.



  • yes and the same back to you wangchung 🙂 i am sure they are out there just waiting for us to be ready 🙂



  • wachung,

    I went through the same exact thing for the past 5 months! I gave him gifts though. constantly, i didnt mean to buy him, he needed things and didnt have money (he works really ahrd and pays most of it to childsupport.) I paid most of the time, I bought him a new wwardrobe, and showered him and his boys with gifts.

    in the beginning, he liked me (and said he loved me early on) and the moment I liked him and he knew it, he bascially withdrew and I amc rushed. Haven't seen him since his b'day, said he'd call in 2 days and never did.

    we are no longer talking, I would call him if he didnt call me back. 2 weeks was the longest i didnt hear from him, it has now been 3 weeks!

    I made so many mistakes taking on the man role, without ever wanting to, I had fears of rejection and I got rejected.

    there was NO balance, he even said I was spoiling him. Now he might be with his ex, and she did not spoil him from what he told me.

    I will never give a man another gift unless he is committed to me and only me.

    and I feel angry with him for treating me like a game. push-pull. yes, no.

    gift giving, calling him first instead of waiting for him to call you, initiating contact, planning the evening, suggesting things to do are all man roles, when we do them early on in relationships they arent able to feel from us. and we become friends or mothers.

    Good thing you didnt give him anything, and I mean NOTHING! he has to earn it. all you have ot do is be genuine, sit back and let him dance for you.

    men want to please, lets allow them to please.

    I feel good that even though he hasn't called me in 3 weeks, I have not called either. and I am glad that i haven't because I feel on top. esp since in the past i would have called to ask why he hasnt. NOw he must also be thingking the same as me, why hasnt she called. I am tired of his game. he has to GROW UP!



  • Stay strong Kmuse. My ex actually did give a lot to me that's why i was going back and forth on whether to do something for his birthday. BUT, he also took a lot out of me emotionally. Breaking up with me so many times, taking me for granted, being selffish. So I had to let go and get my sanity back. Wait for God to bring you the one who will love you for you and shower you with love just as you shower him with love. Balance. I was the same way. Initiating, if he broke up, I would call...no more. The man for me will love me, and want me, and initiate also. God bless you.



  • Wow,wangchung, i was just thinking about you, good advice, you have come ALONG way

    hugs to you

    sheila



  • aaww, I really feel for you ladies, and feel badly you were taken advantage of. it hurts, and it really sucks!

    consider this as a learning experience or a big giant learning curve. after all of that push and pull, you finally understand the games are being played, and you now know what you do want and what you don't want.

    obviously, these men are not meant for long term relationship, but a valuable lesson learned.

    Blessings on your spiritual journey(s)

    Sunny


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