Please Help ME I need some insite



  • Helen, do you see my husband becoming at least friends with our children. He lives where this woman lives and has a lot of control over him. Do you see him ever moving from there and having a life of his own. I know he has a lot of mental issues at present, not sure about health. Since we are going to be grandparents, I wish we could at least be in the same room together without him looking at his feet.



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  • Marsc135

    Sorry I just checked over the discussions I have been involved with and you asked a question, which I wasn't aware of.

    The woman that he is involved with is very jealous and is going to put her foot down NO, re family issues. Yes he is sick and unhappy within himself, but doesn't have the will to argue with her.

    I can see a day that he will get feed up with her and family will be important to him, then it is up to the family to take him back. The family are so close to you as of your understanding

    Hope this helps take care Helen



  • I just hope it isn't to far away, they do miss their father. I hope he comes to his senses soon. So you see him staying there, forever? If so that's really sad. I am waiting for a phone call that he had a heart attack or something life threatening. My son wants me and my daughter to move to florida, I am considering it. If somethings happens to my mom, I have no reason to stay here. The sad part is that is where he always wanted to go. By the way I was told this woman has put some sort of spell on him. I don't know if it's true. But it does make sens Thanks Helene. I do feel sorry for him. He looks like a lost soul. If he does ever want his family I would encourage it. We will be separated on 8/7 a year. So I have somewhat gotten over him, not completely. He will always hold a special place in my heart, I would never turn my back on him. I understand he is sick. Thanks Helen



  • Yes the years that you both had as a couple and raising children cant be forgotten easy if ever. He does have a lot of regrets you know but he has met his match with this possessive female. The only spell she has on him is sexual and then that is debatable with his health.

    At this point of time focus your love with your family and it is only a matter of time with your mum too.Bless her.

    You will move when the time is right and when every thing else has been sorted, then happiness will follow for you. In the 18 months to 2 years you will be totally happy and settled. Take day by day at this stage and look after your self, rest and deal with the here and now

    Take care and focus future

    Helen NZ



  • Thanks Helen i don't know how you do it, but you are so right about that woman. He doesn't have the will left in him to argue with her, so he just goes with the flow. I hope he wakes up soon. My daughter does miss him so, they were so close.

    I can guarantee that the sex for her is not what's keeping her happy. It's the money he spends on her. But I thank you for all you have seen for me. Only time will tell, when all that you have predicted for me comes true. But I am sure hoping it does. I can't wait to get out of here.



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  • Hi Marsc 135

    I have not been available until now, So I am sending you a reply to say please have faith , as time is something that we cannot make happen until all is ready. Believe me I am waiting also to sell and move from our land and business, to set up a happier lifestyle, this has been 3 years and when it happens and it will , it will be for the right reasons. This I will leave with you. Your move will be a happy one and when it does occur you will have a complete new outlook for family and yourself.

    Sending all my thoughts to you.

    Take care Helen NZ



  • Marsc135 I have been in your situation, but with my Dad, he was a controlling person too, he still tries to control me and I'm 52 now, and since my mum died he got worse. When I was younger he was always at work and in my teens I never realised, but I had been cast as his deputy he was in Ireland when my Nan died, I was the one who had to look after mum, because my brother was at college, and couldn't (I suspect )care less, I ended up leaving home after a row about a boy I was seeing being told by my dad don't come back, then when I took him at his word he had me traced, it took a while and during that time I was looked after by the boy himself, who took the flaack when dad finally found us, but still looked after me, but by my immaturity I eventually destroyed that relationship. Then when I married I married a guy who was reliant on his mum a lot, even went back to her for dinner in the week as we lived in the next town from her and his work when we got a place, but for the first year we were married we lived with her too, the marriage only lasted 18 months, she said to me that he'd said I was too houseproud, and that was why he left, he returned to his mother and I was left the flat and everything in it, mindyou Dad and mum had chosen and paid for it except the few bits I'd been able to pay for, he's never remarried and even though his mum has now passed on, stays mostly within his family and has told me he never wanted to marry me but dad wouldn't have allowed us to live together....fast forward a few years, I lost my flat and all my furniture, because I moved in a guy who had control issues, he beat me or my cats if things went bad for him, or did things he didn't like,destroyed my furniture while attacking me with an axe,and other things, and generally ruined my home .When I had jobs he was always waiting outside, which meant I got sacked as he was a charlie manson lookalike and liked to stare at people. but after three years of this I met hubby number two, who also was living with mum, at a pub I went to when I couldn't face going home (he was the barman), He made me laugh and when we went out he was always affectionate with me, Dad dissapproved, as the other guy was still in my flat (and also because he was a barman as he believed all barstaff were alkies) but he'd told me if I made him leave he would come back and kill me and the girls(my cats) then come after my parents andfrom past experience, I believed him. That all hit the fan when we went to the coast one day, and he went wild punched holes in the wall and threw battery fluid at metold me if he couldnt have me nobody could and made threatening calls to both hubby and his mum, and went toher and told her some atrocious stories about me, then told one of my friends that I'd had an improper relationship with my dad of all the worst people to tell, she had problems of her own at the time too, well whenthat blew over he had an accident and was hospitalised so I fled, had to move in with ma-in-law, and within the year he'd proposed and we were married, but as I was still in the same town had to be careful to avoid hairiness as we had called my ex because he had the same first name as hubby, as a byenote, while he was hospitalised we still looked after his bike which was parked outside where I used to live,(as I'd signed it over to him to avoid trouble) made sure it never fell over in bad weather, and if it did righted it, and started it once a week so the engine was ok too, and when he was transferred to another hospital it was one hubby was working in as cook, (he never let him know though) but when he wouldn't have what was on offer he cooked what he wanted specially for him too, no messing about with it, which surprised the other cooks who would have added stuff, well 20 years later I am still here, except for a gap of about 8 months, when my son was three months old, when I got so desparate to escape and have a place of my own that I took on a caretaking job without looking into it, because it had a flat with it, well that nearly finished the relationship I had to be there 24/7, and always on call too, he had an affair and I had to leave the job...well I was sacked, and he was given it, I had to go back to ma-in-law, with my son alone he stayed there, with weekly visits to me which tore me to pieces, because ma-in-law said she liked the other woman better than me, and accepted the resulting daughter as a grandchild, and I took to the bottle, this went on and one night I said to him that if he wanted me to let him go I would because if he didn't want to be with me I wasn't going to keep him from following his heart, that was the turning point, he left her and returned to me although for a while kept in touch because his daughter had had health problems, but that soon petered out, Dad wanted me to leave him then and there,but as I said where would I go as I would be a single parent and he's not rich enough to support two households well now we got through all that and we're still together...at ma-in-laws, but my son's 18 and at college and he's planning our anniversary so there's always hope, I tell you my story to show that you will get through if I did you will too, just it always takes time, and I was told what doesn't kill us makes us strong

    Brightest Blessings



  • Thanks Helen, i hope all goes well with your move, Much happiness to you.



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