CANCER MALE DRAMA
sorry to jump in, but I would say do not block him or remove him, you will regret it. But yes take his number off your phone so you are not tempted. Plus block any "notices" from hiom on facebbok, so that when you do open it up you wont know anything about him. Also avoid facebook at all costs
I agree with scorpioninlove
You don't have to block him but at least stop initiating conversations with him
Ya dont remove him. I'm also going through some stuff with a cancer man (my post: extremely sad about a cancer man) and i did that and felt very stupid after. Granted now he's back again on my facebook after apologizing but to pls understand that i needed time. We still don't talk but he accept my friend request back. Don't do it Octoberlibra... or you'll end up feeling way worst after since u care about him.
I am so angry at myself right now. I moved back to Israel to start a whole new life and Ive worked really hard the last 12 months to get better. I hate myself for letting my guard down and for losing my focus. Why did I have to fall for this guy.
Early last year I tried commiting suicide due to much hidden pain from years of physical abuse, abanonment during my childhood by grandfather and parents, taunted at school, had a horrible step mother but amoung all the hurt and pain, I did manage to have a 10 year relationship which ended 5 years ago. We are still best mates.
2.5 years ago I met someone and moved to Canada for him. He physically and emotionally abused me and stripped me of every last bit of self esteem I had. By the time I left thatt2 year relationship and returned to Australia, I was a shell. Everyone around me sensed I was a different person. My grandmother who was my life, my rock and the one person who was always by my side was dying of Cancer. She passed away September 2008. The one and only person who truely loved me. Was gone.
January I got to my lowest point and I remember being in my room and waking up 6 days later in hospital with family and a rabbi around me. I had been in a coma for 7 days, had two cardiac arrests and the doctors told my parents that i wasnt going to make it.
Last week I had a mini breakdown in my room. I sobbed for an hour. The stress that "G" was causing me got too much.
I feel like Im going to slip again. I don't need this in my life right now.
You need to let this Cancer go and focus on you right now
You need to have a good relationship with you and allow all the pains of the past to heal fully
When the time is right, someone will find you who won't make you feel like that
I'm sorry you went through all of that in your past, I've been through some similar things in my past and the only thing that helps is to forge a good relationship with yourself. Please take time just for you, don't think about "G"
Im sorry OctoberLibra about your experience early this year.
But you are not slipping...the mere fact you expressed right now how you are feeling is a sure sign that you are strong and recognize what is hurting you right now in your life. And you can do something about it.
Now you need to let "G" go, he is not good for you right now at this time. And like kelcrab said, you should be with someone you makes you feel good and reassured in a relationship. And WHEN you find that, you are going to look back on this and say "what the F%$# was I thinking?" Lots of hugs and kisses for you!!
Thanks guys. My mini mental breakdown is over. It only last 24 hours. Anhyhow the latest.
We have been giving each other space. It was idea. He agreed and when I asked him how long he may need he said "its something he cannot control, maytbe weeks". I said "Ok" and that was it.
A week has past and I havent seen him on facebook at all and its been over 2 weeks since he last logged in to the dating site (which he use to use often when we were COURTING) each other.
Monday night he logged on to FB and was on for about 15 minutes but no wall activity. He could be chatting to friends or replying to email. I dont think so.
Living in the Middle East ice skating is something rare and it is an activity we both wanted to do together (i love ice skating) that was his first text message to me before we had the whole SPACE thing. He said 'We have to do ice skating together". That was almost 2 weeks ago.
Last night i chnaged my status to "I' going ice skating, 75 sheks an hour what a rip off but Im still going."
He logged on facebook and was there for 20 minutes. No wall activity but he did "LIKE" my status. I didnt respond. I then changed my status to "fast or not to fast that is the questions. Its a Jewish holiday now. He logged off.
Do you guys think that this crab is slowly trying to make contact with me? He is basically testing the waters? In the last week I have been going on other dates and meeting new people and I feel much more relxed and not tempted to contact him. I still have feelings for him.
What do you guys think? Is this crab coming out of his shell? Should I keep playing it cool, play a little hard to get, show very little interest. Its human nature to always want what you cant have.
I mean, I havent done anything bad to this person. All ive done is say how much I like them and want to be in a relationship. Ive told them that being just friends is hard for me.They are scared and off running but they do have feelings for me.
Advice, insight. Thanks guys
Octerberlibra I once read this piece from somebody in another forum but it helped me so I had copied and saved it.
"I see a lot of questions put to this site about waiting. "How long must I wait - for money, for my friend, for love, for a new job, for a chils, for happiness etc.?"
Spirit wants me to tell you all not to wait any longer. Go forward - move out of the darkness you are hiding in and into the light. You might say that you are moving on with your life but while you are tied to this desire it is like an anchor, a buildup of stagnant unproductive stressful energy, that weighs you down and keeps you stuck to one side of the lifepath you are on. People and opportunities are passing you by as you stand off the path.
No one should wait for anyone else to catch up to them because we are all walking our own individual paths and going at our own pace, even when we are 'with' certain people in our lives. When two people are meant to be together, they will be - even if one moved off to the ends of the earth, the other would find them if it is destined to be that way. If someone or something is slowing you down, discard it. In reality, there is nothing that can hold you back but your stuck thinking. You really don't need any person or money or job or whatever in order to accomplish your dreams. All you need is the will to proceed. The only limitation is your mind.
It's an old saying but still true - "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Let go, let go, let go, and let God."
I too still love my friend but Im finding that I am less in love with him day by day. He had texted me and wanted to hang out after a months No contact. I had told him yes but then i was not ready to see him so i didnt call back to confirm. He texted and wanted to know if I had called him " I said no sorry it was too hot to hang out" the weather that is in New York. Im getting so strong after that one mothn contact u wouldnt believe. One time I would have been killing myself to go see him. I know he is not good for me, but deep down I feel like I cannot find any better. maybe but we have been dating over one year and was prepared to meet other ppl and date but nobody took to my liking.
Hey octoberlibra i been following your story for a while now. First of let me tell you that you should be proud of yourself for get through and surviving everything that has happend to you you are a fighter and true suvirvor, and like they say what dosent kill you makes you stronger so keep it up. Now With this guy G i agrree with lila 1965 you need to let him go.
you said that you havent done anything bad to this person but tell them how much you like them and that you want a relationship, but he allready told you he is not ready for one but you keep pushing it so i think that acared him away and pushed him back in his shell. Leave him alone for a while trust me if he is intrested he will come back, you dont necesarly have to play hard to get just do your own thing keep your self busy and dont worry about him. If he does come back around keep it casual as friends no more talking about your relationships or your feelings for him.
I think if you keep it real casual as friends he will come around and you can win him over, but you cant pressure him no more in to being in a realtionship specially if he is not ready that will just push him back in his shell again. So its up to you if you want this guy in your life and you think he is worth it then you need to respect how he feels and just try to be his friend for now and see what happens. If not if you really cant be just his friend then you need to ler him go for real and forget about him because the only thats going to keep getting hurt is you.
I hope this helsp you octoberlibra im telling you this from personal experience im dating a cancer man and you can say we are freinds with benefits. we been dating for about 6 weeks now and we been keeping things really casual no talking about being in ar elationship or our feelings no pressures or hassels no strings attached just taking it day by day to see what happens we are just getting to know eachother and thats worked for me he knows i really like him and i know he likes me but we are taking it slow. By doing this he still there he is moving in a few weeks but we agreed we are going to keep in touch and i can go visit him and he will come see me.
So maybe if G comes back around you can try this with him and keep it casual if you think you can handel being his friend then maybe you can try for friend with benefits if you can handel that also with out getting to emotional because sometimes the guys that say they are not with you act more like they are with you then the guys that were actually with you do you get what i mean. I hope this helps you keep us posted. Sorry for so many posts everytime i tried writing a long post it wouldn't let me send it thats why i sent several lol
zizzlegirl hi, thank you for that insight. i'm playing it cool now, i am not tempted to contact him. im keeping myself busy by going out, hanging with friends and going on dates. there are a couple of people who like me a lot and i like them. they have no hang ups about getting in to a relationship. im not even sure if i want that right now. even with "G" ive never said to him i wanted a relationship. all i asked was for us to date each other and no one else.
what do you think about "G" liking a my facebook status about ice skating? it is something he wants to do or wanted to do with me. if he wasnt interested he wouldnt have liked my status? i think he is just testing the waters. i aint replying. 1 week of no contact and i feel great.
on my facebook page, im letting everyone know how happy i am and adding photos of me having fun. this new person "F" is really cute, smart, romantic, likes me a lot and is looking for something long term. im taking it slow.
i dont even know what "G" has been up to and really it isn't any of my business. he wanted space, he has it! deep down, i still have this feeling for "G". maybe it is love, i dont know?
im glad to see that all is well with you and your cancer man. i thank you for your insight.
lila1965. congratulations on your 1 month no contact. i know exactly how you feel because i have been there. its been over a week of no contact for me. it already seems easier. ive also met a couple of other poeple who are interested in me. i remember "G" would say youre going to meet mr right one day. your handsome and you wont be single for long...................i dont think he really wants me to find someone else. i aint waiting around for him to pull his finger out of his buttt. im moving on. deep down i do hope he comes around. you have had a year of dating yours, im yet to experience mine. all the best, youre doing a great job.
I got this info from it was so helpful thought I would share. It was little things blogs like these which help me through.
tOPIC NAME : IM NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW LETS BE FRIENDS
"A. Fallen hopelessly in love with someone, but they simply “aren’t ready;” So they say at least. So what do you do? Pour more love and attention on them of course! Then they will surely fall for your charm and see how great you are for them! They keep sending you mixed signals. They eat up all you offer one minute and the next they’re flat out refusing to partake in it. What gives?
B. Run into someone that is highly receptive to you, but you’re not willing to commit. They’re sweet, kind and caring to you. Sometimes you fall into the moment and bounce the ball back into their court and play the game. Then stop. Then start again. Then realize how wrong it is. You don’t feel right, but you don’t want to hurt this wonderful person, either. Maybe time will change your mind?
Sound familiar? It’s a nightmare! What can we do it about it, though?
Plenty. If you’re Person A, please don’t get caught in this whirlwind. If you hear “I’m not ready” it’s time to let it go. Perhaps you’ve even heard, “I feel like you’re pressuring me. Can’t we take things slow for now?” If the object of your interest doesn’t reciprocate and isn’t on the same page as you, forget it. You can’t make them! No matter how wonderful and fantastic you are, you’ll get hurt. It takes two to play this game, but one to walk away.
I know, I know. “But he/she is so great for me. We have so much in common…It’s only a matter of time before we’re together.” The truth about this spider web is both sides know the truth. We’re lying to ourselves for this moment of pleasure…in exchange for what seems like an eternity of pain. Protect that fragile heart, no one else will. At least not the person you’re trying to win over.
They’re so confusing! They’re intimate with you, responsive, just like a real relationship - Except it isn’t! Only in your head. A day later they are avoiding you and you’re hurt and lost. What have you done? Maybe it’s something you can fix.
No. It’s not you. The only thing you’re doing wrong is sticking around and hurting yourself trying to get to the other side of that huge thorn bush because you’re so blinded by your love for him/her. Remember - He/She put that thorn bush there for a reason. So you can’t get through.
Person B…You’re not without blame either. Let’s face it. You like this attention. You don’t want to let it go. You want to keep Person A around for what ever reason. They care for you. They’re there when you need them. They’re such a fantastic human being…but for some reason, your heart is saying no. When your heart says no, even that faint resistance at the beginning of a relationship as this…Listen.
I know you don’t want to hurt Person A. They’ve been so nice to you. You drop hint after hint or flat out tell them you don’t want a relationship, but they keep coming back for more. You know why? Because you’re letting them! You’re not strong enough to give the final blow…You say something like “I’m not ready right now” or “Let me sort out myself, first.” The problem with these is they leave things open for the future. You don’t want to flat out tell them you’re not attracted to them that way or you simply don’t feel your heart going pitter-patter like theirs.
‘Cause that would be so mean! You know what’s really mean, though? Stringing someone along for months at a time when they could be giving all that effort to someone else. I know it hurts, but it’s the best thing for both of you.
You know how I know? I’m a self confessed Person B. This long and winding path has led us both into flames. I feel terrible for what I’ve done and I never wanted to hurt him, but I couldn’t bring myself to such finality. He couldn’t close the door on me knowing how much love he had in his heart for me. One of us has to be strong, though. Don’t let it get to this point.
You’ll be saving yourself a serious case of heartache, whichever person you are. Maybe things will blossom later on life, but at this stage, Person B is not ready. Live your lives and don’t look back. You never know what life holds in store.
Octoberlibra im glad to hear that you are going out with friends and dating other people and are keeping yourself busy. and yhea i honestly do think G is still intrested in you by the icekating comment on facebook i think he still wants to keep in touch with you somehow but he is staying away because he knows how you feel about him and he dosen't want to hurt you, but keep doing your own thing and playing cool and see what happens.
and with this new guy F its good you are taking it slow but be honest with him if you still think you have some feelings for G because you wouldn't want to do lead him on to much if ihe is looking for something long term and you are still thinnking about G it wouldn be fair to him. So just let him know how you feel so he know what to and what no to expect from you.
So good luck with that, and yes thank you rightnow yes rightnow things are good with me and my cancer man, but I dont want to get my hopes to high either because he is moving to a diffrent state that why were taking it really slow and like i said we agreed to keep in touch when he leaves and go visit echeother but we actually have to see how that works the good thing is that the first 6 months he will be coming beack and forth so we can still see eachother often.
So i guess ill see what happens with him i really do like him and i do hope he is the one for me but i dont want to expect to much i dont want to get hurt so will see ill keep taking it slow so where it take us. and really like lila1965 post it really sound like you and G maybe that will help you understand G point of view better and really let him go. Good luck talk to you all soon.