CANCER MALE DRAMA
Your situation is very hard to read
For starters, DO NOT PLAY GAMES! Cancers love to play head games and manipulate, once you start down that path, there's no turning back. You have to keep things honest. No drama, besides, who wants a relationship based on games?
I can tell from the way you're talking about him that you're crazy about him, but he said he can't give you a relationship. You have to step back.
Think long and hard if you truly can accept just a friendship and nothing more. I like aquabubbles advice so I'm going to repost it:
" I think you would prolong the drama if you keep trying to convince him of something he’s not comfortable with. You can choose to be friends with him and see how things progress through your friendship but a word of warning, don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fool him. If you agree to friendship then you can’t expect to be treated as a partner. You can also choose to play the cat and mouse game, hoping he will break down and start chasing you and it may work but I don’t find that an honest approach to building a relationship…there is no sense of security and trust which is what keeps him distant."
Can you just be friends with him? If not, then cut him off. Otherwise you're going to get hurt very badly
Yes he cant give me a relationship now but deep down I know he wants one. He said earlier before this all blew up that he needs his time and he will change. Basically he wanted us to take things slow and see how things go. I just unsettled it by me being scared and doing what I did.
He has said himself he is an idiot and that he warned me he was. He says things like, he will never find the right one bla bla bla. Im not the right person for him and I should go out fnd my mr right. By saying stuff like that, he isnt saying those things because he means them.
Our mutual friend said that he has always dated horrbile guys who have treated him badly. Im the first guy he has ever dated like me. When together I made him feel good and he made me feel good.
I was thinking of meeting him tonight to see if I can melt him with my Libra charm because people often fall for my cuteness. I tend to pull funny faces (i have an expressive face) and Im really outgoing person, Im upfront and honest without being rude. I was thinking that if he sees me again looking hot and i use my charm that maybe I will break down his shell. Im a libra after all. Im very good at taling to people and making them change their mind. My mother said I should have been a lawyer.
Another I was going to do was just come out and hug him, hold on to him and see what happens. Maybe he wouldnt mind me being assertive and actually confront him and looking at him in in the eyes and saying to him..........tell me you dont have deep feelings for me or tell me you can control your romantic feelings for me. He may pull back but I feel he wont. Really he doesnt want to let me go. That the fact that he REALLY LIKE ME is why he is acting the way he his..........he is scared of getting hurt. He said that he is scared that our relationship is doomed to fail.. He said he wanted someone who wouldnt flee when there was a problem, so I went away but he wanted space. Im still here and im fighting for what we have. I will tell him that I WONT GIVE UP. Or I can just back off and let him chase me, because I really think he will miss me when. He even said himself he will miss me.
He won't chase you because you hurt him by escaping to a different country, doesn't matter how much he misses you - you hurt him therefore you have to make things right (I know the logic is messed up lol but that's how we Cancers think).
It seems you've made up your mind to pursue him, so I'll give you some advice:
Be patient, be sincere, be sweet, open up first, don't push him to open up and be careful what you say - stay away from comments like "aww you have such a cute big nose"...because he'll fixate on the fact taht you said he has a big nose and will get hurt and moody and sulky lol
If you have any questions on specifics let me know
Good luck tonight
Thanks again for your imput. Tonight I have cooked him a meal. I am keeping the atmosphere light, going to go with the flow. I said to him on Sunday night, with a calm reassuring way, i started laughing a little and I said we are both stupid. I can't believe we are doing this to each other. Its really silly. He said yes it is. He say he told me he was an idiot. I said well Im one as well. I didnt call or text him all day and night Monday. He text me this afternoon at 1pm. Hi how are you? I can be at your house 745ish. I replied a couple of hours later. Im ok, 745ish is fine. He wrote back straight away: Cool I just dont know how tonight is going to pan out. Im gonna great him with my smile and try and melt him and we can have dinner and just chat about general things. After dinner ask him if he wants to go for a walk down to the beach and talk. We both have the same fears. I want to prove to him we do. I was thinking of getting him to write his down on a paper and not show me. I will write my down and show him. He can copmpare my fears with his. He will see that we both fear the same thing without me seeing what he wrote?
Wow...that sounds like an amazing date, that's the kind of stuff that my Aries does for me and he swept me right off of my feet. The most important thing is to try and open up first (I like the list of fears idea and having him not show you his)
If you can create a comfortable atmosphere and you open up first, he'll start to pour his heart out
What are you making for dinner?
I might suggest something chocolate for dessert or maybe some full bodied red-wine, we Cancers are CRAZY about food and good drink...the more sensual and elegant, the better. But you're a Libra so I'm sure this should come easy for you lol
Oh anything near the water is great for us (so thumbs up to the beach) and helps us loosen up and gives us clarity
Just one more suggestion, try not to talk too too much. My experience with Libras is that they could talk to a brick wall lol so chatty. It's ok to lead the conversations but just make sure you don't overpower them and listen to everything he says, really be attentive. You just have to get through the shell...then he's yours
"G" came around tonight. I thought we would have more time together but he was off to his family to watch the world cup. I meet him at the door and we start general coversation. I was my normal go lucky self, talking about the paving being done on my house and how the guys ruined a couple of clean shirts on the line. I asked him if he wanted something to eat and he said yes, even though he was off to his parents house. He said his mother will also cook for him. He had two servings of my Masuman Thai Curry.
We ate at the table, I also mentioned I got him a cold bottle of water. Whenever he has been over to my house, Ive never had cold water for him. I made extra effort this time to have it. We started talking about general stuff and out of the blue he started appologising to me. He said he was sorry that he hurt me. I said thank you and Im also sorry for hurting you. I said its really silly what we are doing to each other. He agreed. We agreed we are both idiots.
i didnt push the subject any further and allowed him to initiate the talking. Basically he said we have something special and right now he isn't in the right place to start a relationship. I looked in his eyes and I said "when have I ever asked you for a relationship? I will give you $50 if you can find anywhere I have mentioned that".....I did that in a joking way (pulling my faces) He laughed and stuck his tongue out at me. Cute.
We moved to the couch and had a heart to heart talk. He started saying I was handsome, sexy, good looking and a great guy. If he was in the right frame of mind he would want a relationship with me. He said he isnt right now and he had to stop the romance because if it went on the way it did, it would have been a lot more serious. I happen to agree with him on that.
I said to him people today dont take time out to befriend each other, they usually just jump in to bed.He agreed with me. I opened up to him about a personal matter. He told me, that he opened up a lot to me also.
I looked him in the eyes and I said, I think you are a wonderful guy, handsome, funny, cute and smart. He was shaking his head saying no he wasnt. I said, who are you to tell me what I think of you. Your hot. He smiled. He said I was hotter. Im like no, you are.
I spoke to him about my insecurities. I said we have the same fears. I said them all and he agreed with me. I spoke to him about Cancer traits and I rattled them off. He agreed with me. I have only known you for 3 weeks and yet I understand you more than most of your friends. He agreed.
I basically reassured him that I care about him, he is a wonderful person and I was honest and said I have feelings for him and that we have something together. He agreed we do have something special together. He said he wants to get to know me as a friend first and who knows what the future will bring. He said I was good looking again and I may find Mr Right tomorrow. I said to him, I dont want anyone else but you. He smiled.
I said, you want us to be friends but it is going to be hard for me because I have deep feelings for you. I couldnt bare to see you with another guy or dating others. I dont think you will be comfortable with me dating and being with other guys. He replied, I dont think I will be having any sex right now. His mother called for the second time.
I said can I give you a hug and he said yes. We hugged a little, we both squeezed a little tight. I put my cheek a little closer to his neck. We said good bye. He said we wil speak.
I guess it went ok and I feel relieved. I still wanted to say more but I was so tongue tired. We couldnt keep our eyes off each other.
Its his birthday on Friday. I am thinking of painting him a picture. He is going away with our mutual friend and some other friends for the night.
Any advice from here on end. Patience got that one. What else can I do to win him over?
He sort of mentioned lets be friends and see what the future brings. I wanted to ask him outright if he see us ever going any further. I guess he answered it.
Thank you guys for all your help.
Oh I also told him that I know his family is very important to him and are his priority and he agreed with me. He said he doesnt feel at home in his apartment. He only feels at home when he is at his parents house because thats where his cat is. His cat has been sick. I asked him how is cat was. I have a cat in my house but it isnt mine. "G" likes the the cat here.
I found out he is a Cancer sun, Gemini moon and Leo rising.
Im Libra sun, Virgo moon and Gemini rising. Dose this mean anything?
I read most of the posts.
Not sure if Ill be repeating anything but Im in the same boat.
Im a Scorpio female and met this Cancer guy 2 months ago. He is your typical Cancer, sweet and tender and yet his mood changes drastically. I know how sensitive Cancer can be...and everyone knows that scorpios can be somewhat fierce. So I was patient, never pressuring him on anything. Two months you may say is a short time...but he said nothing...nothing. And when I expressed that I cared about him he said nothing....then I asked whether he was seeing anyone and whether he'd like to be exclusive. He said..."No" and "sure, why not." Then he backed off, didnt call or even text. Last nite we met up again laughed and slept together where he played with my hair until I fell asleep, and very softly I told hom all the reasons why I liked him but I wish I knew how he felt and what he wanted, "Im a man of few words" was his response.
Sure we have great laughs, and the sex is amazing and it seems like you said, "like he wants more" But that is how they do it, nothing more or less. and I think if this guy or my guy was really interested they would do more. This morning I gave him a hug and kiss and in my mind said good-bye and cried in the car. Sure you could wait....thats what I thought...he may come around....but you just like me made all these considerations in not hurting them and caring for them, the question is; what have they done to show they truly truly care?
Try to be friends and never expect more...thats what Im gonna try.I know its hard, but only thing you can do is express how you feel then walk away...it will be his loss I guarantee you.
Woken up confused. Should I now just take a step back.
i am also thinking of sending this text message to him:
Thank you for coming over. i still dont know what is going on. It was a bit of a rush last night. You know how I feel about you and I want us to be more than friends, but if being friends for a start will bring us closer, I am willing and ready to give this relationship all i got. Lets see by keeping in regular contact and spending time together, we can build trust and rekindle what we had when we first met. I think this might be some of the best times we've shared in a long time.
Ive sent already anyway
Kelcrab "Can you just be friends with him? If not, then cut him off. Otherwise you're going to get hurt very badly "
I had to end up doing htis because he had me hot and cold, not knowing my head from my foot.
October libra. if the guy is worth being friends with I say go for it. in my case he added no value to my life and did the things to me that none of my friends would ever dream of doing so in the ened I did the only thing for me. cut him off cold tiurkey. hurt like hell caz I still do love him. But if this guy treats u nicely takes u to nice place. he is there for u. and u dont have to come outof your pocket to spend on him. in my case the son of a ****************** was unemployed and when he finally got a job I noticed he was trying to save his money " like he said.
If this guy adds value to your life you can dpend on him if the going gets tough hell yes i will try my best to keep him as friends. go for it.
"G" is an amazing person. Successful, kind, smart. very handsome, sweet and makes me feel good about myself. When around him I feel happy. I asked him if I did the same thing for him and he yes. The part that hurts is not being able to have have him fully. Ive never been this into someone so soon. The emotions I feel are too much. I really like this person and I think maybe Ive fallen for him. That is what makes it hard. I dont need another "FRIEND" in my life, I have many good close friends.
Ok when I mean friends not out right friends but friendly to him and give him time . Being friends with someone you love is a killer , believe me I know, my ex wanted us to do the same thing at one point and I told him straight out no I had too many feelings for him to do that, besides how u go from lover to friend, his response was that we could become lovers again. So now that I have read a post from someone before he probabbly did mean to take it slow. somebody on this nboard said that. Sometimes when guys says let us be friends they mean take it slow, dont know what that is but I couldnt do it. So I went no contact for a little while until he made up his mind what he wanted. he did come back to me not as a friend but as a lover. We are not togehter right now but ur guy sounds like a keeper. give him a little time dont discuss your relationship no more with him at least for a little while, enjoy the moment, feel good about the both of you nd have fun right now.
Its his borthday tomorrow and I just finished a painting for him. It contains a crab and lots of symbolism about "G" Friday but he is going away for the weekend. I asked him if he wants to meet on Thursday so I can give him his gift. He relied its bad luck to give a gift before ones birthday but we can still meet up without gift giving. He did piss me off before that text and I replied, I will just drop it off to your house on Friday and give it to your flatmate. He said, dont be silly, lets meet.
He replied to my text saying being friends at the start, he said he can only be friends. He said he still has feelings for me but he has closed them off. I dont freaking know. I ma thinking of jst stepping back, way back. Let him miss me.
I hope with the painting it will break down his shell even more.
Hey octerberlibra im new on this sight but i aslo have a romantic interest in a male cancer im an aries female, thats how i found this sight. I been reading most of your post and i agree with lila1965 and if this guy "G" is worth it wich he seems he is then be patient he seem like he makes you really happy and like he is worth the wait. I would step back a bit and give him his space but not way back just a few days maybe like this weekend that he is going to be out of town. Then try to be his friend like lila said not right out friends but be frienndly he knows how you feel so just give him some time to open up try to win him over by being his friend. Good luck!
oh octber libra and by the way I think the painting is a good idea i think that will really break his shell a bit more.
Hello everyone, I also need advice on my cancer man. Like I said im an aries woman all the way
sun,moon, and rising sing all aries. My DOB is 4/13/80 and his 6/28/75 if any could help me with his moon and rising sing that would be helpfull to understand him better. I met him about a month or so ago he approached me at aclub and the attraction was instant we cliked right way. I ended up going hm with him that night and the *** was great!!! I honestly thaught it was going to be a one night stand because the next day he mentonied to me that he got a job offer in another state and that he is moving at the end of the month it good for his career so he cant let this offer pass by I tld him he be a fool if he did and to go for it.
sorry I pressed enter before i was finished lol eitherway I gave him my number and i didnt think i was gonig to hear from him, anymoresince he is moving. But about a 2 weeks ago he text me that he been out of town thats why he hadn' t called me. Lomg story short we been seeing eachother since then we meet at clubs go to the movies and I really like him I havent felt like this about anyone i a long time and I think the feeling is mutual and the *** keeps getting better and better lol but the thing is he is moving at the end of this month july and I would really like to KIT with him even if its as friends or friends with benefits when we see eachother lol but the thing is that also it seem more like im doing all the persuing now even if he approached me first now im the one that calls ot text him and asks him out he accepts but I hope he dosent think in to pushy.
Take it slow! its what you shouldve done in the first place, if a guy says he doesnt wanna go too fast...he doesnt want to go too fast no matter what sign he is. pushyness and neediness are not attractive and it is our human instinct to back away from those things because it is overwhelming, and saying your leaving is not a threat to them because they were being straightforward to you so they think your being straight forward to them.... honesty, just say want you want and what you need and if your that impatient then you probably shouldnt be with him...also male cancers are very abusive just so you know