CANCER MALE DRAMA
I'm male, libra rising Gemini and Virgo moon. Met another Cancer male, hit it off, dated for two weeks, had strong connection, chemistry and as quick as it started it ended. He was dumped 2 months ago by his ex of 3 months. He met me and said he didnt want a relationship right now and wanted to take things slow. I agreed to that but felt I was falling for him. It took 2 weeks before we had sexual contac which was amazing. It happened twice. After the even, he tenderness that came after made me think he wanted more.
I approached him and asked him if he was dating anyone else. He said no. He said he is only dating me but we should keep the option open to possibly date other people to make things easier. I didnt like that idea too much. I told him I was affraid of getting hurt and that I will always care for him but I am leaving. When He is healed from his past break up, he can contact me and see what happens.
This didnt go down too well. He said it sucked but he understands why I am doing it. He also pleaded with me that he didnt want to see others.....he also said he wanted more but not now. Long story short, I left the country for 4 days as I needed to get away. He said he was angry and needed time to think.
I got back to him saying he wants us to be GOOD FRIENDS but doesnt think we should start a romantic relationship again. I asked him if he still has romantic feelings for me and he said he does but he can control them. Its been a day of texting kaos.
Basically he said he needed someone who wouldnt flee when things got tough and he said I left him. At the same time, i didnt really have him.
Now he wants to be good friends, I still want more. I dont think I can be friends with him. We have a mutual friend who liked him first off and agreed to become friends and it ended in a huge fight. The spoke again after 1.5 years. that was 8 years ago.
I questioned his friendship. What was I going to get out of his friendship, what about my feelings? etc......
Ive asked him if there was anyway we could get back to where we first started and he said:
WHAT HAPPENED ALREADY HAPPENED. I CANT CHANGE THAT. IT TAKES TIME FOR ME TO OVERCOME THINGS. AS FOR A FRESH START, THATS WHY I AM OFFERING YOU A FRIENDSHIP. THIS IS THE BEST I CAN GIVE NOW.
I read to get a Cancer back you should soften their shell. Accept their friendship if you truely feel that this is the person you really want. Our mutual friend said Don't accept it, it will only hurt you more. It hurt him.
What am I to do? Why can't I cut this guy free? Im really torn here.
Has anyone ever won a Cancer male back?
This post is deleted!
I just spoke with a mutual friend of ours and he said that "G" is very insecure and has a lot of trust issues and has gone from one relationship to another. Im the first guy he has dated that he likes where he didn't want to jump in to a relationship with. The funny thing is that we both have the same fears and insecurities. He is a very good looking guy and great personality and he liked me. Even says he has feelings for me but he can control them. I'm really lost. Thank you for taking time to respond to me. I hope you can sort your relationship out.
hi octoberlibra! i am not here to tell any opinion or advice, but i pasted your thread's link into the ASCLAC forum where there is a really great cancer guy and i asked him to help you in case he can.
he will be back soon on the thread and i hope he really can help you. till then patience, you need a lot of that with cancers in general.
A lot of people assume the worst when a romantic interest says they want to be friends, but if you really think about it, a long term significant relationship is built on friendship. In some cases when people say this, friendship is all they want but in some cases it means let’s take it slowly. It is a form of protection against committing to something that might not last. If you can, learn to judge where that statement is coming from and trust that what ever the outcome is, it is what it is. There are different expectations when we enter in a couple’s relationship. The responsibilities and demands from the other person are different than in a friendship and you don’t always see someone in their natural light. We are more protective of being hurt, we are more vulnerable so certain insecurities will come out and sometimes more drama. When the rose coloured glasses come off, is this the person you really want to be with. This is what he wants to see.
The first time I left my Cancer (actually I made him leave me) he was so angry that we didn’t speak for years. I wasn’t even considered a friend. He did come back to me however, but that’s a long story. Yours is not a lost cause because he is still offering you friendship. It’s your choice whether you want to take the risk or not.
We had a day of texting which wasn't helpful. After all he said and done, he says i'm a great guy, he cares for me a lot, he still has romantic feelings for me but he can control them and this is what confuses me.................he said "I LEFT HIM"! How could I leave him when I never had him in the first place? He did wantnt to be in a relationship yet when together we acted like we where in love. When I took a step back, he threw it in my face saying "HE WANTED MORE BUT NOT NOW" Thats all fine after. Yesterday, I wasnt feeling well and so i asked him if he or our mutual friend could give me a call to check up on me. Im home alone for the next few days. Our mutual friend called me but after posting on here "G" called me to see if I was alright., now why did he call me knowing he asked our mutual to call me instead? When I mentioned that to him, he said he wanted to see how I was. I said thnak you for calling and he said he was gald I picked up the phone...................He wants to meet on Tuesday. Im guessing its to discuss the "GOOD FRIENDS" option. Any advice on how I can get him to see he is making a mistake? He is scared and fears being hurt again. Everything was going well until I opened my mouth and asked him if he was dating others...............he said no but he wanted to see me, take things slow and possibly date other people? That freaked me out and so I fled. He said he understood at the time? I really dont feel good right now.
Katie thank you for that, I really appreciate it. I would leave if I knew there wasn't anything between us. There is something more but his insecurity and fear is preventing him from taking the plunge with me. If I be friends, i dont think I could cope knowing he is dating other people. Our mutual friend tried it and it only hurt him in the end that "G" and our friend had a huge fight, and didnt talk for 2 years. Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhh on our first date I asked him what his star sign was and he said Cancer.................i thought oh no. Run! I didn't and now I all confused.
Aqua, you are right, so right. I want to be close with this person, be intimate but as friends you cant do that. Im thinking I could accept his friendship and use my charm to get him back. Soften his shell, show him just what a great guy I am. Maybe he will take me as his partner.
He acts like he doesn't care if I am around but when I leave, later he throws it in my face.
Summary: Me Libra Virgo moon meets typical Cancer male who has had his heart broken before and did go from one relationship to the other. Said he didn't want a relationship right now, to take things slow and possibly date others but he wasn't dating others at that current moment. When together he acted like we where in a relationship. It was over two and half weeks.
Me Libra male freaked out by thinking this will only lead to a broken heart, told Cancer male what I feared and I had to let Cancer male go so he can sort himself out and when he was ready; to contact me. I wasn't waiting around for him to do so. He said he understood. A couple of days past, I changed my mind but Cancer guy sees it as me leaving him. Even though I didnt have him in the first place. He said he wanted a guy who wouldn't flee when there was a problem but I did flee but I haven't left him.
He likes me, our mutual friend said that "G" told him he REALLY LIKES ME and thinks I'm a great guy. Cancer has told me himself, Im a very good looking guy, sexy and he really likes me and I'm a great guy.
Cancers past, insecurity and trust issue is keeping him distant. I know we have something more and that is why I am holding on and doing what I can to save this. He says I left him? His text: I do care about you a lot and I think that even though we should not have a romantic relationship, I still am deeply interested in you as a friend? ( I know he feels more for me) Why, because I asked him if his romantic feels have gone for me and his text back was: they are not entirely gone but I can handle them and I know it is a bad idea to start a romantic relationship again. ???????? Me personally, I dont like this idea.
I confrnted him: What am I going to get from this friendship? His text: I can give you my attention, opinion, care and advice and I will always be honest with you.
I have to decide if I want to stay friends with this guy, knowing I have strong feelings for him and he has strong feelings for me. I feel I can't do that. He wants to meet me tomorrow and we can talk.
After chatting with my friend, she says I shouldn't met with him tomorrow and I should play it cool. Don't take his calls or text for the next few days. She said it will drive him insane and he will be chasing me and not the other way around. I hate to play games. I am honest and upfront and I think that works against me.
What should I do? Should I meet with "G" and tell him my feelings and how I will have a problem being just friends with him and to mention that I know him better than a lot of other people because he is a true Cancer male. I now understand why he was dating me and still searching or chatting with other guys on the net.....Cancers always have a back up plan. I guess that goes with why he said we should date with the possibility or dating others. Should I confront him with that? DO I follow my friends advice, back off, when he calls tomorrow to set up a time to me, just tell him something like I can't meet you tonight as Im busy. Not contact him until he contacts me. My friend said trust her, he will contact me. Confused
I want him but not as just a friend.
Ok, technically you did leave him “…I had to let Cancer male go so he can sort himself out and when he was ready; to contact me.” Maybe you acted impulsively or maybe you acted with the hope that he would beg you to stay. Whatever the case may be, he sees it as a conscious decision that you made and not a choice made by him. Btw, in my experience he can only be ready if he is moving along with you, not if you are separated.
I can relate to all that you’re feeling because I have also been there. Ten, even five years ago I would have agreed with you that the closeness wouldn’t be there if we were just considered friends. We did try to do it my way as bf/gf right away but it didn’t work. Once I got my head around doing it his way…then if you think you’re in love with him now, you can’t imagine the depths of emotion that you are capable of. Don’t get me wrong, it was never an “open” relationship and we are now in a committed relationship. What I came to realize is that there are so many barriers to what is considered the dating/relationship cycle…but that’s another discussion. Honestly, even if he says he wants to leave it open to date other guys, do you think he will? Is infidelity something you fear? Do you trust him? Was it the cause of the huge fight that other guy that the Cancer was “friends” with? Remember that these guys are quite intuitive. Unless he’s a real jerk, as long as he knows your fears then he won’t do anything to hurt you because he has told you that he cares about you.
Of course he can handle his emotions…he’s had to do it all his life. He’s laid it out for you and it’s your decision to make. I think you would prolong the drama if you keep trying to convince him of something he’s not comfortable with. You can choose to be friends with him and see how things progress through your friendship but a word of warning, don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fool him. If you agree to friendship then you can’t expect to be treated as a partner. You can also choose to play the cat and mouse game, hoping he will break down and start chasing you and it may work but I don’t find that an honest approach to building a relationship…there is no sense of security and trust which is what keeps him distant.
I’m curious about his placements; do you have his birth info…date, time and city?
I'm a Cancer male, Capricorn moon, Capricorn rising currently dating an Aries male (I'm the cancer that Katie1982 was talking about, I usually frequent the ASCLAC thread)
First off, I like this advice from AquaBubbles:
" In some cases when people say this, friendship is all they want but in some cases it means let’s take it slowly. It is a form of protection against committing to something that might not last. If you can, learn to judge where that statement is coming from and trust that what ever the outcome is, it is what it is. "
Before I give any advice, let me pick apart your questions:
"he said "I LEFT HIM"! How could I leave him when I never had him in the first place"
Ok, this Cancer is VERY insecure (most of us are) and very sensitive (again most of us are)
You did leave him, you gave up so quickly, you fled the scene when the goign got tough. We're very skidish when one thing goes wrong, we pull away back into our shells, and emerge very slowly again
:" now why did he call me knowing he asked our mutual to call me instead? "
Don't read too much into this, we are very caring and nurturing, if you said you weren't feeling well, he generally cared for your wellbeing. Again, don't read too much into this
"Any advice on how I can get him to see he is making a mistake? He is scared and fears being hurt again. Everything was going well until I opened my mouth and asked him if he was dating others...............he said no but he wanted to see me, take things slow and possibly date other people? That freaked me out and so I fled. He said he understood at the time? I really dont feel good right now."
My advice is PATIENCE!!!!!!!!!! You only dated for 2 weeks, why are you expecting such a big commitment so soon? More than likely he will not date other people, especially if he really likes you, he just needs that open option of being able to date others, so that if he wants to be in a relationship with you, he is 100% certain he wants to be with you. We are very very loyal once we decide on someone so we have to make sure that you're the right one for us.
Ok so just a general rule...when someone says they don't want a relationship, BELIEVE THEM! Don't read too much into it. I got involved with a Scorpio a while back, he told me he wasn't looking for a relationship and I didn't believe him and he put me through h*ell!!!!! So listen to what someone tells you
I would just back off, go on with your life, don't tell him how you feel, it won't matter. He's not ready for a relationship and until he changes his mind, it's a fruitless effort. Sorry
But I will tell you how my Aries won me
We've been dating about 3 months now, I'm 25 (26 on the 11th) and he's 27. How old are you guys?
So Aries pursued me. I was very closed up, not looking for a relationship, was completely revolted by all the assholes I had met (including the Scorpio). About once or twice a week he would make brief convo with me and ask me out for drinks. I didn't think too much of it because I had heard through the gay grapevine that he was a flake and of course we never ended up meeting up. Eventually after a month of him weekly asking me to hang out, I gave in and pressed him for more concrete plans. We did end up meeting up and it was a match made in heaven
But Aries had to open up first, Aries put in a lot of the effort in in the beginning, he had to break down my walls because I was a typical Cancer, closed up, skidish, a bit passive in terms of love. He showed me his sweet side, said sweet things to me, did sweet things for me and melted me. He's such a sweet, sensitive, genuine guy and he crashed through all my walls.
To win a Cancer you must be:
Sensitive...this is so important! You have to be careful what you say around us, we get hurt very easily
Sweet...small gestures go a long way (making us dinner, giving us flowers, all that romantic stuff)
Patient! We take a long time to come around adn take a long time to make decisions when it comes to the heart
Se*x...give us lots of it and it has to be good lol
I hope this helped, if you need me, you can post a quick note on the ASCLAC thread, I tend to stay mostly on there so I might miss a response on your thread
Aquabubbles I love that name. My placements are october 5th 1972 1050pm Sydney, Australia. Im a Libra with virgo moon and gemini rising.
octoberlibra. Thank you for replying to me .
Kelcrab, thank you for that insight. When you say to back off does that mean I should just stay away from him or accept his friendship? It has been over a week since we have seen each other. I just know that if he sees me in person, my smile will melt his heart again. He said I have beautiful eyes and smile. At times I may pull a sad cute face and he would go all gagaand say how cute I am. When together the connection was so strong. The sex was amazing and the after sex was the best feeling. Just a simple peck on the shoulder, or touch on the body, just showing each other that we are still there. In the morning just gazing in to each others eyes. When it was time for me to leave, it would make me sad. Should I met up with him tomorrow or not? You said dont tell him how I feel? Our mutual friend has known "G" for 8 years. He says that "G" really likesd me. The fact that "G" has said he can offer me friendship for now.................do you think that meant he MAy be open to a possible relationship. Right know, I want to start a fresh, i want that connection back again, the sex and all the good stuff that we had. He says we should be friends but doesnt think being romantic again isnt a good idea. what is the website you are on?
Another thing: Our mutual friend says that I really should think about cinsidering being friends with "G" because when they met they had a little fling. Somehow they got into a fight and our mutual friend didnt speak to "G" for over 2 years. Mutual friend said "G" hurt him and it took Mutual friend 2 years to be friends with "G" and now they are best friends. Mutual friend thinks Gabi should stop thinking that its all about him. Mutual friend wants us to be together. I'm scared of accepting "G" friends and ending up like mutual friend..................just a good friend.
A friend today said play the game. Dont meet with him tomorow and dont answer his calls for a few days. She said it will drive him mad not knowing what is going on. I really dont know what to do. I hate to play games.
KELCRAB...im 37 and he is 28.
He is also deaf but has some hearing. He is ever so cute and such the sweetest guy. His eyes are to die for. His body and just everything about him is amazing. He said Im a good kisser as well.
octoberlibra: hi again. i see Kel arrived finally to help. he is not on a website, he is on this website/forum, but on another thread frequently. thread called: ASCLAC here in the Love&Relationship section. there you can talk to him. good luck with crab guy.
Sorry about all the postings. When I told him I was leaving the country for a few days he said he hopes I come back.
I texted him that I was back in the country. He said he has been thinking of me. That the time off gave him the ability to think about things.
I replied: Are they positive thoughts.
He said: Only positive. We can meet up on Tuesday.
I text him: Tuesday is fine, I really do genuinely care for you and do what it takes to make you happy. If youre happy, Im happy. (maybe it was a mistake to say that)
His reply: He feels the same way. He has been thinking about it and he does care for me and he thinks that even though we shouldnt have a romantic relationship, he is still deeply interested in me as a friend.
I said: Just a friend
He said: A GOOD FRIENDS
Sorry pressed enter before I finished.
I asked him: if his romantic feelings for me have gone and he said no they havent entirely gone but he can handle them. and that he knows its is a bad idea to start a romantic relationship again.
I asked: What will i get out of the friendship he said: I will give you my attentionm opinionm care and advice. I will always be honest with you.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh Why did I fall for another Cancer!!!!
Thank you Katie. I have a sister called Katie.