Captain SOS

  • I could really use some insight into this relationship I have 6/9/82 and 11/01/62 I cannot get this person out of my mind and need advise on why and how to move on. Thank you!

  • There is an element of the parent-child relationship here rather than any equal friendship or love relationship, with plenty of empathy and understanding but also controlling and destructive tendencies. Sensitivities run high and you may find yourselves on the same emotional pipeline, both for better and worse. On the plus side, you can give each other a lot of emotional sustenence and inspiration. Seeing each other daily however, you can easily get on each other's nerves. The challenge here will be getting along and diminishing points of conflict and irritation. Exchanges beteween you are likely to be lively and stimulating but your friend can find himself on the receiving end of your strong moral code as his ethics about life and relationship are far looser than yours. You will condemn any of his thoughts and actions that are even a tad questionable. He will find you uptight and rigid.

    A love affair will be intense but fleeting. Even if you struggle to accept each other's faults, your extreme temperamental differences and the relationship's highly critical outlook is going to cause problems. The chemistry here tends toward the excitable, with lots of humour and good times but also a high degree of instability. For this reason, anything longterm would prove disastrous.

    This would never have worked out, Denise. I think you needed to hear that so you can move on. Obviously, if you can't forget him, you still hold a glimmer of unrealistic hope that the relationship will somehow work out. But I can tell you there is no chance of that happening.

    Free your heart to find a more compatible partner, one who is your equal in every way. Don't be afraid of more mature, worldly types. Ask yourself if perhaps you just want someone who has a youthful fun attitude?

  • yes, thank you, I know you are right. I am probably just a little lonely and the fling was exciting and sensual and it has been a long time since I felt that way. Hoping someone more suitable comes along soon. 🙂

  • It's not about SEARCHING far and wide for a soulmate. What comes first is resolving any internal issues inside yourself that might be preventing him from arriving at your doorstep. Ask yourself some probing questions about what you are looking for in a partner and what fears might be preventing you from attracting a suitable and compatible soulmate. I think deep down you know that anything with this man could only be a short fling - so ask yourself why it is more attractive to you to only have short term or light relationships? Are there commitment issues - maybe you don't want anything too permanent, real, or responsible at the moment. Don't leap into relationships just because society or past conditioning pressures you to do so. There is no stigma or shame to being alone - in fact, it is often the only way to make real deep soul progress, free of all distractions.

  • I really like how you think! I have been on the spiritual path since I was 12 and have had several long term relationships with long dry spells in between. Because I do not want to enter my 50's single (not sure where this concept crept in) I have been earnestly delving into my pysche to see what seems to be the issue. One major thing I came up with is the fear of being dominated emotionally while at the same time having a secret desire to be dominated???

  • Maybe it's not so mucn wanting to be dominated as wanting to have a strong partner who can support and advise you when needed? But you can do that for yourself.

  • Hey Captain,

    This sounds so dingy but I cannot find the instructions on how to start a new post, lol!

    So I just went back to this one. I am still getting over the chap listed above. I know he was impossible but it had been forever that I felt that strong of a desire for someone. And he was fun to play with but its finally over I feel.

    I know you have read my posts and you got into the family situation and I did email a brother and never received a response. I got to thinking about what you said. I really do not want any relationships with them but agree do need to make peace.

    Now...I cringe at the thought of what you may say but here I go again falling for a forbidden type situation. I do believe my current manager and I are feeling the swag. I think you were the one that termed that, no?

    Its not like the Walmart version of boss and employee, we are like partners in a law firm. We each have our own business to tend to. He does have power over me and is in charge of the operation.

    He is an Aires approximately mid 30's with a young son from a previous relationship.

    As you know I am late 40's 11/01/62.

    Because I work all the time there is a high incidence of falling in love with people associated with my work. I dont go to bars, no family (cough cough) and in a weird part of town for the past year that I dont know anyone. Hence my loneliness.

    It hasnt gone anywhere yet but my sixth sense is picking up the vibe strongly.

    So go ahead Captain...

  • Sounds like you are falling for someone who will save you from ever having to commit - if he is already taken, that is. Affairs mean never having to be 'tied down' to one person. But deep down that is really want you want - it is your fear of making a mistake and ending up with a family like your relatives that haunts you.

    And I didn't mean you should get into deep relationships with your family (that's probably impossible) - just heal the breach for your own sake and maybe drop them a line or two now and then. You just have to stop avoiding and hiding from them.

    And if you ever do want to start a new thread, you just have to click on the "Create a new topic" button next to the lightbulb up at the top right of the page.

  • My manager is not married or with anyone, I called it an affair because its a work fling. Because we will have to keep it quiet in order not to disturb the mojo of the office, but I am completely willing to go deep with him. He brings out a feeling of submission and desire in me. I can finally get over the "mothering" or "fixing" complex that has haunted me. I think something is going to happen over the next few weeks and hopefully it turns into something long term, not marriage per say but at least a loving companionship and passionate love affair.

  • Has he actually made any advances towards you?

  • no...what are you saying? Its all in my mind?

  • why do I get the feeling that you only see the worst in me, none of the good?

  • No I think that's something that you do. I just want you to make sure you are following your intuition here. You need to be very careful if this man is your boss - you could end up in a difficult position if he ever has to take you to task. Has this man in fact given you any definite indication of his interest?

  • Also why do you limit your chances of being a compatible partner by only seeking workmate relationships? What if your soulmate doesn't work for the same company or even the same type of business? You might be missing out on finding the perfect partner by not getting out more and circulating.

  • I work 10 hours a day and live 45 minutes away from work, leaves a lot of time to circulate.

  • Plus the men I have dated outside my sphere think I just talk on the phone and have fun all day. My business is complex, intense and excrutiating. I thought having a blue collar would tone me down and his ignorance was implorable. Loan officers as a rule have a terrible reputation regardless of how many honest ones there are and its been tough to tell the truth when people did not want to hear it (a few years back) and went to someone else, I work for free all the time as as long as I can pay the bills I feel I am doing God's work but there has been several years of barren fruit and its finally turning around so I can only think about work right now....Romance is a side business that I think about for a few hours as a fantasy. I dont actually think there is someone there. People come in and I feel they are too distracting and too much work and drama, I pass much of the time regardless of my desperate tone you pick up. I feel that issue is more devastating to me than my family. About being honest and straightforeward has not always been rewarded financially, maybe emotionally....never in love men dont seem to love hearing a bold honest woman, it makes them fearful and run. I guess Grandmother was right I am getting too set in my ways and just plan on working, taking care of my dog and helping my kids mature into adults helping people along the way but expecting someone to actually "be" there and love me unconditionally, nope.

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