Echoes of my past
29 years ago years ago I met and fell in love DOB 20.03.66 him 15.07.1961. he has contacted me after 25 years telling me how much he loved me and if only we could turn back time,he has been in contact via email everyday for three weeks going over our five years together and filiing each other in on our familys and what we have done over the years it has all been very nice as we had the chance to say the things we should have said back then when we were young,at the time and we both went our separate ways.
I sent my usual email asking if he had a good weekend ,no reply
I sent an email asking if he was ok, reply busy
I sent an email asking if he enjoyed the football on Saturday, reply typical England playing.
he said I ran away 25 years ago perhaps I did.
Question should I not contact him again.
No, if he is a cancer, they can be "flakey" and sheltered often...analizing life within thier shell. I wld advise to back-off and give him the opportunity, for him to reach out to you...Cancers like the challenege...of not knowing!! Keep him on his toes...pulling him too close cld make him hide.
Try it, see how it works...n when giving the opportunity address the distant behavior...in a lite humorous way..of crouse! After-all you both r just starting to learn each other, again.
Hi Munchy! Looks like there's so much pent-up emotions from your long lost love! I wonder, whoever broke the relationship first which is YOU (according to him), were you able to apologize sincerely for the deep hurts it may have caused him in the past? I don't mean if it was a wrong or right thing for you to do, but just an acceptance and humility that your decision to break up the relationship then had caused some irreparable damage on his end? You see, I got the same chance to apologize to my first love after 36 years, and only then that I let go of the hurt inside and apologized was I able to see him in another good light and was able to relate with him on a pleasant and honest way. He didn't apologize but just told me to let bygones be bygones since we're very young then and didn't know what we're doing wrong really. He didn't blame me and have accepted all the guilt trips I've thrown at him! I was released from that unforgiveness but still hurting and couldn't really feel good towards him for quite sometime. But my willingness to forgive him and become friends with him again pave the way for some pleasant surprises! I suddenly feel the old loving feeling rushing back into my heart again and willing to give him a second chance...maybe! Ask yourself if you accept some responsibility for what happened then, which he may not be receiving from you after a lenghty discussion of what happened which made him feel dejected and depressed! Maybe he was more of the victim then, as per his perception and needed to be comforted by your unassuming gesture of sincere apologies? The mere fact he contacted you meant a lot to him and to be able to swallow his pride and initiate the re-connection can tell you so much about his desire to make things right again with you. Just make sure that there's no unresolved issues left out,though I can sense that a heartfelt apologies from your end could do the trick. I maybe wrong, but that's how I felt then which prolonged my cold war with my first love for 36 agonizing years! Humility and forgiveness can heal so many ills and troubles in many broken relationships. Pride has no room in any loving relationship, if it has to survive and last the distance. Are you up for the challenge?
Thank you so much much for your reply, you have helped understand ( Munchy
I have a similar experience as Munchy. After 32 years I (DOB 11-21-56) contacted a past love (DOB 12-9-58). After a whirlwind romance I chose another (DOB 3-5-55), resulting in a 27year marriage, ending in divorce 2 years ago. The marriage was bad from the beginning as we struggled the entire 27 years. (Actually I thought of the past love often throughout my marriage.) When I reconnected with my past love he was thrilled; we reminisced and e-mailed regularly (almost daily) and finally had a lunch date (after about 1 month of communication). I attempted to apologize for how I had treated him way back when, hoping to put some closure to that and (hopefully) develop a new relationship with him. He said he had missed me, felt lost, was sad, etc. etc. But he does not hold any animosity. Since then communication has become less frequent and less intimate. I have backed off, allowing him some time to process the new potential relationship. BTW - he is very devoted to his work, and works a lot, although his work is variable depending the economy. He has been divorced once and widowed (2nd marriage) for 10 years. I just don't know if there's potential here. Any cosmic suggestions??