How to catch a Virgo man?

  • I first started reading this thread - - and realised that I am not alone. Decided to start my own thread though...

    Well, I think that I need your advice now… ‘Cause I am lost. 😉

    I am an Aries, even though this site claims that I am a Taurus. I am born on the edge between these two signs. I was more of a Taurus as a child, and as an adult I am definitely more of an Aries. (a fire Dragon the Chinese horoscope)

    I have some time ago left a very long, mostly happy (but obviously not in the end), marriage with a Virgo. Complicated men they are! I was 100% convinced to stay away from men, but now find me self being totally and utterly crazy about another…Virgo (monkey).

    How about that!

    And this one is even more complicated, it seems. But still, so wonderful and a true challenge.

    We are colleagues, working in different countries (no too far apart though), and when I talked to him on the phone for the first time I immediately knew (!) that I had to know more about him. So we connected via the usual routes, messenger and facebook and he really really liked that I took the lead and went after him. lol

    There was an immediate strong overwhelming connection between us. I was honestly blown away by the feelings that he stirred up in me, he was just as blown away, him having being single for so many years not expecting to

    A very intense period followed where we sent like 500 text messages over 3 days, chatted on messenger and talked on the phone every night. It was very strong feelings, almost like we had always known each other. Him making comments about living together, building a house for us and our respective kids, talking about everything and nothing, describing silly scenes like “the perfect Saturday” or how we would have spent the evenings together. Me describing how I would like to take care of him, touch him, making fantasies together. He wanted me to meet his family and friends, and when (WHEN) could we meet? Etc etc.

    So a very intense and strong connection, almost magical over less than one week. It did surprise me, but in a positive way (‘cause in all honesty I knew the first minute that I talked to him that he might be “the one”).

    Then silence. Complete silence.

    Now, considering that my ex is a Virgo I understood that this probably was a logical response. They tend to freak out now and then acting all weird. But it still did make me a little sad, you tend to feel rejected when they do that.

    I analyzed our last conversation, trying to see if I/he had said anything that could have been “over the top”, but nothing. It was perfect, he didn’t want to hang up the phone, all sighs and missing me.

    Still, silence.

    I left it a couple of days, then I saw him log in to messenger. Waited a little while and then just sent a small “Just wanted to say Hi. Hope that you are having a good day.”

    He replied almost immediately with a very distant “Hi” quickly followed by his plans for the whole week, Monday to Friday and the weekend too. I summarized his post with a short “Yeah, you seem busy. :-)” Then I asked him straight out if he wanted us to go back to being only colleagues.

    His reply was again instant, almost like he had anticipated me asking. No, he didn’t want us to be just colleagues. He wanted (to know and learn) more, much more. But what about the future, we live in different countries and none of us can, due to family circumstances, move. What to do about the future, he kept repeating. We are only just over 2 hours by car away from each other, and we are both “free” from family duties every other week.

    He was (is) scared that if we got more involved in us, this, it would be even more difficult if we couldn’t make it work. The practical things seemed impossible to solve according to him. He had though about it and it made him very sad, very very sad (crying sad). And he admitted to being scared too, scared of meeting me IRL and falling even more in love and then having to let me go knowing that I existed so close but that I wasn’t his. (= that I couldn't be with him 100%, but only 50%)

    I got very frustrated, cause even though the distance isn’t optimal it is not impossible. And I want to try, I want to live and feel. I want him. And I want him to try, to dare.

    I asked him if he wanted to finish it off (this was of course not what I wanted at all, but I also wanted to make sure that he wasn’t just making up nice sounding excuses for not seeing me) but he didn’t. He didn’t want to end us, he said that he still wanted to meet. He found me irresistible, lovely, charming, sexy, intelligent…everything that he wanted. sigh But again, what about the future? What about a proper plan for the future? How could we make plans knowing that we could only meet every other week for many years to come (apart from Christmas, Summer etc)? I said that I do not have a finished solution, maybe there isn’t one. And that solutions sometimes exists but don’t appear the way that we would wish for them to be.

    But he has really locked in to the whole future-making plans-getting married-where to live-problems. And yes, they are problems but I want him to stop seeing problems and instead seeing the possibilities. ‘Cause there really are possibilities, and dammit we could be so fantastic together. I know this!

    And this is the difficult bit. My ex was more positive, this Virgo is a very typical Virgo (judging by many other threads/posts that I have read). Very organized, structured, logical, likes planning etc.

    He has written that he has feelings for me, which I know is a very good sign considering that Virgos can be emotional clams. He has also said a thing about treasures being difficult to find, and that it takes some work to locate them, dig them up and get the locks open but that it is SO worth it. At that point, just when he said it, I felt that it was a little silly (didn’t remark on it or anything) now I wonder if he was saying that he is aware that he is…difficult and that I need to be patient and keep "trying". Dunno.

    After that long discussion about us, lasting almost all day (!) on messenger he has sort of gone all quiet again. He did point out that he loves (!) seeing my messenger picture pop up on his screen, which I took as an invite to contact him.

    But right now I just don’t know how to act. I am and Aries, I am dramatic, I want to talk, kiss him, take actions! I have no patience at all. Yet I understand that I need to take it slow.

    My ex was also a clam, but he was atleast clear about what he wanted (me) all the time. This Virgo seems to be more cautious.

    Late last night he logged in to messenger, but didn’t say a word. I decided that I had nothing to lose so I just sent a “Good luck” since I knew that he had an important day. Immediate response with a thank you, then some chit chats and since I felt brave I suddenly said “You need to know two things: 1) I like you a lot 2) I am stubborn”. Then I added that “I want to make you part of my summer, and maybe much more…”

    The reply was…well…not cold but not overwhelming. A simple “Do I have anything to say about this matter? ;-)” and I replied “Absolutely. Always.”

    I think that I again gave him the chance to say STOP, but he didn’t. He just didn’t say anything much at all. He sent some hugs smileys and then a good night.

    Today is the day after. Silence. I know that he is not at home today or tomorrow. Still.

    What to do about this lovely magical complicated guy?

    I so want to make him dare more, not make stupid logical plans, not see problems or difficulties. Just…the endless possibilities and all the love (LOVE!) that I know can be there between us. I know that there is something special going on and, looking at all that we/he initially talked about, he knows that too!

    We are only a short car drive apart! I want him to stop being scared of using his heart. I want him to trust his heart to me, I will keep it and nurture it.

    But how to I get him to dare?

    I am unsure If I need to be more forward and honest, or if that will scare him more, of I should back away (maybe that would make him think that I am not interested anymore).

    And how the heck can I get to know him better and him me better, if he is playing hide and seek being all mysterious? (yet not cold!)

    Do you have any advice at all?

    I am so lost! lol

  • Will think a bit about this and post something if I come up with anything... but for now I just wanted to tell you how amazing your writing is! I can totally feel passion from your text! (Makes me suspect you have a Virgo ascendant or moon, like a lot of women who are attracted to Virgos :P)

    Anyway you're doing great! You used your aries skills to take the first step (major turn-on for virgo!)... You also stirred up his emotions! You say '“Do I have anything to say about this matter? ;-)” wasn't an overwhelming answer... from my point of view it was a terriffic answer! Showing agreement without showing vulnerability, or bending his knees. I'd only say this if I was really happy.

    However, ''daring'' isn't the best word to describe Virgo! This would be annoying for anyone, but for aries it's probably extra annoying, since they ''want it, and want it NOW!''.

    Move forward? Not sure, I'm too inexperienced to understand these things well.

    Back away? NEVER!!! He's defenitely hooked on you. I think you're asking how to catch a virgo man, but from what you're saying, I think you've already caught him!

    You said ''I want him to trust his heart to me, I will keep it and nurture it.''... have you told him these words exactly? OMG, I would be consumed by emotion, get on the car, bus, train, plane, whatever is available, and go woman right away, then when we met I'd kiss her before even saying hi... then again, I have Aries mars...

    Yes, I know it's hard to get Virgo to move, but those words are SO POWERFUL.

    On Virgo Man / Aries Woman section of Linda Goodman's book, the relationship seems extremely good... the last phrase is:

    ''Yes, I know love that lasts forever is rare enough to be a miracle. But if you expect a miracle, you'll find it... every time.''

  • Grrrrr, I meant ''go meet the woman right away'', on the 5th paragraph.

    P.S. I'm only 21 so don't take my words too seriously. If an older(more experienced) virgo says something, listen to them instead!

  • HiddenDiamond,

    Thank you for your kind answer! I am happy that you feel the passion in my words, especially since English is not my mother tongue. Good to know that my passion for this man translates in to my second language. Then it must be good! lol

    I can understand that a passionate impatient Aries in love really can scare a Virgo into clam mode. And I don’t want to scare him, the thought of that really freaks me out! I am never insecure of what to do, I know how to handle men but this one…well…this one is tricky.

    I so hope that you are right, that I already caught him. That would be amazing! However, is this “secret behavior” of his to be considered normal? The ex-Virgo was, as I wrote in my first post, more straight forward. He wanted me and told me so and didn’t back down, hide away or anything like that.

    Should I tell him those words, that ''I want him to trust his heart to me. I will keep it and nurture it”? So difficult! If someone said that to me I would fall madly in love, but a Virgo man? Dunno. You, a young Virgo but still a Virgo, seemed to fall for it. It is not a cheesy line, I really mean it. When I commit I do it 100%, I would never hurt him or his sensitive heart. Maybe I should leave it for a while and, if the opportunity arises, say those exact words then.

    I won’t back down, and I am sure not going to look back with regrets that I didn’t say something…anything. I will fight for this man.

    It is just so difficult to know what to do right NOW!

    Continue my usual approach, and risk feeling/looking like a stalker lol or just give him space (which I know is important for Virgo men).

    I have read a more little about Virgo men and some books/articles say that they like the woman to take the first step, almost always, others that Virgo men are hunters and don’t like woman to be to “pushy”. I would not call my ex-Virgo a hunter. Any input on that subject?

    More help and input please!? 😄

    PS) HiddenDiamond: So you think that HIS answer (“Do I have anything to say about this matter? ;-)” ) was terrific answer? Hmm. In such a case that sounds very good to me! I found that answer, being an passionate warm blooded Aries and all, a little…dry. lol I suppose that he would have said NO if he absolutely felt that there was no point in pursuing things with me or my suggestions/ideas. Right?

  • Ah, he is driving me crazy. He is online right now but is saying NOTHING.

  • Annearies, it is as if I wrote this myself, except for I've only known my guy a few weeks. All hot & heavy at first with him calling me and saying come over any time, call me any time and then when I did, it cooled off on his part. ??? As a Leo, I'm impulsive & spontaneous and I understand he's not like that, but to me if the stuff we do together is good, why not do it more. Now, I'm just like you - waiting & trying to figure out if I should just go for however long it takes for him to call or text me. I'm so not good at doing that. He is somebody that I've seen walking his dog around the neighborhood for the last couple years, we've talked a few times as he walked by and then I ran into him at his work and he gave me his card & cell # and said to call. I called him the next night and we talked for an hour. The next morning he called twice in a half hour and texted me too. His text said that he walks his dog by my house just hoping to get to look at me!! For 2 years!! So now he can have me and there's no more communication. What do I do? It's maddening. I saw him for a few minutes on Tuesday and for the 3rd time in a week asked him - 'do you just want me to not bother you?' Three times he has told me No with a smile. I am not bothering him. I know he wants me. I just want him to want to talk to me a little bit each day. Plus he's sick this week (because I had it last week but I was not a big baby about it) soooo I'm thinking that, you know how Virgos are about their health, to just wait it out. And I was prepared to do that except for now my daughter is going away with a friend for the weekend and my son will be gone overnight and I have the house to myself, which almost never happens. Do you think it will be too much to just text him and let him know that? The last thing I said to him on Tues. was to call me when he felt like getting together again. And then I put this self-imposed ultimatum on myself to not contact him under any circumstances. I even deleted his numbers from my cellphone. Do you think if I text him one more time, it will be too much? I don't want to blow it but then I think there's really nothing to blow if he's not interested but, like you, it hurts to put yourself out there and get no response at all. I have been divorced for 8 years and never even gone on a date in all that time, so this is new territory for me. I did not think I would ever find a guy that could make me feel like this, so I didn't look or try and he just fell into my lap basically. Who walks past someone's house for 2 years hoping to get to say hi and then wouldn't they not want to pursue that when they have the chance? HELP. I'm losing my mind.

  • Oh my, they sure are complicated! I feel for you. I will post another entry after this one, telling you and anybody else that might be interested in the "progress", what has happened tonight.

    I feel that you should text him. And soon. They seem to need time to think, a lot, even about the most natural things. I have discovered that Virgo men seem to like not being told what to do, so I think it is all in the way we put the words. Maybe start with "I feel that it has been such a long time since I saw you..." rather than "Why don't you come over...", a little flattering for their ego too.

    And Virgos are different, I mean..there is a hughe diffrence between my ex and this Virgo. They are alike in many ways, but in some ways very different. I am confused too.

    But hey, you only live once. I think you should go for it!

    Best of luck and let me/us know if and what his reply is.

  • Oh, and now for todays update... Silly silly man! sigh

    He came online earlier, obviously resting in some hotel, but didn't say a word. Of course.

    So, well...I cannot be quiet (silly me) so I asked him about his day, if his appointments had been successful etc. An immediate reply, with happy smileys, that he had an excellent day and continued to tell me about what he had been up to.

    We talked about work a little while, then making witty comments they way we both are good at. I told him that he of course could offer himself as an additional gift for companies that seemed difficult to close deals with, we laughed about it and he added that he was “not for men” (male dominated business) and I immediately replied that he was “not for women”, just for “one woman”. He laughed about that.

    Then I pointed out that the neighbors were having a party with fellow country men of his, and he then said that maybe I should invite myself over since there might be some handsome complicated men there for me to sink my teeth in. All said with many 😉 and :-P.

    I replied that I felt sure that there must be such men at the party, however I was only interested in one handsome complicated man and that it was him. Again, he said that maybe I just needed to talk more to the others and maybe they would prove more interesting than him. I replied that no matter whom they are, they will still not be him. And it is him that I want.

    He went all quiet on me.

    I sat there thinking for a little while. Why is he acting like this? Is it because he is so insecure, unable to understand that I find him irresistible? Is this just plain scary to him after all these years as a single (complicated) man? Scary that I am not backing down, surrendering?

    Or, is he just not interested? Then, why write/say all those things as late as the other day (!)? The coldness, even though it isn’t really cold more watchful, says “Not interested” but the small small comments now and then says “Yes! More!”.

    Or maybe it is just me seeing things?! lol

    I felt, when he started talking about me visiting the neighbors party and maybe talking to other men, that it was almost like a test! I know that Virgos are insecure, and that it is not a good idea to make them jealous. They want loyalty. So I felt that it was a test, to see what kind of reaction I would post. Hopefully I aced that one, dunno yet. lol

    Anyways… I was thinking and I felt WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE? Well, everything. But I also have everything to gain. So I sent him a little something (see below), then I changed my online stats to “Away” and still no answer.

    I feel that I cannot be clearer than this, I will leave him with this to think about. If he feels what he has told me he feels, hopefully this will convince him to dare a little more. To take a step forward, in to my loving arms. Or at least take my hand. 😉 If he just isn’t that in to me, well then I hope that he says so.

    This is what I sent:

    I realize that it might seem odd that I am so sure of what I feel for you. We are different as people, and we do not know each other that well. I can fully imagine you wondering if I am a complete nutcase, lol. But my intuition is very good, accurate 99 times out of 100. I am not worried that this would be the 100th time, not at all.

    I like you. I cannot explain exactly why. There is something about your person that I find lovely, sweet, tender, humorous, sensual and intelligent. At the moment you told me about your children, telling me about one or two recent events, and I heard the tenderness and love for them in your voice I realized that you truly are very very special.

    I would like to get to know you, if you would allow me to get to know you. And I would like for you to get to know me better, if you would like that. I would like for you to one day trust me enough to leave your heart in my hands, in spite of all challenges and obstacles that we may face. I would take care of your heart, nourish it, and never break it.

    If you feel that this is all wrong, wrong time in your life, wrong person, wrong emotions, then I know that you will be honest enough to say this straight out.

    I wish you a good night and sweet dreams.

    Now I just have to wait I suppose. For days, weeks or...moths. sigh

    Silly silly Virgo man.

  • OK, I took your advice and texted him. I just asked if he was feeling any better. I'll let you know if he responds or not. I didn't even mention this weekend. Baby steps!

  • Ann, I lost my post because my internet just failed, but let me just say...GREAT JOB!! 😛

    He's so hooked on you! And even if he still wasn't hooked enough before(which I doubt)... after this last thing you sent him... he will be dreaming of you every night!

    Yes, he was testing you! Virgo men need security. They need to know that you know what you want. And that what you want is him, and not anyone else! 😄

    Also, I think you're right when you assume he is testing you because he's shy and insecure and doesn't completely understand how someone can be so crazy about him.

    But wow, your approach completely broke through his shields, I bet. You're so romantic, I bet he's wondering whether he's dreaming or not, each time you talk to him!

    The last thing you sent him was... well, PERFECT. I'm a Virgo, with mercury in Virgo... I tried to spot things which you could've improved there... but it was just so good!!!! You're brilliant. You skipped right past his shyness with your direct approach, and I think you shattered his defenses with that last comment. I expect a reply within a day or two (would be as soon as he sees the message, but... well, from my experience, when I'm hooked on someone, I take hours just to write them a 3-line e-mail.).

  • HiddenDiamond,

    Again, thank you…so kind and lovely! 😄

    I am hoping that he will dream of me. I would like for him to think about me. Having to stop doing whatever he is doing now and then during the day ‘cause I am on his mind. lol

    I did get a very very short reply from him after 1½ hour, saying: “I fell asleep! Sorry!! I will save this message and read it tomorrow. Huuuuuuuuuuuggggggggssssss A, sweeet dreams. I will answer…” and then he added some hugs smileys.

    I did not reply, my status was still “Away” and I felt that I at that point didn’t want to start up a conversation even by saying Good night.

    I really think that it scares him that I (I am of course just guessing) somehow broke through his well polished “line of defence” and went straight for his heart. I get the feeling that he has never experienced someone like me before. lol

    Poor thing!

    However I am not 100% convinced that he, even if he is hooked, will dare to follow through. Not even after this. He might also choose the lonesome road, ‘because that is the road that he knows best (it is safe I suppose).

    I will now leave him alone, not say anything to him in any way. I am guessing that allowing him time to think things through is necessary at this point.

    One thing that I now feel I should have added in my message somewhere close to “I would like to get to know you…” is that I feel that the distance, not physical but mental, that now (!) exists between us is making getting to know each other very difficult.

    But hey…I suppose he will understand that.

    Now, an exciting nerve wrecking wait. lol

    Keep your fingers crosses! 😄

    And hey, about you comment that it takes you hours just to write a few lines in an email… I have noticed, on messenger, that is says (you know, in the bottom corner of the window) that he is writing and writing and writing and writing…and writing and writing… And then you get something really really short. I am guessing that he writing/deleting/writing/deleting and so on. lol

  • Yep! I write and delete a lot too 😛

    Especially if I'm into the person... I want my words to say exactly what I want to say. Not just the words themselves, but the emotions caused, second meanings, everything. No mistakes are allowed!

    Plus, the fact he is single... I suspect it has, at least partially, to do with shyness.

    But you totally skipped/are skipping that hurdle for him!

  • Still no answer... I pray for patience. lol

    I can understand the thing with wanting the words to be just perfect. I feel the same, even though I find it more important to say something (act) than the exact right things. But what you say, and the way you say it, is obviously super important to Virgos.

    My ex had difficulties expressing himself, emotions I mean, just because he wanted everything he wrote and said to be just perfect, just right. In the end he often gave up, saying almost nothing! When he did manage to say/write something it was often very short, and almost always very (to me that is) clinical.

    Very frustrating for me!

    Cannot understand what it is about Virgo men that makes me go bonkers! lol They drive me crazy in love and crazy in the head. lol

    All I know is that I am an adult woman feeling like 14 again.

    Patience, patience, patience..........

  • I found this description of Virgo males that I found interesting:

    Maybe some other poor woman will find it useful too. 😉

  • i'm a virgo male. let me overview how your approach worked for me: i'm the exact same. you may have penetrated his defenses, but certainly not mine. but i wish you luck, you seem to have completely dedicated yourself to him. which is what we want, of course, but most people aren't dedicated. cheating, y'know, we're afraid of that. big time. it means, also, that we're loyal as dogs in marriage. good luck!

  • Thank you for your answer. 🙂

    Well, I cannot say for sure (or at all) that I have penetrated his defenses. I simply don't know. Yet. Maybe I haven’t? At the same time…I do know what he has told me. I find it odd that he would say all those things, talk about future/marriage/children etc if he was not “touched by me” at all.

    Am I completely dedicated to him? When I fall for someone (and obviously when I'm with someone) I am 100% faithful. I am not in a relationship with this Virgo man, we have only talked about it (and the difficulties, yada yada...), but since I have my heart set on him I am faithful to him even now, loyal and will damn well do my all to make him take a few trembling steps towards me.

    Some people say it is naive and just plain silly romantic behavior, but I KNOW when I am on to something good. And he is good. And we can be, will be (?!) fantastic together. I just know it.

    But please HStepniowski, I beg of you, tell me why I would not have broken through your Virgo defenses. Can you offer me any advice on how to proceed with this man?

    What to do? What not to do?

  • I found the below text (about Virgo males) on another website and it sorta gave me a smile on my face... Can you Virgo men out there, must be a few around, tell me if you recognize yourself in this:

    If interested in a Virgo, you’ll have a tough time of convincing them to connect with you. Modest and extremely shy virtues cause them to appear as though they are playing hard to get or just not interested. But that could be the furthest idea from their minds. Quite honestly, if you find a Virgo that is so shy around you it’s virtually impossible to even carry on a conversation, chances are very good that they have already fallen for you.

  • For many people into the metaphysical, we do not accept the concepts of time and distance. This guy is not that evolved, and well, you two have NOT EVEN MET! Walk away NOW. He is too confused, or uncertain, and you are driving this. If you did not write, neither would he...sorry, been there. He does not want to be the one to end it because he's a guy. He may find himself someday where you are and want to hook-up. You must be the strong one. Find a great guy in your area. Lond distance can and does work, but this one is off the charts, you are doing all of the work. Please stop. you deserve love, TODAY.

  • Yeah I know, sorta came to the same conclusion the other day. Sad though. We would have made an excellent couple (still think so). But you are right. He is not taking any steps, it was just a lot of talking it seems, so why continue this road? So...moving on. Atleast in person. In heart...well...I'll move on there a little while.

    Thank you.

  • And just when I had come to the conclusion (see post above) that it probably was...nothing after all, he sends me a shy text message late late tonight. A “sorry” for having been so quiet, an explanation saying that the distance between us really freaked him out, a “miss you” since he wants this/us but can’t understand how a relationship will work this way. And then…a long text conversation between us, ending rather sweet.

    My oh my…dunno what to think or say. I just get this feeling of warmth inside when his name turn up on my phone display, and I don’t completely get him, but I want to.

    I bet he will be quiet tomorrow, even though he said he would contact me tomorrow. shaking my head

    So…more Virgo studies now I suppose. lol

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