Hi Captain...May I have a reading?

  • Hi, you told me in may that mike (7/1/66) was freaked out by my husbanding confronting him (you were right, he was). And that you doubted that he would speak with me again (2/20/68). We started chatting again on 6/2. I initiated it but he said that he wasn't ignoring me anymore. Ok, the dynamic is different. He is more cautious and doesn't initiate like he used to. Now, I am wondering by him talking to me again, knowing that I love him, does that meanje has romantic feelings for me too? If not, why does he talk to me still? Is he not happy with his wife (5/28/64)? Thx

  • What is happening here is that you are clinging to a fantasy, not a real person. In Mike, you see your 'white knight' - someone who will ride in and solve all the problems in your life that you feel unable to deal with by yourself - he is your hero, your rescuer. You see him as strong and supportive, the opposite to how you feel in your present situation. It's so tempting to want to believe that someone else can do for us what we can't seem to do for ourselves but the truth is, that is just a dream, an illusion. No one can magically solve all your problems for you. You have to find the strength and courage to do that for yourself, to change what needs to be changed.

    Forget Mike - he has his own problems and cannot help you. You are asking too much of him. Help yourself and you won't need anyone else to do it.

  • hmmmm, maybe...I just really miss him. He doesn't do anything but make me feel better and like I can do anything. I haven't seen him in person in 12 years...but the feelings I have for him energize me. I know only I can solve my problems. So I guess that is a big NO he doesn't care for me...I know he is a human and has his own problems. I thought I helped him with his as well. I started a new job in my new field of study this week, am losing weight again...I am doing well on the outside - I just really really miss him and wish I could have a do over. Make it so that he never knew how I felt, so he wouldn't be so different. Hard to forget someone who has such a strong effect on you...How do I do it?

  • Just by doing it. Stop your contact with him, stop thinking about him, and get more involved in your own life than other people's. When you fill your life and mind with othetr things, there will be no room for the fantasy figure that is Mike.

    The reason you don't want to forget him is that you have buiilt him up in your mind to be the ideal partner. If you had a relationship in real life, you would see that he is not the perfect man you have built him up to be.

  • Also, I really just love him. His mostly bald, at least 70lbs overweight, cranky, drinks too much, oogling after younger woman, has to be right, needs routine, and as he put it "can be a P#ssy" self....I SEE who he is and love him just the same flaws and all.

  • Ok Captain, thank you...you are probably right...I will stop contact with him. His birthday is Thursday but I already sent him birthday greetings so, I will stop....

  • I am not talking about his physical looks. You think you know him just because you talk from time to time but you only see a small slice of his whole life. He feels you need his support and sympathy and tries to be helpful. It gives him a chance to share his problems with someone who understands what a difficult marriage is like. You give his ego a boost but he knows this chatting will go nowhere - nor does he really want it to. He wouldn't have resumed contact if you hadn't initiated it and wants to find a way to get out of it. But he thinks you have no one else to talk to and feels sorry for you.

    Move on - your answers do not lie with Mike. He is not going to leave his wife so face reality.

  • Ok...thanks again.

  • I deleted him from my chat program...

  • Ok, having a rough day. I played a bit of po. ker with a mutual friend (on fb) mike was at the table. I sent a devil and said "happy birthday diablo" as a joke...nothing from him. Then a man flirts with me, mike says something insulting to him (demeaning) and the poor dude leaves. Why the jealous behaviour if he hates me? Is that ego too? He then talked to me a bit. I deleted him from private chat program so this was public discussion. I know what everyone says but sometimes I feel that he loves me too but just can't handle it because he is married.

Log in to reply