What is the right choice?

  • This relates to the fact that I am in the middle of a very complicated scenario. I am a young woman, looking to make the best of my life, but I think in order to do that I have to separate myself from at least half of my family. I know that the way they treat me is not good, and is not right, but I want to be able to have the best life I can possibly have without separating myself from my family. If I choose to see my father, my mother and her half of the family will disown me, but if I choose not to see my father, my father's side of the family will disown me. Also, if I chose not to see my mother, her side of the family would disown me. The problem with this is that a lot of the family I actually do want to see will only consider me family and talk to me if I have a relationship with my mother/father, depending which scenario I am looking at. I know that the way my mother and father treat me isn't ok, but I also know that I have to keep in contact with them in order to keep in contact with the others. I want to make a better life for myself, and be the best I can be, but I know that in order to do that, I have to separate myself from my family. Personally, I do not want to be alone, but I also want to make a better life for, hopefully, my possible future children. What do I do, when I feel a strong heart tie to both? I feel equally pulled from both sides.

  • Hi, Hope I can help. I think you are right in trying to separate yourself from their problems. There's only one problem--their family. You are going to have to take the lead as an adult and treat this as an adult. That means calmly stating your case to each that they are family (both sides), and that God did not bring you into this life w/just one parent. Let them know the turmoil this causes you and that you are not going to choose. If you do stay totally out of their lives (no contact) they will eventually wonder what's going on w/you. You might want to tell them that you love them no matter what. Don't have verbal battles. In time, may take years, they will view things differently. Or at least a little different. Read 1 Corinthian 13--that's for you. Sometimes love must bear all things.

  • Hey, tell either side how you feel in a positive way, dont be demanding in expecting them to understand as sometimes people just dont and are set in their ways but be honest and tell them this is tearing you and your life apart. Tell them that you will have no contact with either as it is unfair for them to make you choose but tell them that you are there for them to contact anytime they feel the need to. You should not have the demands of others put upon you because of what is going on in their head as you will probably not come to a decision and if you do, you may not feel you have made the right one. I dont know the situ that leads each side to be this way, maybe each side feels they have valid reasons but if you base your decision around their validity then later in life your children in some way will bear the brunt of this. Just take some time away from them and as i said earlier, leave them all to contact you when they want to, tell them your relationship with them is a separate issue and if they love and respect you enough they will honor you and what you have done.

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