Could really do with some advice please......

  • Hi All,

    I have just found out l am pregnant and really not sure what to boyfriend is fab and l couldn't wish for better but neither of us can make up our minds. If possible l would appreciate any advice/support ideas that would help me....

    Thank you so much in advance!

    R x

  • Hi "Rosie"

    what are the cons and pros about the decision please? Having a child is a blessing from God it is and you said your boyfriend is a good man not everyone that get pregnant are this lucky

    please tell me why you feel hesitant about the matter thanks

  • Hi there,

    The are so many!! Lol.

    Firstly, l have never been very maturnal and children never really factored into my plans. My career has literally just taken off which l know l would most likely back to work but will take me a year irtwo to get back where l am now.

    My biggest concern is that my b/f and l have been together less than a year. He has two kids with his ex wife - she makes it so hard for him to see them! It will get a lot worse if we keep it 😞

    I know these are not big issues to some but to us they are really worse serious consideration.....

    Thank you for your response!!!! 🙂

    R x

  • Rosie. you are talking about the life of YOUR young innocent child not sure something that is not convenient to you, it's human being that has been brought by the LOVING action of you and your partner

    It's really terrible this day that women only know how much it met to them when it's too late, Men they dont know this, the attachment that happen inside you only know it that you kill your child after is too late

    how do you think your partner will feel if you get rid of it when his ex has two of his???

    i m sure he loves his kids but this is your child????

  • Keep it, there is adoption availble, even if you don't want it somelse does and it is not the little soul's fault that it is not convenient for you and him at this time. It will be convenient for someone else. In my opinion there is no guess work here.

  • i agree it's not the child fault, most people doesnt see pregnancy as holding the life of human being but this is exactly that

  • Please don't assume that women don't consider these things before or after they become pregnant; unfortunately these things happen with no intention to hurt yourself or those around you.

    I am not reglious so l only consider the facts....

    Of course l need to consider will be ME caring and raising it!! As l said l am lucky and my partner will stand by me and doesn't feel ready either. Anything that is decided will be between us both.

    Iam sure we will make the right decision for us - thank you for your input.

    R x

  • Then why did you post your question asking for advise?

  • The only true fact is is this is not a hand bag but a HUMAN Being

    your boyfriend most be somehow attach to his kids, the other woman she took courage to assume for gher action, how is he going to feel in long run to know you kill his child

    you said you know how it feel but have had an abortion before???

    i dont understand how two people that say they love each other can decide to kill an innocent child that came from somehow the love between you two???

  • Well l hoped it would give input from the things l haven't considered or even know about - like all the good bits! Which l am sure the rare loads....:-)

    Adoption is in my family and it has caused more pain for a whole family than l could ever explain....

    Everyone has their opinion that that is fine but it's a hard enough decision witout guilt trips, to be quite honest.

    R x

  • If you have an abortion, you will regret, if not tomorrow, someday you will really regret it.

  • ok...I don't think this was the best place to ask this kind of question...BY FAR..

    She said she doesn't have a maternal instinct. I'll never ever understand this "god creates all babies for a reason" stuff. I don't think abortion should be a regular thing for woman, by any means, but women get pregnant by rape.....You hear about fathers raping their daughters and getting pregnant. Don't tell me that God created them for a reason. You had sex, God didn't.

    Honey, do whats best for you, it already sounds like you've made your decision.

    PLEASE, make sure it's within the first trimester...and PLEASE....take better precautions!! Things happen, but you MUST be extra careful when you don't want babies!!! This should NEVER be used as a form of birth control!

    (It's not a baby yet, it's a fetus for the first 3 months. I don't know about anyone else but I don't remember being in my mothers womb, in fact I don't even remember being born)

    Good luck.

  • Rosie121 -- When I read that you said you weren't maternal or were a kid-person, I really related to you. It's funny cuz I was TOLD by my then boyfriend, "Abortion, or it's over." I went to the first appointment because I knew it consisted of two appointments, and I figured I would have more time with my then self-centered boyfriend with no intentions of having the abortion. (My personal feeling is I could never do it.)

    At the time, I smoked. While we were waiting to see the doctor, I asked the receptionist where the smoking section was (this was before they banned indoor smoking everywhere....not too awful long ago). She looked at me and said in a very snotty voice, "Yes, OUTSIDE!!!" I glared at her and said, "What, are you afraid I might kill someone?" Then I went back to the waiting room, and told my boyfriend what I had said. He responded with, "Keep it down, not everyone in here feels the same way that you do." I looked at him and asked, "If you know how I feel, then why are we here?"

    Sorry for the long story, but I wanted you to know where I was coming from. At that point, I really knew what I was doing was the right thing. He didn't care about me. He only cared that he didn't have YET ANOTHER child. My son would be his 4th child with a 3rd mother (that he knew of).

    As you probably figured out, I had my son. I named him after my father. My Dad only had daughters, and this was a true blessing for him. (He passed a year ago.) Now, my father lives on through him. It is a very blessed reminder.

    Not only that, but I remind you, I was NOT maternal, and to this day, I'm still not much of a kid-person, but I am with my son. It's so different when the child is your own. I am so blessed to have him in my life. He is perfect. I would not trade him for anything in the world.

    I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm just trying to give a second perspective. Due process....look at EVERYTHING before you make your decision.

    Now, the "message" that came to me while I was reading your post was: "This is a change. It is the kink in your life that will change your direction for the better. We all have doors and opportunities opened to us. It is up to us if we open them."

    I always tell everyone, "My son was my speed bump sent from God." He knew I was heading down the wrong direction/road. No doubt, I would have been successful in what I was dong, but it would not have lead me to my purpose. I'm now on my road to my purpose.

    Wishing you the best.

  • Thank you 1blondie and Amantim - it is nice to hear the other side! Admitedly, this was probably not the right place to post and l didn't know where was.....

    Never been in this situation before and approaching 30 l think l managed well not going through this before!!! Lol. Ok think l have made my decision and pretty sure it will popular here!!! 🙂

    It's funny how l found out about a week ago but the 3/4 weeks leading up to it l really felt my aunt & granddad around me loads....they seem to have left me to the last week. I think that is why l have felt more lost about what to do!

    Thank you again and Amantim - really grateful for your sharing your experience with me!sounds like you are doing really well!!!! 🙂

    R xxx

  • Rosie dear! I've been hearing a lot but just curious on some points. Why didn't both of you took the necessary precautions if children do not factor in your relationship then? I understand you had a negative experience about adoption and so do I so i can relate to your uneasiness towards it. But if there's genuine love on your part, I can't understand the hesitation to keep the baby coz this baby is the living proof of the great love between the two of you. Are you in it for convenience's sake and what you can get out of it, and not what you are able to give in return? You are the only one who can answer it, and if your priority is your career and not family then I can also underatand why you are not keen on keeping the baby. However, you only have yourself to blame if things don't work out according to your seemingly well-laid out plans for the future. Just proceed with caution...coz whatever is your decision in the end will have an irreversible consequence in your life. We can't escape responsibilities for our own actions, that's for sure!!!

  • Hi Angela168,

    We did take precautions but sometimes the best laid plans don't go as they should!

    My upbringing was very different to most; both parents worked we had a child minder. Because of that Mum was able to build a very successful business. Never, not once, did we feel we missed out on anything and think l gained more from her hard work etc. So in my eyes l will go back to work l feel that there is no reason l can't have a family and career.

    I guess it's shock and fear that made me have doubts; which l turned here for advice - to understand the good parts of parenthood.

    See now the shock has worn off l want the baby but my b/f doesn't feel ready the hassle his ex is putting him through on seeing the kids l can totallyunderstand why!!!! Either way we will talk through this - l am the luckiest girl in that sense! Lol

    R x

  • well Rosie, thanks God you decided that, your boy friend is not the one carrying it and you will see it 's going to fine and you be happy

    Well done

    i dont have a boyfriend but i m looking to adopt it's difficult to do it alone

    Men comes and go you cant know for sure how it will go but giving a new life to child is so honourable

  • 2 of girls that i new got abortion, because they were not sure and thought about their job etc... and they didnt have good boyfriends.

    after the abortion, one the girl felt in deep depression and the other killed herself so i m sorry if i went bad on you but it was such traumatic experience i wish it on no ther

  • Star2u, that's ok we seem to have have had very different experiences to both points and that is fair enough! 🙂

    Ha...well l hope he comes round - don't believe in forcing him into this so we will see. He might be different later on....well l can hope! Lol.

    Good luck with the adoption l really hope it works out for you....:-)))))))

    R x

  • the thing with most men they are the first iniatate the action but the last to stand for their responsibility

    then he comes around or not , the thing is it;s not them that feel the pain of killing something inside of you when it come to it

    men are the last to realise what is happening and who can blame them they are not the one that carry it so they connection is kind selfish in the first moment but then after the child is there they change

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