Blmoon please read this
I wrote on this forum a few months ago about my husband of 25 years leaving me for his highschool girl friend, You wrote a beautiful response to me and I would like to thank you for all you said, but would also like to ask you a question if you would please..
You seemed to give me the impression that he would return to me, is that what you meant or di d you mean I will find love with someone else.
I am not sitting around waiting for him and I have followed you advise about planting a garden and being strong for my kids, but somehow I can't seem to let go of the hope that he will come home to us.
I need to re read that post as I detach after a read unless it is ongoing for a bit. Don't remember it completely. Right now, I do pick up that yes your husband will have a complete change of mind--in fact he already is getting uncomfortable with himself. Spirit says that you need to let go of any pictures in your head of how the future will change as it is going to be not like you thought and yes I do see a reconnecting but it will be bitter sweet because it will happen just when you think you are ok if he doesn't! I hesitate telling you this because it's like watching water boil--it takes so long--yet try walking away for a few minutes--bam--it's boiling over fast! You need to stop watching so close. You two have a bond that connects you in a psychic way. That's why he knows you too well and you also intuitively sense he is not all as happy as he's saying. He feels safe and secure knowing you are there always. It's as if he needs to really see you for the first time again. He needs to see you from a distance to really see you. There is a lot going on with his awakening and you need to let him go through the process so he will not repeat his mistake. He's just now getting some discomfort that maybe she is not who he thought she was and he is telling himself that no this is just a readjustment period. He wants so much not to have made a mistake so goes through the motions--in fact if you saw him you'd notice he's trying too hard. I see by August a turning point--a crisis will force him to see the truth and the difference between reality and fantasy. She will become more demanding in a way that really turns him off and it will take some time for him to sort out the what and why of it. First he'll blame her. You will know this is happening because he will suddenly make excuses for talking to you but not really say much--he might even act like all is ok and just testing the waters-- at first his pride will not give in but he'll be so confused he will be dying to reconnect with that tried and true place you represented--he'll need to see you more just to answer his own questions of how he interpeted you--this will lead him to discover how much all this has been inside of him and not the marriage. You need to be happy and not needy during this time--he needs plenty of space because if he does not heal first he could end up running from bad after bad looking for another woman to make it right. When things get messy with his new relationship you must avoid getting dragged in. You must be the keeper of your own happy life and if he comes back he has to leave all that behind. He will go up and down for awhile with her and needs to do it alone. You will know it's over in your favour when he comes to you with the knowledge of his faults and fears and where he went wrong without blaming her. If he comes wanting to cry on your shoulder because she turned out to be someone else he is not ready and it will only bring on anger in you--it will feel like he learned nothing and if she had been his dream he'd not come back. Spirit does say you will live to hear the right words from him--the truth. He will ask your forgiveness and I see you giving it a while because you will have learned to be happy with yourself. If he heals that void in himself you will be able to forgive him. But if he returns too quik because he's alone then you will always be distrustful of him. The growing up you are doing now will put you in that place to know if he's ready. Remember--in a marriage both of you grow together if you want to stay on path--even if it means going it alone untill crossing paths again. I know it's hard being impatient but remind yourself that independance is the energy that will draw him closer and he needs time to suffer the reality of his choice or he'll not learn. He can't truelly apreciate you until he does.
Thank you so much for another beautiful post, you give me such hope because you are telling me the same things that I have been feeling all along. I am afraid that he is to stubborn to ever admit hi mistake and would rather be alone than ask for forgivness after all he has done.
People keep telling me to go find a new man,, get out there and date, but I don't want to involve someone else in all of this and honestly my heart is not ready for all that.
I have lost weight bought new clothes and look better that I have in years but I would rather go to the zoo with my great nephew and my kids that go on a man hunt.
I do struggle with the fear of spending the rest of my life alone especially after my kids move out, but for now I am content to be a mom and a friend to those who love me.
Out of the blue he has asked me to dinner next week to talk about support and assets in the divorce, how should I act and what do I do to get throught that night without falling to pieces in front of him
Good for you for following your gut on this. It is a time for courting yourself and no you are not looking to help things with a new man. This is a time for self-reliance and perspective--who you are before wife and mother. You are both in a time for personal growth. Before you meet him make sure you are feeling strong--plenty of rest and avoid stressful times for meeting. You know how everyone's life runs in cycles of up and down time. Pick an up time. Also avoid private settings. Meet somewhere more public--it just naturaly keeps emotions more in check. Visualize feeling powrful the night before and trusting you will be fine. If after the meeting you need a good cry you deserve it and it will pass. Remember if your husband acts too happy and you feel hurt remind yourself that he has to be--and he also may be trying to get a response from you. It's the feelings of hurt and betrayel that you fear the most. That's why you must be in top shape and feeling really good about yourself. You will be fine. Instead of focusing on him--focus on learning something about yourself. It will raise your confidence level.
Wow the things you say make me feel so strong and yet I am so affraid to get my hopes up and have nothing happen.
He has been gone so long and I am so affraid he will never come home.
I was talking to an old friend the other day and he has this wonderfulo soothing voice and a small part of me hoped he wanted more than friendship with me so I could just be done with the waiting and the pain.
When I wrote my original post Captain replied and said I need to move on I am just affraid of growth and I have to get over it .
I don't understand how a man walkes away from his life to be with another woman and thinks its okay