Will the conflict in my family end



  • captain,

    i am hoping you will give me some insight into my family situation,

    i want to know if the conflict in my family will end?> i wish to have some peace before i died,

    i cannot deceivce you because it takes two to tango, i do have a very aggresive temper, so i do have my share in the conflict, but do you see the posibilty of this situation coming to a peaceful ending? I Tend to strike back, i do not know how to keep my mouth shut, under certain situation, and less when i am hurt!

    i truly appreciate the insight you will be giving me,

    may the universe bless you.

    love and peace



  • It's pretty simple. If you want peace, you first have to find it in yourself. Why do you have such an aggressive temper? Do you think peace will just happen without you doing anything?



  • Captain,

    thank you very much for responding to my question, to respond to your question, why my temper is so agressive, i was raised in a home, where my father belief was that women and children were to be seen and not heard, he was very old school.

    growing up all i knew was to suppress my feelings and never learn how to released them in a positive way.

    i have three children , two sons and one daughter, with my youngest son and daughter, i have no problems, we get along beautifully, as a matter of fact it was my daughter, who got me involve in this teaching me about karma,

    with my oldest son is where the conflict lies, many years ago my father brought me a condo in puerto rico paid in full, when i left puerto rico to come to the states, i left my eldest son living in my apartment. i ask my son to send me anywhere from twenty five dollars to fifty a month, which he never did, he lived the apartment for ten years,

    living with his girlfriend, they procreated two beautiful boys, which later he had to take them away from her, because she abused the boys, the oldest boy has some terrible scars on his head from her hitting on the head with a belt but she used to strike him with the buckel of the belt, when the second one was ten months old she took him to throw him off a third floor balcony, when this happen that when my son took action and the court award him full custody of his boys.

    soon after he remarried, he asked me to give him some of the money from the apartment, i had a power of attorney drawn, and he sold the apartment, my mistake was that i did not make a power of attorney, for him to take a certain amount, and give me a certain amount back.

    from the begining, i told him i expected him to give me something back which to this day, he has no intention of doing,

    later on, his marriage did not last long his new wife, couldnot handle the responsibilty, of caring for two younger ones that simply were not hers,she was working full time and going to the university,

    my son was also, working and going to the university to study nursing.

    today he is a chemo nurse, and a manager he makes very good money here in the states, when he graduated he sold the house in puerto rico,and we moved to florida, to be closer to the

    other two.

    the conflict has come because i expected him to returned to me some of the money, he claims that i am not entitled to that money because i was not the one that work to buy it, niether or less, the property was mine, but i have learned in life, that sometimes by losing u win, and money u do not take to the grave with u. but he has offended me deeply, humilated me, and hurted me,

    when he got the divorce from his wife, he asked me to go and help him so he could gradiate,

    and that is exactly what i did. i became my grandchildren mother, bieng that a very special love for them, for what they been through,

    he has said some very hurtful and painful things to me, and i have struck back, as i mention in my previous post, i do not know how to keep my mouth shut, and especailly when i hurt, and if this problem was with someone who was not family it would not hurt as much, but bieng that it is with my son, it hurts deeply, and i would love to have a united family bieng that i come from a very small family it was just my parents and me, i have no sisters or brother, my parents have passed and i only have my children and my grandchildren. i hope i have been able to explain the situation better.

    thank u for all your help.

    may the universe keep shedding blessings upon u for all the help you give out to others and me.

    may your light shine brighter,



  • How old was your son when you left him at the condo? In my personal opinion, I don't think children owe their parents anything & I don't think family should haggle over money. I think you should count your blessings that your children are self-reliant, productive citizens.



  • littlelioness,

    i appreciate you replying to my post, to start with this first question, my son was twenty one going on twenty two years of age,

    he was working and going to the university partime, at that time he was going to take up another major, which he drop out.

    i agree with you that family should not battle over money,

    i thought i was bieng fair with my son, at that time if i had sold the apartment, he would have had to paid a far greater sum to rent.

    the money is not the issue, the issue is the offenses and humilation behind there not bieng a understanding. it hurts deeply when a child offense you, as a mother you are always there for your children, sometimes you dont understand why things happen or what is the lesson behind them. my other two children are the ones that help me. sometimes i feel bad because i dont do anything for them, my problems with this son come way before, he was always disrecpectful, and lately i have gotten to the point where i just want to go away far from him, this as a mother is painful to say,

    the kids still need me, and i know that they will come a day when they dont need me no more, and i will be free, even though if i am not with them, and they come to me, i will receivce them with open arms,

    i have a full plate, with the house, and the kids, i still have to help them with thier school projects , and take care of thier needs,

    i have rhuemothoid arthritis and lupus running at the same time.

    like i said in my post to the captain money you cannot take with you to the grave, and right now i will add it wont paid your way into heaven because that has to be earned.

    it feels good to feel appreciated, loved, for what u do.

    and i am very grateful that my children have become productive persons.

    thank you very much littlelioness,

    may the universe shed blessings upon you!

    ramonita



  • There is a difference between people needing you and people taking advantage of you, even when they are your children. Sometimes we teach our children important lessons by denying them our help and letting them stand on their own feet. For how much longer are you going to support your grown son as he becomes weaker and weaker through alwys depending on others to help him out?



  • Romanita,

    I'm confused. Your post sounds as though you're not in touch with this son, however, you state "I've gotten to the point where i just want to go away far from him." Are you enabling your this son & your other children as The Captain suggests?

    LL



  • Captain,

    i highly appreciate your wise consul, i have been looking to move on, it is not that i like turning my back on my son, maybe one day he will look back and realize that he did not appreciate what he had, what hurts me is leaving the kids,

    i will try to find a place close incase they need me, i have to resolve this issue first, and later on at a more convinent time write to you about, two things on a pyschic level,

    may the universe continue shedding blessings upon you,

    thank you very much.



  • littlelioness,

    i appreciate the interest you have shown in my problem, i truly believed i explain the situation to the captain in my second post to him.

    so you get a clearer picture of the situation,

    when his second wife, divorce him, he was going to college to became a nurse, he was working full time,

    he was alone with his kids, bieng a single parent,

    he called me and ask me for his help,

    which i made the choice to help him,

    when he graduated, he sold the house in puertorico and we moved to florida,

    here in florida he started working as a rn,

    where he got the opportunity, to take courses and become a chemo nurse,

    till this day he is still going to school and working he works three day s of twelvehours and goes to school two days,

    the part of him still going to school, that part i didnot mention in my post to the captain,

    the reason i am mentioning it to you is because, i have been with my grandkids, 24/7 for years, and his workingdays are nights.

    i love bieng with the kids, i love taking care of them!

    i wasnot looking for my son to give me money, that he works for, the problem started with money that actually belong to me, which doesnot matter anymore,

    i have been living with him for more than seven years,

    yes, i want to run out and not look back,

    like the captain said it is one thing people needing you and another people taking advantage of you even if they are your kids,

    yes, children do not owe thier parents anything, but we do deserve some respect which i have not gotten from this son, and this is what hurts, and it hurts awfully,

    i wish to have a united family, i value family more than you can ever imagine, i grew up a only child, and i miss have brothers and sisters,

    i do not have problems with my other children, they are thier for me, always,

    and i feel bless having three children and four grandchildren.

    what has stop me from moving on, is the fact that my son works nights, his oldest son is going on seventeen,

    i feel it is not wise, to leave a child at that age, alone, we were teenagers once, oh god how grateful i am now that i had the supervision of my mother thier,

    but in reality the kids are not my children, they are his, he is the one who has to look after them and guide them,

    for my own sanity, i have to move on!

    i just want the impossible, a closely knit family,

    but deep down i feel that for god thie nothing impossible!

    i know the situation now, i believe that once i am out of here, maybe just maybe, he was start to anaylis, his actions!

    thank you again little lioness,

    writing to you has help me more than you ever can imagine, because my thoughts, have become clearer,

    may the universe bless you for you bieng there.

    thank you one and a million times!

    ramonita