Any hope for cancer man to mend wounded pride of leo woman???

  • Firstly, I find the whole concept that the alignment of distant objects during the time of one’s birth can have a profound effect on our personalities and the direction in which our lives will unfold very startling. I always have and until recently have never believed in or looked into astrology for that reason. That’s not to say that I don’t believe in fate necessarily, but I definitely don’t believe in determinism and find its philosophical implications unfathomable. But I digress… After recent, exhaustive efforts delving into websites such as this, I have come to the conclusion that I am the prototypical cancer male, and, unfortunately, have made the same mistakes with my x Leo girlfriend that seem unavoidable to those born under our sign. I will try to explain what happened as succinctly as possible and hope to hear some constructive advice.

    I met a gorgeous Leo 2 years ago and had an instant connection with her. This is highly unusual for me, because I am very shy despite the fact that girls find me extremely attractive. I don’t mean to be conceited – I say so with all humility possible and only because I’ve been told such. Anyways… Normally, depending on my level of insecurity, I will either be very standoffish and nervous or be flirtatious with all but the girl I’m interested in until she initiates communication with me (don’t ask, I have no Idea why). But she had some sort of magnetism about her and my nerves melted away almost instantly. We quickly became very close and for a couple months things were going fantastically; I made it through the “talk” without my usual level of trepidation and I specifically remember telling a friend that we never fight and that I cared for her greatly. But I still was emotionally unavailable and still was unable to truly let her in. This was completely unacceptable to her sensibilities and inevitable tug of war commenced. She pulled, I pulled away. In the meantime, I developed deep seeded feelings for her which only further strengthened my urge to hide behind my impenetrable walls, and she was already deeply in love with me. She stayed without much hesitation, secure in the belief that I would come around (in fact I knew I was already in love with her), for about 8 months into the relationship until an incident happened with her neighbor.

    He physically accosted my brother for being a drunken imbecile at his party. I went to the party to straighten things out and was informed that her neighbor’s cousin had been the one to hit him and that he deserved it because he was out of line. I accepted the explanation (because it was likely true and my brother wasn’t really hurt) until I found out that it was actually the neighbor who had hit my brother. It made me angry that he had lied to me and I let it be known that he was a liar to some people in the front as I left. Somehow he was informed of this and showed up to his front door with about 4 guys behind him in an aggressive stance. I did not take kindly to his posture and am not one to quickly back down from a physical confrontation, so I proceeded to talk as much shit as possible in an attempt to intimidate him into backing off. I had reasonable reason to believe he would, because he and everyone he was with were about half my size. Meanwhile my girlfriend had made her way outside to witness the whole event. Needless to say he, in fact, did not back down and instead decided to rush me. His buddies jumped in and were kicking me but could not pull me off of him or keep me from choking the life out of him. Luckily, my buddies had witnessed what was going on and were able to do so, but this was definitely a side of me that I never wanted her to see. She blamed me for the whole thing. I could not understand this, because, although I provoked him, he was the one who attacked me, and I felt as if she should take my side even though we held mutual responsibility. This created a huge gulf between her and ,I and she began to withdraw emotionally. As I said, I knew I was in madly in love with her yet was still unable to prevent her from slipping away by letting down my walls. Actually, I think I withdrew further into my shell.

    We managed to maintain the status quo as she slowly drifted away for another 4 months until one night, on her birthday, I asked her if we were going to make it. When she replied, “I don’t know”, I broke down and started to cry right there as I sat in the very middle of the bar. A couple of nights later, after a fight on the phone, I called her back and asked her if she still loved me to which she responded yes. I sensed both conviction and hesitation in her voice and decided instantly that I needed to treat her like the princess she was and let her in to my impenetrable fortress of solitude. My demeanor literally changed overnight, and I became the boyfriend I ought to have been to her (but could not be for fear of the terrible pain of love lost) from the beginning. Although she responded positively to this at first, it was very confusing to her, and eventually she came to self introspection which led her to the conclusion that if not for her emotional withdrawal I would not have came to be the loving boyfriend I had become. This thought ate at her and wounded her pride (justifiably so), so she began to pull away once again, and we began the tug of war anew, except this time the roles had been reversed. She told me that she didn’t know if she felt the same about me anymore, but we continued to try to work it out. At times, there were flashes of true love in her eyes which she instantly extinguished and would not let herself feel.

    Finally, shortly after Christmas, she broke up with me. She left my place with tears in her eyes and I could tell that she was hurting almost as bad as I. I tried my hardest not to contact her and lasted until the Sunday after New Year’s at which point I contacted her through text. I told her how much I loved her and tried to explain things through my perspective. We argued for hours every day for the next few days. She kept repeating her mantra: that she still loved me but couldn’t in the way that I wanted and that she could forgive me for the way I had behaved, but that it had changed the way she felt. But she always used modifiers such as for now, or right now which gave me some hope. The arguments, which did not evolve on either end, grew tiresome so I again attempted to cut off communication. For the first two weeks I could not sleep or eat and was prone to fits of unyielding sadness and spontaneous outbursts of uncontrollable crying on a daily basis. I tried so hard not to contact her and managed to successfully avoid such for a whole two weeks (sarcasm ) at which point I sent her a very sweet email explaining that I know the things I had done wrong, but that I loved her with all my heart, and that it should not matter how I managed to get to this point – if she still loved me, that’s all that should matter. Her response was the same; she loved me but could not make herself feel the way she used to or that I wanted her to. Basically that it was plutonic love. I attempted to give her the space I thought she needed, but I could not let her go and contacted her again on Valentine’s day and almost every other week until St. Patrick’s day to which the responses were not positive. Since then, until recently, I have broken off all communications and even made unsuccessful attempts to let go and move on, but can not engender interest in the women I have been meeting. It always comes back to her. Then, a couple of weeks ago, a good friend of hers died and I could not help but succumb to my strong desire to comfort her. I sent a nice text and got a nice response, but I wanted to do more although I knew I should not. I sent a more lengthy and detailed message of consolation through email. I never received a response and did not really expect to, but this situation has brought back all the painful emotion that I had managed to suppress for so long. I am, once again, torn to pieces about her, but I know there is nothing I can or should do to help her in her time of grieving and don’t think she will ever come back around. All that I know is that I want her back and am extremely dismayed at the idea that it will never happen, and I’m hurting that she’s hurting and I can not help her.

    Sorry for the lengthy diatribe. That was definitely not succinct as I had promised.

  • CC,

    Well, I'm certainly not an expert on astrology and compatibility so I only can give an opinion based on what I've read & learned here about myself. Also, we know that everyone is different & is influenced by their upbringing & environment.

    I can tell from your introspective thoughts here & writing that you are very much the characterization of a Cancer. However, & this sounds shallow, but sometimes too much introspection can be a turn off to a female Leo. Perhaps, she was more attracted to you as the elusive person you were when you first met. Also, another shallow assumption, but to a female Leo, the physical relationship is as important if not more important than emotional intimacy. I'd give it a 60/40 at best.

    I don't know if my opinion helps but I'm sure more knowledgeable people on this forum can help if you give your Leo's birth date & location.


  • what a beautiful story. I agree the physical connection for a Leo lady is very important. I hope you win her back, she sounds like a gem. healthy communication is key for all relationships to survive the tough times. sounds like you could win her back, but it's going to take some serious magic on your part.


  • Physical intimacy was never an issue until the very end. After she lost iterest we lasted little more than a month. However, I feel that she lost interest in an attempt to cut emotional ties. August 17, 81 in WV.

  • when you decided to become physical with those guys that is when things between you two changed. you will have to forget your own beliefs for a while so you can be empathic and see it from her perspective. even though you say you understand, you have yet to understand why she has changed towards you. she did not like what she saw. and sometimes there is no turning back or making it right.

  • it is what it is. and that often is the hardest part, is when you have to accept it, and there is no turning this around to the way it used to be.

  • My intuition has already led me to this conclusion, but it also has told me that her decision to end things was dictated by her head and not her heart. The idea that she still cares for me but will not let herself feel those emotions is almost unbearable. Or maybe I'm just self delusional and will not allow myself to think that her emotions are all dried up. Either way, I think you're right and she will never come back, and the fact that I brought this upon myself makes it hurt all that much worst!

  • I still don't think it's doomed. now would be wise to let her go, allow her to think on it. if it's meant to go further or long term, then you 2 will find your way back to each other. I am only saying, it's going to take some serious magic on your part to win her back. you will have to use your heart to win her back.

    her decision to end it emotionally came from her mind you say. you see, she is not married to you, so she made a choice to exit. if she were married to you, she most likely would think twice about leaving you. her feelings would still be the same, but being married she would want to work it through?

    good luck, and blessed be, Sunny

  • CC,

    I seriously doubt the immature boy fight was the cause for her dumping you. You are young & need more experience. So get out there & play the field.

  • LL

    It was a contributing factor among many. I never did anything that would constitute an unforgivable act, but little things can add up to a big deal. I may lack experience (it takes a long time for me to get involved in another relationship after I've lost a meaningul one), but I'm not that young, and I'm not all that interested in playing the field. I guess I have no other recourse, however, and will attempt to put my armor on and get back out there. The problem lies in the fact that I will be unable to emotionally or otherwise commit for a long time, unless someone truly special comes along. This can lead to a lot of heartache for any woman who wants to talk to me, and I hate to hurt people's feelings. In the past I have found that, although I am very forthright about not wanting a relationship, they always want more and interperet any kindness on my part as insincerity in my position. I am kind to people because good people deserve to be treated in such regard, not because I want to move forward in a romantic relationship with them. I'm probably better off avoiding the whole "game" altogether, but what kind of life would I live then. One of complete solitude? I guess that is something I'm unwilling to do as well.

  • CC,

    Your gf is 29 so I'm going to assume you're around that age. You are young & talking to someone is not going to break anyone's heart. Being kind and considerate to others is a good quality. However, as the song goes, you have to be cruel to be kind within the right measure. Most people appreciate straight forwardness especially if they have the wrong impression.

    Glad to hear you're not willing to live a solitude life. Really, just get out there and live it. I don't see how what you've described could have wounded her pride. The only way I know to hurt my pride is to take something away from me but Leos don't usually tolerate abuse of any kind. You may ask her for an honest explanation and you may or may not get it.

    I'd try to avoid the stalker behavior that I see so much of on this forum. You can't make someone have the same feelings for you that you have for them. It's ok to contact to ask how she is. Wait for her lead, try not to analyze her or your relationship & keep your feelings to yourself at least until it seems reciprocal. Anyway, if I've learned anything from this forum it is obsessive feelings toward another who does not reciprocate is usually about yourself.

    Sorry about the straight talk. I always want a happy ending & there will be one for you if you try not to control. Good luck CC.


  • Although I know it has been somewhat obssessive, I'd like to think I don't fit into the stalker category yet and do not plan on taking things any further than they have already gone. I know that the only thing that can bring her back is a conscious decision on her part that she is ready to let me back in. I know that she isn't ready to do that right now. As far as "straight talk", I wouldn't have it any other way. I appreciate your honesty and your candid advice.

  • This post is deleted!

  • CC,

    I hoped it helped to talk about it. You're a good communicator and that has probably served you well. I had to mention the stalking, obsessive issues as, like I said, I've seen so much of it on this forum that it is scary. I also get the feeling that if you're going as far as trying to understand a person's birth sign after a break up, well, it's leading down that path. You sound like you have a reasonable head on your shoulders and think if you don't shut people out that you will find the happiness you're looking for.


    I'd worry about yourself if I were you. Generalization is wrong & you know it. On this forum it seems very easy & silly to pass judgment and make generalizations about people just based on their zodiac sign. BTW, it's also derogatory to women to equate being feminine with complaining and manipulation.

  • Thunder07 FIND MOST CANCER MEN SO FEMINE,THEY COMPLAIN AND MANIPULATE TO NO END LIKE A GIRL WANTING HER WAY ..WHY DOES THE CANCER MALE BEHAVE THAT WAY?.....Oooops , sorry I forgot, we need the>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> dont weThunder07/sandran712/strawberries..........

    littlelioness....I am SO sorry for intruding on your post, I have been stupidly reacting to the sick awful posts of this can I put it...THE DISGUSTING ONES!!!!...all I can say is...IGNORE their comments, they TRULY don't mean a thing, THEY are sick People/person...I send them ALL my love and healing.

  • HealingWays,

    No worries & It's not my post. Also, no need to apologize for Thunder as that's his job if he has the guts to do so. Take care.


  • LL

    Hmmm... it seems that I've missed something! Let people think or say what they want. They don't know who I am and will likely never have the pleasure of meeting me. Your advice and perspective have been tremendously helfpul. You have an excellent point about the level of obssession I have succumb to by simply starting this thread. I just don't ever express myself to anyone and don't think I would have been comfortable doing so without the veil of anonymnity provided by this site. Actually I had successfully buried my feelings for her and don't think they would have resurfaced so strongly had her friend not have passed. The space between us will remain until she decides it's not to her liking and begins to bridge the gap. That is the only way possible for us to move on whether as friends or something more. I truly hope, that in the long run, we can at least remain friends. She is a very special person who helped me grow by leaps and bounds and I wish her nothing but the best and all the luck in the world!

  • CC,

    What's missing is a poster who makes vulgar remarks in order to start an argument, Admin must have deleted it. It's not really worth mentioning. I'm glad to hear how your friend helped you & that you hope to be at least friends in the end. This is a positive outlook and it will develop more as time passes. You can write down your feelings which may help to not internalize them. I agree because of the anonymity this forum is a great resource & there are plenty of insightful, helpful people.


  • The post break-up phase is very painful to us, but to be perfectly honest we Leos don’t generally look back at an ended relationship. Its usually a closed chapter for us. We move on, become our cheerful selves and let love happen again. Its difficult for us as is to come to terms with the fact that our love and devotion is not reciprocated by the man we love, so when we decide to end it the chances are usually very dim we are going to get back with the same person.

  • Pvab:

    You're unquestionably right about that. She is resolute and as immovable as a mountain in maintaing her position that we should not even be friends. She is under the false impression that I am still in love with her and am incapable of handling a friendship. I know that my compulsion to win her back for so long is ultimately responsible for giving her this impression, but I have truly moved on and let go. It's a shame because she is a sweet, honest, and caring woman with whom I feel that I could confide in and could have a mutually supportive friendship with if only she'd let me. But, alas, I have other vexing problems concerning the woman I'm currently seeing and have neither the time or energy to worry about whether she'll ever come around.

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