A little Insight??



  • I've been back and forth with a cancer man. We stopped talking in February...I saw him again 2 weeks ago and we both acted very casual. will anything materialize from this? Any help would be greatly appreciated!!



  • One of you is going to have to stop retreating into your shell for protection. Will it be you who takes a chance? Because without one of you taking a risk, this isn't going to happen.



  • Captain,

    thank you so much for your reply. I know we both have problems with communication, but I don't know how to get through to him. I know I need to open up and let him into my world so we can both start building trust, but I don't know where to start.

    the problem is that he doesn't want to talk. I've tried sending him a nice text asking him how he is once or twice after he stopped talking with me but he doesn't reply. I don't want to put too much pressure either because that might make him retreat even more. what to do?

    we acted very nice and casual with eachother 2 weeks ago when we saw eachother again, but should I try and communicate with him again? I really don't want to apply too much pressure and scare him away...

    Please let me know if and when you can.

    Thank you so much for your gacious replies. you are such an amazing person and I really look up to you and your abilities. 🙂



  • I think it's time for honesty. Send him a text explaining how you feel. Lay it on the line. Cancer people understand talk about feelings. If he gets in touch, well and good. If he doesn't, then at least you know he wasn't as interested as you were, and you can move on to someone who will appreciate you.



  • would sending a text telling him how I feel make him feel pressured? would he run away even further?

    do you see us working out? do you see anyone else coming into my life other than him?



  • It depends how you word the text. Make sure you get across to him that you are not pressuring him, that you just want to know one way or the other if he feels something for you. Say that if he answers no, you will not pursue the relationship any more (That removes the pressure.)



  • should I word the text for friendship first and then relationship? I feel like if I throw the word "relationship" into the text, he'll freak out and not reply. it's been so long since we talked, I don't want to make it uncomfortable either...



  • How long do you want to draw this out for? Stop worrying that you will chase him away. He's already away - now you must find out exactly how far away he is and if there's a chance of him coming back. Just ask him what he wants from you.



  • Captain,

    I'm hesitant because we have the same group of friends and I don't want to pour my heart out and not get a response and then have to face him afterwards when we all are together hanging out.

    I'm also hesitant because I'm very insecure with our situation...I'm scared to put my heart out on the line just to get rejected...I know I need strength and my feelings for him a very strong...I'm just anxious...

    I wish I could get some affirmation on how he feels or what he's thinking before I text him... 😕



  • I am feeling he has another involvement with someone else.



  • so then I guess that means I need to leave him alone and not text him. He's involved with someone else and he will only ignore my text. this is so disappointing...I don't understand why my feelings for him haven't faded.

    do you see anyone else coming into my life Captain?



  • Of course, if you are open to meeting someone new and don't cling to the past.



  • Please don't get offended, but why would I send a text to him if he's involved with someone? unless he got involved with her in the past week or so...I'm just a little confused...I'm not trying to belittle your talents or question your abilities...I'm just curious I guess.

    What if I had text him, and he was already involved with with another woman? what would that have done for me?



  • The point of the text was to get honesty and clarity from him about how he feels about you. So that when he said no, you could move on and stop wasting your time on him. Because I'm not sure you will believe there is no chance unless he tells you himself.



  • but then why did you say "without one of you taking a risk, this isn't going to happen" ? I'm just so confused....

    I know I have some deep feelings for this guy, but sending him a text telling him how I feel only to get rejected seems like an awful thing to do to myself. to hurt myself so badly, only to go further deep into my pain that I already have. I'm not sure that it would have made me move on faster. you told me that I'm insecure, on another thread, and that I give out insecure vibes...dont you think that me actually finding the courage to send him a text finally, only to get rejected, make my insecurity worse?

    Again, I'm not trying to belittle your talents....i'm just confused....please don't take offense.



  • Captain, I DO want to thank you for everything you've told me. I know I sound ungrateful, but I really am very happy and blessed by the fact that you took time to respond to me. I honestly am just frustrated and confused by my situation and the fact that I can't get over him. for some reason I felt such a strong connection, which clearly he didn't feel, and I don't know why I cannot get past him or why I cannot. I've met a few other guys, but for some reason, he's stuck in my heart. I just want you to know that I appreciate everything you do.



  • ScorpVirgo, what would you prefer - to go on wasting your life pining for a guy who doesn't want you or to find out the truth and be able to move on to find a real love? This romance has been all on your side - the guy just likes to flirt with you, as he does with other women. You are in love with a fantasy which is why you can't let go. You have blown it up in your mind until it seems so wonderful that you don't want to believe it's only a one-sided dream. But sooner or later, you are going to have to face reality. It's not this guy you want, but a perfect relationship. And there is no such thing as perfection in this world.



  • you're right. I do want the perfect relationship, and we got along so well that I thought he was it. I thought he was the one for me. he understood me so well and I thought we could be something wonderful. he had his flaws, as well as me, and we just "clicked". I want him because he's one of the only people who finally understood me. but at the same time, he doesn't want me and he does flirt with other women. that's something I have to understand and accept and get over it already. I don't know how to...that's the confusing part.

    I have blown this out of proportion and I keep thinking that if we could start talking again, we could get into this wonderful relationship. when in reality, he doesn't want a relationship and I am living in a fantasy world. how do I fix this? where do I go from here?



  • You come down from your cloud and find something more real by learning how to ground yourself. Getting out into nature, eating grounding foods like potatoes and meat, listening to earthy music such as rock 'n roll or jazz are some of the ways to do it. Look up more grounding methods on the internet.



  • Could you tell me what my 2010-2011 year looks like? is anyone new coming into my life? what about my career? family?

    I did some major thinking last night, and I'm slowly starting to understand your point of view and your words of wisdom. he's not meant for me, and he doesn't want me. that hurts, but I have to be strong and accept that. it's hurtful that he doesn't care or never did because of the way we were, but I guess it was all just a game to him. I wish him well, and I have to let him go...

    Thank you so much Captain!