Forgiveness for lying



  • A side of me that I thought I had buried over 25years ago has recently surfaced.....Lying to someone I loved, not a white lie, several big lies, all eventually confessed but the ache in my heart and my mind for hurting a dear friend does not seem to be going away. I have asked on several occasions to be forgiven since I am not perfect, flawed like most, and don't really want to lose my "soulmate" over my transgressions. I ask myself why would I lie to someone I care about? I promised myself a very long time ago that honesty had to be first and foremost in a relationship, yet fear of losing him brought out a person I did not recognize. It was like watching a movie outside of my body, full of drama, deceit, fear, sorrow, hurt and shamefulness.....All I ask for is forgiveness from my friend. Patience has always been something that i am full of....at this point, I am crawling outside of my skin waiting for something that may never happen.....Tis a sad time in my life.........



  • Maybe he will forgive you once he has seen how sorry you are

    it only takes time and paitents to let someone now that they must be truley sorry for whatever it is that they have done

    Whatever it is you have done, must be a good enough reason for doing it

    or you wouldnt have done it in the first place especily to someone you love

    i know its hard but just wait it out, and in time he will forgive you

    maybe you need to forgive yourself aswell, dont be to hard on yourself though not everyones perfect and things can go wrong just makesure to think of what good things you've got in your life as well, and that will bring things back up.

    Hope i helped

    Best wishes

    RebeccaAnn



  • I am working on forgiving myself...that is just as hard as waiting for forgiveness from him. I know that I cannot change the past. No matter how hard we try, the past is a part of us and can rear it's ugly head just when we think we are no longer capable of immature actions. I will strive to be patient and immerse myself in the good. I can only strongly advise lovers or best friends to be honest with each other, despite the outcome. As a child I lied my way through life, knowing that if I told the truth I would still be punished. I also think that communication, talking things out before they escalate is far better than holding your feelings inside for fear of rejection. Thanks for your kind words..........Debbie



  • idesofmarchbaby

    I can relate to how your feeling,

    I lost a person That I truly miss and love, Just the pureness of thier company is so rare & unique that they cross my mind each day

    in fear of loosing my position with him jealousy prevailed

    and overtime ate everything up before I knew it, was alot of drama

    involved and this is probably my first time talking about it as far as

    admitting my true feelings about the situation, Even after all I did he still forgave

    me many times And the pain i caused him grew wider and wider

    Now I never hear from him, Because I had to much pride to then

    put away my pride and express my real feelings, But the lesson has taught

    me alot, that TRUE FRIENDS are rare and hard to find; So if you love him

    the you have to sacrifise your pride, because in the mean time your

    hurting him, but believe me it will bother your conscious to have guilt

    on your mind and in the long run will hurt you even more.

    blessings & best wishes.



  • I hurt my ex very badly and this one he says he is never talking to me again but I miss his friendship let alone his love for me we will be getting together again? Or did he find someone else to make him happy?



  • I would love that 2nd chance to start over and get to know one another again to fall in love with the guy I fell in love with! Please help



  • Is he as miserable as I am or is he happy? We were true friends and I always thought True Friends always no matter what forgave each other



  • No problem idesofmarchbab i hope things will become more better for you in the meantime

    just keep waiting im sure he will come around and i feel that you know he will eventually too.

    Best wishes

    RebeccaAnn



  • Is he as miserable as I am or is he happy? We were true friends and I always thought True Friends always no matter what forgave each other

    -x-

    Dnmre i think you need to find something to do to keep your mind off him for now

    and wait to see if he wil turn around

    just be patient as paitents is sometimes the key

    Maybe you need to search for someone else instead of chasing after the same person

    if he seems happy to you then you should just leave him be.

    Sometimes things always dont go to plan for us, but we have to acept that and find ways to help ourselfs first.

    Best wishes

    RebeccaAnn



  • no in reality he doesnt seem happy he always seem to be fighting with everyone and everything but he is always coming back to me to see if I am dating someone or if I am happy what is the problem here Am I missing something? is he trying to get toether or what? He says every person he has met their is something wrong with them so what about us?



  • What is wrong with us that we cant be fixed? or can we be fixed? how do we go about it?



  • no in reality he doesnt seem happy he always seem to be fighting with everyone and everything but he is always coming back to me to see if I am dating someone or if I am happy what is the problem here Am I missing something? is he trying to get toether or what? He says every person he has met their is something wrong with them so what about us?

    -x-

    Maybe you already know these answers to your questions without realising it

    just look into yourself, i know i dont want to but i have to let him go, if he keeps coming back and leaving you again that is not a good relationship, you have to think what you want and what u need at this time, forget about him, just be friends if he needs you he will probably come back for something.

    but you should say we should be friends, if you want to be happy then just let him figure himself out, i know its hard but he has to find out what he wants from life, and by hurting you all the time thats not gunna happen.

    So you are the one that will have to let him go, of course u can stay friends but if hes looking for a relationship then i should strongly say No.

    let him find himself, and you should do the same for yourself

    you dont need a man in your life to be happy all the time

    Best wishes

    RebeccaAnn



  • Oh and dnnmre maybe you should start your own thread, as i forgot to mention people might not like it when your jumping into their threads

    Best wishes

    RebeccaAnn



  • I know I dont need a man in my life to make me happy I have myself for that but it is nice to share things with. He says we have to much history together? what does that mean



  • I know I dont need a man in my life to make me happy I have myself for that but it is nice to share things with. He says we have to much history together? what does that mean

    -x-

    Maybe you should ask him that question yourself 🙂

    and u will find your answer

    Best wishes

    RebeccaAnn

    X



  • thank you



  • thank you

    -x-

    No problem glad i could help

    take care of yourself

    best wishes

    RebeccaAnn



  • No matter how you look at it, forgiveness has to come from within. I have been taught to turn the other cheek, he on the other had keeps analyzing the situation which only makes the healing unreachable. There is no doubt in my mind that he is my "soulmate", but it may take a long time to heal the wounds left on his heart by my transgressions. I never met anyone who hardens themselves to this degree. If all that I salvage out of this whole mess is his friendship than I am willing to take that. Both of us have tons of baggage to move before we can ever be together. After praying for a long time and handing over my troubles, I believe that I am calmer and more at peace with what I did. I am not denying that lying isn't wrong, it is....but forgiveness is ultimately the only way back to where things were. Since the dialogue has not closed I believe that we are on the right path, but I miss SOoooo much what we had.....



  • You touch my heart with your pain and i hope youall can overcome and you can i beleave at least you are willing to tell the truth and truth is so inportant in a relationship.I was married for 21 years divorced this april not my choice but it had to be.When we got married all i ask was just do not lie to me and i wont lie to you and i also said if you mess around or want someone else tell me just dont lie about it and i would step aside .

    From that commitment in the beginning our marriage grew into a fairytale of happiness i had never known and God was at the center our spiritual God we were not religious and anyway we were very happy and content we had living problems and kids and grand kids but we were happy i thought .My wife took this job and she had been working there for around 2 years no problems and a new women was hired and that is when i noticed things she was doing totally out of caricature so i started wondering what was going own i even ask several times she said nothing but a few problems with the new lady but over a period of weeks and months i seen signs of messing around so i started checking and i new i was being lied to about every thing i ask about she was saying it was all in my head but i watched her change then the arguments and fights all over lies and the kids were seeing it even tho all the kids were on their own they knew and she was the kind that when ask about some thing she wouldn't say anything or she would say i cant believe you think that and thats all she would say but not me i would rat and rave i wanted it to be over and i knew if the truth was not exposed it would never be over.

    When you build your life and relationship on trust for over 12 years and then 8 years of lies the only way a lie louses its strength is truth and i did every thing i could to try and get her to deal with the lie .I wanted our happiness back but it never came because of the lie . I am not very proud of my actions threw them 8 years but i would of do anything to save my marriage and wound up destroying it my kids blamed me they even said if that happen i should of left then .I could not because i be leaved in our marriage and truth and the truth would make it right .But the most important thing i forgot is choice .I was trying to force her to do something she chose not to do and that was to tell me the truth, and for 8 years i lied to my self and justified my actions by it and i had to realize my kids were right i should of left when it happen and them 8 years destroyed what we did have.

    Today Debbie i dont know why she chose to do what she did but it was her choice and i have to except that, does that make it right ?No but all i can do is to see what part i played and to deal with that and if i caused harm and to make amends to those i have caused harm to even my wife its not about her its about me and what i need to do to get spiritually fit or well .I have faith based own my beliefs that i will be OK .I know that faith starts with a belief and from that faith comes trust and what holds and bonds it all together is truth and there is were my true happiness lives .Today what i want to believe that i can be as happy as i was during that 12 years even if its just with me . I rather have someone in my life to share with and to touch and hold and to love but i have my kids and grand kids and i have 5 grand daughters that are 13,14,15,16,17, so that tells you i can have drama every day if i want but i try to be a positive influence in their lives and i haven't killed any boyfriends yet,yet LOL and if there is anything i can do to help you i will do my best just remember your not alone . Tooter You know looking over what i wrote i just noticed when me and my ex got married our joined kids were 4 girls 13,14,15,16 i like to of went nuts and now i have these grand daughters but at least i got a little experience now .Tooter



  • Things still aren't back to normal with the man that I lied to. He says that he is over it, but in reality he is not. He wants to harden himself when it comes to his feelings for me, but I understand that this is a method of defense. In facing my own doubts about myself, I called my mother to ask her why I lie to people I love....her answer, "because Debbie as a young girl and all throughout your life, you were punished whether you told the truth or you lied".....we never knew when you were lying." How ironic that lying as an adult is not as easy as it was when I was younger. This man saw right through me, like he knew all of the details....the bond between us was so close that he only needed to look in my eyes to know that I was not telling the truth. My mother also told me that when she was carrying me as a baby she wasn't too happy about it. She already had one infant and was fixin to leave my dad when she found out she was pregnant with me. No wonder I never feel loved and look for it in all of the wrong places. You can NEVER dig yourself out of a lie, it will live with you through eternity and it also lives with those you hurt. I think that it is about time that I grew up and faced that little girl who is always afraid of being rejected, so she lies. Although telling the truth can be harder than the lie, it is ALWAYS the best path to take............Happy Sunday - Debbie


Log in to reply