Blmoon, can you help me?

  • Dear Blmoon,

    I am new here but have been kind of following you around. I'm sorry if I have put a drain on you with my semi-stalker type spying so I have decided to just come forward and say hello. I use the name Wanderingwonder and my DOB is 3-15-61. Another member suggested that I call on you to ask if you had any information on my missing fairy. She used to sit on my left shoulder and was very connected to my sense of joy and laughter. Perhaps she was my innocence and represented the happiness that comes with blind faith. Maybe she never even existed but I think she did as I have always felt that I had fairies (or something outside of me and magical) that went with me.

    Anyway, call them what you will, my left shoulder fairy was always my one of my favorites. It was November 4, 2006 - my son was in the hospital in Boston and things went very wrong. He and I were alone in his room and he had a massive grand mal seizure that wouldn't stop. I needed to decide whether to let him die alone or try to get help because no one was responding as I called out and beat on the nurses button. I decided I couldn't just let him die so I started running from his room to the nurse's station. As I left his room his dad and his girlfriend were just getting back from an outing to Cambridge and I was so grateful. I was finally able to get the nurses to respond to me and ran back to his room. The next thing I knew there were medical people racing to his bedside but it seemed like no one was doing anything. I was holding onto his feet when he left life and all his monitors went flat.

    There was tremendous confusion and much yelling. Blood was flying everywhere as his IV's had been ripped out, he had bit off a large part of his tongue, and the young cardiologist was unable to get a needle into the right part of him. During this mayhem a nurse with the most beautiful blue eyes seemed to free me from myself and I went after him. Although the whole thing is still so surreal I relive it too often as my brain still struggles to make sense of any of it. Maybe I never even left myself but I think that I did and I think there was a tremendous battle and although I was able to pull my son back with me, I fear that I may have sacrificed my fairy. I felt her being ripped from my shoulder and pulled away from me. I fear that I might have killed her or abandoned her in the dark place between life and death - and I have sadness and guilt that has changed me and challenged me in ways that I have not been able to respond to.

    About a year later, I met a woman who seemed to know a great deal about magical folks and I told her without details that I was afraid I had hurt my fairy and might have caused her death. The woman told me that it wouldn't have been possible to kill a fairy and that perhaps my fairy had just decided that she needed to be with someone else. The woman told me not to be so sad and to let go of the anger that was destroying my soul. She said that I would be fine and that my fairy could not have been hurt by me or my actions that day in the hospital. Although I want to believe that I don't have the power to hurt the forces that protect me I don't know why my fairy would have left me when I needed her so badly and I still cannot get over the sensation of her being ripped violently from my shoulder.

    I know this is a heavy duty thing to put on anyone which is why I have only told a very few people about the chaos and confusion that surround this memory and I have only now said anything about the blood and gore and the blue-eyed nurse. I am sorry if I have said too much as I sense that you are an overworked soul and I have no right to burden you; but, I am wondering if you have any information for me. I am willing to accept responsibility if my actions caused trouble in the universe. I am hoping that the magical woman was right and that my fairy just moved on - but I don't fully believe it to be true. Please Blmoon, don't think that I am a nut or something like that. If you can help me - I would be so grateful. Thank you and sorry. Wanderingwonder

  • Dear Bimoon,

    I see you haven't been able to respond to this and apologize for asking. I don't know how to remove things so I guess it will sit here. Hope you are well as I have heard such great things about you and have enjoyed your responses to others. I feel like I may have gone out of bounds with this request for insight. I also wonder if the topic of my son scares people into silence. I think I know more than what I allow myself to think about so I kind of understand. Still, I am sad and worried a lot during certain times and I try to keep my thoughts positive. Maybe positive is a form of denial? Best Wishes, Wandering Wonder

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