Say one thing & do another: LIARS



  • i have been having problems with people who tell me one thing & i see them do something totally different...this infuriates me because they usually tell me an out & out right lie & then when I call them on this they lie more to cover up their lies...whats really going on here?



  • happens to me all the time. i've stopped bothering to confront them. i just find something more useful to indulge in. if all else fails good music through headphones and a great book can be an awesome distraction. let them be happy in thinking they got away with something.

    i've discovered that some people cannot actually control their inconsistencies. they get most upset when they are faced with evidence of their cracked integrity. in fact it is a lot more fun trying to figure out where i may have probably got it wrong. i seldom find those, but it is so consuming that by the time i stop i had lost all interest in confrontation. it becomes just another academic exercise.



  • Hi Debi

    I get so aggrevated when that happens.You really can't control what other people do or say.All you can do is be responsible for you.Everybody knows at least one dishonest person and the reasons why they lie are varied.It simply depends on what the subject was about.



  • what is said above is very true, we have no control over other peoples actions,

    it is up to you, not to let it have the power over you,

    i used to have a problem with the same issue, i dont bother anymore giving it my energy,

    with so many better things to conceterate on.

    i found myself putting a barrier of distance with persons like that,

    and sometimes, i say yes, that is the way it is.

    no arguements please,

    old timers sayings, one was, actions speak louder than words.

    blessings

    Ramonita



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  • If it smells like a lie, it probably is one. Go with your gut and your instincts. The one person who cannot lie to you is yourself.

    I think most people lie so that they can fit in or be accepted. External validation is important to them. They don't know how to be true to themselves anymore. It's sad really.....



  • I have this same problem. I don’t understand at all. I think that it is something we are supposed to use as a learning experience. Perhaps we are supposed to learn how to deal with these type of liars.



  • Well lets look at the concept of lying i will keep it contained to me so i do not piss to many people off a lye is the opposite of truth what is truth/ to me truth is , we have some who believe in half truth then we have some who believe in their truth what ever it may be its based on their understanding of truth if i say the sun will not set today am i lying no i am not the sun never sets the earth rotates the one that gets me is why did you lye to me ? I did not want to hurt your feelings """ ring any bells ,what they are really saying is ,if i told you the truth it would of made me look bad to you ,How do you know if you had to lie about it ?Lets take this forum if my friend comes up and says what are you doing ,oh nothing just looking ,at what oh just doing some writing ,what kind oh oh oh own a chat forum ,what kind , anyway you get my drift if i have to hide it or do not want to tell them ,why or use a name no one would ever guess it was me if they seen it my Goodness i could never let that happen so who are we lying to then if not to ourself we make all kinds of excuses to justify our actions its always easer to look at other peoples flaws instead of looking at our own .I have found when some one else bothers me and their actions maybe i need to look at me and my actions does that mean their actions are OK, no it just means its not OK for me to do that does that make me a better person i hope so ,does that mean i am better than them ? NO ,so how could i help that person ? I can try telling them the truth ,i know you mean well but you do not have to lye about it to me i whole lot rather you tell me the truth no matter how much it hurts .You know it takes a lot of work to keep a lye hid .I do not like being lied to but if i am OK with me i am OK and see it for what it is and if i have to justify any of my actions or reactions maybe i need to be looking at me instead of pointing fingers at others how do i combat lies with truth,Is the sun going to set tonight No but i chose to say and hopefully watch the sunset even if i do know that the earth is just rotating and blocking the sun light ,A good friend told me one time he said Tooter nearly all my friends and family call me Tooter and he said you know when were pointing a finger at some one have you ever noticed there is always four pointing back at us ,and yes i still point fingers but i really try not to and look at me and some times it sure dont feel good cause i see the real truth of me and in that time is when i have a chance to become a better person Delbert C



  • Debie one thing i did not say is what we chose to do when we know we are lied to my wife chose another man over me and i knew even tho she lied about it for 9 years but i was the one lying to because i new she was lying so i become a party to it to by denying it not forgetting but denying if i had truly admitted to my self the truth would of meant a decision one way or the other if i excepted it for what it was that meant i needed to leave and move own cause i could not live with a liar but i chose to try and get her to deal with the truth cause i knew if she did not it would destroy us and i loved her so much but after nine years it destroyed what we had at one time my kids said i should of left when it happen , i justified it by fighting for what was right or marriage or the biggest one Gods Will ,you see i was a lier for 9 years for 9 years i was lying to myself thinking i could except it or she would tell the truth well i could not and she would not so it ended it has taken me along time to admit the truth to myself and it sure did not feel good but today i am better and i feel for her cause she is still carrying that lye i guess it does not matter any more she made her choice and i am ok with it i do not agree but i am OK and thats all i can do is for me to be OK Delbert C



  • Don't focus on it. distract your attention to other things that are productive and creative.

    like many responders here, I have encountered many of these people all my life. Most of the time, they called me a thief, while I didn't steal anything. In some cases, they found out who actually did it, and yet I never received an apology whatsoever. On top of that, when I came up with good ideas, either people claimed it was theirs. Then when they couldn't work out the ideas well (because it wasn't originally theirs, see? they didn't know how it started and so they didn't know how to follow it up) they would say it was mine.

    The very reason why people lie to you, is because they do not respect you. They do not consider you as equal, as human being. Because they do not treat you as equal, they feel that you deserve all the lying and all kinds of negativities towards you. They may actually call it a "game" or a "joke". But they wouldn't want such a "joke or game" to be played on them, because the truth is, it is not a game or joke, even to them. I used to play it back on them, that's how I found out this truth.

    Now I am not bothered. My journey has led me to the path I longed to find. As I shed my old skin and leave old baggages from the past, I leave things beyond my control to the universe. The Divine, universal consciousness, Life or God whatever you call it based on your belief, is the best teacher. I understand that Recognition is a physical attribute. It will fade as time goes by. Let's say today you help someone, they thank you and remember you. The next month, when you need help, you can bet they won't be there and they don't even remember you. "Saying one thing and do another" indeed.

    You may not want to change them, you just want them to be truthful. To not call you 'fake or liar" when they ARE the liars. To treat you as a human being, instead of playing joke or game on you. But this is a CHANGE for them, and change can only start from within. Since you can not change them, then it's a waste of time to even pay attention to them and their jokes or games. I would rather spend my precious time improving myself than paying attention to them. I would just report these people to those in power, because if they do it to me, then they will do it to other people too. If those in power do not care for it, then they will be next to experience it. Because we are all responsible of what we send out. If they send out lies and manipulation, they will get it back. Just like in every game, there are always those who play better than the rest. Let them play it, and you will see them con each other. People don't realize that negativity doesn't go away easy. Stay away from them, and nurture yourself.



  • In my experience lying goes hand in hand w/ low self esteem. When I was young I did my share of unconscious exaggerating and conscious lying, withholding and hiding my bad behavior. My self esteem was in the toilet and didn't know how to be true to myself yet. A bit of wisdom comes w/ aging and it's an act of self love to be honest & look at yourself and be willing to compassionately face your shadow. My take is that liars are emotionally young and do not know their truth yet or how to stand on their own. For me it is sad to witness.

    There is so much wasted energy in all the drama.

    There is a saying "you are as sick as your secrets" There is the issue of protecting oneself, turning away and the "mirror". For me when I come across dishonesty is "where am I being dishonest with myself?" It's not always a comfortable place but it takes some of the blame away (drama) the focus is off of others and there is possibly growth there if I'm willing to look. Sometimes I'm not.