Affectionless Relationship

  • I learned a very valuable lesson, today.

    I've been in a relationship with a man that shows no affection. I found out that I cannot be in a relationship without having the closeness of affection, love and attention. I did not know this about myself, until I met this guy (about 3 months ago), who has no desire/need or want to show affection.

    I've had affection in other relationships, but didn't realize how important it is to have someone to be affectionate with, both ways, from both partners.

    Seems to me that he (this guy that I was dating) was just using me to help me, financially and to get things (from me) that he wanted.

    The difference between he, and myself, was that HE never wanted to be in a relationship, with me. He just wanted to be friends and I wanted more.

    Hard way to learn that lesson, eh?

    Skeeterette in Oregon

  • So sorry to hear that Skeeterette. I believe that each relationship we go thru gives a new lesson to learn about ourselves. I'm in the Portland area. Where are you?

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  • I was in a marriage that had no affection or sex. I also stayed in it, longer than I should've. Sex is important in any relationship or age. If not sex, Intimacy is just as important. To find a way to keep the fire going, but it has to be 2 people willing to do so.

  • you have learned a great lesson

    just appreciate that you have the chance to learn it in this life time, so that you don't have to learn it again in the next

    remember this lesson and apply it when it is applicable in your next relationships

    since there are two in a relationship, the two are equally important

    relationship, be it love, friendship or any kind, involves give and take

    this means if one only gives and can not take, or only takes and never gives

    the relationship doesn't exist

    if you want more than friends and he doesn't

    you'd rather him tell you the truth now, or else you will end up keep giving (because you love him) and he will be just taking, not giving you anything in return (he doesn't love you)

    maybe knowing the truth hurts, but it sure is better to know it now than later

  • Hello there Skeeterette,

    You did learn a very valuable lesson indeed. I speak from experience. I was married to someone who didn't know how to show affection for 18 years. In the beginning when I was young and naive, I believed that if I gave him a lot of affection and love that he would learn to give it back over time. I gave everything...every piece of myself to the point where there was nothing left and he took it all and always wanted more but was never willing to give back. I stayed in the marriage for far too long as I always tried to see the good in him...which I knew was there below the surface...but eventually I realized that things would never change and that my happiness was just as important as his was. We've been separated for almost a year now, soon to be divorced and I'm happier now than I've been in absolute ages. It took me a while to learn that lesson but now that it's learned, I will never ever be in a relationship with someone who can't show emotion, affection or love. I will never give 100% to only get back 10% in return. I value myself so much more now.

    You deserve so much more and it's so great that you realized it so quickly.

    Blessings, light and love to you.

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