Can't forget him no matter how hard i try!!!!



  • I have a problem with my ex.. He has moved on but I can't seem to.. I have a good guy who is chasing me but I can't seem to get past my ex.. In the past I have been able to forget guys quite quickly and always turned around quite quickly as I knew it was for the best.... I haven't felt like this since my very first love.... The only thing that is making me happy is drinking and I can't do that anymore.... I am just really unsure how to make myself forget.....

    Does anyone have any suggestions???



  • cancer? remember to show yourself the love you've been showing him. remeber you have feelings too, and also remember the lessons and love you took away from the situation, they will make you wiser, stronger, and better for the future



  • letting go is crucial before healing. that's why it is a lot of work.

    drinking, as you just said, doesn't help. nothing good comes out of anything forced to happen.

    letting go, really is letting go. you also have to let go of your attempt to let go of him fast.

    some people can do it fast, some can't. but now and then, someone will enter your life and influence you in a profound way that you can't let go of them even when you know you should, because it's over.

    because life is about learning and moving forward. all is to be experienced.

    love, sadness, joy, success, failure, tragedy etc

    you have never loved so deeply before, and then he entered your life.

    experience it fully and learn from it.

    when the time comes to let go, you will be able to.



  • hiprincess,

    I do not wish to talk about my ex of 9 years ago but if it can help you in understanding the matters of heart, I will share it.

    My ex and I broke up in 2001. I was heartbroken and in a lot of pain. It took me almost a year to master up the courage to forgive him and to be social again. I went out, have fun with friends, concentrate on my job etc etc...I wanted him to be out of my life and I wanted to close that chapter with him so bad. About 2 years later, I was ready to 'date' again ( I thought I was). I had guys asking me out and I welcome their company. Unfortunately, no matter what I did, I couldn't lie to myself about the feelings I still had for my ex. I became angry at myself for loving him too much and not able to "un love" him. I want to move on ...so bad. After a few attempts at dating and my ex was still in my mind the whole time, I finally gave up. I decided to take things as it comes, concentrate on myself, my career, my friends etc..I I was happy with my single life! .I saw no point in starting a relationship with someone who was interested in me and I was interested in him when I was still feeling so much love for my ex. Wouldn't be fair for anyone. Anyway, this went on for 8 years. I almost believed that I was cursed. I won't be able to love anyone else anymore and I was fated to be alone. I almost 'accepted' this. I was not depressed about it or anything..I was happy being alone.

    Well....I met a guy last year. He was totally not my type but the connection was instant. He felt it and I felt it. He was single for 6 years and I was single for 8 years. I was surprised how his presence had such a big effect on me. The love I had for my ex faded on that instance. You cannot imaging how relief I was. As for him (this new guy), me entering his life and able to bring up all the feelings which he had safely locked away for 6 years, confused him. He didn't know how I did it or why. I guess we both didn't expect this to happen, didn't expect to be thrown towards each other. But we are both grateful to have crossed path.

    Universe has its own manner and timing in working things out for us. Good things happen when we least expected it. We just have to be open for them. We learned a lot from the journey and that is valuable.

    Like LS said, when the time comes to let go, you will be able to.

    Wishing you all the best in your journey.

    Lots of love,

    x x x



  • You are all correct... I think the problem is that I feel so responsible for this mess that I seem to have created and I am having trouble forgiving myself for it. I try to apologise and he just doesn't accept it.. And yes Sexygem he was a cancer but I am a cap.... I don't think I ever have loved anyone like i love him and believe/d with all my being that he is my soulmate.... I just can't stop myself from constantly thinking of all of the events that brought us to this point...

    I feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life.... and maybe i deserve it....... I really dont want to feel like this and "going through the emotions" is making me feel worse and more depressed which brings me full circle again - I am trying to think of "positive" thing and talk myself into being happy but the thoughts always plague me when I least expect it...

    I don't ever remember being so unhappy for so long after a break up... It has been nearly 6 months now...



  • The thing is that your still in love with him..Love is a good thing when it's returned. Just give the other person a chance. It may not be as easy as it sounds.



  • yes worthy I am.... but how do i stop?? and im not sure what you mean by giving him a chance - he is with someone else - living in the home that I made with him - it doesn't seem like i should be waiting around for someone who clearly doesn't feel the same... I know he did once but now...... im not so sure....



  • No Hon, I was talking about the second guy. The one u sid was chasing you. That's how it goes sometimes, the one that relly likes us are the ones we don't dont want to make time for.



  • aaaahhh sorry I totally missed the point 🙂 yeah i hear you now! but I just can't imagine being with someone else - I have "hooked up" with a guy since the one i pine for but it just didn't feel right.... I guess i just have to keep on trying to forget.... 🙂



  • I understand ir's hard ot move on. Do you mind it I ask you waht zodiac sign where you two.



  • hiprincess

    it doesn't matter whether you are Cap or not

    if you are to experience certain things in life, then you will experience them

    take it easy, being unhappy is also an important experience



  • LS - I just wanted to say that you're such an amazing person. so positive!! thanks for helping all of us out with your kind words. I haven't really been a part of this thread, but I've been reading your posts here as well as your posts on the ASCLAC thread where I've been.

    All - I've been chasing after the same cancer for over a year now...it's so back and forth with him...it's tough...let me tell you...the connection I had with him is something I haven't felt for years...but he keeps pulling away...it's hard, but sometimes it IS just a life lesson....I haven't the slightest clue on how to help you since I'm in the same situation...but I'm here for you for support. I wish you well hiprincess! 🙂



  • i guess it is easier to see the good times when you have been through the hard times - and this is one of the hardest things I have ever done...

    Worthy - me = cap n him = cancer.....

    I can't explain what was between us and it had been there for about 8 years - ever since we met we instantly had a connection and could talk to each other about anything - then nearly 2 years together and now I am not sure what to do... Or how to move on - I just want it to be easier.. Every time I begin to move on I am pulled back to him in some way - last time it was working in the same industry (which is VERY small) this time I am working straight across the road from the pub we used to hang out at and we used to live like a 5 minute walk from here on the same street..... It makes it harder I think....



  • Do you guys still talk? About a month and a half ago my scorp broke up with me. He told me he loved me and everything and than one day he just said he has other things he needs to work on. That he needs a break. There's more to that story and I've been talking to other members on here about it but all I can say is you have to keep telling yourself you are ok on your own. You may not feel it but your heart will ketch up to your mind in time. You have to let it though. I dearly miss my ex and I wish he would come back or at least explain. But I can't sit around and wait for that to happen cause it may never happen. Take care of yourself. Get a new hair do (that helped me a lot) sometimes even a piercing or a tattoo will help (if there's something you been wanting to get, not recommend if you will get something in vain of your ex) but I know it's helped others including me. If your not into that its ok lol just ideas.. You get the point. Work on focusing on your self and bettering you as a person. Start joining groups that intrest you or volunteer. All I'm trying to say is your broken so mold yourself into a stronger and better person. DO WHAT MAKES U HAPPY!! If he truly is yours he will come back or it will work out. If not, in time it will tell. But let go fully.. This is the best advice I've gotten and it's helped me extremely. Trust me....



  • If you need to talk or vent many of us will listen including me... I'm goin threw the same thing but we can all help



  • scorpvirgo

    thanks for the compliment. I have been through some of the things people went through here, so I know how they feel. there was a time in my life I had pent up anger and unleashed it all over the place. I've done a lot of work on it. Now it's bits here and there LOL quite manageable.

    hiprincess

    yes it does make it harder to let go if you keep seeing him pass your house, place of work, anywhere you go. What works for me is to move out and block all communication or at least I don't answer the phone if he calls and I never return his message. I was going to also change the phone # but at the time I moved into my parents' house so that option is not possible. I don't know if it will work for you but distance does make it easier, at least for me.



  • scorpvirgo

    forgot to add : I hope you will find someone that deserves you someday. I believe there is someone for everybody. the thing is we don't always know who this person is, and this person may not be the one we love at first.

    there is a reason for everything. people you meet, things that happen to you. in fact, the person you love, may not be the right person for you. so instead of manipulating you, he chooses to just leave. so it's not necessarily your fault, even if you feel it is. many times, if something bad happens to us, we would ask ourselves 'what did I do'? sometimes, it's not what we did. it just happens and all we have to do is learn from it.

    everything has to start from within. love yourself, because nobody loves anyone that doesn't love themselves, they just manipulate and use them. love is give and take. if you give love and you can't take love because he doesn't give it, then there is no relationship. you will need to move on. that's all I can say. I hope you will give it a consideration.



  • SV>>thank you so much, leoscorpion, for your kind words. I really appreciate it. I hope that someone new comes along if this guy isn’t meant for me. you have such a great reasoning that you gave me. I think I read what you wrote about 10 times before responding.

    The part that got to me the most was: “in fact the person you love, may not be the right person for you. so instead of manipulating you, he chooses to just leave”

    It’s so true. Sometimes the person you love really isn’t meant for you. and then someone else comes from out of nowhere…but that’s what happened with this guy. I was single for about 4 years, and then he came along out of nowhere and knocked me down. That’s why I think it hit me so hard. Hopefully things will work out for me soon. Again, thanks for the kind words. I hope all is well with you on your front. I know you’ve been busy and haven’t been able to do a lot of readings and things. 🙂



  • scorpvirgo

    you're welcome. yes I have come upon extra work to help pay off my debts this year. my work pc is being fixed, it's been a week now and so I have the time to be here. hopefully it will be done soon, or I won't be able to finish the work. by the way. reading is not allowed on here I heard. astrology is good to describe a lot of things : cosmic influence, karmic relationship, compatibility, personality etc but you can not rely on it 100%. a lot of what we achieve in life, is the result of our own efforts.

    4 yrs is a long time. there is a reason why his path crossed with yours after this period. you know now, that you can still love. and you still love him, even if there is not much effort on his part to return it anymore. this is a powerful revelation, as you just said 'knocked me down'. to be able to love is to be human, to be alive. you might have felt that your life is stagnant, you feel dying or decaying. now you know, this is not true.

    take the time to turn inward. the heart, not the mind chatter, will tell you what to do next. speak to it and listen. after some tries, you will find the answer. take care.

    LS



  • since I started working again - I have changed my hair, bought a fish and a few new pairs of shoes! can't resist shoes.. So I am slowly getting there - i just have good days and bad ones... And LOTS of memories... I can't move or change my # either and I finally got a job across the road from our old pub and down the road from his house after 5 months of searching - so I can't quit that either... It is hard living in a kind of large city and then everything coming back to him and memories or signs that we should be together.... And as I type a song we used to listen to comes on.... A band I introduced him to.......

    I guess I will have to just go through it and hopefully come out the other side a better person for it.

    I decided to send him a message last night explaining y i have been behaving like I have - due to some of your lovely comments that made PERFECT sense when someone else told me and that I have been trying to fight for a long time... I have no response but I am not going to push it any further as I need to heal myself first.

    Funny you girls say you were alone before you met your guys that knocked you over - well I was by myself for about 3 - 4 years too and I NEVER wanted a relationship with this guy AT ALL EVER!!!!! But he made me see that he is not the exterior that he shows to the world and who he really is - i was so surprised at how much i did really love him.. I was surprised that i could love someone like that... But I did and I do and I will probably forever as I have been so effected by him and the life we had together... I guess I just need to put that in a box in the back of my mind and get on with it!