Extremely confused/sad over cancer guy.. please help :(
Hi, I've actually been lurking this board for about two weeks now and I really love all the help that everyone gives each other! It took me a while to post my problem because I was trying to not overthink my situation but I'm just so lost right now!
First, this is as much as I know about my cancer guy.
I'm a Leo with venus in Leo as well.
We met through a local group in which his ex-girlfriend is also a part of. I already knew that she had dumped him and that he was still not over her even after 2 years had already passed. I'm usually a very social and caring person, so when I noticed he was a little bummed out about his performance in the group I approached him and gave him encouragement and he immidiately opened up to me in that instant.
After that I didn't hear from him for a day or two. Then I began hearing from him every day for small periods of time. The first week it was mostly about him going over his problems about the ex-girlfriend and how she ignores him when we're rehearsing. But after that one week he stopped talking about her and began talking more about me. He asked me what my type of guy was and just random questions like that. He wasn't flirty though.
He actually hasn't ever called me pretty or beautiful. We've already been talking past a month now. He does constantly ask me if I miss him or if I dream about him, things like that. It took him a while to say "I miss you" to me too when I would tell him I missed him.
We've gone over EVERY topic that has to do with relationships. He's asked me everything he could about what kind of girlfriend I am or what I didn't like in a man. I also asked him if his ex changed her mind now, if he would be happy and get back together with her and he looked me straight in the eye and said, "Not anymore."
I don't want to read too much into that though..
A this point though, he loves to hold me. He's always hugging me and if he feels I want to pull away, he'll hold me tighter. He texts me 24hrs a day and it drives him crazy if I take a long time in answering his texts. I only see him about 3 times a week but when I do see him, we'll be together for hours, from around 10pm til 6am eventhough he has classes every day at 9m.
I admit that, I have already confessed that I like him a lot, that I'm developing strong feelings for him but he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he didn't want to rush into anything BUT that if it were a different time when he didn't have all these issues, that'd he would've fallen completely for me. But then, he acted as if nothing had changed between us. Actually, he just became more open with me and more affectionate. So I got even more confused and just grew closer to him. I admit that I've had discussions with him over and over about this. And I even asked him, "Do you want me to just give up on you? To just get over you?" and he saida, "I just want to be able to talk to you." and I said, "Are you just afraid of hurting my feelings?" and he said he didn't like those questions and that I was thinking too much.
Yesterday night I was having a bad day and I was being moody and he just worried over me and was trying to cheer me up and I told him, because I have gotten upset a few times, "Why do you even talk to me?" And he said, "That's a good question." So I said, "well? why do you?" And he answered, "Because I want to."
I then asked, "You shouldn't be talking to me, I just give you all this emotional drama." and his response was, "Well, I don't always do what I should."
This morning though, extremely early, around 2am actually. I broke down and just let out all these feelings and emotionas about how much I care about him and I told him...
"To be honest, you have plenty of girl friends to talk to, you don't need me. I think I should just remove myself." And he said, "I don't agree."
And I asked him why and he just said, "Because I enjoy talking to you."
And then I exlained so many things to him, how it hurt and it made me confused, all his mixed signals and that I drove myseld crazy trying to figure out what it is that he needs me to do, or what he doesn't need me to do. And he just kept asking more and more questions because he said he wanted to understand my train of thought. The last thing I said to him was:
" I enjoy speaking with you too but there's no point to this situation. I like you too much and if I don't completely remove myself I'm just gonna be stuck there. It sounds dumb but if you had the slightlest clue as to how much I care about you, you would know why it hurts. It's hard to even articulate this feeling or give it logic. But you work differently. You haven't known me that long and you won't miss me. So there.. If I keep you at all, like a friend, I'm just gonna be fooling myself and why would you want to deal with all my drama? Cuz you know that's all that it's gonna be. Just random episodes of me being sad or frustrated with you..."
And he never responded. I know he fell asleep probably because he usually knocks out at that time, but I know basically all his schedule and where he's at, at all hours because he always would let me know his every move. So I know that he's been up since 7 and he's just home, online. But he won't sign on to his messanger and he hid himself on facebook. I guess he's avoiding me.
We've had this same argument before, over and over and I'm always the one that ends up contacting him and he's always so happy and asks to see me right away. But this time, I don't know what to do... He's always just told me that he wants to keep me, no matter my drama. When I tell him he doesn't have to deal with my drama he just says, "of course I do."
Is he just being a good friend? Or is he into me?
I know he gets jealous if I say something about another guy being handsome or even good at something but he won't say anything. He also knows that I'm popular with the guys. He always wants to know what I'm doing, where I'm at, who with, even what I'm wearing.. So I know it must be part of his insecurity..
What should I do now? I just feel so hopeless. I'm falling for him so bad but I don't know what really goes through his mind..
I'm sorry for the lenghty entry. I just wanted to give as many details, but I also tried to cut back on a lot of stuff but if you think you need to know more about the situation, feel free to ask and I'll fill you in. I really appreciate any help!