I seen Captain's Blog Not Lonng Ago,
& I really loved the idea of it. Just giving
little insight and pointers that she's recieve's
and directs it back to us.
So I though I'd like to do something very similiar,
SInce I often recieve alot of little messages throughout
my day about life, love, friends, ect. & If anyone needs advice
or wants to give advice and join that would be lovely.
share an experience. Anything will work. No Limits.
It dosent have to be 'to' or 'for' a particular person just something
you wanna know or share.
Blessings & Let the Magic Begin
I wanna start with a thought that came to mind yesterday.
Yesterday while leaving a friends house, On my way home..
randomly thinking..I thought even though I've came so far & learned so much,
& the long road that I've came to just to be at peace with myself & of my past
its been heavy, but its also been refreshing, I felt changed & I said said now im
ready to see changes! But I have one last thing I MUST DO...
Before I begin to live my Dreams & Before I begin make these changes.
I made a MENTAL LIST actually.
Become My OWN bestfirend:
Literally. In the past  so many of my relationships [friends,lovers]
have gone wrong, many led to betrayal, pain & hurt.
jealousy & envy. I dont know who I can TRUST anymore
so to resolve all problems I made a vow to BE my own Bestfriend.
I have dreams I want to achieve & I know I cant achieve them with
others, simply because no one has the ambition I have for MY dream.
Just like no one has the same ambition for a crack fiend, thats how I
feel about my dream. Poeple have only ruined my focus over time
trying to help others before myself not knowing they didnt have good
intention for themselves or me. To top it off, I searched and searched
for a friend to confied in my deepest sorrow but no one was there,
even the people who were ther through my pain didnt help it was
just me,myself & I which made me become closer and stronger with ME.
STAY FOCUSED: I realized that any small distraction can THROW
you off, dont worry about what anyone else is doing, who their with,
or why things are the way they are. STAY FOCUSED, focus on your focus.
I came to terms with the fact, Im my biggest critic, my own worst enemy,
my won bestfriend, and my best lover through it all. So I must master myself
before I can master anything or anyone else. I must train my unworthy desires
to stay focused. EVERYTHING begin with SELF. I must educate myself, discipline
myself and still love myself. but stay FOCUSED! we are at a time now that
people wont even help someone whos helped them to risk money or whatever
it may be people wont give unfortuanate people the time of day. So you must
train your mind, train yourself, STAY FOCUSED on whatever it is you want!
Always Move On: I think this is the biggest lesson of all. We dont know how to
move on because of fear, anger, sadness, ect. we simply cannot move on
from the past or a recent attachment, whether its mentally, emotionally,
physically ect. we then become stuck & loose our focus that we had from the start.
usually it was a distraction that took us off guard and we created a new focus
then it no longer gave into us anymore then you have to start from scratch all over again
you see ? We have to move on because the worst time is idle time, sitting around
with no urge no desire to grow, become better anymore. you must MOVE ON
i really urge alot of you ladies and gents to MOVE ON and just see gods plans
for you all you cannot recieve todays gift if your still dwelling in yesterdays pain.
Believe it or Not 'we all have ADDICTIONS"
it does not only consist of drugs and food or S* E *X.
I think we should all become aware of our deepest
addictions, that range from many things. There are even
people addicted to knowledge, physics, clothes,celebrities,
the internet ect. Understanding our addictions can help
us understand ourselves and others around us.
Too much of ANYHTING can kill you, humans need vareity &
change. You may be addicted to Love or a relationship
that can mentally or emotionally consume your mind.
Lets start from the reasons why we're addicted ?
obviously it satisifies a certain feeling, brings a certain
happiness to you, gives you a different high than life.
then think of the times you think of your addictions or crave them.
Do you or others notice a personality change when without these
addictions ? for example Cigarrettes right ? I dont like them
but there are others, welll many who do.. & dont seem to have a
reason why but instantly there is a huge change after they've
had a smoke break right ? & Coffe, Im not a coffe fan either..
but Coffe people dirnk coffe almost as if its a ritual, & there
day wont be complete without it.
Now anyone interested, i say you challenge yourself, whatever you addiction
maybe and try going without it for 3 days & see how life goes without it.
See how you feel without it, See how others react to you without it.
addictd you are right on soooo many levels
family friends bf/gf will let you down
but as long as you have you (and a good faith- base) nothing else really matters
i grew up around people who had no idea what unconditional love was (mom & dad)
but fortunately had a very faith- based grandmother-- my mother ruined myrelationship with my grandmother and used me as a pawn in theirs-- but i didn't realize this until i was an adult-- despite all that i loved my grandmother dearly-- she passed when i was 13-- i didn't know it then but she was my one and only best friend and gave me my foundation for becoming a woman but i have to say my mom also gave me a foundation as well--i picked up most of her good traits and a few of her bad
i was my mother for a long time until i was able to give someone unconditional love-- funny how you can learn to do that even if you didn't fully receive it-- i prayed to be able to grow and be a better person so i wouldn't be a miserable adult and God answered my prayers-- once i was able to give someone else unconditional love i was able to forgive my parents and say no matter if they never change i would love them no matter what
my mom and i no longer talk which is sad bcuz she is on her deathbed and the reasons why on my part are extremely legit-- but i still love her and my heart is open to her whenever she is ready to reach out or if i know she needs me bcuz i would never not be there if i knew she w/o a doubt needed me-- and just to explain the "deathbed" thing my mother was diagnosed w/ a terminal condition 3 yrs ago now and i was the only one by her side in the hospital for the entire 3 wks she was there-- my triflin' brother and his entire family live in my mother's home and showed up twice while she was in the hospital for maybe 3hrs and didn't bother to see if she needed anything from home or offer to assist with anything she needed while in the hospital-- she literally almost died and they weren't there -- i was the one who had to find a way to make the hospital care for her bcuz they were watching her die and weren't doing anything-- obviously she is still alive -- and i say all that to say if she winds up in that situation again i will definitely be by her side
when i reached out to my dad (the same way i did with my mom) his reaction was completely different and he apologized for everything -- we continue to have a decent relationship to this day but it is definitely a work in progress-- i did the reaching out to both parents about a yr ago and i am glad i did
i have taken care of myself literally since i was a child-- financially at the age of 17( and with the assistance and grace of God) of course i have had many more hardships in regards to family friends relationships as we all do and trust me addictd i have had people i have known for 5,10, 15 years + be there one day and were gone the next-- which was crazy for me bcuz since i didn't have a family unit i would make my friends my family
but what i must say as a reiteration to addictd you have to love you bcuz in the end you are all you have-- we are born alone and die alone-- not saying you won't meet good bad indifferent people along the way but this is life is your journey so make the best of it !!!
scratch that last line
it should read -- this life is your journey and nobody else's so you have to make the best of it!!!!
okay i added a couple of words but i think it sounds a little better
Im so happy to hear your story. WOW!
we have very similiar lives its funny that you decided
to share this because just before you had wrote I was
gonna write about my mom and I thought no, no one
can relate. But the same thing pretty much happend
with my mother I was never given unconditional love
never taught about s e x eduacation from her she had left me and my brother
for years with no return literally dropped us off. Has caused the family
alot of problems and im the oldest Ive always BEEN THERE for her,
Its almost as if im mother and shes daughter.. She has proved to me
she really dont care about me much, I never tell anyone but she is one
of my biggest pains, & often times I just sit and cry Its made me wanna
give my unconditional love to people and girls even more. This is a big reason
why little girls become vulnerable to older men and things because they
didnt get that love from home, or isnt given attention. But over that time when
I thought no one could help but a mother, I helped myself. Its helped me become
I just have to say chelle If you and your mom, are'nt doing good thats fine.
But just be there, always be there. Today she may not understand or tomarrow
or the next day but ONE DAY she will. Two wrongs cant make a right. Have something
to feel good about you know ? Thats how I see, I can remeber a time my mom
putting me out in the morning getting ready for school and no apparent reason
breaking through my room to verbally curse me out hitting me & even putting me out.
times of me asking her for money & hearing go to the corner. & still to this day
I dont bring up those past hurts at all, More than anything i wanna know why me ?
but I moved on & made myself stronger so i wont be like her.
Blessings & thank you for sharing.
just remember addictd
sharing is never a waste
i am glad you did start this thread and shared your thoughts as it encouraged me to do the same
i feel your pain but i don't cry over my mom anymore as i have forgiven her in my heart and know that if she needs me i will always be there
i am sad for her as she has never let go of her past pain and that is a huge part of the reason she is dying now-- she was the picture of health for a 59 yr old didn't look her age and kept an athletic body-- but she has been running from her problems/ past all of her life-- like working 20 hrs a day (she is a nurse) at 2 -3 different places-- her biggest pain was not being able to apologize to my grandmother/ her mother for treating her so badly (my gma passed in her sleep very peacefully at the age of 69 she was also in very good health so it was unexpected)
when my gma passed that was the one and only time i had EVER seen my mother cry -- she knew she had treated my gma/her mother wrong and had no way to make up for it
my mother never deals w/ her problems so they have manifested themselves in her body and created her terminal condition-- now she is a fighter bcuz most people w/ her condition pass within a yr-- it's 3 yrs later and she is still tickin'-- she is a strong woman and she isn't going down until she wants to
i have thought about sending her a letter as i have moved since our last correspondence but i am not sure if i am ready-- i waited a yr for her to respond to my letter in regards to us having a real relationship and she never did-- so she may never want that relationship-- but i am at peace with what i have done bcuz i have never turned my back on her -- i am just waiting on her to reach out to me and if she never does -- i know i did everything i could to have a civil relationship w/ her
there are so many things i could say about my mom but there is no point-- i have healed and moved on so that obsolves any past hurt that has been done to me
addictd as long as you know you have done everything in your power-- including forgiving her -- and knowing in your heart she is always welcome in your life -- i think it is okay to let go and be at peace within yourself as any relationship needs two people to make it work
i as well have chosen to dedicate my life to helping others
since the age 19 in college i chose the path of social service and have enjoyed ever minute of helping others-- mainly teens and people with developmental disabilities
i am currently unemployed as my supervisor was just using me and my abilities for her own gain-- and that is why i asked about working with my "friend" as i have developed an idea within his field that he claims he wants to help me with-- but is acting funny about fully putting me under his wing
i would like to make this venture with him work but my ultimate goal is to have a non- profit working with underprivileged/ at- risk teens-- i applied to grad school as i thought this would be the way to get this started but i was rejected from the school i applied to-- their is one more school i can apply to b4 the month is up-- but now i am unsure if going back to school is the way to go or if i should try to make this happen another way
and one of those ways was by working w/ him to develop this idea
i don't know what will happen for sure but i guess we will see
thank you so much for being a light to others addictd
your story shows that from out of dark-- light can shine and shine brightly
Its good that you have moved on and healed yourself from these past hurts
And plan to help others,
Thankyou for sharing, It always feels good to be able to relate to someone
and if you ever wanna talk Im Here for ya hunn. Hope everything goes well and
get better just remeber STAY FOCUSED, I pray your mother realizes such
inner beauty you have. Its funny what may seem like a tragic can be a miracle.
I also hope and know you will be accepted into a school, you will find your way.
always keep a back up plan.
thank you for the wel wishes and vote of confidence
same to you-- if you ever need an ear i am here as well
i also know how it is to not have anyone and i mean no one during your darkest hours
keep the thread alive!
At different ages and different periods of our lives we've had, have will have
desires, goals and dreams that we have wanted to manifest.. Sometimes
we dream of having soemthing and have everything mapped out of how we
envision it happening but yet it happens but a total different way right ?
Or not in the time frame we plan it to be..
When we make list such as
*study ect or whatever it may be those are all goals
and things we plan to do however they just may seem more
attainable so we dont really have as much graditude as we would
if we were incapable of doing so, the key to reach higher goals
is Graditude, Thank God for waking you up, feel appreciative more.
I would like everyone to go as far back as you can and try to think
of any of your childhood, teenage, adultlife or anytime you've had
a DREAM and its manifested, i would like to hear your stories
and how you envisioned them appearing. It could be about your marriage,
a school you always dreamed, a job, a lover, a new car ect.
Addictd, enjoy reading your blog, it's been a busy week for me but keep it up. Good job.
thank you very much rcdreamer.
how are you?
well i hope
kinda sad to see you didn't keep up with your blog
but maybe it was just meant for us few
just wanted to stop in and give some luv
peace and continued blessings to you
Awwwhh !! Thank You so Much ! I forgot about this thread I guess it was just meant for us lol,
how are you by the way? I had been so busy with work, trying to continue my modeling
and different things which is hectic, i'll be taking a break.. I missed being on here,
Its so good to hear from you especially.
i am actually doing a lot better now
got rid of he cappy
and about to focus on my next moves career- wise
if you are ever in la for modeling let me know
glad to hear things have been going well for you though
life is crazy enuff without having to deal with any excess drama
what ever happened with you and briantristan
i know it was an on here internet thing
but your exchanges were pretty interesting
how is the relationship front in real- life?
Thats so good to hear, ooohh yeaahh, crappy can be so addicting lol
they usually are good partners till you meet thier other side..
I dated a cancer on and off for to 2yrs lol & never another one since, its nice
to take a break, especially for you career. what career are you going for ?
Im always In L.a for different purposes, I had a audition in Beverly hills about
a month ago, Waiiiitttt !! You live in the city also ? Lol, I love City People !!
Life is Always Crazy, Lol.. its unexplainable.
Brian, Ohh sshhooott ! That Reminds Me ! I have'nt heard from him !
I miss seeing him around here, & his helpful advice ;-( We were definetly good friends lol
although he was a pain in the AssssHhh at times [ dont tell him i said that]
Chelle, I think I can agree with you about the whole taking a break on relationships
focusing on career- wise things, 2010 has been akward for me in that area
I've mainly been working so hard at things i wanna change on on myself that
relationships havent really been able to get my attention, I have been dating though..
I think im gonna be a dater for a long time lol, Not because I havent found a cool guy
but its been said by a few people on the site I have a little adhd lol[ jokes] In other
words im never settle for too long.
i am just outside of hollywood one of my cross streets is beverly blvd so i am not too far from bh
actually he was a capricorn
he def had another side a whole other life actually
kinda like tiger woods who is a cappy too
i tell ya these men really think they are slick
still haven't figured out what my next moves should be yet
but blmoon did tell me it she saw an 8 so if its months i still have a while to go
i am supposed to be waiting and being still
i have done that 4 soooo long -- it can get to be aggravating
bcuz i feel like i should be doing something but know sometimes it takes a while
for God to put things in order for you so wait i must!
i am with you on the dating thing
i am soooo not interested in any of the men around me
so it would take a pretty extraordinary men for me to want to settle
the cappy was a part of my lesson regarding my relationship with my mother
i was chasing his love just like i have with my mom
and although i have let my relationship with my mom go
for some reason i just couldn't do it with him
till i found out about the other woman in another country
that is where i draw the line-- no matter how much i love u
if i know/find out about someone else
i am just glad i have enuff self respect to walk away in instances like that
i am sooooo happy for you and glad to know you are well
even though we have never met i feel really close to you
is that strange? lol
take care you and remember i am here if you need me
peace and blessings to you
I love HollyWood, I love all the people and going down there to shop. I plan on moving back in
2011 even though i only live about 45mins away, I wanna be closer actually back in the city..
Its just living out there I get distracted, its the fast paced life of course.
Capicorn.. Wow! I know too much about those lol, my dad and stepfather are both cappy.
Its said that virgos and cappys are soulmates, but I dont think so lol, Capicorns
i can really say are rare to come across and they have to really trust and like you to open
up to you,[stubburn] they dont even give everyone their time. some of them get hurt and never open up completely again and thier very slow with everything, but thier are two different kinds of cappys sometimes you'll meet cappys that are the life of the party, they a little more social but they usually still have trust issues and its not a bad thing. From the sound of things he did'nt treat you to your full worth I believe your a beautiful girl in-side out with a optimistic spirit about you, Chelle instantly I feel like your gonna find someone, someone new I feel like it will be someone you will meet through work or someone looking for work, somehow business is involved.. A freelancer... a guy thats trying to get his foot in the door.
For now focus on yourself, dont worry, dont over analyze good things always come unexpectanly.
Its good that you decided not to accept that, its hard for people to move on..
Staying would have only dug a deeper whole for suppression.
Working on healing your heart, and rember heartbreak is a teacher and each time you'll love a little deeper.
I know its been raining down in L.a and pretty cloudy and glooomy here, well its that season is again ! So to speak.. This is the season I always meet winter loves lol,
2010 has been pretty akward though and unpredictible ! I dont know whats next lol,
Awwwwwhhh, Theres Is A Connection there I knew It just was'nt me ! I do feel a closeness to you, thanks for lending a open ear and heart if you need me im here for you as well no judgement, i wont even comment, i'll just listen lol, but i will always wish you best blessings.
Hugs & Blessings.
hwood can be very distracting
but i love the energy as well
yes it has been raining
funny to say this but anytime the cappy and i have had issues it rains
you know i just received a message from a 3rd woman
he was involved with here in los angeles -- thru this forum-- can u believe it!!!
we haven't talked yet
but i know there were others just don't know how deep his relationship with all of them is
i did inform the original other woman
and at first she seemed grateful but now she is taking her frustration out on me
for telling her what she claimed she wanted to know
she just confirms what i have alwayz known most peep can't handle the truth
and instead of being upset w/ who she should (him) she'd rather place the blame on me
i am ok w/ that though-- i have alwayz known it was my destiny to be a truth teller
no matter how painful it may be for someone else to hear
i am sure i will hear from him about this as she forwarded our correspondence to him
that is the only regret i have as i no longer wish to have any contact with him ;(
he was secretive (obviously--lol)
and compartmentalized his life but he was starting to open up
which b4 i found everything out made me think he was changing
if she stayz i wish them nothing but the best
but i hope she doesn't remain blind to his actions
i have no ill will toward either of them it is what it is
where are you --in cali?
thank you for the well wishes blmoon also mentioned
in the same reading as soon as i let him go there would be someone else within 6 months coming into my life
i will try to remain open but you are right as well i still need some time to heal
if you ever want to reach me outside of this forum
my email is
minus the spaces of course
and if you don't want to i understand that as well
it has been a joy and pleasure knowing you even if it is on a website
you are wise beyond ur yrs
and i know u will go far in whatever you do young lady
stay as wonderful beautiful warm and giving as you are
as we both know the world can b a "b'' and then some so it is hard to find those rare gems
that don't let it beat them down
hugs peacee and blessings back at ya
Woah, you are a strong women, you are so humble with the situation.
thats what im working on, it seems you really get to know get under pressure.
Its a very small world ! us women have instincts also, it was no chance by conicedence
she appeared on here. for the most part it sounds as if she invested alot of her emotions into this man is really hurt. Chelle Im so happy you are moving on, you really deserve alot better
you are a beautiful person to even invite and speak to her about the whole situation.
and she stays..
Im in the valley palmdale area.
you definetely need time to heal and time to adjust your life, healing is the hardest part..
I know.. im know you will be strong though. are you in school ? I feel you will be going back to
school. big changes.
Heres my email which is so spamed lol, lovedana777 at y a h o o
minus the spaces.
thank you so much chelle, same in return.
Many Blessings on your Path hugs!
Just remeber Karma is the Biggest 'B' we could never try to be.
what he has put out he will get in return.