Addictdtoriches Blog



  • I seen Captain's Blog Not Lonng Ago,

    & I really loved the idea of it. Just giving

    little insight and pointers that she's recieve's

    and directs it back to us.

    So I though I'd like to do something very similiar,

    SInce I often recieve alot of little messages throughout

    my day about life, love, friends, ect. & If anyone needs advice

    or wants to give advice and join that would be lovely.

    share an experience. Anything will work. No Limits.

    It dosent have to be 'to' or 'for' a particular person just something

    you wanna know or share.

    Blessings & Let the Magic Begin 😉



  • I wanna start with a thought that came to mind yesterday.

    Yesterday while leaving a friends house, On my way home..

    randomly thinking..I thought even though I've came so far & learned so much,

    & the long road that I've came to just to be at peace with myself & of my past

    its been heavy, but its also been refreshing, I felt changed & I said said now im

    ready to see changes! But I have one last thing I MUST DO...

    Before I begin to live my Dreams & Before I begin make these changes.

    I made a MENTAL LIST actually.

    Become My OWN bestfirend:

    Literally. In the past [2009] so many of my relationships [friends,lovers]

    have gone wrong, many led to betrayal, pain & hurt.

    jealousy & envy. I dont know who I can TRUST anymore

    so to resolve all problems I made a vow to BE my own Bestfriend.

    I have dreams I want to achieve & I know I cant achieve them with

    others, simply because no one has the ambition I have for MY dream.

    Just like no one has the same ambition for a crack fiend, thats how I

    feel about my dream. Poeple have only ruined my focus over time

    trying to help others before myself not knowing they didnt have good

    intention for themselves or me. To top it off, I searched and searched

    for a friend to confied in my deepest sorrow but no one was there,

    even the people who were ther through my pain didnt help it was

    just me,myself & I which made me become closer and stronger with ME.

    STAY FOCUSED: I realized that any small distraction can THROW

    you off, dont worry about what anyone else is doing, who their with,

    or why things are the way they are. STAY FOCUSED, focus on your focus.

    I came to terms with the fact, Im my biggest critic, my own worst enemy,

    my won bestfriend, and my best lover through it all. So I must master myself

    before I can master anything or anyone else. I must train my unworthy desires

    to stay focused. EVERYTHING begin with SELF. I must educate myself, discipline

    myself and still love myself. but stay FOCUSED! we are at a time now that

    people wont even help someone whos helped them to risk money or whatever

    it may be people wont give unfortuanate people the time of day. So you must

    train your mind, train yourself, STAY FOCUSED on whatever it is you want!

    Always Move On: I think this is the biggest lesson of all. We dont know how to

    move on because of fear, anger, sadness, ect. we simply cannot move on

    from the past or a recent attachment, whether its mentally, emotionally,

    physically ect. we then become stuck & loose our focus that we had from the start.

    usually it was a distraction that took us off guard and we created a new focus

    then it no longer gave into us anymore then you have to start from scratch all over again

    you see ? We have to move on because the worst time is idle time, sitting around

    with no urge no desire to grow, become better anymore. you must MOVE ON

    i really urge alot of you ladies and gents to MOVE ON and just see gods plans

    for you all you cannot recieve todays gift if your still dwelling in yesterdays pain.

    Blessings.



  • Addictions:

    Believe it or Not 'we all have ADDICTIONS"

    it does not only consist of drugs and food or S* E *X.

    I think we should all become aware of our deepest

    addictions, that range from many things. There are even

    people addicted to knowledge, physics, clothes,celebrities,

    the internet ect. Understanding our addictions can help

    us understand ourselves and others around us.

    Too much of ANYHTING can kill you, humans need vareity &

    change. You may be addicted to Love or a relationship

    that can mentally or emotionally consume your mind.

    Lets start from the reasons why we're addicted ?

    obviously it satisifies a certain feeling, brings a certain

    happiness to you, gives you a different high than life.

    then think of the times you think of your addictions or crave them.

    Do you or others notice a personality change when without these

    addictions ? for example Cigarrettes right ? I dont like them

    but there are others, welll many who do.. & dont seem to have a

    reason why but instantly there is a huge change after they've

    had a smoke break right ? & Coffe, Im not a coffe fan either..

    but Coffe people dirnk coffe almost as if its a ritual, & there

    day wont be complete without it.

    Now anyone interested, i say you challenge yourself, whatever you addiction

    maybe and try going without it for 3 days & see how life goes without it.

    See how you feel without it, See how others react to you without it.

    Blessings.



  • addictd you are right on soooo many levels

    family friends bf/gf will let you down

    but as long as you have you (and a good faith- base) nothing else really matters

    i grew up around people who had no idea what unconditional love was (mom & dad)

    but fortunately had a very faith- based grandmother-- my mother ruined myrelationship with my grandmother and used me as a pawn in theirs-- but i didn't realize this until i was an adult-- despite all that i loved my grandmother dearly-- she passed when i was 13-- i didn't know it then but she was my one and only best friend and gave me my foundation for becoming a woman but i have to say my mom also gave me a foundation as well--i picked up most of her good traits and a few of her bad

    i was my mother for a long time until i was able to give someone unconditional love-- funny how you can learn to do that even if you didn't fully receive it-- i prayed to be able to grow and be a better person so i wouldn't be a miserable adult and God answered my prayers-- once i was able to give someone else unconditional love i was able to forgive my parents and say no matter if they never change i would love them no matter what

    my mom and i no longer talk which is sad bcuz she is on her deathbed and the reasons why on my part are extremely legit-- but i still love her and my heart is open to her whenever she is ready to reach out or if i know she needs me bcuz i would never not be there if i knew she w/o a doubt needed me-- and just to explain the "deathbed" thing my mother was diagnosed w/ a terminal condition 3 yrs ago now and i was the only one by her side in the hospital for the entire 3 wks she was there-- my triflin' brother and his entire family live in my mother's home and showed up twice while she was in the hospital for maybe 3hrs and didn't bother to see if she needed anything from home or offer to assist with anything she needed while in the hospital-- she literally almost died and they weren't there -- i was the one who had to find a way to make the hospital care for her bcuz they were watching her die and weren't doing anything-- obviously she is still alive -- and i say all that to say if she winds up in that situation again i will definitely be by her side

    when i reached out to my dad (the same way i did with my mom) his reaction was completely different and he apologized for everything -- we continue to have a decent relationship to this day but it is definitely a work in progress-- i did the reaching out to both parents about a yr ago and i am glad i did

    i have taken care of myself literally since i was a child-- financially at the age of 17( and with the assistance and grace of God) of course i have had many more hardships in regards to family friends relationships as we all do and trust me addictd i have had people i have known for 5,10, 15 years + be there one day and were gone the next-- which was crazy for me bcuz since i didn't have a family unit i would make my friends my family

    but what i must say as a reiteration to addictd you have to love you bcuz in the end you are all you have-- we are born alone and die alone-- not saying you won't meet good bad indifferent people along the way but this is life is your journey so make the best of it !!!



  • lol

    scratch that last line

    it should read -- this life is your journey and nobody else's so you have to make the best of it!!!!

    okay i added a couple of words but i think it sounds a little better 😉



  • 1chellee

    Im so happy to hear your story. WOW!

    we have very similiar lives its funny that you decided

    to share this because just before you had wrote I was

    gonna write about my mom and I thought no, no one

    can relate. But the same thing pretty much happend

    with my mother I was never given unconditional love

    never taught about s e x eduacation from her she had left me and my brother

    for years with no return literally dropped us off. Has caused the family

    alot of problems and im the oldest Ive always BEEN THERE for her,

    Its almost as if im mother and shes daughter.. She has proved to me

    she really dont care about me much, I never tell anyone but she is one

    of my biggest pains, & often times I just sit and cry Its made me wanna

    give my unconditional love to people and girls even more. This is a big reason

    why little girls become vulnerable to older men and things because they

    didnt get that love from home, or isnt given attention. But over that time when

    I thought no one could help but a mother, I helped myself. Its helped me become

    stronger .

    I just have to say chelle If you and your mom, are'nt doing good thats fine.

    But just be there, always be there. Today she may not understand or tomarrow

    or the next day but ONE DAY she will. Two wrongs cant make a right. Have something

    to feel good about you know ? Thats how I see, I can remeber a time my mom

    putting me out in the morning getting ready for school and no apparent reason

    breaking through my room to verbally curse me out hitting me & even putting me out.

    times of me asking her for money & hearing go to the corner. & still to this day

    I dont bring up those past hurts at all, More than anything i wanna know why me ?

    but I moved on & made myself stronger so i wont be like her.

    Blessings & thank you for sharing.



  • just remember addictd

    sharing is never a waste

    i am glad you did start this thread and shared your thoughts as it encouraged me to do the same 😉

    i feel your pain but i don't cry over my mom anymore as i have forgiven her in my heart and know that if she needs me i will always be there

    i am sad for her as she has never let go of her past pain and that is a huge part of the reason she is dying now-- she was the picture of health for a 59 yr old didn't look her age and kept an athletic body-- but she has been running from her problems/ past all of her life-- like working 20 hrs a day (she is a nurse) at 2 -3 different places-- her biggest pain was not being able to apologize to my grandmother/ her mother for treating her so badly (my gma passed in her sleep very peacefully at the age of 69 she was also in very good health so it was unexpected)

    when my gma passed that was the one and only time i had EVER seen my mother cry -- she knew she had treated my gma/her mother wrong and had no way to make up for it

    my mother never deals w/ her problems so they have manifested themselves in her body and created her terminal condition-- now she is a fighter bcuz most people w/ her condition pass within a yr-- it's 3 yrs later and she is still tickin'-- she is a strong woman and she isn't going down until she wants to 😉

    i have thought about sending her a letter as i have moved since our last correspondence but i am not sure if i am ready-- i waited a yr for her to respond to my letter in regards to us having a real relationship and she never did-- so she may never want that relationship-- but i am at peace with what i have done bcuz i have never turned my back on her -- i am just waiting on her to reach out to me and if she never does -- i know i did everything i could to have a civil relationship w/ her

    there are so many things i could say about my mom but there is no point-- i have healed and moved on so that obsolves any past hurt that has been done to me

    addictd as long as you know you have done everything in your power-- including forgiving her -- and knowing in your heart she is always welcome in your life -- i think it is okay to let go and be at peace within yourself as any relationship needs two people to make it work

    fyi

    i as well have chosen to dedicate my life to helping others

    since the age 19 in college i chose the path of social service and have enjoyed ever minute of helping others-- mainly teens and people with developmental disabilities

    i am currently unemployed as my supervisor was just using me and my abilities for her own gain-- and that is why i asked about working with my "friend" as i have developed an idea within his field that he claims he wants to help me with-- but is acting funny about fully putting me under his wing

    i would like to make this venture with him work but my ultimate goal is to have a non- profit working with underprivileged/ at- risk teens-- i applied to grad school as i thought this would be the way to get this started but i was rejected from the school i applied to-- their is one more school i can apply to b4 the month is up-- but now i am unsure if going back to school is the way to go or if i should try to make this happen another way

    and one of those ways was by working w/ him to develop this idea

    i don't know what will happen for sure but i guess we will see

    thank you so much for being a light to others addictd

    your story shows that from out of dark-- light can shine and shine brightly 😉



  • 1chellee,

    Its good that you have moved on and healed yourself from these past hurts

    And plan to help others,

    Thankyou for sharing, It always feels good to be able to relate to someone

    and if you ever wanna talk Im Here for ya hunn. Hope everything goes well and

    get better just remeber STAY FOCUSED, I pray your mother realizes such

    inner beauty you have. Its funny what may seem like a tragic can be a miracle.

    I also hope and know you will be accepted into a school, you will find your way.

    always keep a back up plan.

    Blessings.



  • addictd

    thank you for the wel wishes and vote of confidence

    same to you-- if you ever need an ear i am here as well

    i also know how it is to not have anyone and i mean no one during your darkest hours

    keep the thread alive!



  • Dreams :

    At different ages and different periods of our lives we've had, have will have

    desires, goals and dreams that we have wanted to manifest.. Sometimes

    we dream of having soemthing and have everything mapped out of how we

    envision it happening but yet it happens but a total different way right ?

    Or not in the time frame we plan it to be..

    When we make list such as

    *wash clothes.

    *cook dinner

    *study ect or whatever it may be those are all goals

    and things we plan to do however they just may seem more

    attainable so we dont really have as much graditude as we would

    if we were incapable of doing so, the key to reach higher goals

    is Graditude, Thank God for waking you up, feel appreciative more.

    I would like everyone to go as far back as you can and try to think

    of any of your childhood, teenage, adultlife or anytime you've had

    a DREAM and its manifested, i would like to hear your stories

    and how you envisioned them appearing. It could be about your marriage,

    a school you always dreamed, a job, a lover, a new car ect.

    Blessings



  • Addictd, enjoy reading your blog, it's been a busy week for me but keep it up. Good job.



  • thank you very much rcdreamer.



  • addictd!!!

    how are you?

    well i hope

    kinda sad to see you didn't keep up with your blog

    but maybe it was just meant for us few 😉

    anyway

    just wanted to stop in and give some luv

    peace and continued blessings to you 😉



  • 1chelle,

    Awwwhh !! Thank You so Much ! I forgot about this thread I guess it was just meant for us lol,

    how are you by the way? I had been so busy with work, trying to continue my modeling

    and different things which is hectic, i'll be taking a break.. I missed being on here,

    Its so good to hear from you especially.

    Blessings.



  • i am actually doing a lot better now

    got rid of he cappy

    and about to focus on my next moves career- wise

    if you are ever in la for modeling let me know 😉

    glad to hear things have been going well for you though

    life is crazy enuff without having to deal with any excess drama

    what ever happened with you and briantristan

    i know it was an on here internet thing

    but your exchanges were pretty interesting 😉

    how is the relationship front in real- life?



  • 1chellee

    Thats so good to hear, ooohh yeaahh, crappy can be so addicting lol

    they usually are good partners till you meet thier other side..

    I dated a cancer on and off for to 2yrs lol & never another one since, its nice

    to take a break, especially for you career. what career are you going for ?

    Im always In L.a for different purposes, I had a audition in Beverly hills about

    a month ago, Waiiiitttt !! You live in the city also ? Lol, I love City People !!

    Life is Always Crazy, Lol.. its unexplainable.

    Brian, Ohh sshhooott ! That Reminds Me ! I have'nt heard from him !

    I miss seeing him around here, & his helpful advice ;-( We were definetly good friends lol

    although he was a pain in the AssssHhh at times [ dont tell him i said that]

    Chelle, I think I can agree with you about the whole taking a break on relationships

    focusing on career- wise things, 2010 has been akward for me in that area

    I've mainly been working so hard at things i wanna change on on myself that

    relationships havent really been able to get my attention, I have been dating though..

    I think im gonna be a dater for a long time lol, Not because I havent found a cool guy

    but its been said by a few people on the site I have a little adhd lol[ jokes] In other

    words im never settle for too long.



  • yeah

    i am just outside of hollywood one of my cross streets is beverly blvd so i am not too far from bh

    actually he was a capricorn

    he def had another side a whole other life actually

    kinda like tiger woods who is a cappy too

    i tell ya these men really think they are slick

    but anywho

    still haven't figured out what my next moves should be yet

    but blmoon did tell me it she saw an 8 so if its months i still have a while to go

    i am supposed to be waiting and being still

    i have done that 4 soooo long -- it can get to be aggravating

    bcuz i feel like i should be doing something but know sometimes it takes a while

    for God to put things in order for you so wait i must!

    yeah

    i am with you on the dating thing

    i am soooo not interested in any of the men around me

    so it would take a pretty extraordinary men for me to want to settle

    the cappy was a part of my lesson regarding my relationship with my mother

    i was chasing his love just like i have with my mom

    and although i have let my relationship with my mom go

    for some reason i just couldn't do it with him

    till i found out about the other woman in another country

    that is where i draw the line-- no matter how much i love u

    if i know/find out about someone else

    i'm ghost 😉

    i am just glad i have enuff self respect to walk away in instances like that

    anyway

    i am sooooo happy for you and glad to know you are well

    even though we have never met i feel really close to you

    is that strange? lol

    take care you and remember i am here if you need me

    peace and blessings to you



  • 1chellee,

    I love HollyWood, 😉 I love all the people and going down there to shop. I plan on moving back in

    2011 even though i only live about 45mins away, I wanna be closer actually back in the city..

    Its just living out there I get distracted, its the fast paced life of course.

    Capicorn.. Wow! I know too much about those lol, my dad and stepfather are both cappy.

    Its said that virgos and cappys are soulmates, but I dont think so lol, Capicorns

    i can really say are rare to come across and they have to really trust and like you to open

    up to you,[stubburn] they dont even give everyone their time. some of them get hurt and never open up completely again and thier very slow with everything, but thier are two different kinds of cappys sometimes you'll meet cappys that are the life of the party, they a little more social but they usually still have trust issues and its not a bad thing. From the sound of things he did'nt treat you to your full worth I believe your a beautiful girl in-side out with a optimistic spirit about you, Chelle instantly I feel like your gonna find someone, someone new I feel like it will be someone you will meet through work or someone looking for work, somehow business is involved.. A freelancer... a guy thats trying to get his foot in the door.

    For now focus on yourself, dont worry, dont over analyze good things always come unexpectanly.

    Its good that you decided not to accept that, its hard for people to move on..

    Staying would have only dug a deeper whole for suppression.

    Working on healing your heart, and rember heartbreak is a teacher and each time you'll love a little deeper.

    I know its been raining down in L.a and pretty cloudy and glooomy here, well its that season is again ! So to speak.. This is the season I always meet winter loves lol,

    2010 has been pretty akward though and unpredictible ! I dont know whats next lol,

    Awwwwwhhh, Theres Is A Connection there I knew It just was'nt me ! I do feel a closeness to you, thanks for lending a open ear and heart if you need me im here for you as well no judgement, i wont even comment, i'll just listen lol, but i will always wish you best blessings.

    Hugs & Blessings.



  • yes

    hwood can be very distracting

    but i love the energy as well 😉

    yes it has been raining

    funny to say this but anytime the cappy and i have had issues it rains

    you know i just received a message from a 3rd woman

    he was involved with here in los angeles -- thru this forum-- can u believe it!!!

    we haven't talked yet

    but i know there were others just don't know how deep his relationship with all of them is

    i did inform the original other woman

    and at first she seemed grateful but now she is taking her frustration out on me

    for telling her what she claimed she wanted to know

    she just confirms what i have alwayz known most peep can't handle the truth

    and instead of being upset w/ who she should (him) she'd rather place the blame on me

    i am ok w/ that though-- i have alwayz known it was my destiny to be a truth teller

    no matter how painful it may be for someone else to hear

    i am sure i will hear from him about this as she forwarded our correspondence to him

    that is the only regret i have as i no longer wish to have any contact with him ;(

    yeah

    he was secretive (obviously--lol)

    and compartmentalized his life but he was starting to open up

    which b4 i found everything out made me think he was changing

    anywho

    if she stayz i wish them nothing but the best

    but i hope she doesn't remain blind to his actions

    i have no ill will toward either of them it is what it is

    45 mins?

    where are you --in cali?

    thank you for the well wishes blmoon also mentioned

    in the same reading as soon as i let him go there would be someone else within 6 months coming into my life

    i will try to remain open but you are right as well i still need some time to heal

    if you ever want to reach me outside of this forum

    my email is

    minus the spaces of course

    and if you don't want to i understand that as well

    it has been a joy and pleasure knowing you even if it is on a website 😉

    you are wise beyond ur yrs

    and i know u will go far in whatever you do young lady 😉

    stay as wonderful beautiful warm and giving as you are

    as we both know the world can b a "b'' and then some so it is hard to find those rare gems

    that don't let it beat them down

    hugs peacee and blessings back at ya

    beautiful one

    take care



  • Chelle,

    Woah, you are a strong women, you are so humble with the situation.

    thats what im working on, it seems you really get to know get under pressure.

    Its a very small world ! us women have instincts also, it was no chance by conicedence

    she appeared on here. for the most part it sounds as if she invested alot of her emotions into this man is really hurt. Chelle Im so happy you are moving on, you really deserve alot better

    you are a beautiful person to even invite and speak to her about the whole situation.

    and she stays..

    Im in the valley palmdale area.

    you definetely need time to heal and time to adjust your life, healing is the hardest part..

    I know.. im know you will be strong though. are you in school ? I feel you will be going back to

    school. big changes.

    Heres my email which is so spamed lol, lovedana777 at y a h o o

    minus the spaces.

    thank you so much chelle, same in return.

    Many Blessings on your Path hugs! 😉

    Just remeber Karma is the Biggest 'B' we could never try to be.

    what he has put out he will get in return.


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