2nd Best [Again]?

  • Heres my story...I've been involved with this man who we'll call "Mark" for about a month and a half. We were old grade school sweethearts. We recently met up again after 5 years and were catching up on old times when he leaned in and kissed me. That kiss sparked this month and a half relationship. I was surprised to learn that he now has a 1 yr old son to a girl that its safe to call my friend, though we are not particularly close. This information was discovered before we began our relationship, however. I had no problem with this because I had met his son of whom I absolutely adore. On various occassions, "Mark" had refered to me as his son's step mother, a title I most graciously took to heart. Then my friend found out a week ago, and from what I hear, wasnt to pleased. Basically, they were still together. I was never hesitant to express my discomfort about going behind my friend's back, but that didnt stop me from beginning to gain feelings for him. I had stop talking to her 4 monthes prior, so we hadnt and havent spoken in a while. On many occassions, he had expressed his feelings to me and about me. He had begun to fall in love with me in this short amount of time and I felt the same. But when his girlfriend(the mother of his child) confronted him on it, she was even more furious. So I told him that eventually, he'd have to choose. My previous relationship was an absolute failure, a man I was with since freshmen year in high school up and left me for a girl he met over the internet, via myspace. I was not in the state of mind to be let down again. Unfortunately, Mark did the expected and after 4 days of stalling, he told me he chooses her. 2nd Best again. He had discussed the matter with his friends and my sister and came to the conclusion, he was much happier with me. However, his girlfriend dangled child custody in his face, Im sure causing him to go back to her. So I told him, without much emotion [showing at least] that we could be friends and nothing more. He still expects me to call, come over and treats me as his girlfriend still[ affection, calls, etc.] but on the inside Im hurting from his choice. How do I tell him that I cant be his friend? How do I move on? Please help before I go through another depression!

  • Hi, You have to cut all ties to him and get the heck away from him. So what that he chose her. Sounds like he never really broke-up w/her in the first place. I don't think you realize that you don't need him. His situation is real screwed-up. But, he made it that way. My advice is always get to know people. You might want to set a time frame in getting to know someone. That way you won't feel bad when you see their true colors.

  • I agree with Dalia, completely. Please don't get depressed or think you're 2nd best. When I was 15 (many,many years ago) I was dating a young lad of 17 who joined the navy ...he was pressurised to go by his dad to keep to his family tradition. We saw each other when on leave & wrote letters every day. After a year he decided he wanted out of the navy & came home & got a job near my house. He lived a 20 min bus ride away. One day he got the bus home from work & sat next to a girl. They got chatting, he dumped me, dated her & married her within 6 months!! I was devastated. My next boyfriend I dated for 2 years, got engaged....and then was dumped when he bumped into someone at a supermarket & got chatting! Yep, he married her too!! Even my first husband cheated after 15 years of marriage & I thought that I knew him so well! Still life for me is rosy at present & has been for almost 10 years now so I'm sure life will pick up for you too!

  • There is a book that has been out for a couple of years now. It's name is, "He's just not that into you", I know the title sounds harsh, but the advise in it is really, really, good. I saw an advertisement on TV the other day saying the book has recently been released as a movie. I think it is a comedy, however, I don't think the subject is funny. Get the book, it will help you decide who you should and should not get involved with.

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