A Dedicated Mess



  • Hi everyone 🙂

    OK, so my story is somewhat longgg, so I just wanted to let you know I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it! Haha please bare with me!

    About 5 months ago I met this guy during some work experience at a well known company. Let's call him Mr X. So anyway, Mr X and I spent a great deal of time together during only one week, and throughout which we were able to joke around with each other like we had known each other for ages. On my last day, however, things became slightly confused when I found out he had a girlfriend that he was living with! To say the least, I was bummed... Anyway it was lunch-time (as I had a train to catch) when the time came to say my goodbyes and thank those for their time and kindness towards me, and Mr X also had to leave then for a private appointment. Mr X waited for me to walk around thanking everyone, but as I thanked the last of my temporary colleagues, Mr X left the building and walked outside without saying goodbye! I was puzzled haha, so when I could finally leave I found that he had not left the premises yet but rather was standing next to his motorcycle. I went up to him and greeted him, and then there was this silence -it wasn't quite awkward but it was there nonetheless, and during such Mr X leant over in what one would assume was an embrace for a kiss. But, the first thing that my mind thought of when this happened was his girlfriend I had only found out about an hour ago, and so I pulled away. I left quickly after that as did he speed away.

    Later the same day my actual boss had reminded me I had left a work placement form at the company, and that I needed it very much. I was forced to email Mr X (whom was my supervisor also!). I found myself emailing him very late that same night about the form, and I also found myself apologising for what "didn't" happen and that I hoped he would understand.

    The next business day I received an email from Mr X saying he would send out the form a.s.a.p., but there was no reaction nor response to anything else I had spoken about. After I didn't reply, he emailed me again the next day saying he had sent out the form. I emailed him thanking him. After these few emails, I found myself replying to him everyday. After a few days he asked for me to add him on facebook, which I did. Once that happened we were talking constantly on the facebook instant messenger, as well as emailing each other at our private emails as well as our facebook emails. We became constantly communicating each other very quickly, and soon enough we were texting each other too. At first everything was harmless, we were just enjoying finding out new and exciting things we had in common every new day we talked. We found we share similar dreams, experiences, our tastes in music is almost identical as is our taste of humour. We were able to pay each other out playfully but also deliver sympathy when noted the other needed it. We became very close, very quickly.

    Inevitably we were strongly flirting with each other. Mr X became all I thought about, and there were strong indications that this was a reciprocated feeling. The time came then that I decided I must tell him how I felt, and I did. Not only did he respond happily, but he admitted he liked me too. Furthermore, it didn't even become awkward after this!

    I often thought about asking him if he would leave his girlfriend -but I never once did as I couldn't bare him to be lonely for a year. You see, Mr X and I live in separate towns, and I will be moving to his (a larger well-known city), but after another year and a half. This made things hard.

    The girlfriend. OK, so the girlfriend is controlling to the point where she will become 'ill' during the night Mr X is out so that he is forced to come home and watch over her when she sleeps.

    The girlfriend who works shorter hours than Mr X, yet does not clean nor cook, not even a little bit. The girlfriend also, from my observation, trys to change rather than appreciate, the fantastic personal qualities that Mr X possesses. These include fighting in the atempt to make Mr X surrender and propose to her....no, not asking him to marry her, but her asking/telling him to ask her to marry him. Marriage of which he may not be ready for at least another 5 or so years (he is currently 25). Lastly, Mr X even joked to meee, about his current sexlife -or there lack of...

    I soon realised Mr X was using me as a break from the real world...but yet after a while he seemed more confident in himself to me, and aside from that I had never been happier in my life... Talking with him had the capability of making me smile for a whole day. I even got severe flutters of butterflys with everything he said... I became weary I was falling for Mr X, very hard, very fast.

    Mr X often joked about seeing each other in a years time, catching up for a coffee, pizza, eleventy drinks (etc.). We talked of everything and sometimes questions were phrased in such a way that anyone else would assume we were trying to predict what a relationship would be like together.

    Unfortunately, one night things began to slow down. Mr X and I were talking when he abruptly left, only to come back and say he had gotten into trouble -of which was apparently he was flirting too much with me! I was astounded that the girlfriend had found out, but then I quickly realised with the amount of time Mr X and I spended chatting with each other it was bound to happen sooner or later.

    We still continued to talk very often quite constantly after this incident, but to a day where everything ceased. As this day I knew Mr X was attending the funeral of whom I believed was his uncle, I gave him some space. But afterwards things did not return to normal. I didnt hear from Mr X again...I tried everything to reach him but still did not hear from him.

    A friend suggested I send a proper and truthful email sharing with him exactly how I felt and why. A few days later he replied 'gday


    , as you've noticed ive been out of the loop and that is the way it'll be for a while. No fault of your own so don't worry about it. Now behave yourself. Cheers'. I havent heard from him since then. That was almost three months ago...I recently needed a new email and so I know he added my new one on msn, that was a week or so ago.

    He is still all I think about, and I find myself not even coping with the concept of moving on due to how much we shared and the idea of 'a while' in his last email... I'm even finding myself thinking of waiting a year and a bit like we used to joke about, just to find out... I've never been more confused or heart broken...or in love with any one else my entire life.

    Help?

    x



  • This man has a commitment to someone else. He is unavailable, regardless of how near or far he is to you. Also, if this man has no problem sneaking around behind his girlfriends back to communicate with you, how can you be sure that he won't do that to someone else, (like you) when he does, if he does leave his current relationship. You deserve better than this. I feel bad for his girlfriend, of course she is controlling and insecure, who wouldn't be when their partner is lying and sneaking around. You can't beleive a word about her he has told you, there are two sides to every story and you are only hearing one. Move on, let this guy go and find someone who can participate in a healthy relationship. Remember some day you could be the crazy girlfriend he is describing to someone else behind your back.



  • I think if his girlfriend was that crazy & controlling he would have left her by now....unless he is trying to finish the relationship hence the reason for not deleting you altogether from his msn. If he is flirting with you he obviously isn't 100% committed to his girlfriend. To be honest, I would go loopy if my other half was texting/emailing a female work colleague all the time!! I once come across some flirty emails my other half exchanged with a female colleague and it did upset me.... mind you he did decide to change his job & deleted her from his contacts etc a month or so after being found out. I would move on with your life & if he contacts you & he is entirely single, then go for it....otherwise leave them well alone!



  • Hi, There hasn't been a lot w/substance. You need someone that's not afraid to shout it from the rooftop. It's really good to stay away from married and living together people. Or, at least, don't take it too serious. Please don't be heartbroken by him. Things sometimes are not as they may seem w/people.



  • Hello 'Myviewpoint', thanks so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post. I fully appreciate what you are saying, and feel I should tell you I agree, how could I be certain he wouldn't betray me should him and I ever have a chance of a proper relationship? I thought about this a long time ago, when we began our friendship. And so to be sure, I asked him, not directly (but cornered him into telling me lol) whether or not he would ever be with another woman while he was in a relationship. His answer was no. To be honest it surprised me, but of course in a good way.. And yes I do believe what he said. I also need you to understand he has never deliberately spoken a bad word about his girlfriend. I have been in another situation like that before, where the man has constantly whined and so forth about his significant other, (which, don't worry, did not have my interest but rather I was being chased -it went no where and no where fast 😉 -but this just isn't the case this time. I feel bad for his girlfriend and I never once said I thought she was crazy. She could be a very kind person for all I know. But there were very clear, definite, controlling patterns developing as he told me little things that usually just slipped into conversations -such as the examples I previously mentioned. I know I need someone who is able to establish a solid and healthy relationship, but perhaps that is my question afterall... I believe I have a proper chance at this with him in the future, but is it stupidity on my behalf to wait around for it?

    Before I continue, I feel I should share with you all that it was never all about being fliraticious with one another. Altough that of course did play a big part, there were the many other connects instantaneously and one by one being newly discovered, thoughts, beliefs, tastes and humour we equally share. Every day was a new day in which one aspect or another further developed and I felt closer to him than the day before... never have I been so excited to just talk and hear another person's thoughts in my entire life.

    Hey 'rnrchick', thanks so much and I really appreciate your advice. I fully agree with you that I myself would get extremely upset if I found a partner exchanging flirtacious texts/emails/etc! What bothers me however, is that during the two months of 24/7 consistent communication, to my knowledge she never even noticed... It bothers me because I think if even he was using me as a distress signal to his girlfriend (which may I add, I am certain he wasn't), she never even picked up on it -and it was rather significant.

    If I had no concern for his girlfriend, I present him with an ultimatum and perhaps even visit him unnounced. However, I guess because I know what I feel is unmistakenably not something of a child's crush, I know that it is nothing of solely sexual attraction but rather an incredibly deep connection, I am considering of doing whatever it may take to give it a proper opportunity. Again with the waiting thing... To me their relationship shows many signs of damage, of deterioration, but I would have no clue if it will recover. It may very well do so.

    So I guess I wonder, is love truly a risk? Or should I search for something easier and more accessible, something that will probably always remain at second standard compared to what I imagine of the raw possibility with him?

    Hi Dalia 🙂 Thanks for your help. Everything you say is so very true...and I could not agree more that indeed keeping away from married and living-together couples is extremelyyyy good advice, as despite whoever it is, someone will alwaysss end up broken hearted. But to my defence I did not seek him out, I didn't know a thing about him when we first met -he caught me by surprise and like insanity I felt an immediate bond with him within the first week I knew him. Come the end of the week I found out he was not single... I don't know whether it's my foolish self, haha, but I know I've already convinced myself he is exactly what he always has been to me. Sadly, I know, but if I never get to speak to him ever again...I can guarrantee I will be forever heartbroken by him.

    Perhaps somethings in life simply aren't meant to be solved with anything but time, perhaps somethings are too complicated? I wish it wasn't so, I wish life was easier. I can give no adequate explanation as to why I fell so hard for this man, so incredibly quickly...I can not explain how I allowed myself to.



  • Also, I've noticed but forgot to add -I'm not sure if this helps, any of you with any advice you could offer, but he is a Scorpio and I am an Aries.

    Thanks again,

    x



  • Hi all,

    I thought I'd leave a progress report for those who have bothered to read my rather longggg post...lol.. I have decided to wait the year or so for him. At least then if there is the possibility of anything happening between him and I, there will be nothing holding us back yet the decision to make...

    I wonder if I am wasting my time, my happiness? But then I wonder If I could have ever truly been happy by just 'moving on'.

    I appreciate your thoughts, but also understand if you've given up on me due to the extensive posts on my part.

    x



  • Given up on you....we wouldn't do that,sugarpop! I'm pleased that you've come to some sort of decision...life isn't straightforward and whatever path you take isn't a waste of time...just a learning curve. I'm glad you've gone with your gut instinct ...at the end of the day, you're there looking & watching, not us...and you'll find happiness when you least expect it ... One word of advice though, don't hide yourself away waiting for him to come knocking. Keep up your normal routines, friends,personality etc because that is what attracted him in the first place..hide away & you may miss your perfect opportunity. Good luck.



  • Thanks rnrchick... Great advice too, and I plan to do just that! Waiting alone for that amount of time will be torturous enough -lol I will need things to do just to keep me sane! I've already started planning things for the year with mates, including skydiving and the moto gp (hurrah!), and a girlfriend of mine is moving in with me.

    No intention of becoming a miserable ole' recluse whatsoever 🙂 ...well maybe slightly upset but ahhh cut me some slack! Haha

    Cheers

    x



  • Sounds like you're gonna have a great year! Don't know about skydiving but the moto gp....yeah, definitely! 🙂



  • Hi everyone,

    I thought that I would send out an update. I'd like to start by saying sometimes, there is no other right choice other than trusting your gut instincts.

    The man I've talked about fell out of the world. He dissapeared from existence, and yes this did in turn make him appear as somewhat of an arsehole. Following this I was indeed driven insane.

    In the last week I have spoken to him, forgiven him, felt the connection with him intensify and never before right now have I felt so excited and so confused at the same time. Life should always be like this.

    Truth be told, as well as his girlfriend getting a bit stroppy, his little baby sister passed away just before Christmas last year. I was so devastated when he told me that I burst into tears, and I've never even met her...

    Sometimes, you have to trust that you just know when things aren't right. These are the times that trust, courage and hope are most important. This is especially vital when the circumstances involve love.

    I know that I am in love with him, and of every man I've ever had feelings for or been with, this is the only one I've truly been in love. I do not know what tomorrow brings, if someday only turns out to be he choosing to forever be with his current girlfriend, but what I do know is I am so so happy I kept my faith in him and did not try to forget someone so special.

    I hope oneday, if not already, you will all experience the depth of connection I constantly feel for him.

    Love,

    x.



  • I'm pleased that you trusted your gut instinct ,Sugarpop. Keeping him as a close friend will enrich your life even if things turn out that you don't get together romantically. In the meantime though don't close your heart to any other potential relationships. However, I've got a strong feeling that you two will get romantically entwined....all the best for the future x



  • Thanks rnrchick, your confidence in this relationship developing really does mean alot x.

    I really hope something happens too... I can afterall, only begin to try to tell you all how much I feel drawn to him w/o sounding desperate etc...

    But I guess the best way I can put it is that, ever since he's walked into my life, I've been constantly feeling the vibe that some things are just meant to be...

    Lol I hope for my sake that's not simply his friendship, but who knows! 😛

    Anyway, sincere regards and thankyous,

    x.


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