My life feels like it's falling apart.
Ok, I'm sixteen almost seventeen and I already have more stress than most 30 year olds. My mother and step-father are splitting up because my step-father has cheated on my mom. We just found out he has an 11 year old daughter and they have been together for 15 years.
i just had to move states this summer and I get to spend my senior year in a place where I know nobody.
I had to leave my boyfriend of 1 year and 6 months. He is a Scorpio and his name is James Green he's 19 years old right now. He has severe issues with his mentality. He gets angry so easily and he seems like he can't stand me sometimes but then he acts like nothing happened five minutes later.
Is this normal for a teenage relationship? I know couples fight but his fights are ridiculous.
I don't know if I can make it through my senior year successfully. I feel like i've lost reality.. Sometimes I don't even feel like i'm here... Can anyone tell me how to calm myself and figure out what to do?
I would really appreciate it... Thank you.
I can relate to you very much on alot of levels,
You probably feel as if you have NO CONTROL,
because a situation has occurred and you basically
have no choice of the direction your being put in.. I understand,
when momments happen like these ONLY thing you can do is be
patient enough, STAND STILL with the might of your positive energy
and pray for better days..Because a change is coming for you nd your mom
obviously she's even more under stress, BE THERE FOR YOUR MOM
i know will take alot, but Not alot of people can will try being there for you when
going through a divorce. I feel the change will bring ALOT of changes,
But I also feel your boyfriend may take it a little hard; did he have a some what
shaken upbringing ? foster home or anything ? I feel he feels comfort with you
and you accept his mood swings but over a period of time THIS WILL GROW,
its not normal.. by him being accepted by his moodswings he will feel overtime
everyone has to accept them.
Connect with your mom during this time hun.
First of all KristinJean, you have to take ten really deep breaths because they will calm you down and change your mood when you feel like the world is spinning too fast. Breathe in from deep down in your diaphragm, not your chest. Now think of all that is beautiful and right in your life or in this world. (Forget the bad stuff for now.)
Next thing you have to do is acccept that stuff happens to people you love, but you can't do anything about it. Everyone must go through their own trials and tribulations, even your mum and your boyfriend. You are not responsible for anyone else's life but your own. Let everyone else take care of themselves, but be there if they need a comforting shoulder. You can't take their problems away for them, no matter how much you care - they have to learn how to do that themselves or else they will not survive this world.
So now if you cut out other people's problems, all you have left is to deal with is moving to a new place and getting through your senior year. Making new friends is easy - just be yourself because people instinctively know when you're BSing them. Let everyone else pretend to be someone else and put on false faces for courage - you be different by being real.
And if you keep up that deep breathing and focus on your studies and not other people's problems, you'll fly through your senior year.
Last but not least, anytime it gets too much there's always someone here to lend an ear or a shoulder. You are not alone - everyone struggles at one time or another. But if we stick together, we'll all get out of this alive.
Thank you so much. I didn't look at it like that. I jut feel like I never worry about myself I always worry about making everyone else happy..
I know it's not right...
I guess I'm just hurting really bad deep down..
I think I will do well in my senior year.
Math is what really gets me haha.!
But I think I may come here more often.
I like to know that people care and will listen and talk to me if I need help
Thank you again.
Your responsibility is first and foremost to yourself - to make sure you are the best that you can be because your happiness and good example will flow out to the rest of mankind. You cannot and should not try to change anyone but yourself. You must show everyone that it is possible to be contented and fulfilled so that they have hope for themselves.
Sweatheart ,when you come here,you are among the most caring people I have ever met.Feel free to talk as you need to because some one will be here to lift up your spirits and help you put things into perspective.Stay positive and know that everything works out as it should.
Blessings and hugs
i agree that my responsibility is first myself.
i keep telling myself "do what makes me happy"
see, for a while i wasn't happy with james and i was trying to get up the courage to break up with him.
i was hurting because he was always mad at me.
but i kept thinking about his family because i love them and how they'd probably hate me if i broke up with him. and he would fall to peices because we've broke up before and he started smoking weed..
i was very hurt by that.
so i took him back so he wouldn't ruin his life..
we're not together anymore but he hopes we'll be together again when i come back ..
i miss him too.
when we're not together i feel like i miss him so much and i can't be without him..
but when we're together sometimes i feel like i'm missing out..
i guess it's a teenage thing.. i hear about people feeling like that all the time..
also.. i think i told you about how my parents are splitting up..
i'm having a lot of trouble about this because my mom i trying to get me against my step-dad.
(i never knew my real dad)
she keeps telling me he won't come see me because he i with his new woman.
but that's not true...
i know from reliable sources..
(my best friend's parents who are also friends with him)
and he called me and said it was because he didn't have enough money to get down to florida from tennessee..
he explained all of his spending and receiving of money to me and told me everything he's spent on like medicine and he asked everyone for money to come see me..
i really think mom is trying to get me against him because she's so hurt..
and it's hurting me as well...
but other than that it's summer time so.. i have nothing else to think about..
i'm trying to make friends because i just moved here so that i'll have something to do to get my mind off things. and i've made 3..
but they are still in school and i'm not.. so during the day i think about my parents and my problems..
i just can't seem to find a hobby i can stick with...
oh, addictdtoriches i forgot to answer your question.. he didn't have a bad upbringing.
his parents are very old fashioned and they treat him well.
i love them personally.
he has a lot of siblings. he's one of the two middle children.
he has hypoglocemia and he's got anxiety problems..
he's really sweet most of the time.. but he has somewhat explosive anger.
i know he'd never ever hit me..
but when he gets mad he breaks things.. he throws things..
people tell me this could progress into him hitting me.. but i just can't believe that.
plus he knows if he did hit me.. he'd be sincerely hurt..
i'm an awfully strong person for a girl and my step dad would hurt him as well..
but i honestly don't think he would hit me..
i don't feel scared by him.. i just don't get that vibe..
work on deep breathing, take up a yoga class to help you focus.
now is the time for you to focus on YOU.
thank god you are far away from your boyfriend. the choice is yours, you can
free yourself from his baggage.
he has mental issues that only a professional can help him with.
he was abused severely as a child, and he needs help by a professional.
Blessed be , Sunny
You will have a great senior year.And give yourself a litlle time to make yourself more friends. Just be yourself and you will do just wonderfully.Hobbies are just as important to your self expression as school is to your academic growth.Should you like sports,join the Park and Recreations Dept in your area.Check your local paper listings for events as well as entertainment that would interest you.Volunteer at any of the local churches and food banks as well as the hospital or local animal shelters.There really is quite a bit which you can do to not only keep yourself busy but increase your self esteem,aswell as take your mind off your parents problems and that of James.He will be okay and as you know he is drama oriented or very intense in emotion.Please don't allow him to use emotional blackmail on you to get attention.He is responsible for his own actions and needs to learn his own lessons. Remember that you did not abandon him,though he may feel that way.
Your mother is very deeply hurt.Her world suddenly changed upon learning of the deceptions. She is grieving and having difficulty adjusting,however she made the right choice to remove you and herself from a horrible situation.And yes,she is angry.Tell her that you feel badly this has happened, that both of you can get through it and that you are there for her.You can't change what has happened but honey,you can learn from it.Your step dad loves you and will come to see you when he has dealt with his guilt and feels safe.For now,he is too ashamed and too embarrassed to face you.Keep the lines of communication open with him.
Mostly,find joy in being you.This is a time for you to think about all the possabilities in your future.What would you like to do?When you find yourself stressing out,do some yoga and breathe deeply as suggested.Listening to good music,excersise or take walks in your neighborhood,or even take up gardening and getting in tune with nature.Take care of "you" and everything else will fall into place.
Much Love, Blessings and hugs
We can be in situations and still not 'be' in them. We can choose either to get emotionally involved or we can stand back and take an objective, intellectual look at how things really are. Emotions can cloud the issues.
Instead of getting sucked into other people's dramas, we can be of more help by standing back and becoming detached so that we can see solutions and explanations more clearly. With the perspective of distance, you can see how James has more problems than you can help him with and that he needs professional counselling or medication. ( I feel he could be bi-polar.) You can step back from your own family and see that your mother is hurting and also I think she is needing your love and reassurance that you won't desert her, either. She lashes out at your step-dad in her anger and feelings of rejection. You can also see that your step-dad still loves you but that he is only human and all humans make mistakes.
When you are detached, you can see where you can or can't help in any situation. By removing our emotions from an emotional situation, we are better able to see what each person needs. But sometimes doing nothing is what is called for so that people can work out their own solutions to their problems.
Sorry to butt in (I guess that's being Aries) and sorry if this has already been said but I have personal experience of what you are going through, but from the other angle.
Your boyfriend's temper is out of control. It is quite common but not acceptable. You could spend all day and then some getting to the reasons for his behaviour but it won't help or change him until he decides to get to the bottom of it.
I had the same temper until I was 35 years old and only after two years of therapy and a very supportive partner who would not accept my behaviour yet still loved me, did I get through it.
In my case it was because I had been badly beaten and abused as a child, plus a few more things but you say this is not the case with him. It could be that he has had the opposite, he has been allowed to behave like this by his parents who far from treating badly, actually spoiled him so he thinks he is entitled to behave the way he does with no consequences.
It's not his fault and he really doesn't have any control over it but unfortunately, if you don't stand up to him now, he will walk all over you. To stand up to him you have to say that he cannot treat you the way he does and therefore until he gets some anger management classes, you will have nothing to do with him. But also stress that if he does get the help that you will consider taking him back so he has something to work for and you might be missing out on a diamond if you don't take him back.
Also here, your parents have dragged you into their adult issues and expected you to deal with it. You have a choice not to be manipulated by them but you need to tell them calmly. Just explain to them that you are only 16 and what they keep telling you is too much. Tell them you feel as though you are breaking apart because you just have too much to deal with and need their support. Ask for their support. Sometimes they get blinded by their own emotions and cannot see what is wrong. By confronting them with it, calmly and not blaming them but instead just telling them how you are feeling and what you would like from them, you give them an opportunity to calm themselves down and you might be surprised with the result.
Remember also that every teenager in the world goes through major changes which cause stress in their late teens so you are not alone and you will get through this. You will survive and grow up into a wonderful person so have some hope and focus on being the real, compassionate you.
I think you are amazing to have been so honest here it shows what a wonderful person you are.
KJ: I have a 21 year old daughter who never had a relationship with her bio-dad since he left when she was 6. I didn't quite get where you moved to - but either Florida or Tennessee should offer ample outdoor activities for the summer - including, meditation (which can be simply sitting outside under a tree, on a beach, or a park bench & focusing on just 'being' and 'existing' in that moment with those all important deep breathing techniques referred to by The Captain (listen to her, she is a wise woman..;). Meditating, connecting with yourself and nature can be a "hobby" all by itself. Being a teenager in the world today is quite a job, without the added stressors created by our parents or others or outside circumstances not within our control. Maintain your self-respect, and you will continue to grow and prosper, even when it doesn't feel like it! Love & Blessings
Thank you all very very much for giving me advice on how to deal with this.
I'm sorry i'm slow with replying i've been spending a lot of time with friends lately.
i was swimming and walking around to exercise.
it's making me feel so much better because i'm losing weight and actually not so lonely.
so i'm feeling better about myself.
i've been talking to james and i told him while we are so far away i'm going to be single so he can get his temper under control and i can have time to not worry so much about him.
he was ok with that and he told me he's learning to control it.
we still talk every other day and i really love him..
he said that when he finds a new job he'll look into going into therapy.
i'm so proud of him..
my mom has been going to a bar ..
alcoholism runs in my family on both sides..
i'm worried about her..
i love my mom and i don't want anything to happen to her.
she's working with this oil spill with bp and it's stressing her out..
esp since the news is totally wrong about everything.
she finds herself sitting alone in the living room arguing with the news.
which really worries me..
i just wish she could be happy again.
my step-dad wants to buy me a new car and my mom is buying me a new phone.
i feel like they're trying to bribe me into being happy since they split up..
they said they just don't want me to go into a depression again.
it runs in my family too.
she's scared i'll have to take medication for it just like she does.
i don't know what's going to happen to me whenever i get ready to start my life on my own..
for some reason i've been thinking about it a lot..
i had a lot planned for my future..
i had a mental image..
but now that i've moved to florida i draw a blank..
what do you think that means?
First and foremost is your boyfriend probabley has a bi-polar issue. I know that you are going through alot right now and don't know who or where to turn to. Turn to YOURSELF only then can we find the answers! Sometimes in life change is good for us and makes us stronger! Be yourself and go with the flow. Most of all believe that GOD has a master plan for you!!! Hang in there girl YOU WILL PERSEVERE!! By the way what is your sign?
Bless your mom for trying to help clean up that bp disaster, it affects us all eventually! I have 3 kids, youngest just graduated h.s. Her Dad and I split up after 22 years of marriage and all of them have had to adjust to a different kind of life and have done AWESOME, and I think you will too!!! Just being able to ask for help says ia all! You are not afraid to express yourself and reach out, that tells me you are a strong person! Hang in there young lady the answer will soon come!!
Dear Kristin Jean
I think you are doing awesome taking control of issues like the bf and making friends.That's wonderful.Stay busy.
Re your mom...she has a good deal of low esteem issues attached to the break up.Plus,she's hurt and angry as she was done wrong.She has to take responsability for her life too.She'll come around once she puts things into perspective.Take care sweetie
Blessings and big hugs gurl
I am highly stressed up. As I am in a big dilemma as to should I leave my hometown for further studies or not?
I am Roopashree Sharma (23/09/1990) residing in Lucknow, Uttar Pradesh, India.
Also, my love life is quite disturbing. There is one boy (Intials KS)
Kindly guide me in regard to my career and love life....
I just met a new guy today.. He's super sweet but a little straightforward.
His birthday is in January.. I don't know what sign that is but i'm a Leo!
We're together right now..
I hope I don't get hurt but.. I have a good feeling about him..
I mean he literally showed up at my doorstep. Not like the stalker way but the new girl way.
My mom's been doing better..
I haven't told J.T. yet and I don't know how to.. He's gonna be so so sad.
Me and my grandmother who lives with me have been arguing a lot..
If it isn't one thing it's another.