Libra Woman troubled over Gem Man
I started dating a Gemini man nearly a year ago. For 4 months we communicated over great distance as I traveled. We eventually got to spend time together in person, though he was still 3 hours away. As a Libra this was the first relationship I had been in with such chemistry. Over the next several months we fell in love... or so I thought.
We weren't in a relationship but had agreed to be monogamous. After suspicion got the best of me, I went through his things and found out he was "flirting" with several women. His idea of flirting and mine were very different. He was telling women very personal and intense things. I have never been in a relationship so I have a deep fear that I will love someone who doesn't love me in return. That coupled with his obvious infidelity or repeated violations of trust made me hesitant to continue dating him. The problem was, even when we agreed not to be together, and I maintained interest, but proceeded with caution- he begged me to be more open. I stopped saying things like I love you and I miss you, though I felt it, to avoid allowing feelings to grow anymore intensely than they already had. The whole time we weren't together because he expressed great concern over his financial stability, and providing for his children. I understood but my Libra savior wanted to be there for him.
I later found out that he had written me and another woman the same romantic text message, I concluded that I was just one of many women to him. I stormed out of the apartment and 3 hours later he texts: don't give it up as easy as you gave it to me.
I was beyond hurt and had reached my breaking point so I didn't respond. He took to the internet and began flirting harder and more publicly after days of no contact. I finally saw red, and said very nasty things to him. He only responded by saying ok. We haven't spoken since and though I know we certainly shouldn't be together, I want to apologize for the things I said. But so should he. I am devastated about the break up. I cry everyday, haven't eaten for a week.
I just wonder if his feelings for me were ever real or were they all a lie. I considered breaking for a year or two and reuniting if we still both could. To give him time to get financially stable and not so bent on being with other women. But why should I even consider that if I still wonder if his feelings were ever real. Mine certainly were.
I want him back... I want him to be sorry, but I don't want him back because I deserve better than what he did to me. Will he ever forgive me? Will he ever come back? Even worse, we've been broken up for 2 weeks but his birthday and my graduation are on the same day... should I say happy birthday or expect a congratulations? Or should I continue not speaking to him at all?
-Confused and depressed Libra Sun/Virgo Moon/ Venus in Scorpio
Hi Libraire, I think I can relate... Libra Sun/Taurus Moon/Venus in Scorpio/Mars in Virgo here, and I've just been badly hurt in a relationship with a Gemini/Cancer cusp. Yours sounds more like a through-and-through Gemini, though. As a Libra with Venus in Scorpio, I don't think you'll ever be satisfied in a relationship with someone who takes your connection so lightly. His feelings probably weren't a lie, but he may not have the capacity to feel and bond with one person as deeply as you do. You need a full, devoted partner, and he needs the stimulation and excitement of attracting positive attention from multiple sources--even if he isn't serious about pursuing those connections any further. With all that flirting, it sounds like he might have Venus in Gemini as well as his sun? Bottom line, he's not treating you in a way that's healthy and nourishing to you, and he may never be able to. I'm sorry, Libraire, I know it hurts. You say that you fear you may love someone who can't love you back--we tend to attract what we fear (i.e., give our energy to), so if that's your fear you may have inadvertently "magnetized" it into reality. Rest assured that you are infinitely lovable and that you deserve and can have a relationship with someone who loves you as much as you love him--and I promise you, as you believe that, it will happen. Go ahead and grieve for this ending, experience the pain and let it go. Apologize if you need to, to get your outburst off your conscience, but try not to expect anything back from him. Remember that every experience holds a gift and a lesson if we choose to accept it--and that when something we want doesn't materialize, it's very likely that something better than our wildest dreams is waiting just around the corner, if we trust ourselves enough to let go and move toward it. Wishing you strength and serenity--blessings, gd
blueyedervish last edited by
Having grown up around and having a Gem son of my own,I know the duality of that personality. I'm sorry you got hurt and I know you will,as Graced said,have grieved and gained a lesson or 2 from this experience.Very wise response,she gave.They aren't all that bad,but if you think of a child in a candy store,that would be Gem man.Some are satisfied with sampling a handful while others have to stuff their pockets. You need to acknowledge your feelings as they come, and know that there was some good to come out of the relationship.Believe in yourself and follow your dreams,to make yourself happy.The right male will come along who will shower you with his all.Let him come to you child.
Thanks so much for the words. He's a Venus in Cancer and I'm not sure what that means. I guess at the root of it I just struggled with not being sure if he actually liked me, loved me or cared about me. I could deal with the fact that he can't be the man I need and grieve but it wouldn't be as painful as grieving over the relationship as well as what I see as ultimate betrayal.
You're right about him needing stimulation from multiple sources... no matter how superficial. It's something I don't understand but I guess I'll have to deal with. I'll say this though, we got along so well on a basic level and shared so much this has become almost unbearable. The chemistry between us is nothing like I've ever experienced with anyone else so it feels like such a waste. It has only been 2 weeks but it's felt like much longer. Sigh Thank you for your words of encouragement. It really helps the process. As a Libra, I'm sure I am thinking too hard about this!
Dragon21 last edited by
As a Gemini man, I recommend you to move away from him. If we get caught cheating, we won't get back to the same person, it's useless. This person was stimulating himself with various females, he didn't love you. Honestly. We like frienship with ex girfriends, but we never go back to them for a relationship.
blueyedervish last edited by
Well then Libraire,eventually he would have brought you down like the text he sent to you.He'd deny the wrong doing and you would certainly be forever trying to meet his ideal.Librans adore being in a relationship,so yes, you may miss that.Have no fear however,because you are naturally beautiful inside and out.Tend to your back yard,nurture your spirit and keep an open heart.You certainly won't be alone for long.
Blessings and Hugs.
With Venus in Cancer he needs to feel safe in relationship, and keeping it noncommittal / spreading himself around could be his Gemini expression of that need. I understand about the chemistry--had that with my Gem/Cancer, too. To me it was inexpressibly beautiful and felt like coming home at last... makes it that much harder to let it go, I know, when your heart felt it was right. But some people come into our lives to stay, and some are just passing through. If we can accept and appreciate what they have to offer, and not ask of them what they can't give--quite a challenge--we find a more authentic and satisfying way of loving. Instead of thinking of it as a waste that it didn't last longer, you might try to see it as a precious gift that you got to experience for as long as you did. Some people never get to make such a connection in their lives!
Blueyedervish's advice to tend your back yard and nurture your spirit is so wise. To quote Mark Nepo in today's reading from the Book of Awakening, "The flower doesn't dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes." All you have to do is let yourself blossom (by being your truest self, and expressing that in the world) and the right "bee" will find you. If it's your Gemini (I sense not, but all things are possible), then you don't have to do anything to "get him back"--he'll come to you.
As they say, we all give best the advice we most need to receive, and writing this to you reminds me to practice what I preach--thanks for that, Libraire! light and love and blessings, gd
I keep coming back here for therapy of sorts. What you wrote gracefuldaisies, was so poignant it made me cry. I am certainly tending to my back yard. A little before meeting my Gem I was recovering from a break up with a Pisces/Pisces I chased for years to no avail. So when you say my Gem was like a welcome home you hit the nail on the head. For the first time I could leave my armor at the door. And I read the Venus in cancer need emotional security and sort of a motherly nature, but for Gems, that conflicts with their need to be free and flighty. I know I provided that nurturing and emotional support... especially as it pertained to his career struggling, and his constant feelings of inadequacy.
I often reiterated how deeply I cared for his entire person... and I often became frustrated at seeing him entertain women who I knew, and he knew wanted him for only one thing or another. He's told me many times before he keeps much of his pain hidden inside so if he is hurting from this I'd never know. Everyday is a little better than the last. I am spending time tending to my yard as blueyedervish put it. I'm working on becoming in tune with my truest self, and I like the advice of looking at it as a good experience for what it was: really my first love.
I can't thank you guys enough for your advice.
That rings so true, Libraire--I think it's in our nature to offer nurturing and support, and I believe our Gems responded positively to that in us--which, because we're sensitive to our partner's needs, emphasized that trait in us all the more. It also creates a conundrum, though--when we're too ready to be the nurturer, the relationship becomes imbalanced. Ultimately, he has to do the work of conquering his feelings of inadequacy for himself. Looking to you and others to provide confirmation of his worth will only ever be a temporary fix, and as long as that's his approach he'll always be looking for the next sign of approval--just like an alcoholic needing the next drink. And that's not healthy for either of you!
With my Gem/Cancer, the angry part of my pain says, "But look how well I loved you and how faithfully I supported you in every way! How can you not appreciate that? Why don't you recognize my worth?" But it may be that his subconscious realizes your nurturing can't feed him forever--if so, that would be a healthy sign of a step toward inner growth for him. Ultimately, it's only after we feed ourselves that we can truly nourish others, so I believe you're taking the best possible approach by simply "tending your yard". Would love to hear what happens as you heal and grow and get in touch with your truest self--hope you will keep us posted! hugs and encouragement, blessings and light, gd
p.s. I often find that I can re-center myself through the satisfaction of helping others outside of intimate relationship. For me, it's work with and for children that helps me recharge and restore myself, and feel like I'm doing something meaningful in the world. Now would be a great time to think about getting involved in some altruistic pursuit that could do the same for you, if you don't already have such an outlet : ) It really helps keep the personal blues in perspective!
oh Honey i m so sorry to hear again about another crime scene left by those guys”Gemini man”
Listen, first you don't need to apologize to him, he was looking for it and he was looking for it badly my friend, he seeed to not have been considering your feeling more then one time
you have the absolutely right to feel upset with his behavior
sometimes when we love someone, especially when you are a woman, we start to doubt our own feeling about the situation but read what you wrote right here and you see his been provocat you to tell him horrible things, he may not have said horrible things to you but he behaved horribly toward you
like a horrible child that need to be kick hard
sometimes we try to forgot how we feel because we dont want to lose the person that we love but he doesn't seem bother to lose you he keep chasing other women
jesus, i will go crazy if the guy does that to me i make him eat his keyboard in minute
maybe that will help him to type faster then
i been where you are right now but you need to try to focus on you and remember how this situation is making you feel
the more you ignore it and think of him, the more you lose your self esteem thats not right
stop crying, he should be the one crying, we can help him cry if you lol, come on girl
the things that he does, the flirting, provocation and playing big boy that feel nothing for you is typical of the Gemini men, as far that i know
so let him be the big boy alone, let him run if thats what he want
it’s not right for someone to be so twisted in love relationship, people gets hurt
they seem to see love like some kind game, they upset me so much
let him go honey, you will see he will come after you because i think he likes you but his maybe feeling bored and are looking for some kind situation to happen so he can chase you after it
yeah yeah it;s twisted but you are dealing with the twin right?
Depend what you want from a man, is it Game or the real thing
you need to wonder what you want, so far i have see with those guys the roller coaster seem never to stop and you get bruised in every steps you take
i find really difficult to date one of those, i felt kept at distance and unable to show how much i loved him because it was always twisted
the normal thing like be with each other, dinner, laugh, friendship , surprise and enjoying each other, couldn't come out
I just couldn't express or live my feeling with him, i felt i loved the guy but i couldn't live it because he was blocked me somehow to do so
in my heart the word “i love you” lived but in my reality living the feeling was kind not allowed
and thats was so painful to go through
personally i cant live like that, so many problem in world and the last thing i want for myself is to come home in cold war where i dont get zero affection from the man i love
i couldnt come home and wondering every night if his sleeping with another woman right now or speaking to whom about what or ever if he have packed his bag to break the relationship up
a woman need to feel loved and valuate, those guys seem to totally missing the point and it seem that things need to work at their time and convenience
the hell with them all
stop crying for him and live life, go get a new hair cut , new dress and pass next to him looking beautiful with a new guy at your side and remind him what he lost
Jesus, get working girl, don't destroy yourself thats not how you play the game
Hi everyone, just wanted to share an update with how things are going. I still have very strong feelings for my Gem, but have accepted the space and time. We haven't spoken and it has gotten better as the days pass.
I graduated yesterday and had such a great time with my family and friends that I didn't feel any of the feelings I feared about it being his birthday. He did not call or text to congratulate me, I suspect he is still angry, or didn't care. But as a happy libra, I sent him birthday wishes. He didn't respond but I don't mind. I was worried because my family and friends commented that I had lost a lot of weight and looked sad. In true Libra fashion I handled it by buying beautiful things and looking better than I probably was feeling, and also going on a date with a long time Pisces ex whom I also admittedly have feelings for. I have grown to not be so angry or sad by the things he says on line, or his flirting. The one girl he sent the same message to that got us here in the first place said she'd spend his birthday with him. It turns out she didn't and he's been ignoring her calls so she now hates him. I suppose I felt a little better about his feelings for me because I know for a fact if we were still dating he would have spent the day with me.
But generally, I am really much happier and now have an appetite again. That was probably my primary concern and I'm glad that is dealt with. I hope to regain my weight soon and return to a happy healthy self. I also have another date with my Pisces ex tomorrow... hoping to continue to take my mind of of things! Thanks so much again for those words of support. I'll keep you all posted with more reports.
Hi" Libraire, good to hear you are better, if you got the time check some on my tread you will realise you are not the only one going through this and maybe, just maybe we are the lucky on that didnt stay around for more sucking life
well funny you manage the Birthday thing, his birthday in on wednesday this week and i feel bad to not send something but i dont think it will change anything i owe it to myself to stay away and fully recover
To be honest, you dont know why he didnt see the other girl, now she is also sad like you, it's not right
and maybe he celebrate his birthday with a new girl, those guys doesnt stay alone and are too much about themselves to stay alone for day like their Birthday
i m pretty sure he wasnt alone
Be happy whatever you do, dont let yourself lose energy for someone that doesnt completely make you feel good
the flirting with those guys never stop and when you start to take off he will show up again
you need to be strong the game are never over with them
I had a really good week, and now I think I'm crashing again. My appetite fluctuates but I'm determined to eat... and I've focused on staying healthy because I desperately want to gain my weight back. I read an article that said to pray every night for my ex and offered other great tips. (You can read it here: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/how-to-get-over-your-ex-20231.html)
Anyway, It's been a month now and wow I am really struggling. I realized that much of this has been so hard because I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I tried to talk to friends and they are either busy or change the subject to something stupid. When he and I were together he encouraged me to talk about and work through my problems. He said that he was there to listen. I reciprocated that.
So now that it is over... I obviously can't reach out to him, my family is not an option, and my closest friends chastise me or start talking about beer pong or other useless things. What do you do when you just genuinely don't want to go out or ignore your feelings... you just want someone to comfort you?
Hi "Libraire" i m the same honey this is how i felt before. You can talk to me i do care to listen. You know a lot people are scared to be alone and feel alone but you know ever this road seem scary right now it's a very important road for you to take.
if you are not comfortable on your own you seek to be with someone else to hide your discomfort
it's important you search the reason why you feel like this, you may say it's because of the break up but this is not totally true
You KNOW i went though the same thing and still going through it right now, then you and i dont have friends here or family i can speak with about things i had to develop a acceptance on what was happening inside of me
your friends and family will turn away from you when you start talking about it, do you know why??
because you have spoken about it before
because they cant see what you cant see, they can see what this relationship was not right for you and it was destroying you
they dont want to hear about it because they know you are missing something bad for you and people dont always understand actually in this time you do need to talk about it 1 time 100 times because you havent understood why the end took place
you havent understood and accept that relationship was not good for you
For you it's not clear and people dont understand that
they only understand when they will step in same road then you right now
but this is your battle and you can face it.
I thought the pain i felt was about the break up but actually i realised that only 3% of the pain was from the break up and the rest was from me, some unresolved issues with myself that i needed to sort out
sometimes when we are with someone and they bring a lot issues, in way we have chosen them, we get concern with their problem and this hide our own problem
we are so busy worry about him that it's only when it's over that we really face what is going on inside of ourself
the pain we feel in that moment are, feeling not good, feeling panic, feeling like no one care, feeling alone, feeling like we are not worth it, feeling let down, feeling upset, feeling lost, feeling like life is not worth it. feeling the burn in our heart
Look at yourself with the eyes of friend, if a friend was feeling like this would you not want to take them out would you not say yes you are worth it STOP IT?
It said everywhere before someone can really love you, you need to learn to love yourself and this is true
Ask yourself What is it to love myself what does it mean? it mean in time like this you need to try your best to be kind to yourself, to be your best friend, dont punish yourself, finding peace and comfort inside yourself
if you reaching too much out for stopping the pain it's because you cant handle this thing inside yourself
why cant you?
i went through this phrase time and time again, i blame this and that not seeing that i was attracting those people that couldn't give me what i wanted and those people that in end will be leaving me alone with my pain
you take so much crap from men and relationship and you blame them but when you find who you are and believe in your worth you wont take the crap anymore and you walk away smiling then crying
You may feel you lost your best friend but hey sometimes someone get us close just to shoot us better, right in centre, right in heart
but NO ONE can hurt us if we dont allow them to do so
you are not alone, talk about what is bothering you and together we can find a way to make it better
trust me it's normal the way you feel and this is an important road for you to discover your true self, dont try to run from it, try to understand what is it and what you are missing and what is the dream the little girl inside of you want and didnt get or still dream of.
reconnect with life, go for a walk, speak to yourself, write about it, you can write to me is the same things, get it out
you are not alone
SeaGem last edited by
You've been given a lot of good advice here, Libraire. I've just got one thing to add:
Don't cry because it's over...SMILE because it happened.
we try our best to exchange what we have learn with others