I'm a newbie...so please bear with me
I met a guy on-line. We've been dating for almost 8 months now. We both have kids (mine-11 year old son, his (4 yr. old boy & 8 yr. old girl). The first few months he came in pretty strong & had to give him my piece of mind. I was so scared & had to ask him for space..in which he gets upset whenever i bring it up. But later on in the relationship, when he needs it i give it to him, especially when he's around his kids (twice a week).
Well, my issue/s...i haven't met his kids nor his family eversince we met. He'd met my son couple of times & just recently some of my friends over the new year. We had a great time. He spent the holidays with me (after i gave him piece of my mind about spending time w/ ur girlfriend on the holiday not after, in w/c he initially planned..)... Although, we both exhange gift during X'mas..he gave me a really nice gift...i gave his kids something too, but he never gave anything to my son (i know that may sound materialistic)..but i believe i have the right to feel weird about it since we've been dating that long already?
I'd like to have a heart-to-heart talk w/him..but whenever i bring up the issue..he'll either say..he enjoys spending time w/me..and that we shouldn't rush..w/c i totally understand. I'm just totally confused..coz' when we're together...we're just passionate & having so much fun..
I need some insight...thanks
I would enjoy the fun & passion you're having right now....maybe the mother of his children is upset at the prospect of them meeting you and I would let your boyfriend introduce them to you when he feels totally comfortable. When my elder children met their stepmother, about 9 months after we'd split up, it was a very traumatic time for me. My kids were 4, 7 and 10. I don't know why it felt traumatic but it just did, my hormones overwhelmed me! His children are just as young. Its just a guess - I may be barking up the wrong tree!!! Don't push away what could become a long lasting & satisfying relationship by bringing up the issue yet. There will be a time for a heart to heart. Don't dwell on the Xmas present scenario - he probably didn't think!
Hi, I hope I can give you some insight or opinion. I hope I'm right because I get a bad feeling from this. I think he should have given your son something--even small. You are considering his kids as part of the picture. Maybe money is tight, but he may be missing the central meaning of the season and ya'lls relationship. I would watch his reactions and feelings towards your son. Some men have issues w/another man's son. I wouldn't bring it to his attention though. It's whatever your comfortable with in the long run. Don't put your son on a back-burner. That would be terrible. And don't pick this man over your son. I know I'm looking into the future a bit but I get this feeling from this.
Thanks so much for the feedback. I am enjoying his company & he's been very patient driving almost 200 miles (back & forth), every week. The mixed signals frustrates me a bit. Well, about the gift, i try not to put meaning to it. I gave gifts to his kids during the holidays coz' i didn't give anything for their b-days ):...however, he did give my son a b-day gift last Aug'08. I didn't expect it, although he gave it a week later, it's still a nice gesture...
I don't know where this relationship is leading to...i am just trying to savor each moment with him. We're both a very private person and i'm really trying hard to understand the situation since our main concern is to protect both of our kids. We both care for each other. I can feel that he's dropping his anchor slowly but surely, he talks so much about his kids & sends me their pictures...and he listens when i talk about my son as well