Scorpio man's fear of love
I'm a gemini and am involved with a scorpio man. We are both in our forties. He definitely found me, wanted me, and made that very clear from the first time we met. I'm a professional musician and he heard me perform. He responded to my passion in the music like no one ever has before. The audience was riveted by the energy he was directing toward me with such oblivious abandon. People love my music, but I've never had anyone so "get me" and my passion in such a way.
Anyway, I responded to his emails, friendly and professional, but soon realized there was such a soul connection, things in common, music, passion, honesty, truth. His sincerity and joy just captured my heart. I'm very careful about not putting out a vibe to fans, but there was something about our connection that I couldn't resist. It does feel divine.
So he invited me to have coffee, I made the plans. He no showed. He had a good excuse. He begged me to invite him to hear the music, so I did. He no showed. He had a good excuse. He begged me to keep emailing, to let him call me, to see me, always telling me how beautiful I am (which is true), and complimenting me constantly, telling me I am the woman he has waited for his whole life. But he has so much fear. I fell hard for him and he for me. Both of us realizing this connection is rare. I feel his sincerity, his vulnerability, his fear. He told me he wanted to be close me, but was "too attracted". He always asks if I'm going to run away, if he's scaring me? His intensity is different, and I can see why women would be fearful. But now that I've known him for 6 months, I know he is a gentle, kind, loving man, born with intense passion.
But still he won't talk to me on the phone, only texting, on his terms. He emails the most loving, kind words I've ever heard, always responding to me. At first he was the intiator, now it is always me. I am pulling back, because it is uncomfortable to chase a guy, when I don't need to. Sometimes when I text, he won't respond. His rocket-like pursuit has changed, and yet our feelings have grown into something very real.
I guess I'm ready for more, and to see him in person, risking the attraction and the "merge" of passion. I'll take the risk. He worries so much that he won't look good enough. This guy has movie star looks. How long should I carry this relationship? He was so much in pursuit, but now has pulled way back. I believe out of fear. He is unemployed and has stated many, many times he doesn't feel good about himself right now. Wants to have himself put together before we connect physically. We have talked about waiting for the "right time" but both of us are so attracted and the waiting is painful. I sometimes wonder if he isn't getting relief elsewhere while waiting for the right time for us?
I know I'm all over the place with this post. But really I'd love some feedback on what is up with his pull back and fear? When he is in contact he tells me that I'm the kind of woman he wants in his life. He finds new ways of telling me how right I am for him, that he wants to say more when the time is right. I want him in my life everyday, or at least 2-3 times a week in text, phone, in person, but he is hesitant. Why is he so afraid of me? Why doesn't he just let me love him?
Any ideas? I know he's in love, so please come at me from that place.
Gemini + Scorpio =Air + Water = Rain
From an astrological compatibility, both of you are not the same sun sign. You, my friend is a air sign related to communication and intellect. He is a water sun sign related to intensity, feelings and emotions. This is a poor combination as Scorpio will dominate you and you will use sarcasm in return. Then he will make you depressed and unhappy. It could work for a short-term fling, but that all about it.
Maybe, you should try to give air sun sign men a chance like a Libra (Sept 22-Oct 22) or Aquarius( Jan 19-Feb 18) or a fiery sun sign like a Sagittarius( Nov 22- Dec 21).Good luck
Well thanks for the insight, I guess. We do have some compatibility in our moon, venus and mars signs. But really I'm just trying to understand some specific fears of scorpio men. I'm not looking for men with certain signs, but someone who moves me the way he does. I'd like to understand him better. Not leaving because of our sun signs, I'd like to work with it. He's worth it.
One more thing...I'm a deeply passionate, feeling and intense person myself. Not prone to superficiality or sarcasm. Can't be dominated either. And I am indeed a Gemini....an evolved one.
I sympathize with you. But, I read your post and I have to say the 'writings on the wall'. No guy waits 6 months to call you on the phone (are you serious?This guy has some gumption!). If a guy really likes you and wants to be romantically involved with you, he'll move heaven and earth to make it happen. Otherwise, "he's just not that into you". And the reason that " he's just not that into you" is because he most certainly is in a serious relationship (many Scorpio males are notorious womanizers). Gem1103, you are being played. Wake up and smell the coffee!! Don't be blind sided like Sandra Bullock. Judge a man by his deeds not words. You definitely need to read "The Rules". You are having a fantasy relationship and wasting your precious time on this dopey male. I honestly think he's married. Or else, has a serious girlfriend. He's just playing with you. You are most probably one of many women he's teasing. I'm sorry to break the news. So do yourself a wonderful favor. Tell that dipstick to go jump! And then start dating a real man that lavishes you with real time attention, love, respect and pampering you truly deserve!
How uncanny, sounds just like the scorpio man I know- VERY similiar situation and very frustrating. I too didn't want to pursue him either. There is a definite reluctance on his part, fear of the relationship- yes. Sometimes he called/text, sometimes he didn't, and those excuses of why I didn't hear from him!!! This push pull relationship drove me crazy. Everytime I was about to give up and release him he responded. It was as if he knew I was backing off. The relationship is slowly progressing forward after 9 months.We are much closer than before and I will not allow it to backslide or else I'm leaving him.He was also insecure about his looks I might add. Be honest with him and tell him this is not being fair to you, if he is not ready to move forward- your moving on !!! You must mean it or this game will go on indefinitely on his terms and not yours.
Be careful !! do not involve yourself physically...who knows...you may get hurt later!!!! It is not your duty (everytime) to make him realize that he is handsome....If he is a true scorpio he knows what he is...he is just eager to hear you saying so ...and confirming whether he interests you!!! I don't say that he is all wrong but then you are not all certain. A love affair with a scorpio man is either passionate and true( which can be seen and felt) or a flirty kind of(including lots of romantic compliments and emotional fears) Once he wins you, his task is done and after that..... as you said ...you chase him.... and he will respond only when he likes to. Suddenly ...you will realize that you are the one who is managing and organizing all the affair...and you cannot blame him...because he is poor fellow surrounded with many fears.....Wait and observe ...all you need is patience....or if it is really frustrating...leave it...but then be determined...till last. take care!!
Hi gem1103. I'm sorry to hear of your distress can I just say I know exactly what your going
through. I am a gemini and my intense off and on partner is a Scorpio
albeit we are off at the moment. You are right to look beyound sun sign as there
are bigger connection than the just sun sign. The situation between the two of you the
intensity, that goes beyond words and even of this world its as if you were talking for
me. The best to handle this is to meditate on how you feel and see where it comes
from wether they come from the heart or the head.
You say that he has things to sort out for himself before he can have a
relationship with you. I'm afraid scorpios are very able to sacrifice love
or hold back love if they feel that they are not in the right space, it dosent
mean that they are not thinking about you or are not into you and there's no saying
how this will take the thing you need to decide is if you want to wait because
no amount of pushing is going to change their minds until they think their
ready. I'm not sure if im making much sense. I wish you luck although
I would not wish it on my worst enemy! Lol
This post is deleted!
I tend to agree with Notshy...reading your post I immediately believed he is in a committed relationship with someone else. Always the communication on HIS terms? No phone calls?
When there are lots of other compatabilities in a chart, things can work. But when he defines the relationship? No, don't think so.
Run away. Run hard and fast. Look up the word enthrallment. The fantasies of what could be have taken over the reality of what IS. And after living many years, I have come to know that life lived in reality is much more satisfying than life lived in a world that doesn't exist anywhere but in our heads.
And having said that...I don't know what lessons you are here to learn. For myself, when I refuse to read the handwriting on the wall, I generally pay a "heavy lesson" toll. Not fun. But the lessons are very valuable.
Maybe this is an opportunity to write a series of songs about this encounter....
Hello gem1103, what is his birthday and time of birth? If you could get that then we can have a better idea, oh and yours too. I am a Virgo and I am planning on marrying a scorpio. He is the greatest thing that has happened to me ( besides my children ). This does sound wierd and I think there maybe more to this story ( unbeknownst ) to you. Where is he from? Just to be safe why dont you check him out with one of the security web sites? Find out if this could indeed be a form of whishful thinking on his part due to his real obligations?
I myself had a similar situation with a man. It was six months before he told me he was married and by then it was too late for me. In the beginning he chased me relentlessly and I had no idea he was marrried. He was working where I live and was here all the time for 6 months. Then one day he had to go back to the state he was from, but he said he would be back within the week and he was! So there was no way I could have known....except if I had done a background check I WOULD HAVE KNOWN, but I did'nt think. One day he comes out of the blue and tells me " I lied, I am married". Oh lord I cried and cried. The betrayal the betrayal...I felt terrible. But ( again unbeknownst to me ) he had left his wife when he came back from that week he was away. Lives where ruined, including mine! I won't tell you how it ended because this is not about me, but that background check would have been VERY HELPFUL INDEED! I'm not saying this is what is happening to you, but why not check just to be sure?
Move on Gem...he has attachments elsewhere...the reality is he can't commit but likes the idea of being involved absensia.You have someone else waiting in the wings, just waiting for you to give him a sign that he can trust you with his heart.He plays your song in his own way.Good luck
My scorpio gave equal intensity in the heat of the come on which made it easy to become enchanted. Though he wasn't always a "no show", his intrigue and interest for me was more an escape from his true reality. Turned out, he was married with kids. Be careful.
Thanks everyone for all your input. I really appreciate it all..
I know he's not married with children. He wants children, wants a relationship with me, but has indicated he doesn't feel worthy. I'm very put together, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually. He his attracted to my heart and soul, but feels he needs to be able to support and take care of me in the style I'm accustomed to . The no phone calls...well he insists if we talk on the phone or see each other, he won't be able to stop his obsession, or attraction, and he MUST focus on work, finding work. He is resolute in a very determined way that we wait for the RIGHT time to be together physically.
I know how this all sounds. It looks suspicious and I am a smart cookie. Thanks for your concerns, i will consider them all carefully!
Hello back gem1103,
We are now living in a new age of intelligent love. Us human need to be happy. Why should we struggle to make a relationship work when our sun sign are not compatible. In astrology, the science of the new age, the sun is the biggest planet out there that reflect our ego, our soul, our drive and our happiness. You deserve to be happy with someone who share the same characteristics as you just as your scorpio man needs to be happy with his fellow water signs friends. Life is too short. Live it. Blessed it be
I wonder if there are any successful Gemini/ Scorpio relationships that exist in the world? I think I've read on these forums and elsewhere of many, many successful ones. Again, if you believe in astrology, then you must look at the moon, and other planets. Even numerology applies here, which all point to this Gem/Scorp relationship being VERY compatible. Go figure.
Was just wondering if anyone has experienced a scorpio's fear of intimacy before? Really that's all. Thanks
I am a pices woman involved with a scorpio man. Your situation is similar. He pursued me and I fell hard. We are definately on an emotional level and feel the vibes. Things were moving and we were really enjoying each other. Then one month into it, he started playing the yo yo game with me also. After a month of once a week dating, only texting or emailing and no calls during the week. He is not married. His forthright honesty was refreshing at first and then got on my nerves. Here it comes: Nancy-- the woman that he fell in love with 2.5 yrs ago and almost married after 7yrs, Turns out she heard about me (through him still being in contact) and she went for him. Wanting to get back together and working him emotionally. He was honest enough with me to tell me what was happening. But, after every date the next month I had to hear how Nancy hurt him, his son's problems, etc...yada yada.... I told him two weeks ago that he was hurting me with bringing up Nancy at every date. I didn't like the way he was treating me with the on his term dating . He told me he wasn't ready for a relationship (we haven't been intimate either) until he could figure out who he wanted to be with ---me or Nancy.
I told him I would help him out -- I broke it off and told him that I would never be 2nd in line for any man and that I couldn't compete with a past long term relationship. He acted confused...
I don't think he believed me. I haven't answered his calls,texting or emails. I am giving him time to figure his life out. If he wants me bad enough he will work at it. If not-- I was asked out by two other men and am starting over. I want a real relationship and refuse to wait ...
so many red flags but you are determined to make this work no matter how things don't add up. When someone says one thing but their actions say something else you can't ignore the reality beneath the "spell". The man is disarming you slowly with contradiction and mixed message. He tells you he is so wanting you then he's telling you he does not want the burdon of love? It is true this man has a special attraction--but it's not just you. This man has been stiring up tingles all his life. If you want the truth ignore him for at least a month--with "good" excuse. Just suddenly busy with new projects and family. He will reveal himself. This man lives off of others--his charisma makes it too easy. His women friends can tell you a lot. Sorry, but you will see I'm right within three months. On the positive side--you will never be fooled like that again.
I have to comment as I too have been involved with a Scorpio man - I am a Pisces and he has acted the same - fearful of a relationship. Actively pursued at the beginning and was so intense that I wasn't able to speak. Only texts, says a lot of beautiful things but doesn't take the step to be there emotionally. We have been physical as the chemistry was so strong. Had been avoiding the red flags and going with my heart. Broke off with him for over a month and he came back. Now waiting to see if there is a future or not. I feel your pain and am trying to move forward and yet keep an open heart in case the energy shifts.
I'm a scorpio male, it's classic. I'd have guessed he's in a relationship already judging from the situation you sketch, but if you're sure thats not the case, he's heavily emotionally involved in something else. Having no job and being 'unfit' (in the eyes of society) to provide for you would make him feel emasculated.
His perfectionism won't allow him to connect with you until he's arranged the ideal relationship situation. This preoccupation with fear and doubt is as much a 'dedicated relationship' as being married to another woman would be.
My advice? Tell him. You understand why its socially unacceptable for the two of you to be together, you understand his insecurities, and you don't care. Meet face to face, take him on a trip, sweep him off his feet in the way he's secretly plotting to sweep you off yours. His master plan is to make you fall in love with him forever. Beat him to it if you've got the insight he lacks.
No matter how intense, if this is left to bleed for too long you'll both need to shut off your hearts for a while to recuperate, and I wish you Love and an open heart instead. So go for it, put it all out in the open. Disarm the situation through vulnerability.
Good luck and warmth and love to you and everyone