Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back.
My boyfriend finished with me 2 months ago and went back to Italy. We were with each other for 3 years and he got very homesick and said he needed to go home. I am 27 from Ireland and he is 29 from Italy. He also told me he is not sure if he loves me anymore.
Since he left I have spoke with him nearly everyday. He recently told me he wants to come back to Ireland and go back to work. He is also saying he wants to see if it can work between him and me. I said okay lets see but then a day later he say’s he is not sure. I am finding it hard to hold on! This isn’t the first time he has left but the 3rd time. Once for 6 weeks, another for 4.5 months and this time 2 months to date.
I am not sure if I trust him but I love him dearly and I honestly believe he is my soul mate. It’s hard to explain the feeling I have and how we were together. I felt the love inside and outside and I honestly have never felt it before in my life. It was amazing! The only way I can explain it is like when you are in someone’s arms and the warmth they give you is what I feel and felt when I was with him.
I also know he has personal issues and hates the fact that he is gay and he finds it hard to trust. He doesn’t like been gay as he has an image of unhappiness been gay and that all gay people end up alone and with partners who cheat etc. Of course this is not true.
He sent me a text message last night saying he hates been gay, he is disgusted with the way people are and he is ashamed to be man in the world today. When I met him first we spoke about this fear and I promised him I would never cheat, as I would die inside if someone did it to me. It happened to me with my first ever boyfriend and I know how much it hurts. I know how much and hard it is to trust again but I did. I am very strong and I love so much but this time I am breaking, as I am not sure I can trust him to be strong and love me, as I deserve. I am not perfect nor is anyone but I am a fighter and especially when I believe he is the one so I keep fighting.
I was hurt badly in my first ever gay relationship, were he cheated on me and physically hurt me but I kept fighting but I remember the pain I felt and how I almost lost all sense of myself. I can’t go through this again. I can’t be the boxing bag anymore or a door mate, which ever fits the treatment I am getting. I changed my life, my sense of me and who I am and all for the better but I am gradually going back to that weak, mess of a man. I wish I could tell you my life’s entire story and talk for hours here as it may help you understand who I am and why I say so much, but so little.
I have also suggested couple counselling as it may help him with his fears and actually speak about them. He needs help but wont take it so I am willing to do this as it may give him a direction and a sense of security. I need this also as I need to understand him better so I can fight longer for our love.
My question is very broad and not specific as noting in my life is clear – I want to know is there anyway you can advise me on how to help him, how to help me and most of all what can I expect if my fears materialize and I am alone again?
Please help me find a direction!
"Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet"
sorry but the little stars are meant to say homosexual. The G word must not be aloud to be posted.
It seems to me more than anything he needs to come to terms with who he is. It's a shame though that he can't realize that at least he has found someone who truly loves him. I don't know a whole lot about homosexual relationships ( not being small minded here), but I do know that from what I have heard it is even harder than in heterosexual relationships to find someone who is trustworthy and honorable. I hope that he learns to come to terms with himself, and finds happiness in the fact that he has found love that few can say. Good Luck to you and I hope that 2009 is your year!
Hi, Well, your in love w/someone who has problems. I don't know if you realize how deep. If someone tells you that they are not sure how they feel, I feel, you should listen. I'm not sure you can change him or even help him. I feel, in this situation, it might be better to get out of nurturing mode and develop your own interests w/someone else. If I understand the post correctly, he is struggling w/lifestyle and idenity. More important, he wants you to wait, is not sure how he feels about a lot of issues. I feel, the cheating accusation is an unfair excuse not to get involved w/you. Bottom line--I would move on.
Hi there! I agree with Dalia. Move on. I think his "cheating" accusation was just an excuse. You are young, look upon this relationship as just a stepping stone (like you have done before) and get out there and embrace life. Start to think positively about yourself...this relationship failure was not your fault and there are a lot of people who would love and cherish you and give you the relationship and life you deserve. Good luck.