ABSOLUTELY OUT OF MY MIND
I HAVE RECENTLY (IN THE PAST 3 YEARS) HAVE AWAKENED FROM SOME SPELL I WAS UNDER
I HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR GOING ON 29 YEARS THIS MONTH
DONT SAY CONGRATS YET WE NEVER MARRIED
WE DO HAVE 3 SONS AND I WAS TRULY, MADLY, AND BLINDLY IN LOVE
THEN IN 1998 AFTER SON #3 HIS WORK STARTED TO SLACK OFF NOT HIS FAULT BUT AT EVERY NEW OPPORTUNITY HE WOULD TURN IT DOWN BECAUSE HIS COUSIN HAD SOME WORK COMING IN IN 3 WEEKS TILL THEN WE DID WHAT WE HAD TO TO SCRAPE BY
THIS WENT ON TILL 2007, I GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO GET A JOB OUT OF STATE SO I TOOK IT I WAS STAYING WITH MOM DURING TRANSITION TO HELP SAVE $$$ BUT IN ORDER TO SAVE CASH YOU HAVE TO SAVE IT
I WOULD SEND HIM $$ BECAUSE HE HAD THE BOYS
NOW MIND YOU, AT THE TIME I WAS GONE ANOTHER COUSIN MADE THE PAPERS FOR NEARLY KILLING HIS MOTHER AND HIS NEICE
AFTER THE BOY GOT OUT ON BAIL I FOUND OUT HE WAS STAYING AT THE HOUSE WHERE MY CHILDREN RESIDE. I WENT TO GET MY YOUNGEST BEFORE FAMILY AND CHILDREN SERVICE STEPPED IN. MY OTHER SONS WERE IN THER MID TO LATE TEENS SO THEY WERE A LITTLE SAFER THEN AN 8 YR OLD
ANYHOO, TIME PASSES MY MIDDLE SON HAS A MENTAL BREAKDOWN .SO AGAIN I RETRIEVE A CHILD IN THE PATH OF DANGER
SO AT THIS POINT I HAVE BOTH KIDS AND AM WORKING OUT OF STATE AND STILL IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN( IKNOW)AS THE WEEKS PASS I AM STEADY SENDING $$ BECAUSE HE WONT GET A STEADY JOB HE TOLD ME THERE WERE NO JOBS
IT IS NOW MARCH OF 2007.
MY CAR THAT I BOUGHT NO HELP FROM HIM ON ANYTHING BREAKS DOWN I PAY HIM 600 TO FIX IT MY OWN MAN TOOK THAT( STILL IN LOVE BUT MAD AS HELL)
TIME PASSES THANKSGIVING 2009 DOSENT SHOW.
TELL HIM I AM LONELY, I NEED HIM.
CHRISTMAS NO SHOW NOT EVEN A CARD NOTHING FOR HIS CHILDREN (I AM NO LONGER IN LOVE MY HEART BROKE )
AND WITH THE NEW YEAR A NEW FRIEND SOMEONE I FELL FOR HARD SAYS DOSENT SHARE MY FEELINGS YET HE KEEPS COMING AROUND
FATHER TO MY CHILDREN FINALLY SHOWS UP ON VALENTINES DAY AND I TRY TO END IT BUT IT GOT WERID AND I HURT HIM HE THINKS I STILL CARE FOR HIM BUT ITS NOT HIM ITS OUR KIDS
HE CALLS ME EVERY DAY TO SAY I LOVE YOU
MY ANSWER I LOVED YOU TOO
LAST MONTH I TOOK A NEW JOB IN THE SAME COMPANY I WAS WORKING FOR IN ANOTHER STATE NOW I HAVE A JOB THT I LIKE
DID NOT TELL FRIEND I WAS MOVING (SITUATION WAS GETTING COMPLICATED )
SO MAY 5, I CALL HIM CHIT CHAT NOTHING DEEP
MEANWHILE BACK AT THE RANCH MY LITTLE BROTHER IS GETTING MARRIED
OF COURSE ALL THE FAMILY IS INVITED
I AM TRULY DREADING SEEING KIDS DAD, NO DESIRE
THE WEDDING IS TAKING PLACE IN THE PERVIOUS STATE WHERE MY MOTHER IS AND ALSO THE FRIEND WHO WANTS TO SEE ME
HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO KEEP MY SAIN MIND?????
lol what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? sorry...not laughin' at you. just was in a situation or situations recently that made me crazy too. but THANK THE LORD!!! i survived and feel so different. changed. fearless and strong. and i feel like the worst has passed. i wish you the best of luck, not much help, i know. but think of it this way....the sooner you get it done, the faster you can get back to your normal routine. i'll tell you what my older sister told me, it's all in your head. learn to say "**** 'em" and keep moving. haha i love it......my mind has been at peace ever since.
I LEARN AS I GO
ITS SO CRAZY FOR YEARS MY LIFE WAS BORING
NOW NO SO MUCH
lol i know what u mean, girl.....my mother always says God brings certain people in our lives to teach us a lesson. so, to me, everyone who comes or came into my life is/was a potential challenge to keep my mind and spirit strong. her words haven't failed me. i pray and know you will find the peace you need, Shauna. God bless!