I greet you all and am asking advise on this. Last year I met a Karmic soulmate of mine. It was a love at first sight occurance and the intensity was far too great, because I am well aware of this I was very cautious and observed the man, we had never spoken but he was in my dreams almost every night. He was a dancer and one night we danced our soul conected all I remember is the next morning my entire room was full of love I was abuzz and it was so awesome, but it was spell biding and it shook me and took me over I was so drawn to him, and through this I could feel and tap into his thoughts and emotions , I knew it was him because this is the case in Karma, I could feel his pain his tears I knew when he was sleeping sometimes even what he ate as I would taste it, yet we both new what this was and still never spoke. I did want to speak to him and offered him a chance to walk me to my car one night but he did not come back and that night I just assumed to let go of whatever this is. However I went back one last time and told him I wanted to be his friend and he kissed me so intensely it shook me, after that I called him and said that , I did not appreciate a kiss after all these months of us not even speaking, and then a week later, all I remember is an inner voice saying lay down, and then I cried like I have never cried before the pain of that night sits with me even today, I screamed for hours "why are you denying me this" I pleaded with God to please change his mind for me" Inside I knew He made a decision to not go through with this. I had to get over him and this situation, and I knew what I felt the night we danced -It was love , the first time I ever felt it ...but now I am too scared and dont know what to do, one the one hand if I go back I open a door he clearly does not want to, on the other hand I have huge dreams and I plan to leave town and cannot accomodate this in my life. Also when the universe chooses this, or we choose who to love, it sometimes is not right for us, he now is a man in deep pain (as I have felt it) he uses drugs and is into prostitutes and definately not someone I feel comfortable loving in any way.I still feel something here and the weirdest thing is I still feel him, I know thursdays he thinks of me, as my body tingles and then last thursday something strange I was asleep and then at 2 am I woke up and something said just feel. I could feel what he wanted to say and I started speaking out lous, he started saying things like " I need you in my life, I need to be happy again" I inturn was repeating " I am leaving town, this is not right for me" he was saying I want to be with you , and I kept saying " I risk loosing my dreams and myself and I love myself far too much"
Anyway after 30mins fell asleep again. I dont want to go back because I feel if I open this door I might not beable to close it, and its best to walk away sometimes and release this to the Divine. But inside I wonder what could have been, if we start speaking I know we wont end , and I cannot allow him in now, because I am leaving and this will not change. I wish we could be friends but I know the intensity is far too great. Can anyone offer me advise here, seems like I am being tested to choose the best life for myself , but I also know I could help him somehow that perhaps I hold keys to his life he has been praying for, I just dont know what is the right answer, how do I explain this , in future I think I fell in love but we never spoke I felt the pain.Its too weird no one understands this but me, and people will think me crazy, but I would like to talk to him, though I know we cant be friends...
I did a tarot cards reading about your situation:
Situation as it is:Ace of Pentacles
This card carries a warning to look out for possible issues of greed and jealousy if you are currently in a committed relationship.
Action: 7 of swords
The clear message is that trust is crucial. If you're feeling suspicious for some reason about your partner, make a point to talk about this even if it's difficult. Being passive-aggressive is only going to make things worse.
Future: Eight of Swords
In the context of love, the 8 of Swords points to a need to seriously re-evaluate a relationship. You may be sticking with someone that is actually bad for you, since you figure it's "better than nothing." If that's the case, rethink. Being in an unhealthy relationship is much worse than being alone.
Hope it might help. Good Luck
KS, you know the answer, even if the pull is so strong as to be hard to resist. He may "need" you. But now you don't need to save someone nor sacrifice yourself . You must follow your own path. The door may not be permanently closed, but from what you've written he's an addictive personality and will drag you down with him. Send light out and pray for him, intercede for him in this way. Maybe someday he will be strong enough and love himself enough to have a healthy relationship with you(But it may not be in this lifetime)...