I too am heart broken and cannot move on......

  • I am also another one of those people who is heart broken...

    I met a man last summer off the internet local whom we had a huge connection which for me is hard to find. I have looked and met many people but haven't felt a connection. We started out slow and then all of the sudden it went into big sparks and chemistry. But the instant feeling of attraction was there immediately.

    He seemed like he was genuine, loving, open and I thought being honest. He was in the middle of a divorce( OK NO JUDGING HERE). He assured me he's passed the whole thing but has a young son with her and a recent new baby while being married to her that isn't his but he is willing to claim as his and raise since they are both boys...(DON"T GO AWE YET??). He was living with his family temporarily while she was living in their home and he was paying for everything. We spent the weekends together having a great time and enjoying one another and falling for each other. But I was concerned that his divorce was not over and he wasn't pushing for it to be? This was a red flag but I couldn't help myself and continued to see him as I was totally nuts about him(not sure why other than chemistry?).

    He completely involved me in his life and with his family also went to big family wedding with him and met his whole family and I felt this was headed for long term but knew there would be some bumps due to his divorce starting to get rough..while he was not on speaking terms with his xwife to be this seemed to make it easy for him to be involved with me. But once they started speaking and she moved out of state with the kids court approved since they married in another state together and moved here only recently, her whole life was back in the other state. He started to change pull back and become very distant, no longer communicating and opening up, not calling not wanting to see me and definitely not tell me he loved me. This was devastating to me and I thought as he led me to believe he was passed her and obivously not. So I decided to walk away from this on good terms telling him I couldn't continue as things are and I loved him and wished for the best for him. I didn't sleep for weeks and cried so hard I thought I'd die from a broken heart but I didn't....but I finally started to feel a little better and then an unexpected text message came from him 4 weeks later with porn pictures from of other women off the porn sites...and a message stating I should keep up the gym workout so I don't get a flabby +++ and I am near over the hill and will lose my +++ soon.

    I am OUTRAGED at this point and the porn was hard core. Never had he acted like this and seemed to be angry and starting a fight with me and attacked my looks...so the fight was on..I texted him and asked why he was bothering me like this, and went to my emails and told him to grow up and the porn was a turn off...To me why would you contact a woman you are suppose to care about in this manner? I took it as he was ticked I was ignoring him and wanted to get my attention. But soon saw a crazy insane and maybe dangerous man>>>

    I never saw this in him all along. I am totaly confused and yes I added insult to injury by defending myself and engaging...but I was caught off guard by my broken heart and his messages were insulting and hurtful and I had hoped for a better hello than that?His continued emails were insulting, hurtful, cruel, abusive and all he could do was call me down and say horrible ugly things about me....I was devastated again all over only lost to understand why he'd behave in such a way towards me...

    2 months pass and I get another email from him and it's off the cuff crazy wants something he thought he left at my house when he knew he has this item as I returned it to him...I thought my God is this man losing his mind???? He provoked another fight but this time I told him I was tired of his lies and he needed to get help as he seemed scarey and violent to me?? I have since then blocked his email??

    I don't know what happened here and why this man turned crazy towards me other than REJECTION and if he cared why can't he just come out and communicate instead of attacking and trying to bring me down?

    Any thoughts here.............as I am not able to move on since I am in shock at his behavior when we had such a great thing together, he sabotaged it by his immature ego and playing what seems to be head games.

  • Also everyone who is interested in replying about this situation of mine I wanted to extend further information about him so you might get a bigger picture of him...This man is a Cancer and a double Cancer. Which is both sun/rising.

  • I don't care what sign this man is, he is nuts!!! And dangerous, just as you said. Please explain to me what you are broken hearted over. You met someone, it did not work out, OK, I could see if you both cried like babies when you BOTH realized you had reached the end, but that's not what happened. I'm not trying to be hard on you, just shake you a little bit back into reality. Look, you existed long before you even knew this man was on planet Earth. Go back to that frame of mind and get right back up on the horse you just fell off of. There are a lot of single good men out there. If you stay stuck in your grief you are just giving this nut what he wants, he wants to get at you, and he is. It's time to move on, and give yourself some credit, at least you broke it off...I am amazed, most women just hang on and on and on. This guy is not worth one more minute of your time mentally, emotionally or anything else. Furthermore if he conitinues to harrass you in any way, you must file a police report. They won't do anything except possibly help you get a restraining order, and you may need that. You have to have a record of what is going on. If ONE more weird, crazy, thing happens, contact the authorities. Good Luck, you sound like a really intelligent, good, warm hearted person, don't lose that sight of yourself...

  • Thanks for your words that is why I am on here writing. I need a reality check as I don't know why I am grieving, other than I thought he was more than what he really turned out to be...so I am wanting to heal so I can try to put myself back out there.


  • Wow! I think you are better off without this guy. So many times it happens that we fall in love so fast that we don't see the real person but instead we see a prince charming who is not real. I know, it happens a lot...we are so surprised we have found someone charming, funny, and good looking that we get swep off our feet. We imagen that this guy is the one and nothing can be wrong with him but in reality we are not actually seeing who the guy really is. It's like we are under a love spell we create in our minds of the perfect guy. But the reality is that all guys 9or woman) are not perfect and this is the case with this guy. He seems to be immature but in a bully way (not the prince you thought he was, huh) but this was the way he was all along you just dindn't see it becuase you were thinking he was your prince charming....you didn't see it because you were under the farytale illusion you had in your mind that was not real.

    I'm glad you are out of this realationship. It is much better for you because atleast you are not the one pregnant with a kid and have to be attached to this guy forever. Makes me wonder why the ex-wife had to move to a different state (I would too).

    Just move on....I know it's not always easy. I would recommend you take some time to meditate and relax. DO NOT let his comments about yourself get you all depress about the way you look because if you do you are letting him WIN. Remember he is the looser not the winner becase he lost you and you were the gift, NOT him. Think that the best thing that happend was that this guy is out of your life. Erase the fake ferrytale you had created with him.

    I'm sure when the time is right, god will send you an awesome guy with no DRAMA!

    Good Luck!

  • HI, I am sad for you that you have had to experience such a devastating situation when it should have been a blessing. However, what does not break you, makes you. You are gorgeous, strong and sensible. It takes time and be kind to yourself Each day moves you more away from the situation, become the woman that you are - wise and strong. Thank the moon that you found out quite early on in the relationship.



  • Hi, I think the reason why he "pulled-back" or changed is because his family moved out of state. He and the exwife may not be on good terms, but the kids are out of state. I can imagine a lot of things running thru his brain. When you discontinued the relationship, that seems to have spun him out of control. Sounds like he is immature but also sounds like he could have a bad temper. Might have some serious respect issues. I always try to get to know people. It would be hard for me to start a relationship like this w/o knowing something (and not from him) about why the relationship failed--if I didn't already know him.

    Right now, I would treat this as a serious (dangerous) situtation. I would take whatever precaution you could to protect yourself and maybe this is why the exwife left. I would let neighbors, whoever, know what is going on. He may be out of control. Better to be safe than sorry.

  • Everyone Thanks so much for you thoughts, words and reality...Sunshine02,Essexgirl, Dahlia.

    You all had some great things to say and share with me and your right. I should not let this guy get to me. I have never in my life had a guy call me out and down about my looks upon a break up. REALLY?? I mean dating is dating when it doesn't work so be it. THis guy is probably the most immature man I've ever met. But I must confess a few more things about him that I found out later in the dating process. He was a famous stripper for 10 years in his recent past UGH!!(dont judge me) absolutey knock out gorgeous man, great personality and chemistry (SO BIG DEAL) I refuse to settle for less I must be treated with love, respect, loyalty and honesty and I wasn't getting it with him.

    I realized into this situation he was used to women who would grovel and chase him. NOT ME>> I believe he is spinning out of control as stated due to being dumped by me...that is why he is attacking my looks, trying to make me feel like I am less than I am...I know it's for the best I took the initiative to move on. I want better for myself and deserve it.

    I am concerned on safety. I have sent him an email warning him that I will go to the police. I blocked his nonsense anger letters. At first I couldn't sleep at night with fear. My fear is still there and it's real. But I am trying to heal over this whole thing.

  • I had a similar situation with a cancer guy i dated...he used to stop talkin to me and distancing hisself from me...then when we broke up i wanted to remain his friend...but every time i talked to him he would call me names say i was a loser and i was ugly...it would get me very upset because i thought he cared about me...so i stopped talkin to him and then after about 2 weeks he comes cryin back askin for another chance but by that time i had moved on...

    Him being a cancer guy makes him emotional but he had no right doin that to you. He could have jus talked to you about his situation...i hope you move on from this and learn something from it...it can only make you stronger...dont take what he says to heart there is another guy out there for you... ; )

  • UniqueGirl....well this experience was by far the extreme for me. I'll never understand why he acted so crazy,..your cancer guy sounds like he got scared and pulled away...commitment phobic, they always come back crying..but cannot go forward after they get to that same point again....You definitely made a wise choice......to me anytime a man pulls away without communication or an explanation and becomes destructive is a very emotionally unstable person. This isn't something that would be fixed or changed anytime soon enough only life experiences and realizing(and some professional help) would make these people grow.

    Thanks for your comment...............

    Best wishes to you...........

  • What a lucky escape ! Block his emails, change your mobile number etc. He's weird ! Threaten him with the police once & then don't reply ever again to any calls or correspondence. Just ignore his insults - they're not true! Hold your head up high,wipe away your tears, and give the world your beaming smile! Good luck for 2009.

  • I totaly know how you feel, but just let go.

    You're probably thinking "what went wrong?"

  • JaneWayne ---There is another forum called something like "Cancer male (or man? and he is confusing." I just discovered it today and of course it caught my eye since I am a mess about a cancer male. After reading 12 pages of streaming posts I have just about decided to give up...though I will say....none of them wrote about the craziness your man has shown. But it might give you more perspective to reade those.

    I so feel for you.....I was swept off my feet by one (cancerian) as wel,l 6 months ago, and the mood swings and disappearing acts and then remorse and apologies...just to do it all over again.....rushing in the beginning and then wanting to take things SLOWLY??? HE is the one that romantically rushed me off my feet!!! ...etc. has boggled my mind.

    I agree with whomever said do not take it personally....meditate....center and get back to you! In fact...that sounds so good I am going to do it as well!

    Good luck to us all.....

  • This guy sounds like my ex (an aries) an immature prick no matter his sign- he's trying to hurt you, well done blocking him from contact. He's trying to get a rise out of you so that he can get instant gratification from the guilt he's feeling from his situation. My Aries EVENTUALLY apolized after I had months of dark thoughts, "how could someone I care about do that to me?". It was davistating. By ignoring him, you have the power- he will realize his fault. True colors eventually emerge- and this is a man you DO NOT want to be with. He's purposfully trying to hurt you- not a Cancer trait. Unless he feels you've threatend his family in some way.... but usually Cancer's would just drop contact. RUN, don't walk, away.

  • hes very dangerous has severe issues temper a good person to stay away from these kind of people will get in some fine trouble someday

  • your right pull up stakes and get out! bad news !

  • its better to just let it go

  • keep it moving great advice! shes lucky to get out !

  • Jayne.....

    I just read your original post here I the more I read and think....I believe he mu7st have been drinking heavily when he sent and said those things. Did you say in one of your posts that he was 'nonn-addictive' like my guy? He is probably mourning not seeing his kids and not seeing you...its like his whole life is spinning out of control. Not that I think that is an excuse....not at all! But it would account for the abstract behavior. That would explain getting in touch with you, albiet a crude way, after those weeks of being apart. He missed you but you did the leaving and he wanted to be in touch but his pain about you turned to anger and he lashed out when he connected....just to let you know you hurt him .... At least thats my best guuess.

    Best of luck....fill us in if things change!


  • This all sounds way to familiar to me. Be grateful this was not a long term relationship. He is definately a seriously messed up individual. Get out and stay out of any contact with him. It will go on forever if you let it. Next, he will be texting you nice things, it will probably start with I miss you.,Just to see your response ,and when you get that awww! feeling inside he will pull you back in again. It may seem wonderful for a while & as soon as anything else happens in his life again , you will again become his target for abuse. Save yourself before you start questioning who you are or if there is any truth to what he says. I am saying this from experience, It maybe a coincidence but the guy who I allowed to pull this same crap with me is a cancer. very sick man and the father of my youngest son. trust me cut off any ties you may have with this guy and do not look back.

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