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  • I am trying to make a very hard decision for me, I am not sure if I should change my phone number to cut someone out of my life. I love him with all my heart so breaking away like this is a very hard thing for me to do. Is it the right thing to do or not?

    Thank you for any insight



  • Jotoole,

    Well you are breaking away for some reason, and you love him with all your heart. Wow.

    Is he abusive? Is he an addict? What is the deal?

    If he going to make your life bad if he has your phone number, I do not see there being much of a choice. Do you?

    However, I would give this person someway of communicating with you, e-mail, something. You could set up an account with like yahoo or google or some other service that would give you e-mail and chat. That would give him and you a way to communicate.



  • I agree with BT, if he is going to make your life hard via telephone then get a new number, you don't have a choice. Not sure about the email though, if you really have to cut him out of your life then you need to be consequent about it. If he abuses you then get out and get a support group of friends to help you stand by your decision, it is so eay to forget the pain and go back to it. Abused women are very forgiving.

    This is not a psychic answer it is just a practical one, maybe one of the wonderful psychics on this forum can give you more insight.



  • No He is not abusive or anything. I do love him. The reason I say change my phone is bc i was able before to block all other means on communications( email, instant messenager etc). I feel i need him out of his life bc he does this push pull thing with me where one week he tells me he isnt over me and wants to be with me and all week flirts and acts it and we hang out go uot dates etc and the week after he says he is confused. I get hurt each time this happens and I feel yea I want to wait for him to figure things out but i dont know if he ever will and I c ant keep getting hurt. I cant move forward and try to find someone else to love like this. Any insight into my future with this guy if I should wait it out?

    thanks for advice



  • Jotoole,

    I figured it was something like that. So, giving him a means to communicate, that would only be for him, like a separate e-mail/chat, I think you can even get free voicemail (with it's own phone number), may be the way to go, if you want to have some contact, that you would control and manage. That of course would be if you could handle any contact.

    As far as he goes, I feel/see nothing that is helpful to you, except he is certainly not sure what he is doing, and so you are right to do what you are doing. You deserve to know what is going on, and deserve to have some consistency.

    Should you wait it out? Here is the thing about waiting it out...

    If he was away (like military or school) and was coming back, then that is one thing. Mind you there are plenty of people who will not wait a year or two years in a situation where there is commitment, but the person will be gone. I suspect you would though, which I respect.

    But here, in your situation, he could live next store to you, and you still would have no idea what he is doing, or what is going on with the relationship. It is something that would drive anybody insane. So, back to the waiting it out thing... if you are going to try to wait this out, or you are going to move on, it really does not matter because you must do the same thing, and that is live your life, and not let this bother you, and only you knows what will work for you.



  • And Paddifluff is right about abuse. And abuse does not have to be extreme stuff, it can be something that is "seemingly harmless", like being selfish and stringing someone along. That is abusive because it is disrespectful, and because it causes you pain. Nobody is going to get arrested of course, and it does not fit under the category of psychological warfare, but it still abusive to you as a person.



  • Also agree with Brian. Torture not knowing where you stand. If he is this confused then he'll just use you as a crutch. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. Some have control issues and like the power that comes with jerking someone around. He may be weak and is attracted to your strength when you pull away--wanting what he can't have or playing a role. Trust your instincts.



  • Maybe you both need a couple of months with no contact to help him sort himself out and decide what he really wants. You seem pretty sure of yourself, just him being difficult. I think he is using you (and indeed abusing you) like Brian Tristan explained above, and you are too kind to say no. Stand up for yourself!



  • Jotoole, i'm in the same spot... been there for the longest time it feels... so I feel your pain...

    BrianTristan... sorry to bug you... can you pick anything on my guy his initials are J M...



  • HAPPYDoc,

    Nothing one way or the other. Could be me, could be JM has not made any decisions.

    If JM is your Mr. Confused, then that is why. If JM is not, add him to the confused list.

    Take a step back, and make sure you are not insecure, because if you are you are projecting that, and attracting people who are indecisive, and when they get close to you they become even more so. Self confidence, which by the way you should have, will stop this from happening. You can jump start this with new lipstick, a new outfit, but it really comes from inside. Take care of yourself, and everything else will fall into place. The concept is simple, in practice it is more difficult. None the less you are quite capable.

    God Bless,

    BrianTristan



  • Thank you for all your advice, I am not normally one to stick around and be this forgiving. He is the first guy I ever committed to, which is why I am so weird for me. He is a very confused person, I never push him away it, it is always pushing me away and pulling me back, when he pushes me away I don’t tolerated it, stand up for myself and tell him . Brian Tristan thank you, should I meet up with him and ask him straight out and lay it all out there and then say we need time apart when you really figure what you want from me you can find away to contact me(his initial are CB). You are right about me waiting for him bc I am truly committed to him , I know I sound weak, Im a scorpio and loyal to a fault when I commit, my friends my family and him are the only people I ever committed to and I would do anything for them. I love him so much I don’t know if I can move on romantically and still wait for him bc I would not be able to fully give my love to someone’s else.

    paddifluff: What do you mean you when you say “you think he is using me” like he doesn’t have feelings for me or love me?



  • Jotoole,

    Just take care of yourself, and yes stand up for yourself, say what is on your mind, and demand nothing short of what you NEED, you can compromise on what you WANT, but not what you NEED. You can do it, Irish Girls are very headstrong.



  • Solid advice from Archersbow and Paddifluff!



  • Hello all,

    Seems alot of us are in the same boat so to say. I have the same problem,Alot of mixed signals.. Brian, what do you pick up on me and ex CM. Just really confused myself about the whole situation. Thanks.



  • I know I guess i was just trying to figure out what he was getting out of this....how he was using me? Can anyone see?

    BT do you think meeting up with him will be a bad idea and stating everything i feel want and what i plan on doing?



  • Im also italian so im double headstrong 🙂



  • Jotoole,

    Good Lord, Italian and Irish! LOL

    Yes I would just lay it out there for him. Would make you feel better, and would let him know exactly where he stands. This stuff is never easy for anyone, but it is honest, and in the end what everyone wants to know. Tact is important. So, if you have anger, write it down, and then throw that paper away, get rid of it. You want this to be, constructive, for you and him. Meeting is fine, writing a letter is fine, whatever works for you, I would just consider your presentation more than anything. You do not want to come off as cold, but you also do not want to be crying or angry, and that is a tall order in some cases. If you can think of it as a presentation you are doing for a class about something you feel passionately about, then you are on the right track.



  • Libralady2008,

    Wow, springtime, Mercury in retro, I do not know. Your CM, your ex, is not sure of much of anything right now. Perhaps you can gather yourself, and wait for Mercury to get out of retro. I have mentioned this to a lot of people because I think it can be very helpful, if you google "get your ex back" you end up with sites that give you some free stuff trying to sell their pay stuff, but the free info give you an idea how to start, and a general idea of what the game plan is to do. You can also check for videos on you tube, search the same subject. It all comes back to you, that is the gist of it all, but look the subject up and see what you find.



  • jotoole, you keep letting him back in and unfortunately there are people who pick up on other people's soft spots and exploit and manipulate them, even if not intentionally. As long as you keep being soft on him he will never make up his mind because he has a cosy setup, one week cuddled up with you, one week free as a bird while being confused. Love is a tough thing. I had a boyfrind who played me like that, came round whenever it was convenient for him and the rest of the time he was not sure. The hardest thing I did was leave him. It took me nearly a year to cope. But there is a life after breaking up. Otherwise you need to be straight up with him and demand the same from him. Good luck either way. Call on your friends for support.

    Like I said before I am not being psychic just practical. BTW I am Irish too, fullblooded though (if you discount the British, French and Scottish ancestors).

    Life is too short. Make the most of it.. (I wish I could take my own advice!)



  • Thank you Brian,

    why is he not sure of anything right now.. I do know that he is with someone from his past right now .We have been split for 5 mo and was together for a little over a year. I have had friends tell me that he played me.All I know is that I still am in love with him and miss him. I have not talked to him in about a week until yesterday and it was about 2 weeks before that.. I just don't know any more . Will look up the sites that you mentioned though..I just wish I knew if he still loves me or even thinks about me at all since we haven't been together.Just would like to understand..Thanks again..