What do i do about this connection



  • i have a significant other of alot of years and someone has crossed my path recently, well a couple years ago, someone that i feel is a divine connection. we have talks that we call therapy for each other, i feel he feels the same, but is married. we are around each other alot and have alot in common, but arent opposites supposed to attract. i keep imaging my life with this person, or even sharing some secret moments, but am worried it could turn into something bad, but still feel this connection. i cant avoid him, but can i stop this feeling? what do you thinks gonna happen. please help.



  • talk to the person, get to know them better, and decide completely.



  • Wow, this is a hard one. Are you married as well? Also, you probably need to figure out exactly how he feels about you, before you even think about being part of breaking up a marriage. I too met a married man that I have a deep connection with. It gets so complicated....

    You say you are worried that it will turn into something bad as in...?....cheating?

    You asked "can I stop this feeling?" I don't know if you can stop the feeling. When you connect with someone in that way, the feelings are so intense and many times I don't think they can be "controlled", but you can control your actions.

    You can decide to keep it on a friendly level. Keep the physical aspects out of your relationship. Give us some updates and if you are comfortable some more information about your situation. i think others could give you better advice with more info.

    Good luck to you.



  • Hi, Well, we are the authors of our own stories. I think it's great that you have a friend that you can talk to. Personally, I think entertaining thoughts of getting involved is like opening Pandora's Box. That's probably what you mean by something bad coming out of this. If you feel a strong attraction for this person, why don't you just take a time-out. Sometimes avoiding the fire keeps you from getting burned. Also, if nothing has happened after a couple years, maybe it's better it doesn't. Enjoy having friends.



  • well, here is the more info. I am not married but am with the same person for 20 years who was an alcoholic. He has been sober for 1 year. i currently feel that i am at the point in my life when its time for me to worry about me. i have always been the caretaker, wifelike etc. of every aspect in my life. i never had the time to experience anything. When you say I need to know how he feels well I'm confused about this. I have had the guts to tell him how happy we are around each other and how we would have so much fun together. He says its not that easy. he is afraid of getting caught which i understand because he has alot to lose. he is not a millionaire if thats what some of you are thinkin, but thats not what im lookin for. i never had money and i know money doesnt make anyone happy, but he has told me that he will see me when he is divorced. When we talk we agree on both our lives. we are in similar situations where we do love our not so significant others to a point even for sexual satisfaction for them moments, cause everyone needs relief,:), but we are really not IN LOVE anymore. How can 2 people be so much alike in all of this. could we have really connected for the purpose to speak out about our feelings to someone we can trust. I trust him and i am almost 100% he trusts me. maybe he does just enjoy our talks. Maybe you guys will help me out here seeing i cannot speak to anyone of this. I dont know how to walk away. and am i sure he could do the same, NO. I feel his want to just burst out and say yes i want you, i wish i could force it out. Being the patient person I am, I think I am just goin to wait it out. Its not like I'm goin anywhere. I know my feelings aren't goin to change. One more thought, what can I do to get a straight answer from him. Its not like I'm going to run and look for another, but his little hints aren't cutting it anymore. They are driving me more crazy. He is like a big tease.But we both think its funny, because he knows he drives me crazy. AND I know I drive him crazy. Am I living my younger years now because I never had them. Please reply back someone.



  • Well, you sound like you are really taken by this person. It sounds like he does not want further your relationship in any way until he is divorced, which I think is a good sign of his character. I think that you will just have to play the waiting game on this one, if you are willing to. Has he said when he plans to get divorced?

    The teasing to me is a sign of major flirting, on both sides, your and his. It sounds like he is definitely attracted to you, but it just might not be the right time right now.

    I know what you mean about the little hints not cutting it anymore, you feel like you need more now, right? I think you are looking for a sign from him that he is ready to take the relationship further, and he just might not want to as he is still married.

    I also do think that it is time you worry about yourself. Being with an alcoholic for 20 years definitely does NOT sound like you have been focused on yourself. If you are unhappy, and you are ready for a change, then make one. I think one major thing you need to ask yourself before you leave your love of 20 years is: Am i leaving him because I am unhappy and I want to be happy with someone else? or Am I just leaving him because of the other man?

    You have to consider the fact that it might now work out with the married man, and if it does not work out with him, are you prepared to be alone or find someone else?

    These are really hard questions that I have had to ask myself. Just be honest with yourself. I'll keep checking back to see if you post more.

    I hope something I have said can help you. ; )



  • Hi, I know you have you heart set on him. I still think you should back-up a bit and listen to what he is saying. In time, there may be more. Otherwise, you are going to drive yourself crazy. Play it cool, life will come to you. You'll have your choices.



  • You are in love with him, this is why you think about him all the time. That is love madness.

    you should stop it or not? You are lucky, this person is with you and you can contiue to fantsies and talk to him. Keep it that way and keep your family and he his.



  • maybe you were a brother or sister or best friend in a past life. Why do all relationships have to be sexual?



  • thanks for the comment, here it is sept 6th and I still feel the same way. No, nothing has happened. When looking back at what I said months ago, it puts things in a different perspective. I don't think I ever told you that he is my boss at work and his wife works there too. We both know how to act around everyone. It's like we both know we are on guard and need to be careful of the things we say to each other. I don't know what we are doing, but I have to tell you this little story. One day during work, my car decided to die on the thruway. I called the office to let them know. The first person I called was my significant other, and then the boss. Do you know my boss calls me and tells me its your knight in shining armor and came and picked me up in 10 minutes. We ended up talking and I actually came out and said why is it that I can count on you for everything? He took me with him the rest of the day and I asked him why can't he just be with me? Emotionally, he already is, I guess I meant physically, i made him so nervous, like he probably really thought before we just like playing around with each other, but then he tells me, you know I want to, I feel the same way,BUT, he can't risk losing his kids. I completely feel mutual about this, and I would do anything for him. I feel such a connection, I tell myself to sit back and wait. There will be a time. I don't feel like I'm wasting my time, AM I? Well, I wanted to tell you a little more, cause i think I'm getting crazier, no just kidding. But when I go to sleep, i think about him, when i get ready for work, I can't wait to see him, funny when Im in the car, we drive by each other like wow what a coincidence. I actually had one free moment the other day with him, and looking back we were both so nervous, like little kids, my heart beating so fast, his pacing. i know what we both wanted to do, but didn't what is happening here. I appreciate your feedback, I feel like you are the one I can talk to outside of him. I feel like you are really listening. Please resond, I will check back later. Thanks



  • this may not apply to your case but has it ever occured to you that he treats you that way because you belong to someone else? if he ever gets a divorce and marry you, will he stillbe your knight in shining armor? all I am saying is that your path may cross but doesn't mean you are meant to be what you hope it would be. you want him and he wants you, isn't that how it started with you with your s.o., and he with his wife? look at where both relationships are at now. I may sound like I am against your very dream, but I am trying to make you see things more clearly. Love blinds people, and lust - does it worse. you said you are not happy with your s.o. then don't stay with him. find your freedom. clear your mind. start a new life, this time yours only. don't think about him or how he will act about your new freedom. if he is being truthful to you, his turn will come. but that will completely be his choice and you have nothing to do with it, because you will live your life the way it should be lived. how he lives his, is not going to change how you live yours. love yourself, or you will never find the love that you deserve. you said yourself, you are not getting younger. don't waste time anymore. you work so you can take care of yourself financially, that's a good start. what are you waiting for?



  • Please read my post where you posted your situation initially.


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