The Enchanted Pond
That should read 'calm' ... sorry.
Thank you for the happy thoughts. A lot of my post to Sunshine is relevant to others although our circumstances may be unique....we all feel the energy changes and patterns. Things will lighten up as Feb. winds down. Also, I do know there is more to your mates leaving than you wish to talk openly about. He revealed something that made you question what was ever real and in your darkest moments you can't get over thinking that it all was one big lie. He has stolen your best memories. You do not trust any of it. Try not to need to be so good. He should have been honest with you but he was weak. And forgive yourself. And learn to rant in solitary----we all do that. When you are just needing to vent make that clear first in your angry posts as too many loving people get concerned and want to help----we want to know you are just venting, we are fixers! You only feel bad later for doing that. We all have private pity parties and tantrums behind closed doors. Then we put our backbone on and count our blessings and get back out there with a smile. But we all have meldowns, we just hide them! BLESSINGS!
icy my post disappeared!!
NOW IT'S BACK! HAHAHA!
Thank you so so much for connecting with me. I appreciate YOU; not just your incredible gift but YOU as a being. Your light reaches far and your heart is so big. I have to talk to you to make sense of what's been written but feel it's best left outside the pond. Do you still have my email address? If you wouldn't mind, when your energy is flowing more, could we please spend a few moments together? Apart from the fact that YOU are loved dearly, you have been the one thing to help me move through this whole experience. I take all that you say to heart and look for ways to feel what you say so as to use that as a springboard for going forward. In honesty, I need YOU as you have detached perspective and I do not. I trust YOU and trust ... well ... that's an interesting thing for me right now. Please, if you can and if you will, I would dearly love that.
I send you everything wonderful and only ever wish for your soul to be free and joyous.
Oh, I am just trying to be 'me' ... whatever 'me' is right now but I completely appreciate what you've said ... all of it. As for missing posts ... pointing the finger (nicely of course LOL) at our backwards mate Merc. LOL
I like STARRY MAGIC! I have a hard time with Icey---it's just so cold! I am curious how you came to identify yourself with that name? I guess I should look up icearia. For all I know she is a Goddess? I just felt the name is not you. I guess because I'm a poet words have great meaning attached and metaphors come with pictures and feelings. I'll pray on your request but honestly I don't give out my e-mail as it gives my real name. If it is true you see my big big heart it is true I must keep it well protected. Where my compassion goes, so does my energy! And I do give private info sometimes but feel safe because my identity is safe. It's not personal at all. BLESSINGS!
I'm pasting this excerpt below. Go to JUDITH ORLOFF MD websight---her books are healing. I have EMOTIONAL FREEDOM and it so helped me years ago. She often gives free excerpts on her sight. I just got this in my e-mail:
Empathic Illnesses: Do You Absorb Other People's Symptoms?
In my new book, The Ecstasy of Surrender, I discuss empathic illnesses - those in which one manifests symptoms that are not their own. Many patients have come to me labeled "agoraphobic" with panic disorders, chronic depression, fatigue, pain, or mysterious ailments that respond only partially to medications or psychotherapy. Some were nearly housebound or ill for years. They'd all say, "I dread being in crowds. Other people's anger, stress, and pain drain me, and I need a lot of alone time to refuel my energy." When I took a close history of all these patients I found that they were what I call "physical empaths," people whose bodies are so porous they absorb the symptoms of others. I relate because I am one. Physical empaths do not have the defenses that others have to screen things out. As a psychiatrist, knowing this significantly changed how I treated these patients. My job became teaching them to center and protect themselves, set healthy boundaries, and let go of energy they picked up from others.
CLICK ON THE LINK TO READ COMPLETE BLOG. TAKE A QUIZ IF YOU'RE A PHYSICAL EMPATH AND GET STRATEGIES TO STOP ABSORBING OTHER PEOPLE'S ILLNESS & PAIN !
I completely understand and I also appreciate your privacy. I would never ask someone to do something they are not comfortable with and respect your wishes. I thank you for considering it very much. Maybe, one day, if you feel you can trust me, I would be honoured. Many of us here know each other beyond the pond and never does anyone disclose anything private. We all share that sentiment with you but it was for a strictly private reason that I asked. All good my sweet friend ...
My name? LOL You made me laugh a bit (and I don't do that very much anymore .... and yes, I have actually noticed that ... but only when I have had a slight laugh do I notice its absence from my life. Strange huh?) when you said it was 'too cold'! ROFL and Bless you!!!!! That was priceless! How did it come about? Well ... I was looking for a name for an email address actually as I don't use real names in mine and I was playing with words (I write also ad words are some of my most precious things in this life ... like you) and wanted to combine my love of music - the 'aria' part and my adoration of 'white' and snow and hence 'ice' came out. Put together they became 'icearia'. Voi la! You won't locate any goddesses named this (well, I wouldn't expect to LOL) as I made it up. Stars, Magic and all things ethereal are really my thing and describe my inner self really. I have toyed with a pen name for awhile now and "Starre" was actually part of it.
From there, you will have noticed that in here, the Enchanted Ones have all been christened with other names ... Bloom, Lotus, Lady Phoenix, Arwyn Grace, Forest Walker, LC, Sister Sun, Sister Queenie ... aka ... hot stiletto mamma LOL and even me ... as Lady Laie (Phoenix) calls me Moonbeam. Eventually, everyone receives an Enchanted Name ... bit of a 'soul' reflection really. That's how I see it. I get to be witness to some amazing beings in here who share from the depth of their souls ... that's how I flowed with their names. Stick around long enough and I shall rename you also LOL!!!!!! If you would rather call me something else, please feel free ... as long as it's 'nice' LMBO .....
Other than that, I have dozens of books just on names. Like Astrology, it's just one of my things. I LOVE names ... adore them actually. That, and I am looking for a magical name for myself. Kind of the stepping into my truth kind of name. Only problem? I just love sooooooo many I cannot choose. I adore the meanings of names too. The anaesthetist & I discussed names on Monday as my name isn't common. He told me in his language, my name means 'candle'. I was pretty touched by that. The connection to light and beauty made my heart feel good for five minutes.
So, big smile, would you like an Enchanted Name too? More smiles .... acceptance is a condition and if you are anything like my beloved angel buddy Lady Phoenix, you shall not surrender easily HA! LOL!
Not sure what I'd choose for you (shall consult some books) but it would need to reflect your wealthy experience and wisdom ... and your gift, of course. Hmmm ... fun one to play with. Maybe 'whirlwind' huh ... like you said????? LOL So ... something with 'wind' or 'air'? Are you a Gemini? I don't feel as if you are because you speak your mind a little more (well ...ok ... lol ... more than a little more, right? Loving smiles ) and some of the experiences you have spoken of are very 8th House stuff in Astrology. Hmmm ... quite the challenge thou art! Perhaps I shall dub thee 'Wonder Woman' and cover all bases with that?
Now my dear ... onto the February message ... yes, I picked up the reference in Sun's post for many in here. It was lovely of you to incorporate others and what they are living through as, one thing I do know ... it is easy to be overwhelmed, confuddled and worried when things happen that shake us up on our journey. Easing people' fears was such a lovely blessing from you ... thank you so much for that.
I also truly appreciated the Judith Orloff posting. Many in here will resonate with her teachings and, as my emotional state is pretty out of whack also, I shall look at her book on emotional freedom. I have listened to her speak before but never read her work. Dark Night of the Soul by Thomas Moore got thrown clear across the room by me back in the height of my struggle. Perhaps I am now more ready to tackle something? I know I need help but I also know that this is never going to be a five minute thing to move through either ... I am allowing and accepting of this and do not take anything out on myself because I am at the stage I am at. I don't expect myself to 'be' at this point or that point. True grief does not work like that ... it is a cycle where all stages exist at once. The other thing I do know ... is that once my baby steps at creating a new reality / life for myself take flight, I will feel better. Right now, there is only the nothing. One day, there will be more than that to fill my mind, my heart and my soul once more.
I truly do read and re-read your posts to me every night in bed. I do this mostly to remind myself of the resurrection and easter you told me would come. I have taken all of your posts and faced each message (many times) ... the desperately wanted as well as the messages that were extremely confronting and hard to be told / shown. I needed to hear all of it and I have discovered many, many things about myself because of it ... as well as from the input and love from all of my Enchanted Family. There lives a wealth of wisdom in this pond and I honour every soul here with all my light and truth ... amazing beings on amazing journeys in life. Everyone holds stardust in this space.
Whilst I am letting your latest comment sink in, I truly didn't understand it. I have exquisite memories of my life with the Sagg and even though there are shadows above all that happiness because of all the lies and heart break he has put me through, I can still see the 'great' times and I have never thought for a moment that all of our lives together were anything but real love. Please don't tell me it wasn't. That would really kill me now. Right now, he is off living a whole other life that he began awhile ago inside him and I can only let him go. You told me he had to find himself ... and by the Goddess I hope he does. Your message said his illusion would burst and he would regret painfully what he had done ... and, if I was right in how I took your second message to me, we would be together again? I absorb those words Blmoon as they, in my now, are my light of hope. If 'love' wasn't real between us, I couldn't hold this hope. Our life together before all this feels real to me. I believe he loved me ... his actions in our now, however, make me worry that I've lost him forever. I feel pushed away ... and I know I have to be to some extent because he has to do this ... you said that ... he has to find himself again. I believe I have known the soul that is this Sagg as our love allowed the other to see that in each other. I know how filled with goodness he is. I just don't understand why he went down the path he has? Why he has chosen to become this 'other' person and why he would hurt me so very deeply like this? That I do not understand at all.
In one of your messages, you described his true unhappiness as his own lack of gratitude and sense of abundance, that he had taken much for granted; like my influence in his life. I had taken much for granted also and I have seen, so painfully, many things I contributed to but this is not a blame game; everyone takes something for granted at some point. I am not perfect and I truly do embrace that. How could anyone possibly be? What I have learnt, very clearly, is how I am a loving soul, a giving and generous soul who wants the whole world and everyone in it to just love the other. I can't believe I have tears falling down my cheeks right now but this is the overwhelming and most profound thing I have discovered about myself in this mess ... is my capacity TO LOVE ... closely followed by my need TO BE LOVED. I stand in the light of this truth as vulnerable as I can ... it is the only thing that matters to me and it is the one premise I live by ... not because I am trying to be good but because I choose to BE LOVE and make that my reality on this planet. I simply, and in all honesty, have discovered that I SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO BE ANYTHING ELSE!
I have LOTS to GIVE my love TO ... I know I do. It's not just about the Sagg. My kids are extraordinary, my animals ... divine beings, my Enchanted Family the greatest BLESSING there is, my friends back home and my one friend here, and of course, I try to bring love to everything. I am eternally and profoundly grateful for soooooo much. I have felt LOVED too ... so very very much in fact. One small, though huge to me, missing love is what I felt from my Sagg. I miss that love so so so so so much. Selfishly, I want it back. Maybe, in time, someone else may love me? Who knows? As Sister Sun and I have said many times .... we deserve to be loved like that. Or maybe my Sagg will love me again too? I have no idea and am doing one day at a time till my resurrection is visible to me.
I re-read your quick 2014 forecast to me over and over as there is the promise of so much 'great' amidst it. November could be golden? I love that. Would love to know how or why but I love that. This invitation end of March / April ... timing with my surgery will be interesting for that but I am looking forward to this surprise ... as I am all of the surprises you mentioned ... the partnership ... the money ... the NEW. I am well and truly working on that lean / fit woman image. In fact, I am busting my butt on that one. My eldest son and I go up to the park every night and he puts me through this 'insane, intense 10 minute workout' he found on line. Man! Insane is accurate and we both laugh at it and my face planting in the grass at the end. I walk and run every day as well. It is making a huge difference and it can only get better and my focus is committed and strong. Those small sentences of yours have ignited my hope and help me to see that there is a tomorrow for me and the sun will come out. I NEED all this NEWNESS to filter through so I can feel like I am contributing to my life instead of being stuck in this void. The only way is UP, right?
YOU are important to me Blmoon. You hold within you the most magical stardust of all ... my picture gift to you was no accident. I deliberately searched for something that would make manifest how I SEE your SOUL. From the depths of my soul, I thank YOU.
Did you get a cup of coffee; or two, reading all this? LOL Sorry ... it was a bit long. I am known for this. My last hello letter to my best friend was 28 pages long and it was all spurred on by me finding a card she wrote me years ago.
Starry Magic Beautiful One. x
Coffee? no its 2am and I must reread this tomorrow. I enjoyed it. I am a night creature in a day world and have an appointment in the morning so no sleeping late---which I mostly do and have not an ounce of guilt for that. How serendipitous! The whirlwind has meaning. The is a famous quote by poet Gwendolyn Brooks who I was blessed to know and I lover her. She passed several years ago. She gave me great encouragement in my early days of being "a Poet". I've won several awards in her honor. I have also down a portrait of her and gifted it to a poet who adored her too and in her honor publishes a yearly book of poetry and awards in her honor. This is her quote:
"Conduct your blooming
In the noise
Of the whirlwing."
This beautiful line of truth means that we do not grow and bloom in a still life of control, tidiness, or perfection. Some folks work hard to have a perfect life but it is in the storms of life we grow and blossom. Shiny people with too shiny lives are not REAL. She taught me to keep my poetry REAL.. Real people with real lives. Great art is most inspired by PASSION---passion like the whirlwing can get messy!
PS--I am a Taurus, moon in Aries. I have many Scorpios in my life and Geminis. I have some special Aquarians . And of course many Tauruses, including two brothers, in my younger days I had so many Taurus friends every year we had a Taurus party ---a two kegger at least and of course LOTS of food and music.
2am huh? You sound like me ... I have always been a night creature in a daylight world also. Quite loved that expression - yes very much!
I hope your appointment goes the way you wish it to. I shall be praying for that for you.
Guilt ... hmmm????? One thing we should all FREE ourselves from. Go you that you have! It is a very BIG thing this stuff; the crux of many a lifetime not really lived at all.
Whirlwinds always have meaning, don't you think? I adore storms ... such a thrill to witness pure energy and stillness unparalleled in anything else. You are the storm and the stillness my friend ... come to heal, to transform and to bless. What a passionate life journey this one is. Passion is a big thing with me ... big, big thing. Even just this word connects with me on a level so within my core. I have to live from the inside - out. Pure and simple. I am passion personified really. Would seem you are a kindred soul here too. Adore that about you.
Thank you for posting this beautiful quote and especially for sharing your JOY and where in your journey this quote breathes life. She sounds like a remarkable woman and if she was an inspiration to you, then it is your soul speaking when you bring this message about living a real life. What a wonderful glimpse into the eye of our whirlwind ... the space where stillness rests whilst all swirls amidst her. That to me exemplifies your centred and grounded position. Makes such perfect sense that you would be an Earth sign! I was actually leaning towards Scorpio for you, especially given what you have shared about your life. And to not only be a Taurus but be surrounded by them; and in the SAME family no less ... well ... that's amazing! Such an abundance of determination ... and kindness. I won't say stubborn because Leo's don't like that word much either! LOL My son ... the one kicking my butt with commando training, is a TAURUS too. So loyal, so black and white and so BIG HEARTED! One of the nicest descriptions of my son was by one of his teachers at the end of his schooling. He was described as 'sincere, genuine, honest and quietly determined' ... I can see those special qualities in you also. I was once VERY in love with a Taurus (two in fact now that I think about it LOL) ... one in particular who went on to become a famous comedian with a tv career as well. When we were going out this was the ONLY thing he wanted to do with his life ... and he did!
And fire too huh? Hence the passion and definitely a sense of "I AM" in all that Aries personality. Also explains and explores your 'whirlwind' element. You must have some air in your chart Ms Whirlwind ... your mind is astute and strong. Hmmm ... what a wondrously interesting being you are!
Soooo ... are you up for a name change? Wanna play enchanted christening? You really know that you really have no choice, right? ROFL Truly. LMBO I will do it anyway. It is fairing close to midnight here but I am going to have a look at some magical names to do with 'wind' for you. Annnnd ... seeing as you do have a little 'controlling' in your chart (and I mean that in the nicest of ways ... smile, smile ... understanding smiles ) I will tell you a few and you may say which you FEEL more than others but you may NOT pick. I'm sorry ... Leo/Dragon rights here!!!! LOL But, as has been Lady Phoenix and my game, I shall consent to a request .. well ... ok ... perhaps that's stretching it ... I shall allow you to think I'm consenting to a request. LOL You could rename me too. I am still laughing at the 'too cold' reference to Icey. That was too funny!!!!! My 'icearia' is nice ... snow melody ... snow song ... that's what it meant. Gosh you cracked me up over this one! Kind of a paradox how I am always so hot though! HA!
I love that you are a poet. You and our beloved LC have so much in common there. He can reach right into the depth of his being to create also. I admire this and understand it ... for that is the process of creation. Interestingly, EVERY Enchanted One is creative! Isn't that just beautiful? I love that this is like a golden thread that connects us to each other in a very personal and moving way. I do so love that! Poetry is all about imagery ... and FEELING! When I was working in a book store (not that long ago), local authors would come in all the time (usually to see how ell their books were selling LOL). This one afternoon, I was in the Literature section and this guy walked up to me, said hi and then asked me if I liked poetry. As a Lit major and an English teacher, I explained I did. He picked a book from the shelf, opened to a random page, came in really close and read to me. It was like a private glimpse into a soul - the translation of feeling, passion and story-telling was profound. The he told me he wrote it. Do you read your poetry to audiences? I would LOVE to read some of your pieces! Should you ever feel moved to, please post a creation at the pond. We all adore feeling through words but mostly, poetry is vulnerability in action ... nowhere to hide the soul in poetry. It is, as I said earlier, living from the inside - out! So how I see life.
And you draw too? WOW! Just WOW! I think you are a very blessed light, Blmoon ... so many gifts and so much HEART! I am truly loving getting to know the layers of you ... you are colourful, MESSY (LOL) and joyous ... an definitely keeping it real! And by doing so, you honour your teacher and you honour your self. Pretty priceless huh!
Hmmm ... I suppose I can also stand amongst those who have tried to live a tidy, perfect life? That comment struck me and yes, that does make for a 'still' life; you are so right there. I suppose my life is 'messy' now, right? tiny lol ... and I am most certainly LEARNING during all of this ... bit hard not to ... it's impossible to hide from. Yet, I feel that I am trying to hang onto the stillness, the centeredness, the eye of the storm ... not so I am not cleansed by the whirlwind or given the chance to get messy but so I can see 'light' ... light that can only be viewed from this point. I am someone who MUST have CHANGE in their life. I don't like to live in one place for too long, I don't like routines ... or ruts ... I move furniture and cupboards around constantly ... I re-paint, re-purpose and re-do all the time. My Sagg was the 'eye of my storms' ... he was what I held so I could see the 'light'. I guess change came along and hit me in the face big time, didn't it? This was NEVER the kind of change I desired. My love, my job, my health. Somehow, order comes out of chaos and new out of what once was. But Blmoon ... I miss my love.
One thing I understand implicitly in all this mess ... is how someone can die of a broken heart. I really, with all my soul, get that.
Anyhoot dear one ... it's off to my magic books and my empty bed knowing that life keeps evolving and each moment transforms into something else and somewhere along the line ... my destiny and the purpose to this MAJOR life flip will reveal itself. But first ... a new name!!!!! Be very afraid! ROFL
Praying that all is well with your appointment and that life is filled with JOY for you.
Starry Magic and Ethereal Blessings x
Feathers! Love them and share them. To find a beauty is a Spirit announcing a gift on the way, something good. I do read poetry when asked. For colleges, events etc. And I have been published so always nervous to paste one here might get me recognized! Perhaps I will write one never seen. I have a book as well. I am an artist and photographer and a musician. I play guitar. And like you I do a lot of creative work on my home. I'm very good with tile work. My doc appointment was cosmetic....some laser zaps on skin damage and no bad stuff. I am fair skinned so decided to get stuff checked. Now I'm tired, had too busy dreams , woke up tired from them. I must meditate on their message! BLESSINGS!
Come out, come out ... wherever you are??????
Couldn't find your post ... will chat soon.
Hoping you receive clear understandings from your dreams. Happy meditation and happy rest.
Well, Hello everyone.
Sunshine popping in from the ordinary life to the Enchanted one. Finally done with the old place and now have to unpack into the new place. Ankle still paining me and I am just not feeling too motivated right now. Feeling a bit blue too.
BlMoon, you have no idea how I laughed my tail off when you made the reference to me getting rid of Michael's razor....I did pick it up and mull over it while I was packing out of the old apartment, so I did end up packing it. LOLOL! I guess he is still around looking in on us then? LOLOL! His passing is too fresh in my mind, he hasn't been gone that long, so it is going to take time to truly move on, though I have been trying to do that in more ways than one. Moving out of the apartment into this townhouse is one of the steps I have taken. Right now, I am mulling over whether to move back down South for a number of reasons, my family being close is one of the reasons. I hesitate because of the therapies and other benefits the kids get up here, but being with the family and near and dear ones are a good reason to go. I saw that during our visit down there for the Holidays. Michael always wanted to move back down South, but I never wanted to go back, particularly not to Georgia, which is where he wanted to go back to. As for you, BlMoon, you should be resting yourself. I certainly am going tol.
Icey!!!! It is good to see you both talking in here;. You are getting there......Want to talk more, but I realize that I fell asleep at the computer and it has taken me 2 hours to write this post. Talk again tomorrow...
Pond people...I love you all! eyes closing...talk again.
I'm feeling a little out of sorts tonight, so I'm poking around here to see what people are talking about. I'm not on this site often. I usually come for encouragement and advice as life has been pretty rough the last couple of years. I found this place to be a great way to pour one's heart out. It's great for an emotional cancer like me. I can be such a worry wart about things, too impatient to let the moment pass and let it be. I think I annoy people at times.
I hope everyone's week is going well. It's been pretty wild for me, and now I'm having my little emotional crash tonight. I know I can get through, but I hate it when it happens, especially when things are going so well for me right now.
Wishing sweet blessings to all of you!
Welcome to our Enchanted Pond. I can feel you, I am an emotional Cancer as well. That's how I happened upon this place...a place to talk to people about things I can't/won't discuss with other friends or family that wouldn't understand all this. You came to a great place. Here in the Pond, we are a supportive group, we love and support each other in our trials and triumphs in as non-judgemental a manner as possible. We talk about just about anything here, and we don't disrespect the others for their views or opinions. Please feel welcome here and stay awhile. Everyone else will be in off and on, and will say hello as well. Feel free to talk to us, we will answer back and you are safe here.
It is quite a pleasure meeting you and I hope you come back.
Love and Light,
Thank you, Sunshine!
Yes, this place is great to sort out ones feelings. I'm actually a Cancer on the cusp of Leo (July 21), so I can be a bit bipolar, LOL! I'm currently trying to navigate a romantic relationship right now. We're not serious, but my feelings for him are growing. I did a post about it last night because I was having a bit of trouble not letting it get to me. It's hard to hold it all in when the one you're dating has admitted that he isn't ready for something serious. It's all up in the air. Not a good thing for a Cancer. I was just told to find someone else, and here I'm thinking "Where?!" My luck is the worst I've ever seen. I certainly appreciate The Captain's blunt advice. It hurts, but the Captain is most likely right. Trouble is, I also have a great friendship forming with this man, I'd hate to give him up just because my emotions are all over the place.
I hope you're doing well, Sunshine. I read your last post before your response to me. My heart goes out to you. I don't know what I would do in your situation. My mother has been gone for almost six years, and I'm still trying to move on.
We Cancers really fall hard for people, don't we? We love so deeply, and it makes it so easy for others to take advantage of our soft, romantic natures. And it is so hard to leave when you find their feet are made of clay. Things haven't gone as well as I would have wanted with any of my relationships, so I know what you are going through. We want so much.
Thanks for your good wishes. My significant other and father of my children died several months ago, and it has been difficult to get past that right now, though I am trying. He is happier and doing good things where he is, and we weren't together when he died, but it is still hard to fathom that he is gone. I have to pass the place where he died frequently, and some days it is harder than others. I am trying to work through a myriad of feelings I need to resolve, and it is difficult. However, I am happy that he is better off and happier there than he was here, so I am trying to continue to live life and especially for my kids. They are such beautiful and sensitive kids, this is the best gift he has given to me. I am sure he is watching over them, and it comforts me.
I am really thankful to BlMoon for bringing me Michael's messages. It has brought me great comfort to know he is happy and it has helped me to get hold of the anger and negativity I felt towards the whole situation and the person who is responsible for the manner in which he died. Here's hoping that I will make the right decisions in everything, especially since they will also affect my sweetpeas. If you go back a few pages, I posted a picture of him and one of the children on another page.
I hope you manage to work out your troubles, JoyLily. This Pond is a great place to do that. Just pick out a "rock" near the Pond and just "be".
Yeah, we Cancers just don't know where to draw the line sometimes. The man I'm involved with was very upfront about not being serious, and I agreed to it, thinking that I could handle it. He's still working on getting over his ex-fiance who left him for another man then strung him along for several months with false promises. I came in at the tail end of it. He already said that he didn't want to lead me on, yet I placed myself in a position that I knew was not going to turn out good for me.
I enjoy his company very much and wish I could get a hold of myself and be happy with what we have. I've prayed a lot for his heart to heal. Perhaps, this is a good lesson on patience and how to let go of worry (he actually had a good talk with me about getting rid of that 'stone' of worry around my neck). I'm terrible with patience and letting things be. It seems I do this with every other non-romantic relationship as well. I'll have to have a talk with him sooner or later. I just don't know if I'll have the courage to say what I need to say. It'll be very hard when we can't see each other face to face.
I'm glad you're getting the support you need to move on. My mom died in our house, so I see the place where she died all the time. However, that room is the most comforting place in the house. My little sister insisted on sleeping in there most of the time back when she still lived here. I carry around a lot of guilt over it, wondering if I could've done something sooner. She was sick for a long time, and just when we thought she was getting better, she was suddenly gone.
I 'fished' around the previous pages to look at the pictures. Saw the church pamphlet from the Lutheran church. I'm one too! Small world!