The Enchanted Pond
A few days ago, you mentioned that you thought I am an Empath. I had to mull over that one for a bit. And you are right. I have noticed in the past that I have the annoying tendency to pick up on people’s emotions and thoughts. I had to quit riding the bus to work for that reason. I would sit next to someone and suddenly feel totally angry and ready to kill someone. I would cry for no real reason, and just be blue all the time. That certainly got better when I started driving to work instead of using the bus.
My ex-husband and I were always “rescuers” we kept “finding” all these people who needed help and were needy people. Used to drive us crazy! I always feel what people are feeling and thinking around me, so I keep my distance from people. I can’t even stand for people to touch my hair or hands. I guess you are right about my always being tired. I am sleeping a lot lately, always feeling wiped. SO I will take your suggestions about sleeping more. Doing that when I can.
Today, I had to pass the place where Michael was killed, a real hard thing for me, but guess it had to be done sooner or later. I actually could see it happening in my mind, and that made it harder to go through there. Been writing this for some time, I keep falling asleep, guess I should just go sleep it off.
I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Flying to New Orleans tomorrow, looking forward to spending time with my family and friends. We need to get away from here and all this sadness, the kids need some happiness.
Love and Light to you.
I'm so glad you realize the empath thing. It will help you to know that but do not expect others to get it! It is a hard burden because you can't use it for an excuse to avoid situations without offending. Others may see you as flighty or sick too much. Also, though you are a hard worker---a nine to five couped up too close to others who may suck you dry may seem to others as if you aren't really a good worker. I always prefer driving alone---I only ride in a car (small space!) with yummy good vibe friends. Often I have had a group of coworkers say lets all go together and I kind of sneak away---then later they feel bad!!! And apologize cos I rode alone! When I was younger I thought I was a roller coaster of emotions when really I'm a SPONGE! I would rather drive for two days then get on a plane. I love people but I need to be alone. You r health mental and physical will improve once you allow and respect your empath self. BLESSINGS!
PS--=another reason you can not get too close to Michael s mother! You are compassionate---all em paths are but you can't sacrifice yourself---it is dangerous!
Dearest Sister Sun,
Yes, going anywhere near where Michael passed is going to be very painful, just like all those firsts that need to be lived through after a loss ... either of a relationship or losing a loved one. I feel for you my sweet friend and I can only imagine how hard that was to do. Let the tears flow. Let all you feel shine through you for its release. I am holding your hand no matter what.
The Sagg comes home tonight. I have so many mixed feelings about this. Will he tell me when he's leaving? Will this be it? Then, there's all those suspicious thoughts that he will never say but I will feel - like being with her. These days are becoming some of the hardest since his initial bombshell ... for some reason? Is it the 'end'? No idea. Not sure how to put one foot in front of the other just yet but am leaving those thoughts in the 'later on' box. When these events happen, then I'll be how I will be, I suppose? I am so torn ... I don't want to say 'goodbye' to this man that I have loved for so long but I know I have to. There so better be a good thing or three coming my way after all this suffering and pain ... please let there be!
All the very best for your trip away Sister Sun ... hope you and the Little L's all have a joyous, stress free and safe time away. Will be thinking of you. Love and more love ... Icey x
Where have you been hiding? LOL Lovely to see you round the pond. Hoping you are well and that life is being kind to you.
Empaths? Big thing isn't it? Thanks for giving Sister Sun such practical advice on this one. It took me a long time to realize I had to ask myself "Whose feelings are these?" when how I would feel would be so deeply out of sync with how I was earlier. I don't "do" crowds at all. I don't even like groups of people. It is overwhelming to share space with so many people also. Recognizing when what I was feeling was MINE or not helped me a lot; as did learning to close my chakras down so that I wasn't wide open and absorbing everyone else's stuff ... especially 'anger' ... that one gets absorbed like lightning and is so explosive. I guess this is a life-long learning path handling this one.
I was kind of hoping I might have heard from you ... could sure do with the help but I appreciate we all do very busy lives and you have already been so gracious towards me. Shame that the post that disappeared mid-sentence truly disappeared ... so frustrating when that happens.
Hoping the BLESSINGS are flowing your way!
For you Blmoon ... with thanks & love! Called, "The Spirit of LOVE".
I really thought I had cried myself out of tears but ... apparently not. The Sagg came back last night and told me that he has been given the position back in Melbourne and he will be leaving either January 1st, or a day or two after that.
My life is now one of discussing what he will and won't take and getting boxes (well, he's getting the boxes and he's doing all the packing) and storing those god knows where until the removalists came and take his part of our life away.
I don't have a lot of words right now. This finality is a very real, harsh slap across my face and, as I look around me, I wonder how I am going to keep breathing? There is so much that needs to be done in this new house. I am being left with all of the mess and the children's emotional states and am picking up my own pieces as well.
I wish this was an illusion and I wish even more that I didn't have to do this. I feel so lost and just so so sad.
And it's Christmas Eve today.
Angel Hugs to my enchanted friends,
You will probably slap me again and please refrain--your anger is real and has effect-- but you cannot control this only your perspective. Have your good cry---break something--scream in your pillow then please please please -SURRENDER---and start filling the empty place with what you have and NOT what is missing---you so give spiritual advice and pump up others yet you fail yourself miserably---You even diss prayer! That hurt my heart. You have to be REAL--you can't just preach shiny words to others and not live the truth. IT CAN ALWAYS BE WORSE! I had a sister die in a car crash day after Christmas. Change your perspective. You hung on to him too long---letting yourself hang on to his every mixed up desicion. Where is your power? You should have taken control and put him out the door with his stuff weeks ago---HE HAS TO DO THIS! You have an issue with control. Surrender and he will be less mixed up. Enjoy a roof over your head and a great meal and your children who are here breathing---LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Put your spiritual big girl panties on and live your truth---be the spiritual person you preach to others. And have a joyful christmas----free will. Your man needs you to let go so he can find himself. I do feel for you but you are not open to spirit! You really are not! please have faith in spirit---faith in the future and stop drowning in the moment. SURRENDER and choose love. And please do not post another angry rant at me---I understand it is not personal but it is a bad energy that I can feel. I am not into tying a bow on a--- t u r d----A goddess dealt a shi tty hand GROWS roses. Nothing easy about this. Do the hard thing not the easiest and you will be fine. Merry Christmas! And happy 2014--the year of rebirth---claim it---or not--your choice! CHOOSE LOVE---it did not walk out with your man----it is around you but you are too obsessed with loss to choose gratefulness. I have a dead son missing at my table for Christmas and how terrible it would have been if my last Christmas shared with him I treated him invisible while self absorbed in drama. The moment is all we have. LOVE THE ONE YOUR WITH! BLESSINGS!
PS--you are loved!!!
Blmoon ... I didn't slap you the last time my friend ... that was my truth speaking, that's all. I wrote with a calm heart and a considered sentiment for I do not send out badness to others deliberately. I am careful about my intent because I am a good person and I choose love above anything else. Not sure why you don't see that about me? But, oh well ... you are free to be you and that's loved here. I didn't feel it was necessary to send messages with as much ferocity as you did. Whilst you make valid statements, the delivery is also part of the message and perhaps, could be considered also? You do not 'speak' this way to anyone else. I was hurt by YOUR words, truly hurt by them because I can FEEL them also. I can do many things and FEEL is something I do in magnitudes.
Enough on that. We shall probably see things differently and that is ok for we are each different beings ... and our uniqueness, sourced from deeply personalized life experiences, makes us who we are. You and I both have free will and you are exercising yours. My truth? I am seriously just trying to walk through a very difficult time, that's all.
I did want to refer to the hurting your heart aspect of your message because I have lost faith in prayer ... enchanted one ... belief is a deeply personal thing and each of us is allowed to 'be', both with and in it. Whilst I am truly sorry that you felt this way; I think you fail to see my views and allow them. Your way is not the only way and whilst I adore your strength and conviction in this life, I feel you judge me very harshly and I have no idea why? I say this not as - what did you call it - a t u r d with a bow on it (for I have never flung anything your way ... not even anger ... I am a much more considerate and loving being than you make me sound you know. I think of others very much). I LOVE that you have enormous faith and, despite the horrors you have endured, you still believe in prayer. I cannot explain this but it is honest ... I really do LOVE that element of you. Do I need to believe in prayer to be real as you say? Do I really have to pray to be given help from spirit? Is that the only way? Only said with love, Blmoon ... questioning is not a personal attack or meant to hurt ... questioning is the link to understanding ... for me, anyway.
I did ask him to leave many times, Blmoon and yes, he really needs to and now, he is. He could not go anywhere else; there was nowhere to go and no money to go somewhere with. I accept that he is leaving now. I know that I have been holding on - perfectly natural given that I am the half here that isn't choosing this path - and the more I have held on, the harder the push has been for me to let go. I can see that, in fact, I have felt that. I can see it much more clearly right now. I have just been very 'human' about it I suppose ... adjusting to this whilst NOT understanding this has been very hard. Nothing about it has been easy. If he was able to leave the day after he said things, that would have been easier for both us. But, that wasn't possible. Now, it is! I don't understand any of this but I am letting it happen and I WANT him to find himself big time. I can feel his turmoil and it's awful - just awful. If nothing else, his happiness has always been my wish. I hope he does find himself.
This is not a rant dear Blmoon ... just a discussing of all you have written. As I mentioned before, this is how I am ... when people TELL me something, I look inside it ... I seek the truth and I seek to understand. That's all I do. I don't hold any other intent. I do hope you know that.
Random thoughts based on what you wrote ...
How am I not open to spirit? Where is spirit? What are they wanting me to see that I am not? How are they showing me anything? Why then, when I am on my knees imploring them for help ... there isn't any? What is there to have faith in? What re-birth? How have I not chosen LOVE? Have faith in what future? So many questions I know ... LOL ... I think a lot but I FEEL even more! Perhaps you could help me open up to spirit instead of pointing out what I'm not? I would really LOVE that. It is rather difficult to feel criticised all the time especially from someone I admire so much. Please help me, instead?
Oh Blmoon ... I am so VERY VERY grateful for so much! Why can you not see this? I know how much LOVE surrounds me. In fact, for the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I can SEE how much LOVE there is ... in so much. Not just people ... but everything. I have always chosen LOVE. I so don't understand why you would think I hold no gratefulness. I do - in abundance. I have a million things to be grateful for ... and I AM! Have always been. I am even grateful for YOU being here ... do you not feel that? My life is FILLED with blessings! I am very lucky to be so fortunate.
And Merry Christmas to you also. I hope that your day is filled with miracles and an abundance of LOVE.
Thank you for my blessings Blmoon.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND THE HAPPIEST OF MAGICAL WISHES TO YOU ALL!
May your day be filled with all that you wish for every beautiful enchanted soul. I am holding you all close.
Hoping you are all celebrating a beautiful Christmas Day with those you love and those who truly love you.
Merry Christmas Enchanted Souls.
Sorry I haven't talked to you all in a few days. We had a terrible flight out, and w have all been sick. Logan has been so sick, he hasn't even opened his Christmas gifts yet. I have been working to help him feel better, I feel so bad for my son, he is pretty miserable.b We are al sick, so Christmas was a pretty sneezy, coughy affair. I will cme back and talk more to you later.
Love you all,
It all just disappears, doesn't it? Everything you are, gone in a moment, like breath on a mirror. We all change. When you think about it, we're all different people all through our lives, and that's okay, that's good, you gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all people that you used to be.
It all just disappears, doesn't it? Everything you are, gone in a moment, like breath on a mirror. We all change. When you think about it, we're all different people all through our lives, and that's okay, that's good, you gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all people that you used to be
Hi LC ... yes, we do all change and we do so all the time, that's how we become more of who we are and how we move closer to what our unique reason for being here is. However, I am not sure I understand what your comment is in reference to? Would you please give us more information as to what prompted this? I wouldn't like to pre-empt anything just in case ...
Hoping your Christmas was lovely dude.
Oh Sister Sun ... that's soooooo sad. Wishing your Little ones speedy wellness and happiness. And for yourself also. Please take care. Thinking of you across the pond.
Today, I took Logan to the Children's Hospital of New Orleans, only to find that he has pneumonia. I kind of suspected that was his issue. It was nice that his oldest sister, Crystal came with us to the hospital. I think it made him feel better. Well, I know that if he isn't better before I need to travel back to Pittsburgh, then I will stay until he is able to travel. Poor kiddo. He was actually able to come downstairs for the first time in about 3 days and eat something. He is beginning to perk up and he watched the Little Einsteins this evening with his sister and his cousin. I am so glad he is feeling a little better. What a Christmas this has been. My family has been trying to get me back down here for ages. They keep telling me that this is a sign, but I am not looking at it that way.
I have missed you all this past week. It has been weird not talking to you all. I will make sure that I do get myself back into the swing fairly soon.
Icey, I hope that you can get through this all fast and smoothly. I am still thinking and praying for you a lot. I get that this is difficult for you, and I still have a lot of virtual hugs and love for you. Please let us help you get through this.
Laie, where art thou, fair Lady? Comest thou hence and converse with us a spell.
LC, Glad to see you here, I pray for you to succeed in everything you really want to have. You deserve that and more.
Bloom, you are really inspiring me with your strength and grace in the face of all you have /are going through. Know that I am thinking of you and praying for your continued recovery and good health.
Lotus, I hope that all is going well for you and that you are having a great holiday season. You as well as Bloom have been an inspiration to me with your courage and determination. I am fortunate to know you and everyone here in my favorite place.
Quenkath, hope you are having a marvelous holiday season. I am so glad that you are back and gracing us with your high heels clicking everywhere. Happy Holidays.
i hope and pray you are having a great holiday as well. I have been thinking about you and wishing you are in good health.
To all I have missed, do have a great season, my prayers are for everyone and I will be back in tomorrow to see how you all are.
Dear Sister Sun,
Hi! I am so sorry to read that your Little One is so unwell ... the poor little blossom. Big healing hugs to him from the Wild Witchy Lear Broom Jetting Moonbeaming Icey who is willing him back into good health and happiness. The good thing is he, and YOU, are surrounded by love and loads of support and that's brilliant. Keep shining my friend ... bask in all that family/friend joy around you ... use that energy to recharge yourself and move into the best space possible for wellness.
Thank YOU for thinking about ME. These days are certainly hard ... I have boxes lining the entrance and suitcases leaning against walls, an empty closet and empty shelves and drawers. As I move through my home, pictures have been removed from walls and treasured things bought for the Sagg have also been removed and packed for his journey. My soul is sad; truly sad. He leaves January 1st ...
He isn't coping very well at all. His hands shake violently (trembling), tears well up and he has to stop what he's doing and leave the house ... coming back later on to continue or stop for the day. He speaks a lot about how he is struggling with this and how 'real' this now is to him. He said he couldn't believe he was really doing this either.
We have both discussed, so briefly, what the last moments will be like trying to say goodbye. Neither of us speak ... there are no words ... just lots of FEELING in both of us.
What will be, will be and I will be how I will be and then, well ... I know the sun will rise and fall and life will continue around me. I don't know ... for me? ... I just don't know!
But I thank the Goddess for you and people who tell me they are there for me. I sure NEED them all right now. Hard doesn't come close to describing these last few days.
Sending you my love and all the wishes in the world for health and happiness and that of the Little L's too.
Icey x x x
I bet you are having a time now. It would be more real now than ever. I know that the last day will be the worst. I will have your back, and you can always know I will talk. I will inbox you my phone.
Logan seems better today. He had an appetite today, and he spent some time downstairs. I am so happy he seems better. Lauren was happy and feeling better.
Hope everyone on our Pond is doing well.
Hello Beautiful Sister Sun,
I am so very pleased to hear that your little L's are doing better ... that's great! I hope they continue to go from strength to strength and healing to healing. Before long, they will be lear broom jetting across the room. Hope that you are feeling better also and having a chance to relax and connect with your loving family and friends.
Thinking of you lots!
Today (39th) is my youngest's 18th birthday. Cannot believe the baby is now an adult too. He is having a very quiet but ok day given all that is going on around him. I have just made his favourite for dinner tonight so he's looking forward to that. We will all have a lovely meal together, sing happy birthday as a family and have some cake. Doesn't get any better than that does it? I am grateful that for today, we are all together, all healthy and all able to make the birthday boy feel good about himself and his life. Very grateful indeed.
This is soooooo REAL now Sista Sun that it's really hard to not be affected by it. All of us have to walk past the Sagg's boxes and suitcases and things he is taking with him all the time. The kids aren't saying much ... yet. I can't really say much either ... what is left to say, right? He will leave early New Year's Day and then, that's that I suppose. And so shall begin my journey of finding myself and picking up the pieces of my soul and working out how to live on my own. This last morning will be the hardest day of all ... endings always are, aren't they?
I love you so much for offering me your number to chat. I am pretty certain I am not going to be speaking to anyone on the 1st though ... bless you. What words I can possibly utter, are beyond me right now. The 1st will just be and then, after many hours, it too shall be over and the next day will rise and fall and so they will go until, amidst one of them, I will have begun breathing again and found a way to cope. I hold no expectations of myself and am just going to be gentle to my soul for it will be in many pieces for a little bit. I hope the Sagg finds what he needs to during all of this, I really do; and I hope that I can find newness and life again also. This whole thing is pretty messed up isn't it? Ho hum.
Spent a few hours looking at a map of Vermont and real estate. It truly is a very pretty place. Am looking forward to seeing it ... and the whole North East of your fair land. Partay with Icey my lovelies!!!!!!! Swooping from moonbeams then huh? Holding the thought!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keeping the dream alive. Need something good to focus on in my now ... something to keep looking forward with.
Well, thanks again so very much for being here for me Sunny. Am so grateful you are near. Keep holding those beautiful little ones close and know that I am always here wishing only the very best for all of you.
Make that today the 29th ... no idea what happened there???? Weird.