The Enchanted Pond
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All I can say is Wow...I will have to leave this up the the experts..Today I started doing something that I had dreaded doing for over three years now. My husband always had a camera in his hands. I'm haveing to go thru pictures, There are thousands of them, so many memories. Still going thru them and still have tears in my eyes. I have lived the life of one of the poor people that you have helped. At one time, I also tried to help terminal children, couldn't do it, had to walk away. That's why I know that I couldn't do it again. I stuck it out with one, because it was the grandchild of the people that I was living with, but I was a teenager then..He had leukemia, totally destroyed me when we lost him.
I know none of this pretains to you, I gues I just wanted to talk and you were the last one to post.I guess the main thing is that we all here have a story, I can not imagine what you found out that hurt you so. all I know is it had to be just awful, and I would have no answers for you anyway DD. I feel your anger, your tired and disgusted, battered and bruised, your hurting in so many ways. And as far as being a writer, that you are, no doubt about it. You deserve the highest compliment for your writing skills. So, you keep writing and I'll keep reading, and Icy will be writing to you, I am pretty sure of that.
Thank-you for what you have written already.
Hugs, Love and blessings
We all have stories, that is true, and as I have said before, I do not feel that my sadness outweighs any one else's. Grief is a personal feeling, and we all deal with it in different ways. I keep everything, everything to myself. I deal with it on my own. At least til I found this place. But to keep everything to yourself for so long, having no one to trust. It is hard to tell anyone anything. Poetry is easier, I can deal in abstract metaphors, thoughts, feelings. I can keep from revealing too much, from facing too much. Is it any wonder I love to be other characters. Anything to keep from being me. I tell my friends that my life is a tragedy masquerading as a comedy. I have actually done stand up comedy based on my life, it secretly hurts so much that people can find your pain funny, but you present it that way anyway, because otherwise you just have to accept you have been dealt a lousy hand in the game of life. You play with what you've got, right? Life gives you lemons and all that jazz. I long ago accepted the milk of human kindness in most people was curdled like cottage cheese, but I always believen that someday, I would find that one person that would help make the world make some sort of sense. A wonderful girl I was friends with what seems like a long time ago, told me "no one can give you peace, you have to find that for yourself" she knew me better than I did. Sadly we are no longer really friends, and somewhere along the way she lost her peace too. I am no saint, and honestly the karma police caught up with me a while back (I am divorced after all) But I have tried to live the straightest most honorable path I could. And for the record, my ex divorced me because it wasn't fun cheating on me any more if I knew about it, so she decided to put me out of her misery. I have never, and would never be unfaithful. I know how it feels to be cheated on, it sucks. My first girlfriend made cheating on me look like an olympic event she was dedicated to winning the gold medal at, so trust me, I know. I try to do right by everyone I meet, and that has actually got me labeled as a doormat, an easy mark. Someone to take advantage of. When I'm not "ON", I am pretty shy and socially akward. I was'nt around other children much as a child and I guess I never really had a chance to develop some of the social skills most do. I do ok I guess. I have a hadful of close friends, but as I said, most of them even think I'm strange. H-ell, even I do from time to time, but then I've had time to get to know me, if I was just meeting me for the firt time I'd think I was kind of odd too.....cute, but odd.Well I guess I've let my fingers have free reign for long enough, until next time, this has been another boring chapter of "as my world Burns"
I figured with the anger you said that you felt, it might be temporary. A quick fire usually burns out. BTW, I didn't feel that in your letter. : ) Glad you've engaged!
Well, like P-Mo, I jotted this down and just came to post. I didn't spell check or anything else & forget to work in your two treasures of gold after the curse part, but .... the heck with it! xxoo
'They say follow your heart
Follow it through
But how can you
When you’re split in two?'
split in two leaving you blue?
with love -- here's a clue!
to live authentically,
Please read attentively.
you can never be whole until you see,
the mask was never meant to free.
it'll block thee from thee ---
you'll Never Be!
nor see the beauty of real She.
donned in pain long ago,
a place to hide and live as Poe,
bringing forth never ending rain,
attracting Ivy to your plane.
drop the cape and change your fate
into confidence will grow
the man who draws a worthy mate,
a love with warming flow.
fill the holes inside of you first
and try not to finish another's verse
for that will leave you nothing but terse
and in the dark you'll sit and curse.
i've driven myself insane,
with this rhyming game.
I wish you well DD,
and hope you can tell
I'll love you just the same!
Hello to you DD and so happy to see that you are not only still here but opening up in the wonderous of ways. I am so sorry sweetie that I assumed that your bitterness was somehow blocking your ability to give back. I was obviously very wrong. You are truly an amazing person.... But my little jabs did cause you to share more than you've ever done before so my evil plot worked, LOL!
But I still feel that your beliefs about people will only attract negative energy. I honestly believe that you should give kindness (without the expectation of them having earned it) anyway because if frees YOUR heart. We all carry a mix of the good and the bad, the yin and the yang, the male and the female. And unfortunately no one else can help you make sense of any of it... Maybe it is just sour grapes, but I truly believe that ALL of us here have been formed into the wonderful sensitive people that we are because of our lousy life experiences.
I'll post my quote again - this time it's dedicated to the handsome bat among us:
" So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains / And we never even know we have the key. "
Arwyn - eater of (some of the) direct words
And "boring" , my dear is one adjective that I don't believe anyone would EVER use to describe you
DD - final comment - reminder to keep the "gratitude" journal. You'd be amazed at what happens when you have to actually frame your day with the 3 sentences of gratitude. So much of the wonder of living passes by unnoticed until you've trained yourself to look for it...
Lovely Lady Laie - so our resident poet may have a little competition, eh? That was very lovely and a very thoughtful response. Love it! I sense a poetry slam coming together
Cactuss - I can see you now swinging that new hair-do and earrings. Quite a complitment to the smaller butt, tee-hee. You go rock those morning meetings, gorgeous girl!
Sweet Gemmy - you are filled with such compassion!! Thank you always for sharing your heart.
Night dear angels - soooooo sooooo happy that I found my way back to you all!
Arwyn (who needs to open a new account to change her name)
Ummmmm ... hi!
I actually have no idea how all this will sound but ... here we go huh?
Firstly ... to my darling Sisters of Soul (& Arwyn ... you are one of my life's greatest loves) ... I cannot thank you enough for standing up for me like that. I truly felt 'rescued' actually ... weird I know ... but I felt protected and surrounded by heart. Gem, Queenie Q, Sun, My Journey and starry Arwyn ... it takes a heart filled with courage to set the self aside and hold only someone else within it. Such beauty I shall be eternally grateful for. I am speechless actually ... you are way too kind to me.
Now ... Mr. Pisces ... it takes an equally brave soul to apologize ... your extension of compassion towards me is deeply moving. I know that you didn't mean for your exit to create such drama (and we lions like some drama ... LOL) but, here I must open myself up totally and bare my soul too ... this way you will (as will our Sisters) completely understand something about me ... and hence, why I reacted the way I did! Hmmmm??? Perhaps your honesty here in revealing the man behind the poems deserves honesty back from me? Like you, I rarely say much about myself ... I prefer my focus to not be me ... as I often say ... I am my least favourite subject (& that's true) and I only ever respond to anyone's post in here if I feel I have something of value to offer them. Otherwise, like you, I keep everything to myself. You say I see into you too much???? Hmmmm???? Others have said the same thing, yes? I tried explaining it the other day when I mentioned that I speak to your souls ... not you the ego / personality ... for that is the only language I can use that assists your soul ... but, there is a little more to this picture ... as you have so astutely uncovered ... cheeky man!
I once had a melt-down in here. Do you remember? And, before I continue, I wish to add that if any ONE of us doesn't feel they can release within the sanctity of this pond, then I have failed you all. If any of you feel you need a mask just to be able to sit by the enchanted pond ... then I have failed big time. This IS the soul's playground ... not the head's ... I have very deliberately established the kindest, safest, most loving haven I can think of for all of you ... it is why I have steered those who have agendas and nastiness away from being here. I have very deliberately put a protective field around my most beautiful beings who grace our fair planet together. Now ... on to my melt-down ...
If I tell you it wasn't exactly my melt-down; that would be closer to the truth. What came out was a collection of a group energy ... the anger, the frustration, the heart-ache, the tortured minds, the sadness, the confusion, the fear and the what the? were exactly what I was hearing ... and feeling ... from ALL of us. Me included. I don't just read words dear one, I almost LIVE them. I FEEL everything that goes into your words (& everyone's) and I FEEL what isn't said the LOUDEST. Is this making things a little clearer now? When you posted and I read it ... I got the full force of every emotion you were holding as you typed every single syllable. Now ... at this point I wish for you to not have an I'm sorry going through your head ... there is NEVER a need for anyone to be sorry. It is just how I AM and, some days I cope better with handling it, than at other times. Your emotion was overwhelmingly dark and I really thought you might harm yourself. That was my FEAR! That was what I felt! It might not have been in your mind at the time but it was sure in your emotion. I frantically contacted Admin but they wouldn't help me. I sent blind emails to God knows who from my private email address just in the hope that I would find you. Darling! Seriously! I was beside myself out of fear for YOU! I heard the "what's the point in living like this anymore" ... heard it loud and clear as if you were standing next to me. I felt ALL of your pain all at once. Does that make sense? And you think you're weird???? HA! You've got nothing on my my love!
I could not respond to your email because, really, I was trapped in my fear. It was the same for Gem when she came here ... I felt almost choked by her sobs ... (Gem ... it's all good sweetie ... it just is how it is) and I have felt equally that way with every single soul in our home here. When you all hurt; I break too. So hard to describe ... sorry ... but I think you now see "me" a little better. I know things about all of you that I simply do not post here because you, without knowing it, SHOW ME YOU! I speak to your souls ... and your SOULS speak back. I want you to walk away after spending time with me at the pond, glad you did! That is my motivation ... your soul's happiness is my only motivation. I want, desperately, for all of you to become the complete expression of your soul. God! That's such indescribable beauty ... and you are ALL (& even you DD) on your way. Together, we are ALL leading each other to do so. I hope none of you think that I don't LEARN here too? I have done more of that here in my 9 months with you all than I have in the last decade of my life. So much has my eyes been opened! And, my heart!
We think that all we ever know of those who post here is what they post ... but, that is simply not true for you see, and this IS the really special part ... EVERY soul here has a gift (many of them actually) and, through these gifts, each of you know much more about the other than you remember in waking moments. Lady Laie is more conscious of this because her knowing is difficult to ignore ... her Grandmother is making sure of that ... such a LOVE ... positively glowing Laie ... love you. For her, the more she ignores her gifts, the more pokes in the ribs and smacks to the head she'll get LOL ... One never argues with a pushy spirit! You learn that real fast don't ya Lady Laie ... wink, wink Each of you was blessed with an insight unparalleled ... and an intuition to bring the soul forward. You are ALL such amazingly beautiful beings that I am speechless around you sometimes. If you could only feel your goodness like I do???? If you could ALL only feel yourselves the way I do. And o, because none of us are particularly good at doing that ... I try and show you all through what I write to you.
For each of you, I try and craft as relevant and heart-felt a piece as I can so that you FEEL what I do from you. I am only ever trying to GIVE BACK to you, that which you give to me so freely. I want soooooo much for all of you to see that, feel that and HAVE that! It is what makes me 'me'. I am but the mirror upon which rests your fair and beautiful soul ... your self ... the one that need never hide from being expressed. To be afraid to 'be' within the enchanted pond is too sad to contemplate. I won't go there!
If I could make your world perfect, I would ... all of you. If I could hold your pain so that you don't have to ... I would do that for you. If I could sing you a lullaby so that your nights are filled with the good stuff, then I would sing so loudly the stars would shake. If I can sit with you upon these rocks and help you see the reflection in the water ... then I DO! And if I can love you like your soul longs to be loved ... then I shall find the ways to do that too.
Never hide in the dark. Know why? Because a light once lit, never extinguishes within. A soul once freed, can never be contained again and a life lived with love is a life lived lovingly. And, once we have read, seen, felt, touched or experienced something, forever more, we are NEVER the same.
And now you know an awful lot about me, don't you all???? Now you know why I dream big dreams for you all. Now you know why I simply adore the enchanted pond and all who sail upon her!
And ... seeing as I am almost baring all ... (almost because to do so would fill books) ... my Dad, who shares his birthday today with Bryan, was a mean, hurtful, nasty, dangerous, gambling, drinking, wife and kid beating man. But, he was the Dad who also did so much wonderful stuff too and I was given a piece of a channelled message from two sources about him ... one just the other year ... from a psychic ... she said that my Dad knelt before her, asking me to forgive him because only now, in Spirit, was he learning how to love. He never knew how to when he was on Earth. The other was from him directly when, after his funeral (25th of this month), he sat on the end of my bed and told me everything he never said when he was alive but wanted to. He died 2 weeks after his 57th birthday and yes, 18 years later, I do still miss him for he was never all bad. No-one is.
Now, if I can type through my tears ...
Bloom ... What a pleasure you are! Sassy, light filled, NEW ... so beautiful ... practically perfect in every way as dear Mary Poppins would say! I am your biggest fan and, amidst all those meetings you are responsible for ... goes the Spirit of the Pond. Stand tall, stand proud and woohoo to you Sister small butt! Think I best take up biking huh??? LOL LOL LOL
Love your new confidence, the hair and YOU!
Celebrate you today, ok?
Sister of Sun ... I hope that as each day passes, your strength increases and your wellness busrts forth. May your healing be swift.
Kiss the Little L's for me!
Queenie Q ... I dare anyone to not love you! Such charm! That's why you are a she devil .... lol And cheeky ... fancy reviving poolboys and keeping more just for your pleasure???? And, without ME????????? HUH! Nasty Queenie LOL
DD ... I must add here ... we do not condone cheating ok ... this is seriously harmless FUN! Big FUN! And, now you can honestly say that you know what women think, right????? LOL LOL LOL Annnnd, also to clarify ... you know I say my Gemini would tempt me???? And he WOULD! I could NEVER cheat on my hubby. Just know that, ok? Unless you're offering to be my new knight in shining armour and we could float off into the sunset together??????? LOL .. OK!
I'd like my very own poet ya know????? Wink, wink!
Queenie ... play fair ... LOVE U!
Gem ... if I'm not laughing wildly at your comments, I'm in tears ... tears of love though, ok?
What you are doing is so damned hard. And soooooo BRAVE! Often, we incorrectly doubt our ability to face lots of life's stuff and, time and time again, we prove just how incredible and resilient, we are. I am PROUD to stand beside you my friend. So PROUD! Just remember to look back upon your journey here and SEE what we do, ok? Promise me, when these memories are just too much and you feel you can't go on anymore, that you think of the calm, peace-filled waters here and everyone bathed in your smiling soul ... smiling back at you ... nodding that you can do it ... and with each new photograph, you find your heart back together again.
You are transforming and such a butterfly ... perhaps I will change your name after-all???? Perhaps you shall become the Butterfly here? Gem is completely YOU!
I did so enjoy your sneaky attempt to win the Fire-chief!!!! o-Kaaaaayyyyy ... you can have your way with HIM!!!!!! Bet he'll teach you a thing or two about hosing things down!!!!! LOL ROFL
In YOU, I see the flame of life ... so gorgeous Gemmy ... gorgeous
LOVE U 2!
To our other brave soul, My Journey ... how far have you come huh? Always waiting to offer a kind word to someone and always gifting all of us with HOPE! That is such a rare thing you know. Most people are too wrapped up in themselves to even think about shedding light upon others ... trust me ... have met them all ... nearly ... but not YOU. From you are sent forth the most phenomenal light show and purple is actually a good colour for you to wear ... as is red. Don't know why so many folks avoid the most healing colour of all ... red? It is LIFE. It is SPIRIT! It is PASSION! It is everything good. Perhaps, during your vulnerable time today, clothe yourself in something protective and healing ... and then call upon the pond! Your family here await you with open arms, a smile in their hearts and love in their eyes.
Wishing you the strength to keep seeing the hope!
LOVE U much MORE!
YOUR Moonbeaming Icey x
Blessed Arwyn ... Elf of mighty fine words ugg!
How I love you.
I hope you know that goodness creates goodness and love always finds love to create more love. Your life WILL hold the greatest of all loves ... a love of the soul. Your Aragorn drifts ever nearer and the heavens will positively burst forth with light then. Perhaps the wedding in the forest isn't mine after-all? Promise me I can be there? Please?
I simply cannot wait to see the smile upon your sweet face! Rock on Autumn huh!
I do not need to point out the immense wisdom within your messages here, do I? You can FEEL them ... I know you can. Honour them (your words) by honouring YOU ... a life with lessons well learned is a wise life indeed. I admire your fierce devotion to those you hold dear ... so perfectly an Arwyn are you not? You are everything I saw within her ... and quite the Sagg I might add ... LOL LOL LOL Sparky!
DD? Even though it was kinda sneaky, Arwyn got you to GIVE BACK beautifully. Be grateful to her ... she opened the heart's seal so lovingly for you ... make that your 1st entry in your Gratitude Journal, ok? Why? Because it is the gift of life. A very special thing to receive.
Beaming my love to you Arwyn Grace ... Evening Star of Beauty.
I am fast looking like I like talking to myself here! LOL
Well now ... MRS. POET!
WooHoo Lady Laie!
Do you appreciate the gift? The many gifts I should say??? I think you are only just beginning to see how many you have. Isn't that neat? Very beautiful too dear Sister! Aren't YOU!?!
Like DD ... you write with soul ... and you include your clairvoyance too ... hope you were paying attention DD? Remarkable talent.
You are the bringer of Hope ... to all ... you float in, all angel, and spread the magic of possibility everywhere. I truly LOVE that! And hence, YOU!
I also like how you consider your responses ... speaking to DD with the language he understands and works from best. Good call. I like that you direct your messages to where they will do the most good too ... very lovely. I just know that DD is gob-smacked over this one. Nod affirmatively Mr. Poet ... she got you good!
I do hope you will SHINE here more often Lady Laie!
Lord knows you've all heard enough from me today! ROFL
Be KIND to yourselves.
RESPECT your vast wisdom.
GIVE back to YOU today.
LOVE LOVE LOVE!
The Moonbeam Ice x x x
I LOVE YOU ALL!
Hi Icey!! I find you here at last! You are in a talking mood, I see.