I need Aries love help!
I am a Leo, and have been dating an Aries for almost a yr and a half. We care about each other a lot, are comfortable saying so and showing it, but love is not a part of the equation just yet; we are still getting to know each other as we only get to see each other on average 4 times per month.
This past week, he (the Aries) became distant. I knew his workload had increased and he was stressed, but I wasn't sure if that was the vibe I was getting or if he wasn't 'feeling' the relationship for some reason. I asked him via text a few times if we were alright, and he tiptoed around the question numerous times. Finally he said yes, we're ok. I asked for confirmation; he wanted to continue? He then responded.... (I'll post here the responses back and forth). Remember, I am the Leo, Darren is the Aries....
Darren, u know im crazy about u. Its no secret. But if ur not into it, pls let me know. Don’t drag me along pls.
Yes and I care a lot for u as well…
Yes u want us to continue?
U r an amazing person who is very caring and giving and talented and I like u a lot but sometimes I don’t know…sometimes we seem too different…I don’t know…and it’s a bit stressful right now at work etc…I am a bit confused….i am sorry but u asked…;( u seem so sure…? I don’t even know why u r in Quebec?
Well, I am going to step away then…I want to b w/someone who knows 100% they want 2 b w/me. I care about u, don’t think I don’t.
I know u want that…u know it’s hard for me and I am not an emotional person…I don’t know like u know…u always seem to know…I don’t..i’m sorry.. still don’t know y u r in qb? U r an enigma sometimes in ur thinking which I don’t get…
Im not sure Ottawa/quebec matters now, Darren…im sorry….
I know it doesn’t that was an example….
So my question is this...what can I do to get him back? I miss him so much...I realized that a decision was made based off of confusion. Neither one of us was in a spot to pick up a phone and discuss the issue, so it was all decided via text....not good. And I know that I was quick to cut it off; I believe he wanted to discuss it, but I was upset, hurt...so I just immediately said no more without thinking.
I regret how things went down. I want more time with him...I miss him...and I love having him be a part of my life.
Are there any Aries out there that can help me with advice? What do I do? Do I have a chance? Our relationship has been incredible up to this point, but I know he is very guarded with his feelings...he told me once he won't say he loves me until he knows for sure.
I'm not an Aries, I'm a Cancer male, but I think you should pick up the phone and talk to him about this! Give yourself a few days to calm down and then discuss this with him on the phone so you can hear his voice and figure out what's really going on by the tone of his voice.
I actually already broke and sent him a message this morning (today is day 4 since it all happened) that said, "I miss you."...that was all. This evening he sent me a response (texting is our main communication through the week b/c of his crazy work schedule, unfortunately) that was just a sad emoticon face. I sent one back (a sad emoticon), and also wrote that I didnt want this, that I am more sure of that than anything. Nothing since...
I wonder if I should add that I am 33 and he is 40? (In case anyone was curious due to the silly emoticon useage in texts)
Can you call him and leave him a voicemail and just tell him you want to fix this?
From what I know about Aries, they like to feel like they're the center of your world...why don't you just tell him the truth? Be direct and bold! Tell him you want him back because he is the most important person in your life (only if this is true lol)
It just seems like a lot of texting is going on which is leading to a lot of confusion and mixed messages...give him a call, if you want make sure you call when you know he wont answer and leave him a heartfelt voicemail. The sound of your voice will help soften him up
You want what you want, and you want it now, and so you killed the goose, who cares if it lays golden eggs. Is that about right?
Look, this guy may not be emotionally available as you may need. You need to really think about that. But if you think you can deal with him keeping his emotions close to the vest, then fine, then get it back together.
You are going to have to repair this one my dear, you broke it off, so be prepared to, not beg do not do that, but petition this guy with your heartfelt feelings, and sincerest apology.
Moving forward with him will entail you not wearing your heart on your sleeve so much. He keeps his emotions to himself, you put yours on a billboard for everyone to see, this only freaks him out. Get a little more reserved with expressing your deepest feelings with him for now, and spend some time, good quality time, laughing and enjoying each others company. The key here is to build up both of your emotional "bank accounts" with each other, and fill them with shared times, and good times. This will build trust with him, to where he can express himself a little more freely with you, and it will give you capital to draw on when times get tough.
Concentrate on dating right now, make it fun, and meaningful. You will get your companionship back, but you will have to wait to get the "total package" that you want. Patience.
Well, I've initiated a discussion. I have asked if he would be available to chat later today...so now we wait. He did send me a text today (I know...the all desireable text) and I found it confusing...he said that he did not know what to say (I'm assuming he meant to the message I sent saying I didn't want things the way they ended up), and that he doesn't know how to manage this. At first I took that as him saying he was having a hard time as well...but then I realized it could possibly mean he doesn't know what to say b/c he's over it and he doesnt want me hurting any further than he knows I already am about the decision to split. So, a conversation is certainly needed...I hope he agrees to it; this emotional breakdown has my tummy in knots.
I also agree that if things can be rekindled, we should take a little step back and concentrate on just making things as enjoyable as possible. I agree too that I need to cool it a bit with the Leo over-affection. I sincerely hope I get the chance....
Sometimes we get ahead of ourselves, when we should just enjoy the ride to the place we want to get to. So, if the Aries Guy is taking things slower than you, it could be a good thing. Take a deep breath, and just talk about it, and work it out. I feel it will work out. He has a few issues regarding the relationship, but none of them are nothing that can not be overcome, as long as you step back, and act on those concerns in a practical manner. He is Mr. Cool as a Cucumber, which freaks you out, but let me assure you, inside he has real feelings.
natapier last edited by
Hello Leo, I am sorry for you relationship trouble. Your Aries man is having the saturn transit of Libra that started on October 29 2009 in the 7th house. What does that mean? Well , he is experiencing difficulty in relating to others, hold back from intimacy and feels lonely. He is reevaluating all his relationships in his life. Be patient and give him support during this difficult transit. This transit will last until October 5, 2012. Good luck
Well, so far no luck with the talking. I asked for a chat, and he said he was tired, perhaps the following day. The following day came and went and I heard nothing. I went ahead and wrote a letter expressing some of my feelings. I made sure not to place any sort of judgement, no pointing fingers, just expressing myself; how I feel about him, how I viewed the relationship...I focused on all of the good points, and made it clear that taking things slow was respectful. He should get it today (I went with good 'ol regular snail mail and a hand-written note), so we'll see. I have stopped contacting him though. The last word I got from him was him saying he was not completely 'done' with the relationship, that rather he was 'confused and not sure'.
Natapier; I feel in my gut that you are right; he has never lived with a woman before, never truly committed, never been in love, and I know he wants it. He has made comments to me in the past about our 'future'...went as far as to bring up marriage and growing old together. Even if he was joking and I was unaware, I know it bothers him how his relationships have gone. He always says the same thing; 'they weren't right for me'. With him having just turned 40 and all of his friends being married with children (except his best friend who 'wants' to be involved but is a bit of a hermit), I think he is really starting to wonder what he has been holding back for...
I hope he and I can work it out...I miss him, I miss spending time with him...I certainly hope I don't have to wait until October of this year though for him to decide he wants to be with me!
Hang in there. Being patient is difficult, but it also is the way we have to be to have good things come to us. When we are not patient we tend to smoother or strangle the good stuff out of life and relationships. If you can remain relaxed good things will come to you, I promise you that.
almondee last edited by
I'm an Aries and its really simple---> he cares more than you'll ever really know, the problem is you're in Quebec and not where he is, plain and simple. And as an Aries I cann tell you if something isn't fixed about the distance, he will move on... we move on quite easily after we've loved and tried. He asked twice, why are you in Quebec and you blew that off like it was nothing. Good luck
I was only in Quebec for a couple of days visiting a friend. He knows I'm back. The issue right now is just that he is 'confused and not sure'. He has avoided the issue, giving himself a rest from things, which I'm sure has felt good for him to have a breather, but are Aries not apt to eventually resolve the issue at hand? He has received the letter I sent him, so he knows things on my end of it now...I can't help but wonder if he will just continue to 'ignore' the situation. If he's feeling confused, why would he not want to discuss it? I'm crushed it is unfolding this way...I feel such a void with him not being here.
almondee last edited by
Ahhhh, I see. Hmmm, give him time to be introspective. the thing about aries lol we think too much.and if we overthink... well, it's not a good thing cause then we becomeemotional, don't knwo how to handle those feelings and withdraw... becoming cold and indifferent.
anytime a man I'm dating looks into my eyes/face and says "you seems o cold and distance, what'swrong" it's because I overthought everything and I've moved on.. but give him time to sort his feelings.
hewitt302 last edited by
I'm and Aries (female) living with a Leo (male) and it was extrememly difficult on my end to commit fully to the relationship. Aries, both male and female are "me" centered folks, but selfish? NO!!!! we love more than you can ever know, the problem is with us...there's doubt, there's fear and there's an inferiority complex lurking beneath the surface of every aries (again, both male and female) depending upon other placements in his chart, my advice is to talk this out face to face, schedule another visit to Quebec and tell him how you feel, once and for all....if he's still shuffling away, then you must take the high road and move on.
"we becomeemotional, don't knwo how to handle those feelings and withdraw... "
I know he is having a hard time dealing...he mentioned in a recent message that he "doesnt know how to manage this". I wish I knew what that meant....he's 'confused, unsure, and doesn't know how to manage this'? deep breath
So from an Aries point of view, how long do you figure he will take to come to terms with how he is feeling? I haven't been 'that girl' that burns up his phone every day crying and begging. I have given him his space and been respectful. This all unfolded 8 days ago; that is when the break-up occurred. As of right now he is still saying he is confused.
I think the mental burden I am dealing with is that with myself being a Leo, if I am enjoying my time with someone, care about them deeply, have fun with them and look forward to seeing them, I continue and don't think otherwise. Why would it be so different for an Aries? What could he possibly be analyzing if he too cares deeply for me and we have a great time together with a past of no fighting or clashing?
Hewitt302, you mentioned that it was difficult for you to commit. What were your thoughts during that time, when you were battling with it? What made you decide he was right to commit to? I know Aries' are very much about themselves (and I agree, not so much in a selfish way...more like a 'their world' kind of thing...) and I've always respected it about Darren...and I always understood. I think this is the first time I've ever been truly confused where he and I are concerned....
Hopefully he will see me tomorrow to discuss. I can't imagine having to feel like this for much longer....I am a disaster...he almost needs to figure things out so that if his decision IS to move on without me, then I can start the healing.
If you are going to rely so heavily on zodiac signs, it is best to get a full birth chart for both you and him done, you can search on google for free ones. I believe this site offers compatibility readings that does the comparison of your birth charts and gives you a report, you do have to pay for it, but it saves you a lot of work.
Aside from that, you need to remember free will trumps all, and if he is going to be confused or difficult, then there is not much you can do but do what you have been doing; step back, give space, and be patient. I know it stinks, but when people are in mental, emotional, or physical turmoil, they can have a very hard time being what you want them to be.
In the end, yes if you feel you are a wreck, then you either need to see if you can be patient and let things ride, or just end it and move on. That said, sometimes a break can bring people back together. There on videos on you tube about getting your ex back or something, that are helpful to many people, maybe check those out and see what you think.
I am sorry you have to go through such times, but remember we have all been there at some point and time, and it helps to talk to friends or family too.
I've thought about getting a birth chart done, but I also understand it may not be correct if you are unsure of birth times, and I have no idea what those times are...so I haven't gone any further with it.
Oh Brian, I know you are right; I need to back off and let him have his time. The problem; I'm a Leo that wants everything immediately and hates the thought of having to be patient! But you are right...and I'm trying very hard, I swear....
I wish these things got easier as you get older...I'm sure my family is wishing the same thing so they get to stop hearing about it! But alas, I suppose a broken heart is a broken heart. I'll get through it...
A birth chart even with just the day of birth, without an exact time, is far more accurate than a horoscope of zodiac compatibility. So, I would not let that stop you, I mean the free ones are free.
Hmmm, what else? You could also try numerology, from what I have seen it seems to give a very accurate profile, with even less work than a birth chart. Google Glynis McCants and see what you come up with as far as a web site or books and stuff. A book might occupy your time, and be constructive for you, and it may be neat to learn numerology for you. Just a thought.
spicemiss12 last edited by
I am a 53 yr old Cancer woman...he is a 48 yr old Aries man...I can relate!!!! He had not been in a serious relationship before. Actually in NO relationship before. We're together about 2 1/2 yrs. Early in April he decided he "couldnt do it..." I assumed the relationship was what he couldnt do. Not certain since i am left with my jaw agape wondering.
In Dec. we were looking at houses (we do not co habitate) in March we were looking at furniture. Go figure.
What I CAN tell you is do not push him at all. They are simple and direct people...say what you mean and mean what you say then stick to it. Try not to continue the texts or the calls...he will see that as pushing. He needs to come to terms in his own time. I I havent heard a word from my Aries since April 2. Its grueling and difficult. But let him be as best you can to come to his conclusions. He knows you love him.
They are a challenge, aren't they?