Afraid but want to love
I need some advice from someone, I am always so god damn afraid when another person comes close and I start to like them. Friends, familymembers, you name it I don´t think I have one person except for my dog Jack in my life that hasn´t let me down or betrayed me. Guys I met have done the same or just used me for sex.
How do I stop myself from running away or being scared when I meet someone that I really like and i want to be with? I always run when people get close, I don´t think I can take being hurt again, it´s been a life-time of this shit and all I want is for someone to look at me and love what they see and for me to have someone that I can trust, who won´t hurt me or leave me and that I can show how much I love them withouth them laughing at me behind my back.
This has been my experience as well..... No one has ever been there for me... In the end I am alone. But recently I have made a life altering change for the better.
The key is you have to love yourself first. Unless YOU accept you for who you are no one will ever do the same for you. I was watching a childs TV show with my daughter the other day "Wizards of Waverly Place" if your curious... and the young girl on the show made a comment about if you think about wanting something long enough it may just come true. Something in that spoke to me more than I can possibly explain. But at that moment I realized. We get what we ask for. If you project your insecurities you will be given what you give out. If you learn to respect yourself and love you for who you are, I believe that good things will come in to your life. And from a conversation with my husband this weekend that seems to apply and has stuck with me since I said it. If you are afraid to take the risk to be hurt... how can you ever move forward. You need to learn from your mistakes. Take little risks. Accept that these men or who ever are only who they are... this is the way they are... just like the color of their eyes. You can learn new tricks so to speak, but unless you make mistakes you can not learn.
Your comment about someone who wont hurt me or leave me... On a deeper level at some point everyone does hurt someone... it may be minor but either way feelings will get hurt... but that is how we become stronger... how we deal with those hurtful moments is how we grow.
And I too came out of a relationship where the person was immature and said tons of stuff behind my back and in front of me to announce to everyone. What was different this time for me was that I didnt believe any of it. It was so far from the truth and obviously meant to hurt me. Like this person accused me of sleeping around.... I know I didnt. And it doesnt matter what he thinks of me because if he can say that. And people that heard him know me enough that they know its not like me... those that dont... well I decided their opinion doesnt matter. You know what I mean?
I Hope this has a little bit of something that can help you. But many people here share the same background as you do.... I must say if you are willing to do what you need to inside of you to be better It will happen... there are many people here that can help you... but in the end... Only you can truely help YOU!