Spouse help



  • I am interested in helping my husbands physical and emotional drain within our household. He has such negative energy and I want to help him because in turn it will help our house as a whole. It has always been here I think but I really think it is either getting worse or maybe I have just had enough. Whatever the case I want to put the positive that I came with before being with him into our home. I don't know how to help him...can someone give me some insight...crystals...location of self healing items...anything to fend of the negative override he places here. He really is a good person and I love him for the guy I know that is in there. Thanks!

    His info W.C.H 6/15/72

    my info M.K.J.H 5/8/72



  • You cannot control your husbands energy--you are draining yourself dry. You suffer many small physical ailmants over this chaotic energy around you. Much tension in your body and fear hormones dumping--you get weird aches and pains--You have a unconceise habit of tensing muscles without realizing it--specialy in the shoulder neck area and in the lower hip area --you tense your bum and it tugs and radiates through pelvic region. You get a lot of pain that radiates to other areas and so you can't find where it comes from. You absorb too much--you are an empath and pick up too much. You need more than others a calm place to restore and a meditative and stretching routine. Spirit says you can give too much and be a slave to others needs as they tug and pull at you. Your husband needs a psychiatric evaluation but he is not going to be so open about this without help from you to pretty much force him. I pick up a mood disorder--chemical imbalance in him that he can't control. He needs medication and it will mean you monitering this--people with these kind of disorders do not do well on there own--they will not take their medicine when they are not themselves. What he has is very treatable and you are nurturing enough to help him but there is no way you can fix this on your own. If he is not treated proporly it will increase with stress--these people can not deal with stress--it triggers brain impulses that leave them agitated sleepless and aggressive--then they crash and become depressed and very very down. I pick up a spirit around him--a female that is working on trying to get him help. Continue to pray for guidence. There is hope for his future but he needs medication to get there. Blessings



  • Wow! and thank you! You hit the nail on the head! Everything (myself and him)He was on "mood stabilizers" several years back...he won't do them anymore. This is why I am at wits end trying to figure out a different approach. Any suggestions? I try and keep the peace with everyone in the household but I am just not doing a very good job. Thanks so much in advance....if I didn't know better I would think you were in my household from your descriptions of us both. Sometimes I feel like I have a grasp on everything but...I just don't know. Blessing to you back!



  • As I sensed--he is not open to meds but really he cannot be mentaly stable without them. Often people do not give into accepting a mental illness untill late in life. We have a a very negative view in society when it comes to mental illness. People do not like to think they are crazy. It is a physical issue and no amount of talk is going to change that--it would be like trying to talk a person out of diabetes! Also it is often hard to find the right meds--that's why it is so important to be seen by a psychiatrist as often a general practicianer just treats for depression or anxiety and actually some meds make them worse when they are bipolar with manic depression episodes. Most do not like to take their meds--they miss the highs or when they are up they have a false sense of feeling nothings wrong with them and it's everybody else. A good psychiatrist will monitor meds more closely and will answer your calls when he is acting manic. When he's agitated and aggressive there is no reasoning with him. It's when he's come down that you must make it firm and clear that he must see a psychiatrist or you will leave him as it is killing you. This will not get better on it's own. When he does see someone you must be included in the treatment as often the patient lies about things to not seem so bad. You need him to sign permission for you to talk to the doctor so when he is slipping or doesn't take his meds you can call the doctor to intervene. I know your story because I've been a care taker for a bipolar for 38 years. I know what you are dealing with. As a psychic I am specially drawn to helping those dealing with mental illness. I wish you the best. He can be more himself but not without treatment. To help you understand how not alone you are please visit the nearest big book store and read about living with bipolar. It will give you the strength to do what you must do. You can do this! Also it is hereditary and is probably showing itself in other family members. I only say this because it helps prove your suspicions the illness is real when you look deeper into family history. Blessings



  • Blmoon,

    I apologize Molly for stepping in here, but for some reason this kinda hits home for me.

    I believe that my husband is bipolor as well. His dad and brother have been confirmed with having it and are supposed to be on medication. I finally made my husband see a psychiatrist, and what he came back with is that he has "agitated depression". I'm not sure what it is... most days... actually most of our marriage he walks around looking angry or like someone kicked him in his gut... just miserable. I rarely remember him smiling or being happy well at least by appearances. My husband was prescribed lithium by his general physician and was told to see a psychiatrist for further treatment. He maybe took it for a month.. said it helped him at the time but that now he was "better". Now he has times where all i can say is that he is giddy... like skipping through the halls. Sometimes he argues with our children as though he is their age... and I think he means it....There are many signs of immaturity that I would imagine that he would have grown out of by now. And i know he stopped seeing his psychiatrist because "he doesnt need to anymore... he is better.... it was all caused by stress" When i told him i wanted a divorce his behavior was disgusting in my eyes... hed sit in a room and just wail... hed pound his head on the wall.... and tell me that he was going to go kill himself.

    So my question is... does that sound like bipolor? or is that something else? Or even nothing?

    Just curious I guess

    Amy



  • Ok...I soooo hear you. I ask one more thing as I feel this may bring me a little more full circle. (deep breath) I feel his dad was most likely a bi-polar candidate (but has calmed down from what I understand). My husbands older brother I think is bi polar (but has recognized this)and also my husbands daughter who just turned 14 we think is bi polar and is living with my husbands parents to keep things more reasonable in our household. While my husband is most definitely in denial about himself I try and keep my 3 kids (previous marriage) away from his up and down "bouts"... then together we have a six year old little boy and I hope he will not carry this traits...but I wonder with his temperament and pants wetting issues...I just am beating my head to solve all these problems. Anyway, I really appreciate your insight. Sometimes its a little lonely. My family lives in another state...sigh...I am hoping this book I just completed will get us all back home.

    Thank you so much for listening. Your advise, insight...has done wonders. Anything you could add to this last bit?



  • MollyK

    I just knew you already suspected the truth but I am careful when telling someone medica advicel--I am not a doctor. You as the caretaker have taken on a heavy load and on top of that it is a very isolating place. People exchange marital crazy stories but the kind of stories that come with mental illness are so different and people are often shocked and don't know how to respond. You must have a strong network on your side and your husband must be treated and want it Each bipolar is different so it takes more than the doctor to know the patient as bipolar people will lie. That is why you must have him sign the paper that gives the doctor the right to speak to you. This way if he's skipping meds you can call the doctor and he is the one who gives you help. He knows what to do--it is his specialty dealing with mental illness. You need to find a good psychiatrist--ask around from people or a doctor you trust. Go with him the first time--ask to speak and be part of the help. If the only way your husband goes is if you don't you can except that at first. At least get the ball rolling. The rule is they can't discuss with you but you can tell them things. If your husband is being manic you can send a fax to the doctor describing your concerns and leaving out the drama just describe your husbands behaviour. There has to be a team because bipolar people on their own can not always recognize when they are sick. When the meds finely work they get to thinking oh I'm cured and stop without telling anyone. You have to catch these things early so the doctor can still intervene. It is good others in the family are open to acknoweledging the illness--he has to be wondering sometimes if he really is. Be vigiliant in getting him to want treatment.



  • mom2jess

    my advice applies to you to. Your husband is taking medication he is hiding from you. Without the lithium or the depakote or any of the other meds that stop the brain misfiring the other drugs for anxiety actually makes them worse. You need to look deep as he is hiding something. When he's gone really look for hiding places--you may find prescription evidence as he is seflmedicating. Taking an antianxiety drug but not following the doses. The signs? Does he have a sudden burst of goofy happiness--singing outloud. Excessive talking--silly questions. Sometimes they sing in the bathroom when otherwise they don't. They can't stop talking on the phone and carry it everywhere. Where usually they are distant and withdrawn suddenly they talk all lovey dovey and get touchy feely. They accuse you of not wanting them to be happy when you seem put off by there silly goofyness. You wonder if you are being too criticle yet it just feels not right and almost creepy. Listen to your intuitions--he is bi-polar and must see a psychiatrist.



  • Wow.....never thought of checking my own meds. I take anxiety meds....or did but I cut down because I was able to deal with the anxiety better. I keep it around and if I find I need it I start up again. I'll have to count. He doesn't know i'm not taking it right now. I'm definately going to count and check up on him. Lol how'd you know he started singing. And dancing to a song that's only in his head. And u nailed creepy. Creepy like the crazy clown in horror movies.

    And the meds he's supposed to be taking...they are supposed to even them out right? Not make them worse?

    There is so much more he does that seem off. I thought he was just faking happy poorly. I didn't realize it was bipolar. All I seem to find descibes manic episodes. And he didn't fit that. I wonder what other things are because of this. I'll have to get that book too 🙂



  • Mom2jess: Hey...you have one positive that I don't have. Your husband at least acknowledges the problem and is willing to take meds to help himself. We live on egg shells and nasty words in my household. The "highs" are nice, but throw something off a bit or lack of sleep and it is a war zone to the hilt. He is king of the kingdom and in constant competition with my kids (seriously). I won't ever be able to talk him into counseling because there isn't anyone around here and he doesn't believe in it (or the problem). It is just the way he was raised. I have no voice because he is the bread winner...again...PRAY for my book because that will give me a voice and a future. Writing is my passion and it goes unsupported by my husband. I hate to make him sound like such an oger, he does have his good points...like providing for us and like I said his "highs" are nice. I carry the burden for now with no way to handle only to cope...It is a viscous cycle, but I will see it through. I was only hoping for some tools to work with like the crystals to help with positive energy, but maybe they don't work on bi-polar issues. I wish I had my own crystal ball to see my future and to know if my dreams will fly with my writing, at least it would give me hope. Good luck to you and thank you Blmoon! Always trying to find the positive in the negative.



  • mom2jess

    manic episodes are often masked by selfmedicating--pills or drinking so it's hard to tell sometimes other than after being with someone long enough you just know there is a change that comes in cycles. Also he doesn't need to steal your pills he could get his own script without telling you or just buy them on the street--they are out there as it is an epidemic right now--the prescription pills are so available. Another sign is afer the goofy happy creepy stage they run out of their script or the pills loose their kick and then they get very very agitated--to the opposite end they lose their sense of humour and get paranoid in that they imagine offenses towards them and suddenly you are breaking their rules and you can't do anything right to please them. Even their face looks different--They look intense and wild eyed. The meds aren't bad when taken with the mood stabalizers but the narcotics on their own make it worse. The mood stabalizers are drugs that do not get them high--in fact they tend to be anti siezure drugs that seem to work for bi-polar though the reason is not clear--the brain is a wonderland of mystery. The triggers are stress of any kind--change is a trigger and caffien and salt are triggers.



  • MollyK

    I rarely get personal here but must tell you I know your challenge. It is no easy road you've chosen. I am a published writer. And nothing came easy and mostly my life was dominated by another's illness. There is no magic help and it wasn't untill late in life a good psychiatrist was an option--I also come from a background where shrinks are for crazy people. I'm often tempted to regret how much suffering I could have avoided had my loved one been treated early. I did succeed with my writing so it is a real attainable dream. The hardest part of dealing with mental illness is not to take it personaly--very tough! When they are manic they are not the loving soul you know--they are distorted and say horrible unapropriate things. I believe spiritualy we choose our lives for the purpose of soul advancement and karmic debt. I've had to really grow some spiritual muscle to survive the hand I chose. If indeed you came into this life to be a "voice"--oppression will be your demon. Be strong. Fighting for yoursef from your head and not from the hurt will always be your challenge. Feed your spirit and keep strong and don't give up finding that window of oportunity to get him in treatment--it will come. Believe it. Here's a powerful tip--you cannot control him BUT you can build your own energy up to override his--keep your home filled with your energy--feed it well. After a day of his chaos in the house and he leaves you dry your eyes put on your favorite music and let the sunshine in! You clean house--you fill the house with YOUR loving energy--never keep items in the house that do not reflect your feelings of love. Bipolar people tend to hoard--don't let it ever get that far. Your space must feed your power or it will feed his illness and then you are trapped. Whe he is home and you are feeling trapped you go outside and garden--build and nurture, This will keep you healthy. Blessings and Write on--dreams do come true.



  • Molly,

    That was me just before last summer. Last August I told him I wanted a divorce. He never acknowledged for more than a week he had a problem. It has been a long process for me to get where I am today. The emotional abuse was horrible. Do you know what made me change my life? I tried to picture my kids my age...living my life... What would I tell them?

    Take care of you sweetie... you are all your kids have... as I have found out. I had a very hard time digging myself out of the dark place that I was in. Heck I lied to myself that I was not miserable. I'd be glad to be any kind of support I can to you.. for being someone that is finally starting to get a handle on things...I wonder if you are where I was just about 1 year ago.. Please feel free to email me if you'd like.. I am always willing to help. you can use my user name here at gmail. I have found it is sooo much help to have someone who has been through the same.

    I believe that the negative energy comes from him...crystals or anything of that nature may help prevent some of it, but it wont magically make it go away. Not until he can change his insides... if you know what I mean.

    And let me reinforce here. YOU ALWAYS HAVE A VOICE!!!!!!!!! Please dont be afraid to use it. You are important. Another thing is.. consider counciling for yourself. Many health insurances these days cover mental health, or companies offer benefits such as employee assistance programs.



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  • Blmoon here is my e-mail

    I feel really sad today, and I need your help. I would like to use names but due to privacy reasons, it would be best if I e-mailed you. Please e-mail me so that I may talk with you.

    I would really appreciate it please.



  • Pilot,

    I wanted to send you my wishes of sunshine and hugs. I hope things get better for you today.

    Great big virutual HUG!!!!



  • Mom2jess Thank You for your kind words.



  • Hello Hello Hello...

    Have new drama that I would love to have some thoughts on...although it is only the rumor mill and my husband is far from the first one being told he should be concerned for his job. The few "uppers" above him have heard the same of themselves without merritt soooo I am hoping it is just the same guy that seems to cause all the problems at this mine playing his usual games. Although, when I feel this tug to come here and talk, I have to do it. We have five kids to support so it is rather scary...

    Here is my husbands info W.C.H 6/15/72

    Mine M.K.J.H 5/8/72

    Of course anything else you pick up for me on my book(s) as a backup plan would be great...along with direction for him or myself

    Thank you in advance on this. SERIOUSLY! I wish I could see what our futures hold.

    Molly