Double life devestation

  • I have been in a relationship with a man for 3 yrs.I lived with him for a year and half, until I asked him to leave because of lies and mistrust.He persued me relentlesly.The problem was we were best friends as well as lovers.We continued the relationship.He has always been secretive and I knew he had a best friend and always said she was a friend only (has known her longer than me).This man has no male friends, cannot connect with males.We spent a lot of time together, and went away for long periods of time, holidays.He was here a lot was very caring and loving and my very best friend.The odd night he would not stay over some nights and would say he needed his own space and had children he needed to spend time with from a previous relationship.I found out quite by a series of events that he had got married to this "friend" back in July and has continued his relationship with me.This has totally thrown me and have stopped seeing him.It has been difficult because we are friends and he still trys to contact me saying he loves me etc.I feel lied deceived and betrayed big time.Have emailed his wife and told her.He has explained from the beginning to his wife that when he married her, he needed his own space and would not live with her.He was taking turns at my house and hers, sleeping with both of us, telling both of us he loved us.I dont believe anything he says and think he has a serious mental problem??

    Her problem now not mine.Dont think I will trust anyone ever again after this

  • You will learn to trust again but it will take a long time. Don't forget that man is in the minority and that it is highly unlikely you'll meet anyone like that again. Your experience will probably heighten your senses and in other relationships you will probably be more alert to something that may not feel right. Stop kidding yourself that this guy is a "friend" - he isn't, friends just don't do that. I don't think he has a mental problem - he has just strung both of you along & has got away with it.If I was you, delete his number, get rid of anything remotely connected to him eg photos etc and don't have any contact with him whatsoever. Then, get out there into the big wide world & socialise & give yourself the chance to meet someone who is going to appreciate, love & care for you. All the best to you.

  • Hi, Cheaters will use the word friend a lot because in their mind that is what it is. Cheaters are also secretive. We know when someone is not being truthful. We just need the evidence sometimes. Follow your instincts. I think there are many deceptive people around so it's ok to keep your guard up. It's also ok to pick and choose who you spend your life with. Also, I don't think this person is a very good friend.

  • I also agree with rnchick, you should lose his number, delete it from your phone, don't take any calls from him, etc. You need to cut him off completely. I think he needs to know that he can't do this to people and expect no consequence. Feel lucky that YOU did not end up marrying him, that woman could have been you had you not followed your instincts.

    There are good men out there. it's ok to be bitter and distrusting for a while, I think only time will heal. But, eventually, you will realize that this dirtbag is not the "norm" for men. Just be careful not to fall into the same type of situation or "trap" next time. This is a learning experience. Take anything and everything you can from it....and move on.

    Keep your chin up. This too shall pass. Good luck to you. ; )

  • Hi, he certainly got his cake and ate it! Hope he chokes using people like that. Some men - (not all there are good male human beings out there - just takes time to find them - they tend to hide in my experience). Some men can love two women at the sametime. Prehistoric programming and a lack of emotional development. They love in a different way, we all have the power to love more than one person at different levels at the sametime. I am being forgiving here. Although he may just cheapened the word 'love' to be intimate with you both. He has not matured and his behaviour is not worthy of you. Please put this experience behind you, move on and be the gorgeous woman that you are to attract the man that you deserve.

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