Brian Tristan - question for you
Hello BrianTristan, I know already about my brithchart but will go to conseling. Thank you for your nice answer.... Many blessings to you.
Ah there in lies the rub, a male friend is male, as would be your significant other, and that is why having a male friend is different than having a female friend. How so? Very simple, when you are in a committed relationship with another male, there are things that are shared between the two of you, and not with your other male friends. If you are complaining about your male partner to any of your male friends, you have crossed the line. Any issues you have with your male partner are to be addressed with him, as other intimacies, and other things that are exclusive to the male you are committed to. Chris Rock, the comedian, has a bit about male friends in which he refers to them as d i c k under glass, break in case of emergency. Funny, but can be all too true. If you are having intimacies, not physical, not romantic, but sharing secrets that should be between you and your committed male, you have crossed that line.
Can you have male friends? Of course, but you need to view them as a brother (someone you would not be kissing on the lips), and they should view you as a sister. You should be able to tell the difference, and a guy's girlfriend typically can immediately tell the difference.
Are some people crazy possessive, and do not care what the difference is, and do not take the time to sense if it is just a friendship? You bet. And here in lies the second rub. If you are trustworthy, then you should be trusted by your significant other, period. That also includes you continuing to be trustworthy though.
Look, you should have been able to have guy friends, and of course you miss that, but sometimes when things are wrong at home, we seek solace outside of it, and it can be unintentional, and with no intention of causing harm. But when you deal with having a guy friend you should be aware of what is going on in that relationship. Do you like him more than a friend? Does he like you more than a friend? Are you sharing things that are meant to be shared with a significant other?
So, in the end a possessive man pushed away all of your guys friends, and you miss that, and I guess this very recent guy friend kind of went bad for you. Not a nice experience, but you can have guy friends, and I am sure if your husband finds it in himself, that you can be friends too. Just use your head. It is easier for you to be friends with women, since most of them will not be remotely interested in sleeping with you. LOL That is really the only reason why.
Sophie you are a beautiful person, and I know you can pull yourself out of this rut, and make the life you want for yourself. I have total confidence in you, and I know you will be very happy if you do they work on yourself you must. I see no reason to stop you from doing that, you are a very good soul, and deep down you are very brave. There are no demons within you, when you confront yourself you will see a kind decent person who just got overwhelmed, and that is it.
Stress management will be very important for you, being able to just deal with something effectively, then let it go and not worry worry worry about it.
If you do not have a relationship with God, consider it, consider offering your worries up to God so you are not crushed under the burden of carrying them all by yourself. Go into one of the many wonderful Churches/Cathedrals you have in your country, and just look at the art and architecture, all the work that was put into honoring the divine by people that had much harder lives than we do. Ponder the beauty, drink it up with your eyes, and feel the peace of the place. Then knell down and pray, and offer your worries to God. This may be very helpful to you. God loves you just as you are, and will help you through getting where you want to go.
Blessing to you beautiful Sophie,
Thank you for your endorsement, I do my best. ; ) I am apparently intuitive, and get what I need to guide people, the rest is just common sense, which we all possess, until we get so close to the trees we can not see the forest.
Soul mates come in many different forms, and TheCaptian has a thread (a topic) here on Tarot that break soul mates down into categories that I suspect will interest you greatly. Look for it. It may be very helpful to you in this situation.
Your relationship with the man from 9 years ago is indeed strong, and that will not be changing. I see no problem with you meeting with him, and I think you should.
The second guy, the Doctor, there is also something there, mmmm hmm. This one is developing, and I am not sure where it is going at this point and time. He has toyed with the idea of you being together, and feels much the same way about you (as you feel about him).
What to do? That is the question isn't it? Hmmm?
Here is the thing, if Middle East Expat can straighten himself out, that could work nice. What do you think about that happening? You two would need to talk, and kind of straighten somethings out, and set some ground rules. You know what I am talking about. LOL Lots of passion to this relationship, and that would be very nice, as long as you could kind of even out the other stuff that would drive you to distraction.
The Doctor guy has not made up his mind what he wants, but lets say he does, this could be a very stable relationship, full of common interests, and mutual respect. It would not necessarily lack passion, but it would not be like with the Middle East Expat guy.
Who should you choose, what should you do? You need to figure out who to choose, as far a what to do, I would continue to develop both relationships and see where they go. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as you are not telling both of them you love them, nor can you be sleeping with both of them. Continuing to develop both relationships right now would be just fine, as neither has committed to you. Know what I am saying? Just do not put yourself in the position of having two lovers, it is at that point that you cross the line.
Just relax, your situation will improve; job opportunities and finances.
Since finances are a major concern, then you will need to deal with the ex as a former employer, one you gave very good advice to. You will need him in the future for some stuff financially, so do not burn that bridge.
Why was he so mean? Because of work (there are somethings that have been done to him, and somethings that he has done to himself). He is under intense pressure, do not take it personally. Just get what you need from him, he will give you whatever you need, and do not get all caught up in his mood swings, they have nothing to do with you.
Take it as being just friends right now, do not get ahead of yourself. This is not your fault, this is his doing. Why do you treat yourself as if it is your fault? It is not. Of course he is not seeing anyone, who else would put up with him except you? Just be his friend for now, and take care of yourself in the time being.
You will okay mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, as long as you take care of yourself. I have gave you some suggestions on how to do that.
Roopashree, what a beautiful name, very lovely. I have a good friend named Vinesh from India, and have met many of his friends and family, and have found people from India to be very kind and intelligent. I feel you are both of these things, and I feel good things coming for you in life, and think you should not worry so much, it is not helpful to you.
You could pursue your studies close to where the man you would like to be with lives. There is a place not far from where he lives that offers the studies you wish to pursue. This I feel is a good road forward for you, as you will be continuing your education, and you will be close by, and able to see this man. I think this man and you do have a future, it certainly feels that way to me, so I see no reason why you could not get closer geographically to him, while you continue your studies. That is what I see as the direction you should take your life. Look into it.
If I missed anyone, please post and tell me. I think I am all caught up.
Thanks again Brian, we really appreciate your insight!
So true.....There is a place not far from where he lives that offers the studies you wish to pursue.........
Thanks A lot......Thanks A lot......Thanks A lot......
thank you so much Brian.Have a good night
Could you tell me one thing..from which work field will be my husband?? Business, Journalism???
Roopashree if you mean YOUR field of study, I would say it does not matter. In the U. S. typically at our universities, you could major in one, and pick up a minor in the other with 18 credits, you could even double major in both. I do not know how that works in India. I would not, if I were you, be overly concerned about which field you choose, Business tends to have more steady hours, where as Journalism's hours can vary greatly. So, I would look at life style maybe, and also think about what interests you. Right now, I would just get moving on getting into the school that is close to where the man you are interested in lives. That is THE thing right now. If you do that, your field of study could be goat herding, and you will not care that much.
brian, theres a difference between seeing someone and sleeping with them< Is he sleeping with anyone?
I do not get the feeling he is sleeping with anyone. You know he would if he could, but I get the feeling he is damaged goods to everyone at this point. He could certainly go to a bar and pick someone up he will never see again, anyone can do that.
But again, you are fixated on him, that is not going to be helpful at all, to him, or the relationship. I realize this is hard, but you need to concentrate on yourself, concentrating on him just continues the vicious cycle, and it goes round and round and round, never stops. Get out of it.
He is not going anywhere, you are the only female who is going to tolerate him, and you are way to good for him, so enough about worrying about him. He has nowhere to go but you, and you could have many places to go besides him. You do not want that, but until you get to that point of seeing that, your relationship with him is going to be stuck.
See the problem with worrying about him? Nothing will change. Change it. It is hard, but do it, start taking care of yourself today.
Good Morning Brian,
A Quick question - Do you see me finding a good job soon, and if so where will it be and how soon?
Thank you for your time and your kindness.
Brian I asked just out of curiousity. I met a man and we re going out for coffee. He is really nice and I do want to get to know him. I have started getting help I as of last night, it was my first time and after wards I felt great I want to continue to feel great
He has been clean and sober for 19 years He goes to his A.A. meetings faithfully I started going to Al-Anon meetings Can you tell me if you see anything with this new guy?
now that I stopped bothering with him, he is asking me questions He is fixing my car(he owes me that much) brian what actually happened with my things from my house? i and I needed my ez-pass and handicap sticker asking why do I need those? Is he feeling guilty about what he did?
This summer more than one good job prospects will present themselves. Have you used a headhunter yet? I see you using one. Headhunters are paid to find you a job, and they do, an depending on your field, they typically find much better jobs than you can. Like I said, I see you using one.
You will need to do research on the places the job offers are located, cost of living as compared to salary, do not jump at the job that pays the most. A good way to do this is to find out how much a 3 bedroom, 2 story house (for example) costs where you are at now, as well as things like a gallon of gas, a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, and compare it to where a job would be located. There are also cost of living indexes online for metropolitan areas.
Also, pay attention to taxes and such, in Ohio you do not need your car inspected, but in Virginia you do, and you pay a tax on it every year according to it's value. State websites link to subwebsites like state taxes, and Department of Motor Vehicles. It is not brain surgery, but it will take some work.
That is a lot to delve into, I know, but it is best to be a wise consumer when you look at moving your whole life somewhere else. Even if you worked at WalMart in North Carolina, or worked at WalMart in California, same job, your take home pay would probably be higher in North Carolina. That is the important thing to know.
Oh yes, one last thing, the weather. You would get an extra two grand pay to you from the government if you lived in Alaska, but you would have the weather and shorter day light thing to deal with. You can search for mean temperature, and mean rainfall, for most places for the 12 months of the year. If you hate hot weather, then Florida is a bad choice, if you hate snow, then Minnesota is a bad choice.
You have many things to weigh in the decisions you will be making, that will be coming up this summer. Find websites now, that compare where you are now, and some other place you are familiar with, that will help you do comparisons of these various things you will want to consider.