Brian Tristan - question for you
I mean he has been with a lot of woman latelyespecially the one he goes to A>A> meetings with I know they are just friends but my gut tells me differently also that they are sleeping together I know I m making it him again Is he feeling guilty about so,ething. He was gone out of my life for a month then he comes back out of the blue WHY? I have so many questions it is like a puzzle with so mny pieces missing that dont fit
There will be someone special entering your life in the future, but you will first have to relax, and actually enjoy being by yourself before this will happen. I know that is difficult, but the entrance of this special person will totally be in your hands, based on that one thing. Busy yourself if your mind gets you into the same old rut. Walk, take a class on something that interests you, volunteer, whatever helps you. Once you are good being on your own, you will give off the energy that will attract that special person. Also, when that happens, keep doing what you have been doing, there will always be time in the week to spend with this person, and the fact that you have a life outside of this person will make them feel more valued, not the other way around.
Your ex may be clean and sober, and has been for 19 years (I knew you were referring to your ex not the new man), but he is still an addict, not a using addict, but an addict none the less. It is his job to remain clean and sober, and a pat on the back for that, but there is also the possibility of you being codependent. Counseling can look into whether you are, or are not. If you are it is your job to deal with that.
Yes, he can do things like fix the car, and you do not have to make him cookies, or throw a parade. Love and caring does not keep a running list to make sure everyone is even. Some years one person does more, and some years it is the other person who does more. Keeping a score chart is just a waste of time, and is not love or caring. So, he can fix your car without you needing to feel you need to reciprocate. Being grateful, saying thanks that is good. Being short, or cold and distant, not good. There is a middle ground between throwing a parade, and saying "Your done? Good get lost."
He is needy, so therefore he is probably with someone, even if it is a possessive platonic female friend. And yes you are a threat, you are an ex who he is still in contact with, and to a possessive person that makes them act out (throw things, fight like cats and dogs). To someone who reels their self in, and thinks about it, it involves the discussion, "I do not feel comfortable", or "That makes me feel uneasy". It is his actions a clear thinking person would concentrate on, it is you a needy jealous person would concentrate on (ears ringing, head aches).
Do birth charts or a birth chart compatibility if you want to know what your signs spell out. I tend to shy away from that, as it complicates what I do into dust; it would render me worthless.
A A meeting buddies are just that, they are addicts who bond. The purpose of it in theory is for them to call each other out on their own BS, an addict knows what another addict does to hide or deceive. As it does happen, they also substitute coffee, cigarettes, sex, hanging on another person for the substance they are abstaining from. They have a lot of guilt to begin with, so if you accuse them of the holocaust they will accept it, if you accuse them of falling of the wagon, and they have, they will protest too much. I have no idea if he is sleeping with her, I know it would be possible.
Why does he come back into your life? Because he can, and he knows he can weasel his way back into where he is comfortable. He gets what he wants, you get confused or comfortable, or both. The questions you have are best addressed to a counselor. You need to find out if you are indeed codependent, I am not a mental health professional and I would not hazard a guess, but I know you need to find that out. That can be worked on. You can not however work on anything unless you find out what is going on with YOU. What is going on with him, is the same old, same old, he is an addict, in recovery of course, but he still functions from that basic setup, and his maturity may have never gotten much past the age he started abusing. Not your problem to fix. Your issues though, they are yours to confront, and change. You want to put your puzzle together, okay then, it is about you not him. His pieces do not fit into your puzzle, his pieces fit his puzzle.
groovyger last edited by
I am at last finally accepting that I am a much happier person without my estranged husband. I feel better about life and am connecting much better with my sons (there was a lot of stress when he was in house). Things are good.
Brian, After I told him I want nothing to do with him, not to call me, come around my house or anything else dont you thing he calls me, I didnt pick up I really had enough of his games. I felt great I was finally free/ I deleted his number out of my phone and went to do what I like to do. How long is it going to take for him, to leave me alone?
monisha5 last edited by
Hi Brian, I would appreciate a love reading from you, My DOB is December 5, 1969 and his is September 5, 1978, Thanks in advance
sassylady223 last edited by
DEAR BRIAN, JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR THE ANSWERS TO MY QUESTIONS.
YOU ARE MOST WONDERFUL TAKING YOUR TIME TO HELP US. MAY GOD BLESS YOU
ALWAYS WITH GOOD HEALTH, PEACE AND HAPPINESS. I WISH YOU LIVED IN FLORIDA (CLOSE BY) AS I WOULD LIKE TO FIND SOMWEONE TO TEACH ME HOW TO USE MY TALENTS IN THIS AREA.
RaeofSunshyne last edited by
I'd love your insights on my situation...I find myself wondering if all Pisces relationships are destined to be complicated or am I experiencing the necessary roughness that test the longevity of a relationship...I have this wonderful Pisces man (he's 3/15/81 and I'm 3/14/80) that I have been dating for 4 years now off and on...We have made it through numerous trials and are still surviving with a long distance relationship but I always feel like he's hiding things from me...He'll be graduating from a prestigious university this week and he says since he only has a few tickets I may not be able to attend...I try to be understanding but I'm fuming at the idea that I'm not #1 on the list of people to get a ticket...it makes me feel like he's hiding something...Should I be furious or understanding as he expects?
I say we have become aquaintances he says we are friends? tell me what you think?
So now you want to ignore him, he is always around, or seemingly so huh? Funny how that works isn't it? You are his friend, one of the few real ones he has, and you will have to decide what you want to be, but part of your lesson I think is to learn to be his friend without getting sucked into what ever drama he has made for himself in his life (or has tried to make in yours). You can keep him from rocking your boat, without shutting him out, much harder than just shutting him out that is for sure, but you can do it. Like I said, I think it is a lesson for you to learn, and will serve you well in the future; how to deal with difficult people without getting sucked into their black hole.
In peace their is happiness. In that peace there is also the ability to be more tranquil and deal with the garbage thrown at you. You are learning how to manage the difficult things in your life Geraldine, and that is so wonderful, isn't it? From there, you will be able to make the life you want, and in turn build even more happiness. The road forward is going to be wonderful and rewarding for you.
YOU ARE VERY WELCOME! MAY GOD BLESS YOU, AS ANYONE WHO HAS READ YOUR POSTS CAN LEARN LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT AT ANY GIVEN POINT AND TIME, AND YOU ARE NEVER TOO YOUNG, OR TOO OLD, TO LEARN SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING, OR MAKE YOUR LIFE WHAT YOU WANT IT. I AM INSPIRED BY YOU.
YOUR TALENTS ARE EASY TO WORK ON, AND THE GUIDANCE YOU NEED YOU WILL SEE FOR YOURSELF, HERE, AND THERE. YOU WILL SEE SOMETHING, AND SAY TO YOURSELF, "AH HA". YOU WILL BE GUIDED AS LONG AS YOU KEEP LIVING YOUR LIFE WITH THAT ENTHUSIASM YOU HAVE FOR IT. EVERYTHING YOU NEED WILL JUST COME TO YOU.
ilovefish last edited by
I hope this thread is open to others, I too believe the answers are in us all but we sometimes do need guidance, or just someone to verify what we already know and realize. My love life is very complicated, and yes, that is entirely my own fault and doing. Two men but I don't truly feel either is right for me, even though I love both but in entirely different ways, different reasons. Do I let both go, and hopefully, praying with all my heart find another, maybe there is no other. I just want a man to love me for me, not what I can do for them. Someone that makes me laugh, someone I can feel comfortable with, someone that will communicate, somene that will be patient, supportive, understanding, someone that I can feel completely at home with, someone that inspires passion. Am I just dreaming, can this truly be a reality in my life. How much longer do I have to wait, I'm getting older, and I feel I don't have many opportunities left. Do you have any feelings about this to pass onto me. I would so sincerely appreicate any info you can give to me.
Peace and Blessings to you, thank you so sincerely for any insight. This is wonderful for you to do for so many.
Strong connection, very much so. Hmmm? If he treats you with respect and love, things will work out. If he is abusive (emotionally, psychologically, physically, in anyway) this can be a very hard one to get out of. I can not tell whether this is a healthy relationship or not, just that it is intense.
Do you want to ask a more in depth question, or does my answer give you what you need?
At this point, you should just ride it out. Keep your poker face, and play your cards. Cool and calm with the poker game. And that means if there is another female, or if he is going to be all stressed out from graduating / starting work / so on and so forth. If you keep your composure, you will win, if you do not you will lose. Right now, it is a poker game (not about lies and deceit though, it is about playing the cards you have been dealt and keeping your cool).
Always be the Queen of Hearts, you will never regret it,
The thread is indeed open to you, welcome.
"My love life is very complicated, and yes, that is entirely my own fault and doing." Well, now you are past the first big step, most people spend a long time getting just to that point. Very good, I am impressed.
"Two men but I don't truly feel either is right for me, even though I love both but in entirely different ways, different reasons." Question, if neither is right for you, then why are you entertaining them with the thought of being with you? Know what I mean? It seems to me that to be on your own is what is more uncomfortable than anything for you. That is okay to acknowledge to yourself, by the way, it is quite normal. The thing is...
... how we limit ourselves with our thoughts. "How much longer do I have to wait, I'm getting older, and I feel I don't have many opportunities left." Wow, really? Basically you are coming to the end of your road huh? I just had a woman on here asking for "love advice" who was in her 80s, and she had the enthusiasm of a 20 year old. When she dies, whether that is tomorrow or 20 years from now, they will have to put on her marker, "died so young". Where is this mindset you coming from? My last serious relationship was with a female who is now 34, and she views her life as basically over, so she is dating a guy who is 55 or 65 (she thinks he is 55). Isn't that sad? Nothing wrong with the age difference, except her reasons for wanting that. Anyway, wtf ILoveFish you have plenty of opportunities left. Geeze. However, if you keep stringing along other people, then the karma of that may come around and get you. So, it is time to get honest.
Okay, let talk about what you want. "I just want a man to love me for me, not what I can do for them. Someone that makes me laugh, someone I can feel comfortable with, someone that will communicate, someone that will be patient, supportive, understanding, someone that I can feel completely at home with, someone that inspires passion. Am I just dreaming, can this truly be a reality in my life." Sounds good to me, and does not sound unrealistic. But how to go about it huh? Well, whatever you have been doing has not worked. So, time for a new game plan. How about joining a singles group (at church, or in the community), or how about a dating website (they range from eHarmony to Bootycall so choose wisely)? Book club? Volunteering? Somewhere you will find someone who is like what you describe above, and I think you have some ideas. I would caution you about being in a hurry though, like the Marisa Tomei character from the movie "My Cousin Vinny" stomping her foot, "my biological clock is ticking!" LOL It is funny in a movie, but may not be so funny to the real life Joe Pesci man. You have time, and being in a frantic hurry can repel what you are looking for. You just need to relax, and let it flow, what you are seeking will come to you. I promise.
Seek calm and peace, and blessings will come to you,
ilovefish last edited by
I love your style....thank you sincerely. My wise old aunt to me that one time many years ago, just turn it over to God, relax, let it happen, and it shall. I already had the answer but really needed to know if I'd get the goodies.
One of the men, I love him so deeply it hurts, but he has been stringing me on, why I know it's not going anywhere, and never will. Actually the very night I met him I heard a voice tell me very clearly, very matter-of-factly, one day you will be married to that man. I believed it because I never had that happen to me before. That was 7 years ago, I still love him deeply but he keeps me in the background of his life, only contacting me when convenient for him. Actually, all the years of hurting over him have been what has finally made me realize I don't want someone that truly doesn't love me, no matter how deeply I am in love with them.
I wish you peace and blesssings too Dear Brian. Thank you so much for responding so quickly. I appreciate your time, and your insight.
tonib3741 last edited by
I looked up the name, that doctor is a rheumatologist. My sister has rheumatism. I do not. I have degenerative arthritis. Thanks very much for your response.
Brin she gve him an utlimtum either he leaves me alone or she leaves? So now he tells me I m not his top priority in his life. I dont want to be top priority I m my own top priority in my life. So he is not calling anymore. I am still going to be friends with him even if he doent know it I m not shutting him out just still going on with my life? I he confused or wha?t
RaeofSunshyne last edited by
Thank you so much for your insight...I will remember to play the hand I was dealt and not take things personally as we move forward...I can be a little hot-headed at times so I will do my best to keep my composure...The Queen of Hearts will be my new outlook...
Peace And Blessings
Brian something doesn't sound right His car insurance wants proof of his address, so subposedly the guy he rents a room from wrote a letter saying how long he has lived their since he pays no utilities.I notarized the letter but the signture looked like a womans handwriting now he tells me they need more proof like a magazine subscription sent to his apartment so he has a statement with his address on it. I asked him what about a rent receipt he says he doesn't get one! How can he prove he pays rent? something doen't sound right. I said to him I wasn't doing it he got so made with an attitude because I was questioning him. Can you tell me what is going on?
I am not going to twist your arm, I am only going to tell you what I see as your path forward. Doctor Kieran Kuykendal is not rheumatologist, he is a chiropractor, and he is in Texas. I can not imagine anyone else having that name. LOL You are not looking at going to him, unless you are in close by in Texas, you are looking at someone who does something similar to what he does in your area. Typically, when practitioners know you can not get to their office, they will refer you to another in your area, or give you a resource such as a web link to find one. You are not looking at typical chiropractic, you are looking for something similar to what the mentioned doctor does, not spinal adjustments (we know that is not for you). Like I said, if you want relief, and improvement, trigger point therapy, and things like it, are you ways forward. If I were you, I would call his office, explain you can not travel, and ask for like minded practitioners in your area. What is different, as I have said, you could get referred to a Medical Doctor, a Chiropractor, or even some other professional in health care, as this form of body medicine crosses all those boundaries. It is worth you while to pursue this line of therapy, I assure you that, as to what you need specifically is a health care professional's purview, not mine.