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  • Luvslife

    your mother issues are the root pain that recreates situations like this one with your "betraying" mate. I wanted to respond many times but spirit said you had much to digest already and to wait. On the positive note it is a revelation in a healing direction that you ask this question. I know the wound "too well" so it requires much detachment on my part to not speak from my own pain. The preceived rejection of mother is a wound that manifests itself in many ways when you are not aware enough to heal. If you are not aware it can attract situations in your life that repeat this pain of feeling--unloved--unworthy. There is a empty place left by this rejection that often is hard to name and the attempt to fill it can take you down na exhausting road of self destruction. The list is endless--food--drugs--drama--toxic relationships---I call them distractions that falsly fill the void that is too painful to reconcile. Nothing is all bad--there is an opportunity of free will to everything and on the otherside of this cruelly dealt hand comes many gifts. Compassion beyound the norm--healing gifts--AND the ability to be creator in a very gifted way. Motherless children can grow to be the best of problem solvers--leaders of the world--healers and just plain mighty strong spirits with much endurance and wisdom. The hardest challenge is the "letting go"--the need to receive from your mother something that may never happen. My life healed in leaps and bounds the day I let go of that pleasing energy to hang on to an"idea" that was just that an idea. Like banging your head against a door that will never open! Not only will you get exhausted you will get a never ending headache while the world passes you by! Mothers come in spiritual forms as well and you are never left to just drift about alone--there is a mother figure for you if you can let go of the past. You deserve love--you are not unloveable. Your mother is a broken spirit. Her own self loathing she must project on the biggest heart of least resistance--that would be you. I whole heartedly believe we choose our parents before birth so in light of that belief it forced me to take responsability to unwrap the gift hidden in the wound. I did not magicaly heal one day--rather I must always keep in check my choices not to be sucked back into that wound. All choices must come from a place of love and nurture for yourself--Spirit says bottom line is you must be your own mother. Protect yourself. Blessings



  • Blmoon,

    I have been attempting to stop turning to my mother and to be independent of her approval. I feel as if she is jealous of me because I have succeeded in areas where she did not . My father and I have just started to develop a relationship with one another and sometimes I think she tries to interfere with that relationship. I think that if I were very needy she would treat me better. I miss feeling close to someone and search for it always which is probably one of the reasons that I cower in this relationship. The only person that I had that connection with was my grandmother who has passed. Suddenly, I am feeling a strong bond to my newborn daughter unlike any that I have with my other children and it is healing to me. I appreciate 'chatting" with you. It is nice to know someone who has had similar experiences because strangely enough I don't seem to attract many friends who have a similar childhood to mine.

    Peace and Love,

    Luvslife



  • You are very intuitive--bottom line your mother will never meet you on your terms--sad but true and truth will set you free. To be close to her on her terms you must be weak--easy to control-- beneath her. Toxic. For years when I was younger psychics told me over and over my mother was jealous of me. (I gave her more benefit than doubt anyway) Being close to my father was a battle to the end with my mother resenting me. But I sleep well at night knowing I didn't let her interfear with my bond with him. Your daughter will heal and also bring some anger up as you are face to face with what love really looks likes and as you make your own choices as a mother. Forgive your mother BUT never lose sight of the harm she can do. You are right about being isolated by the mother thing. It is what fueled that dumb notion in my early years that something was wrong with me! I too would have to see and hear all the other girls talking about real mother relationships--see the way their moms light up in their presence--the friendship the careing when they were sick. My mother never hugged--no I love you out the door. BUT here I am today surrounded by so much love my birthday month and cards still coming--my mantle overflows with the love of so many beautiful talented women! Is there a card from my mom? No but I'd be so so so wrong to be dwelling on that! We are as blessed as we decide to be!



  • Blmoon,

    Happy Birthday. I did feel like there must be something wrong with me too. I specifically remember moving into the dormitory at college. All the other girls' mothers helped them unpack, took them shopping, etc. My mother just unloaded my stuff and went home. I remember feeling very rejected. I now just think my mother shouldn't have had children in the first place. Thank you for sharing. I guess I feel like my daughter's (I have 3.) will be fortunate because I will try my best to be the mother that my mother never was to me. My mother is a better grandmother to them than she was a mother to me. Her memories of the past are so different than mine and always in her favor. I get angry because it is like she thinks I don't remember. I try not to dwell on it



  • Yes my mom has amnesia as well and it's like a brick wall you would have to crack your own head on to get through to! I just learned to not bother expressing myself at all. The truth is that when someone does not take responsability for their actions it gets dumped on others in a way that if they are not insightful they will feel guilty for no reason. I have been a guilt gatherer in my early days. Made excuses for others in the same way I did for my mother. My mother made it a point of telling us many many times she never wanted children and she probably should not have but was trapped into that fifties perfect picture of what women were told they should do--marry and being catholic breed like crazy. When we had an ache or pain my mother's advice was "well if it hurts that bad cut it off!". Funny, because at some point that is exactly what a child does--goes numb--cuts it all off. BUT on the other side of that pitty party is one remarkable transformation. Mothering myself gave me some mighty handy skills to live out my vocation. I have endurance beyound the norm--I can problem solve my way out of any jam (my father was an olympic coach).Rough bootcamp but it has made me the Goddess I am. When I was ready I did eventualy meet my spiritual mother and she taught me unconditional love--it changed my life and she was a phenamonal woman--lived to be 91--just passed last year. She was a poet and artist and all around super star yet very humble and down to earth. We had that mother bond that made her call anytime I felt down--she knew! We had an amazing adventurouse time together--so many projects--awards--a pure magical time and she gave me so much wisdom. I still hear her words when needed. I have been very blessed--and you will be too! PS-my mom was better at first with my kids as well but only when they were small because as they grew she could not oppress them and they said too much! We were never alowed to speak up or express anything to my parents--ever! I vowed my children would be free of that and boy did they speak up--at times I thought maybe this was a mistake because we had a very opinionated househould--we all said what we thought! Of course my kids were entitaled to how they felt but still had to do as told but my house was one noisey place! We were a cocky smart a ss bunch and no one got away with denial because someone surely brought it to light!! They always spoke up to my mom--they loved her though but knew she was different. I remember one of my kids told me my mother was like hugging a tree. I raised my children to say I love you many times a day and we were--and still are very very hugs and kisses. The cycle can be broken.



  • Blmoon,

    Your posting really made me laugh. My 2 girls that are 3 and 2 are already so outspoken. I can just imagine them speaking up to my mother. They already speak up to their father and sometimes it is exactly what I would like to say. I think this is part of his healing process because if I spoke up, we would probably argue but out of the mouths of babes, he seems to listen. As many times as my fiancé has hurt me by his scheming ways, he is a pretty good father and we do have a good time together as a family so I hope we can heal as you mentioned previously. I don’t think he is all bad. I have taken all of your advice to heart and head and I truly appreciate you sharing with me. I will stay in touch and let you know how life is going as I go through this journey. I feel fortunate to have bumped into someone who has traveled a similar path and still has so much to offer. I feel you may be much like me in many ways.

    Peace and Love,

    Luvslife



  • Blmoon,

    I haven't seen you on. I hope all is well and that you are just taking a break.

    Luvs