Who Can Afford to Leave
I would like to hear from all those women in the world that are married but can not afford to leave. I have been married for 8 years and as much as I love my husband, he has stop growing and his outlook on life is no longer positive. I have tried to go to marriage counseling. And all the therapist can say is that he is not willing to change. And that I need to accept him or move on. I have tried to accept him but he has started to give a hard time more, yelling, controlling and being extreemly cocky. I have 2 jobs and he works 4 days a week. I am trying to make ends meet and he is settling. I am tired of this situation and feeling really burned out from this marriage. Help Help!
Let me give you some good advice that I learned the hard way...
No woman respects a man that she has to "keep" financially,
and no man respects a woman that is willing to do it.
And secondly, if he has an increasingly negative and abusive attitude, he is probably cheating on you while you are at work. He doesn't want to leave his gravy train, but he doesn't respect you enough to treat you right. That attitude usually leads to cheating. I know you hate to hear it, but it's true. (Try puttin' some surveillance equipment in your home...such as a "nanny cam" and an audio bug in a prominent place in your home. I bet you'd be shocked how he talks about you to his friends, and maybe to other women, too. Check out : DynaSpy.com for these items.) The TRUTH will set you free!
Kick the bum out, and make him stand on his own 2 feet. You can't afford to "keep" him! Your peace of mind should be worth something more than the few measley bucks he brings in.
Your therapist is right...take his advice and move on.
Good advice from SRNC.
If your marriage is failing & you're at the end of your tether, just walk away. I did - with a small part time job & 3 young children after 15 years of marriage. I discovered he was having an affair & my trust was broken & my love for him flew out of the window. It was hard financially...but we survived. It was the best thing I have ever done.
Believe you can and you will not only survive, but succeed. You have to love you. You are apparently hard working and not one who "settles", these attributes will take you through the rough patch ahead if you decide leaving is best for you. No one can or should control you. Make your own choices that will make you feel good about life and the person you are. It will all flow from there. I read a few quotes recently that may apply. Face the sun and you won't see the shadows. Also, courage doesn't always roar, sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow.
Keep facing the sun and quietly, courageously acknowledge your strength and worth, then move on to what you will know is right for you.
I just got out of a similar situation with my soon to be X-husband. He too had become very negative, and showed no love towards me or our two children. We had been married for 7 years, the entire time he was going to school full time. He now has a masters degree, and is very cynical and negative. I finally could not take it any more, I knew he did not love me anymore.
We separated and he went to live with his parents temporarily. I had to try to make it on my own with 2 small children. It has been tough, I won't lie about that, but I am much happier and so are my children. I am still trying to get on my feet, but not being around him and his negativity and emotional abuse has saved me from having an emotional/nervous breakdown.
If you feel the right thing to do is leave, I would advise you to just do it, or kick him out. You will figure things out and be able to work things out for yourself. You are obviously hard working and I think with that comes a sense of financial independence. You can make it on your own. It will be hard, but soooooo worth it in the end.
I wish you all the luck in the world with your situation. You deserve to be happy.